Hello,
So I just want to clarify that now I will only post once a week. So here's this weeks chapter. Enjoy!
"Oh darling will you promise
Promise me that you'll be strongest
In your weakest moments"
-Anika
Emma drove into the night, "You better not cry. You know better than this" she repeated herself over and over again as she got closer to Storybroke. Once more she returned empty handed, once more she would have to explain her son how his mother wouldn't come back. Yet Emma knew that wasn't the only thing that bother her. It was the fact that she had left her diary with Regina, all her emotions were written down, her struggle, her weakness and her anger. But also a confession. A feeling, that one feeling you cannot shake off no matter how much you want it go. No matter how much you try to ignore. She had confessed something. All she could hope for was for her diary to be taken serious and her confession to be taken with the best interest and not as a joke.
Finally Emma got back just on time to take Henry to school, when Henry saw his mom coming through the door with a defeated look and dragging herself, he knew right in that moment that yet again her attempt to change Regina's mind had failed, and he was also aware of what that meant. No more trying. It had been three long months of failure, he knew she was tired and that all hopes of Regina returning had died. But he decided that he would keep his. He knew Regina. He knew she loved him more than live itself and that sooner or later she would give in and come back. He just wished it could be sooner rather than later. Emma as always had pretended to be okay and gave Henry a forced smile as she said bye to him at the school gate.
Once back in the emptiness of Regina's mansion Emma made her way to Regina's room, the stairs seem to keep adding up as she kept going up. Never ending. Like her suffering and nightmares. She opened Regina's room door, and she saw the unmade bed, she didn't care to undress, she launched herself to the bed and curl up into a ball in the middle of the king sized bed. She gave in. She let the tiredness of her body, mind and soul take over. Tears streaming down her emerald eyes, hugging her knees as hard as she could. It felt like it was the only thing she could really hold on to. The memory of Regina's words running through her mind "Eventually you learn to not fight your demonds but to surrender to them," she thought how that be possible? How could she let the darkness win. She cried for what felt hours. At some point she called Regina's name. Just the thought of Regina hurt her and made her angry. How could the brunette be so selfies and give up, just run away instead of fight. She was angry at Regina for doing this to her. But she was even angrier at herself for allowing herself feel this way. Eventually Emma drifted into sleep.
Regina hadn't been able to sleep at all after the way Emma left. She didn't wait for the morning to arrive or say her usual goodbye. And she definitely didn't make her promise to come this weekend again. Regina knew she wouldn't. What the blonde had told her the night before was real and true. That was the last time she would come back for her. Now Regina was all on her own and feeling ten times worse than when she had first left. She was now sitting by the window with a cup of coffee and Emma's diary sitting on the table in front of her. Saturday morning she hadn't understood what the purpose of Emma handing her diary and making her read it was. Was that a cruel way of letting her know how much she hated her? She wasn't sure. Ever since the first entry, Emma seemed to not be wanting to do it. But as the days passed, she saw that Emma kept coming back. Reading about Emma's sleepless nights, wishing she could have been there, soothing her, helping her, the way no one did with her. She wished she could have helped her, but she couldn't and now guilt was eating her alive. In some of the entries, Emma mentioned Henry, Archie, and even Mary Margaret. It was so odd that she felt like she missed the annoying Snow White, but in her own strange kind of way, she did. In fact she missed everyone more than she would ever admit. She turned to the page where she had stopped reading the night before. Emma's first time in Boston. If she would have known Emma was looking for her in her old apartment, perhaps she would have moved sooner. But she was also glad to see that Emma missed her and wanted to see her as much as she did.
Regina couldn't lie, during these past months she had learned things about herself that she would have probably never learned if she had stayed in Storybrooke. She learned that she liked the bay side more, that maybe vanilla coffee isn't that bad, that perhaps she could socialize more, and most important of all, she learned that she missed Emma Swan more than she should. She missed her smile, and the way she would say Regina or Madame Mayor. She missed teasing and sassing Emma at any opportunity she could find. She missed Friday dinners with her and Henry. But most importantly, she missed the blonde's presence. Maybe that was the reason why she allowed Emma to return every weekend for the past three months. Just the presence of Emma brought her a little bit of life and happiness back, even if they just sat in the small living room staring at each other, or watching movies. Because of this, Regina discovered that Emma had a fascination for bloody, scary movies, but she also had the soft side for romantic chick flicks. Three months of waking up every Sunday to a half naked Emma laying on her sofa wearing only a tank top and underwear. It reminded her of years ago when she had gone to visit Emma at Granny's Inn and Emma shamelessly had opened the door in nothing but red lace underwear and a white tank top. "Memories," Regina said out loud as she traveled down memory lane. It was the second time it happened this weekend in less than twenty four hours. She went back to reading, and as she got further, she discovered that her phone had a tracking device in it. Emma had explained exactly how she had found her. She just decided to ignore it at the moment, but reading it…well reading, "I set a tracker to your phone," was a totally different level of anything she had experienced before. It was an invasion to her privacy, yet she welcomed it with open arms.
Regina flipped the page. There was only one more entry. No date whatsoever. Only a long, simple paragraph. If Regina was being honest, it even looked like a letter. She decided that she would read it, but first she needed to shower and go for her morning run to clear her mind. This was a new habit she had picked up ever since her arrival in Kennebunkport. It relaxed her to run by the beach, especially on foggy mornings like today. Somehow it made her feel like she was back in Storybrooke, but without the stress or the pressure she felt living there. She wasn't much of the running type. No. She was definitely not the running type, but she needed to do something, or she was going to lose her mind. So one morning, she got up and went out for a run, discovering that she loved it. So for the past three months and a week, she had been doing it. Today was no different. Yes, she had a hurricane in her mind that needed to be released soon or she would explode and go back to square one. Emma's last entry could wait a little longer. Regina's mind couldn't.
