Chapter Fifty-Two

Thanks to Kuroi Kage X, dickpursuer69, Magisterdkid, A Dreaming Songbird, D4rK Sid3, ObsessiveFanFictioner15, Remvis, and a guest for reviewing.


= Be Karkat Vantas

You are Karkat Vantas. And the tiny, little, miniscule, practically negligible shred of hope that had for this mission going off without a hitch, has just recently been blown clear out of the water.

"All Shit-heads Assemble!"

At your call, everyone drops what they're doing, with varying levels of annoyance, and makes their way towards the silver ring. You stand in the middle, between Jade and Kanaya, with your fist raised until everyone wanders in.

"Where's Terezi?" You bark, looking around the assembled crew.

"She opted to stay behind with Damara." Rose answers lazily. "Can we hurry this up? I've just begun working on a time-sensitive project."

"I thought you were sewing." Equius says, turning to Rose.

"Well, yes. But that doesn't make it any less of an urgent project."

"You want urgent, Rose! I've got some urgency for you!" You jab a finger at Kanaya. "We've just received some information from John's end that you just might want to hear."

Suddenly more interested, everyone looks to Kanaya. She shifts nervously.

"Well I do suppose that we have some good news and some bad news." She begins. "Which would you like to hear first?"

"The bad news, obviously." Rose says.

"I think we should hear the good news first," Equius argues. "So that we can deal with the bad news afterwards with little distraction."

"What if we only hear the good news?" Jade asks, leaning around your legs. "That sounds nice to me!"

"Everyone shut up." You demand, rubbing at your forehead. You're starting to get a headache. "Kanaya just tell them both of the news in no order in particular, okay?"

"Alright," Kanaya nods. "The good news then. John and Dave have located a total of three new potential players. Apparently the selection process is not as random as we once thought, as these new players are directly related to Rose, Jade, and Dave."

You watch Jade's face twist in confusion and all the blood drain from Rose's already pasty-ass skin.

"Roxy." Rose breathes. "Oh, shit."

"Do you know that name?" Jade asks.

"It was my mother's name." Rose spots the note given to her by future Dave and snatches it from the ground. She examines it. "It appears that John has found her, or is it vice versa? I don't…"

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, of course. It's just…" Rose trails off, as she continues to stare at the note intently. "Never mind."

"Rose." Jade leans forward, careful not the jostle her boyfriend, who still sits motionless before her. "If there's something on your mind, you can tell us. You know that, right?"

Rose shakes her head in response.

"I mean, yes. I know that I can confide in all of you. It's just that," She sighs heavily. "I have no idea what I'm going to tell her when I see her."

"Well you won't have to worry about that for a while. You have all the time in the world to prepare a great script, thanks to John screwing everything up again." You interject into the 'feel' session before it gets out of hand.

"What are you talking about?" Rose snaps.

"This is the bad news." Kanaya takes a deep breath. "It would seem that John and two of the new players have been taken prisoner by a tyrant known as The Condense. They will most likely be tried as traitors to an empire that dominates the dimension and sentenced to death."

Everyone is silent for a moment and you simply wait for everything to sink in.

Jade speaks first.

"Dave will save them." She says firmly. "I'll tell him right now."

"That's as much as we can do I'm afraid." Kanaya agrees. "I'll stay in contact with John in the meantime and see how the situation progresses."

"What are we going to do if John dies at the hands of this Condense?" Equius asks. "We should have a contingency plan."

"This is the backup plan, you idiot!" You throw your hands in the air. "I mean, for Gog's sake! The whole reason we went through with The Scratch is because you guys fucked up this game in the first place! Why did we think sending them out there would be a good idea?!"

"They aren't out of this yet. There's still a chance that they can succeed." Rose points out. "I trust John to pull through and you should as well."

"Oh sure, of course I trust John. It's not like there's any overwhelming evidence that contradicts his reliability! Whoever thought of that idea!?"

"Karkat." Kanaya's voice is a thinly veiled warning. "Perhaps you need a time-out?"

"Psshh." You're about to snap back, but Kanaya silences you with a slight rising of her eyebrows, as if to say:"Really?"

Shaking your head, you leave the circle and start trekking across the rocks. Life with a Moirail is much different then you're used to, but hey, you aren't going to complain. There's nothing much to talk about with the group anyways.

With everyone brought up to speed, all that's left to do now is wait and hope that everything works out.

You're really sick of waiting.

The best way to occupy the next few minutes, in your mind, is to go find Terezi and fill her in on all of the current happenings. You're honestly a little surprised to hear that she volunteered stay behind and watch the 'prisoner', if that's even what Damara is.

You should really figure out to do with that troll. It's introllmane to keep her locked up like that.

Haha. Introllmane. Inhumane. Shit, you're funny as hell. You should go on the road.

Reentering the ruins of the temple, you head towards the pit where you're keeping Damara. It actually isn't as horrible of a place as it sounds. Essentially, it's a depression in the heart of the ruins that you put some fence around. If Damara got a running start, she could probably climb out and proceed to beat everyone to death. So far though, she's been pretty good, if not rude.

You approach the pit, but do not find Terezi nearby.

"Hey, Terezi?" You call, stepping towards the fence. "Where are you?"

There's no answer. You lean over the barrier and find Damara sitting at the bottom of the pit, glaring up at you. She's got some blankets, a few snacks, and a deck of cards to keep her company. All are left untouched though, in favor of just sitting and glaring.

"How's it going, gobbledygook?" You ask her. "Having a good time?"

She doesn't answer, unless you call a stiff middle finger a response. Sighing, you push away from the fence, intent on searching for Terezi elsewhere, when suddenly a pair of strong arms wraps around your neck.

"Gah!" You throw an elbow back as hard as you can and hit something soft.

"Ow! What the fuck?!" Your attacker shoves you away and you wheel about to find Terezi rubbing her breast. "You punched me in the boob, asshole!"

"You tried to strangle me!"

"It's called an attack hug! Nepeta told me about it a long time ago. Hehe."

"Wow, why didn't you say so?! That makes everything A-OK!" You growl and step closer to the grinning lunatic. "Maybe you shouldn't take ideas from psychotic, cat-cosplaying, murderers!"

Terezi backs away.

"Geez, sorry to get your bulge all tied up." She says, holding up her hands. "I thought that spontaneous signs of affect were supposed to sexually stimulate partners."

"That sounds like some Grade-A Rose Lalonde Bullshit!" You scoff. "And if you're looking to sexually stimulate someone, than spontaneous strangulation should be avoided. It tends to have the opposite effects!"

"I dunno, Nubs." Her arms wrap around your neck like a bony scarf. "You seem pretty hot to me at the moment."

"Cut it out, Terezi. Now isn't the time for this. There's much better-quality…"

"When is it ever the right time?" Terezi cuts you off. Suddenly, she's very close. "We've been putting off a certain talk for a long time, Karkat. If you ask me, you're a little tense and there's no better way to relax than this."

She leans in, long tongue flailing like prehensile, slimly, little, fifth limb that's just ready to grab you by your tongue and take you all the way to a secret town where everything is read and warm and…

"Ugh." You grab her by the shoulders, bringing her to a halt. "Terezi. I don't want this."

Her tongue droops, although her grin never fades. On your neck, her fingers begin to fiddle with your collar.

"Oh, really? Then why are you wearing," With a soft snap she pulls at the necklace that hangs around your neck, pulling out a tiny Libra symbol from the front of your sweater. "This!"

Fuck. You've been caught red-handed.

"It was a neat gift." You grab the necklace and shove it away again. "I mean, shit. Do you really expect me to be rude enough to throw away a gift as nice as that?"

"Face it, Karkat. Underneath that gruff, rough, and loud exterior, you're a big 'ol softy." She sniffs hungrily and licks her lips. "I cannot wait to crack you open and get a taste of that creamy, cherry-red center."

You shiver involuntarily in her grip.

"It sounds like you plan on stabbing me."

"What? No. You know what I mean."

"No. No, I really don't." You try to push her off, but her arms are like steel cables. "Terezi! Fuck off. Seriously, this isn't happening now and I am not a big softy."

"You're so soft."

"No I'm not!"

With the speed of a striking viper, her hand dives in your pocket. For a pulse pounding moment, you think she's trying to run past first base and high tail it all the way to second. Then her fingers close into a fist and retract, triumphantly holding a folded square of paper.

You groan inwardly.

"You're a big fat liar, Karkat!" She cries, waving John's Wriggling-Day Card in your face. "You're a sentimental fucker who craves companionship just as much as you do confrontation. You want friends, you want to be happy, and above all," She pulls you closer once more. "You want this."

Lips collide in a powerful collision. To any onlooker it probably looks like you're being mauled by some sort of animal. Maybe you are? Nevertheless, you can't help but growl in appreciation as her fingers tug at your collar and force the kiss to become deeper.

You don't fight, but wrap your arms around her waist, fully realizing that your veil of delusion has always been sort of a handicap, more so than any type of relationship that you'd like to pursue. Is this real? Are you and Terezi making this happen?

You aren't about to ask her for confirmation and you doubt that you'll ever have the wherewithal to declare it so. Eventually, it will just fall into place, just like it was probably always meant to happen.

"君たちは厄介をやって起動しようとしている場合。別名:クソ。あなたは離れて私のピットから地獄を得ることができる?私は平和でくだらない存在を持ってしようとしている." A shrill voice ruins the moment completely.

With a horrible slurp noise, Terezi pulls away. A heavy feeling settles in your gut when you see her face fully once more, all sharp edges and toothy grins and glaring, red shades. Is it disgust, regret, or something much, much worse?

Love. You're talking about love.

"Still wanna run away?" Terezi asks, a little breathy.

"Shut up." You growl and take her again with your mouth.

"イムクソ深刻。私はそこに出てくるホースか何かであなたの両方を破るbeofre君たちは良く離れて私の穴から地獄を取得する。あなたも聞いている?たわごとクソ." Damara continues.

You ignore her though. For the first time in a while, you couldn't give two shits about what's happening now away from this moment.

Then you hear screaming from outside the temple.

Jade.

"For fuck's sake!" You separate from Terezi once more. "This better be something important!"

Quickly, both you and Terezi exit the ruined temple and run together towards the glowing circle. Why is it that every time you succeed in filling a quadrant, some type of shit has to hit some type of fan? Seriously, should you just stop trying to be happy?

Why is the universe so cruel?

"Smells like bad news." Terezi says, running lopsidedly by your side with her cane beating against the ground like a drumstick. "Ugh. And it tastes even worse!"

"Will you cut it out with the creepy, weird, heightened-senses bullshit? I was just starting to like you again!"

"Awww, really?! So my spontaneous act of affection was working!"

You don't grace her with an answer, not like you'd have anything coherent to say anyways. You've just spotted something silhouetted against the starlight, a horrible black shape that's growing ever closer.

Pushing yourself faster, you crest the top of the crater and look down to see that Kanaya and Jade are still in the glowing circle, along with Equius and Rose. Everyone is looking up towards the approaching shape.

"What is it, Karkat?" Terezi joins your side. She slurping and sucking in air, trying to get a sense of her surroundings. "What's happening?"

"It's Jake Noir." You say quietly, as you watch the fiendish fiend descend from the space above. "He's here."


= Be Dirk Strider

You are now Dirk Strider.

At the moment, you're working out, getting buff, pumping up the jam. Whatever floats you're boat. Essentially, you're lifting iron.

"One million and twenty-two!" You grunt a final time and then rack the weights. "Whew. Now that's what I call a work out."

As you sit up on the bench, you hear the sound of clapping from behind you, slow and loud across the empty gym. You turn to find Dave standing in the doorway.

"I totally wasn't watching you work out like a creep." Is the first thing he says. "Also, I totally believe that you did one million and twenty-two reps just now."

"Smart man." You smirk. Snatching your towel from the floor, you wipe your face of sweat. "What's happening, Dave? I thought you were talking to your girlfriend. You know, the girlfriend that lives in your head and is totally real and has sweet space powers."

"I was talking to her, but now I thought I'd come and see what's up down here." Dave steps fully into the room and examines all the equipment that's probably alien to him. "So, you've got a sweet underground clubhouse, an army of dudes who will do whatever you say without question, an alarming collection of MLP gear, and your own personal gym? Maybe I should start my own revolution?"

"Eh, it's not all bells and whistles, man. There's a lot of shit you've gotta get through to get to this point." You stand up and grab your gym bag from the floor, pulling out your leather gloves and slipping them over your fingers. Psshh, like you're going to be caught dead without these bad boys on your hands. You turn to find Dave admiring a set of dumbbells. "You looking to get in shape?"

Dave turns to face you, an eyebrow raised above the rounded rim of his shades.

"What do you mean 'in shape'? I'm about as fit as they come. I'm like G.D. Captain America on steroids after he eats all his leafy greens."

"Oh yeah?"

"Hell yeah."

"Well then," You motion for Dave to follow you over towards the sparing area, essentially a large square surrounded by ropes. "You should prove it. I don't think we ever fully decided who the better swordsman is."

"I dunno, man." Dave leans on the rope, but doesn't enter the ring. "I'd hate to kick your ass, especially when any of your buds could come down at any second and catch a peek."

"Big talk." You retrieve a couple of training swords from the rack on the wall and toss one to him. "Come on. I need a cool down and you probably need to blow off some steam, amirite?"

Dave just shakes his head, but ducks under the rope anyways and joins you in the ring. After touching blades, you begin to duel.

It's slow and lazy, sort of like the pair of you are moving underwater. Parry after parry, followed by a jab and a quick block. You and Dave fall into sync and dance one of the most violent, yet peaceful dances you've ever been a part of, kept in time with the clack clack clack of your weapons.

"So it sounds like you and Roxy have a past." Dave speaks suddenly as he twirls his blade. "This isn't going to be a problem, is it?"

"You mean, if both of us agree to join your squad?" You smirk and smoothly dodge a lazy stab. "For the sake of the universe, I think I could put aside whatever grievances I have with her. She, on the other hand, might not be so mature."

"Seems to me like she just wants to be friends with you."

"She wants forgiveness." You explain. "She might not know why, but she does, trust me."

"Well then. Are you gonna forgive her?"

You block one final jab and then lower your sword.

"Yeah." You say simply. "Yeah. Of course."

"Good." Dave nods. For a second he appears lost in thought, but snaps back quickly. "I wasted a lot of time before holding grudges and just being a dick to certain people. My sister, for one, always gets a hard time from me. Sometimes I think I push her too hard."

You fold your arms. Since when did sword fighting, the most manly and badass of pastimes, become a hardcore 'feel' and sensitivity jam. You didn't sign up for this.

And yet, just now as you and Dave swatted at each other with these sticks, it almost felt like you were sixteen years old again and sparring with your Bro on the roof of your apartment complex. If you needed more confirmation that John's story was true, then Dave is it. There's no denying that he is your Bro.

"I'm sure she understands where you're coming from." You say. "And I bet she pushes you back just as hard sometimes, huh?"

"Yeah. She does." Dave scratches his nose idly. "Listen, what I'm trying to say is that life is too short to hold grudges or whatever. There were a couple times in the past where I thought I'd lost Rose and I just couldn't help but think about all the times I was shitty towards her."

"You don't need to lecture me, Dave. I'm already set on burying the hatchet with Roxy the next chance I get."

"Alright, cool." Dave smirks. "Sorry to be all… whatever it is I'm being. We've put up with a lot of pointless drama in the past, so why not nip it in the bud before we even…"

Dave suddenly trails off, going eerily still. You watch him for a second, but when he doesn't make another sound or even move, you speak up:

"Uh… Dave? You alright, man?"

Like a switch has been flicked, Dave snaps back.

"John's been taken." He growls through gritted teeth. "So have Roxy and some kid named Jake that they found on that island of yours."

You blink in surprise, but otherwise maintain your cool. No sense in jeopardizing your reputation at such a crucial time. One the main reasons you're leader is your ability to remain graceful under pressure.

"How do you know?" You're already striding quickly towards the exit. Dave follows closely.

"My girlfriend just let me know. Apparently they were attacked by CrockerBots and taken aboard some airship."

"Shit."

"You know what I'm talking about?"

"Yeah, of course. Everyone who fears the Condense fears that damn CrockerCarrier." Breaking into a jog, you lead Dave down the hall and up a set of stairs, back to the common room. "How long has it been since they were taken?"

"I dunno exactly. I couldn't have been more than an hour though."

"We gotta move fast then." You spot your right-hand man, Steve, sitting on a cot nearby. "Look alive, Steve. We've just got something urgent that we can use to pass the time today. Prep the balloon and have a team ready to head out in ten."

Steve gapes at you for a moment. You can practically see the gears turning in his head.

"Uh… what?"

"You heard me. Get your ass up. We're about to execute a really sloppy rescue mission."

"W-Who are we rescuing?"

Dave lurches forward and grabs Steve by the lapels.

"My best fucking friend, that's who!" He seethes. "Now do what you're told before I lose my shit!"

Steve's eyes widen, but instead of freezing up like you expect, he wriggles out of Dave's grasp and scurries from the room, calling for his fireteam as he goes. You regard Dave coolly.

"Is that how you do things where you're from?" You ask.

"Only when there's no time to waste." Dave turns back to you. "Why are we just standing here? I thought we were in a hurry."

"I'm deciding whether or not to let you come."

Dave's fingers curl into fists and for a second, you think he's going to strike you. A bad idea on his part, considering the number of well-armed buddies you have in the immediate area.

"Try and stop me, pointy." He brushes past you.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Topside."

"Dave, stop." You reach out and grab him by the shoulder. "Listen. I get what's going through your head right now. Both Roxy and Jake are my friends and I want to save them to. If we're going to do this, we're going to this smart and we're going to do this together."

"Then let's go."

"You aren't going anywhere," You finger the tattered strip of fabric around his neck that was probably at once a necktie, red like the rest of Dave's suit. "Dressed like this. Come on. We need to gear up."

"Fine. Whatever." Dave follows you once more. "Let's just make this fast. If anything happens to John, there's going to be hell to pay."

"Why? Is he the key to winning this thing or something?"

"Not really." Dave answers. "But Rose will definitely kill me."


= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you've been taken prisoner by an evil Empress that may or may not have magical powers, but definitely has lots and lots of money and power, which in all honesty, might as well be magical powers.

You sit on a steel bench in a small prison cell and simply watch as over a hundred guns of different sizes are pointed at your head from mounted turrets beyond the iron bars. Roxy sits on your left and Jake is quietly whimpering to himself on your right.

"This isn't so bad, right?" Roxy hisses in your ear. "I mean, you must have gotten out of worse scraps then this before."

"Yeah. I've actually died… uh, once or twice." You admit. When Roxy's eyes widen in surprise, you add quickly: "The game's a lot different than real life. Once we get out of here, you'll see."

"Will the pair of you stop jibber jabbering about?!" Jake hisses suddenly. "Can't you see that we're stuck in a right bugger's muddle? We're probably going to be boiled alive or buried alive or…"

"Burned alive?" Roxy suggests.

"Yes! That's most certainly a thing that can happen!" Jake is getting frantic. "We're going to be treated like turncoats to the Empire!"

"Don't worry, Jake. We're getting out of here." You pat him on the knee in what you hope is a comforting way. "I just haven't figured out how yet."

On a whim, you stand up from the bench and cross to the cell door. The turrets outside track your movements closely, but you try to ignore them. It's gotten to the point in your life where guns don't really scare you as much as they used to anymore. Hell, you're having trouble thinking of something that you're truly terrified of.

Maybe spiders? Or snakes?

Nope, scratch that. You'd rather swim through a sea of spiders and snakes than suffer whatever fate the Condense has in store for you.

Or maybe not. Now that you think about it, a sea of spiders and snakes is probably the most grody and horrifying thing you've thought of in a while.

Yeah, you'd rather be boiled than flop around on a bed of squirming, writhing, crawling…

Shit. Now you're all creeped out. Think about something else, idiot!

You kneel down next to the cell door and examine the complex lock. Jade had pried one of these apart back in Doc Scratch's mansion. You're no Jade Harley though and even if your ecto-sister was here in the flesh, you aren't certain that she'd be able to do an encore performance of the technological feat, The Condense probably has better tech than some creepy Puppet on a green meteor.

"Yeah, we aren't going to be able to get through that." Roxy has joined your side. "That's a hundred percent CrockerTech."

"I thought you were, like, an expert hacker that's been in their systems for months…."

"Shhhhh." She silences you by pressing a finger to your lips. "Reel in the valuable secrets there, Johnny. I wouldn't spout stuff like that if I were you."

You nod in agreement, a little sheepishly.

"Sorry." You say when she retracts her finger. "Anyways, you're sure that you can't get through this lock?"

"Of course I could bust it open no problem." She grins. "All I'd need is a soldering torch, a pair of wire cutters, and two hours of free time. You wouldn't happen to have any of that in that stylish blazer of yours, would you?"

"Nope."

"Damn. Then I guess we're fucked."

You hear the sound of approaching footsteps from out in the corridor. Grabbing Roxy by the arm, you pull her away from the bars and shove her behind you. If the Orderlings have come with giant, man-sized boiling pots, then you can be sure that you aren't going down without a fight.

Sure enough, around a dozen Orderlings come, sans pots luckily enough.

"Him." Says the leader, pointing directly at your chest.

With a pneumatic hiss, the cell door opens and two guards come in to take you by the forearms.

"John?" Roxy's voice seems a little faint as you dragged from the cell and out into the hall.

For a split second, you consider busting out some sweet windy moves and freeing yourself. Then you remember that you're surrounded by these douchebags in red and their big 'ol human killing weapons.

You try to think rationally. If they were going to kill you, they could have just done it already on the island or when you were literally trapped in a cage. They pulled you out for a purpose.

You're taken up a flight of stairs, down another hallway and to a large set of ornate doors. They open just enough for you to be tossed inside, then they close once more.

Brushing yourself off, you examine your new surroundings.

It's a huge room, comfortable, warmly-lit, and about as far away from a prison or execution chamber as you could possibly get. At the far end of the hall, sits a gilded throne, and upon the cushioned seat, sits the Condense herself.

"Hello." She says, her face obscured by shadow. "It sure has been a while, hasn't it? Mr. Egbert."


Well I hope you guys had a fantastic Halloween! I know I certainly had a great time, since I went out with some buds dressed as none other than a Mexican version of Dave Strider. No one knew who I was, but it was still fun nonetheless. I haven't gone trick or treating in a while and it sort of feels like there's less people than ever out and about celebrating one of the coolest Holidays ever, which sucks.

For those who review: Did you dress up? What did you dress up as?

With November upon us, it's time for me to grow my annual Winter Beard. I'll keep you all posted on all the riveting details.

Thanks for reading.
- Mike