The Uncanny Kid Razor
Disclaimer: "You killed Captain Clown!" – Mark Hamill as the Joker, Batman: The Animated Series
Chapter 54: Psycho Circus, Part 4
Cleveland, Ohio
Bobby Parkins and Joan Frehley sat at a table in the fancy restaurant. They were in the middle of a nice date.
"Stupid menu…" Bobby grumbled. "I can't read this stuff. It's all in Italian!"
"Don't look at me." Joan shrugged. "I didn't take Italian in school."
"They never offer it." Bobby quipped, making Joan chuckle.
"You decided what to eat yet?"
"I gotta read it before I eat it." Bobby sighed. "What's this?" He showed Joan the menu and pointed at something.
"…I think that's…yeah, that's ravioli." Joan answered, nodding.
"Okay, I guess that's what I'll eat." The teenage guitarist shrugged. Joan grinned.
"That's you, Bobby." The high school reporter snickered.
"What?" Bobby blinked. "Wait one minute…" He looked at Joan suspiciously. "Why are we here in such a fancy place? Is something up?"
"Well, it's a celebration." Joan admitted with a grin.
"What…kind of celebration?" Bobby narrowed his green eyes.
"I'm going to get promoted!" Joan announced with a big happy grin. "Isn't that great?" She grabbed Bobby in a big hug.
"Promotion?" Bobby blinked. "In a school newsletter?"
"A promotion is a promotion, Parkins. Remember that." Joan told her boyfriend. "I'm going to be working as one of the editors."
"Congrats, Joan. Maybe that means one of your articles can finally get in the paper." Bobby teased.
"Oh you-!" Joan lightly punched Bobby's arm, her face showing mock anger.
"Hey!" Bobby grabbed his arm. "What was that for?" Joan shrugged.
"I felt like it." She answered.
"You're cold, lady." Bobby shook his head. "Real cold."
"Ohhh…you…" Joan rolled her eyes.
"What?" Bobby grinned.
"Never mind." Joan shook her head. "I got visited by Kid Razor today."
"Really?" Bobby raised an eyebrow.
"Yup. The guy tried another pickup line on me." Joan nodded. "The guy just doesn't quit."
"Maybe he likes you." Bobby shrugged. Joan laughed.
"That's a laugh." Joan responded. She then heard the sound of a ruckus. "What in the-?" She and Bobby turned their heads and noticed a figure flying through the window.
"Joan, get down!" Bobby yelled. He and Joan jumped down towards the floor as the window shattered. Joan looked at the figure.
"It's the Rhino!" She exclaimed in recognition. She turned and noticed Bobby had disappeared. "Bobby? Bobby? Oh, now where in the blazes did he go?" She didn't notice Bobby race into the men's room.
"Mystic guitar, to my hand." Bobby whispered. In a flash of rainbow light, Bobby's guitar appeared and hovered in the air. The kid grabbed the guitar and slung it over his shoulder. Then with one pluck and one flash of rainbow light, Bobby Parkins was transformed. Now, he was the Fearless Kid Razor, Cleveland's Favorite Son. The now blond-maned teenage super-rocker smirked. "Hello, Cleveland. It's good to be back!" He burst out and leapt to action. He streaked by Joan.
"Whoa!" She exclaimed. Kid Razor flew outside to check out the source of the ruckus. He rolled his eyes and he groaned tiredly.
"Oh, God. Not this again…" Razor moaned, placing his face in his hands and shaking his head. Razor saw the costumed super-strong criminal called the Rhino brawling with the powerhouse mammoth mutant called Tusk. He also noticed the Shocker.
"You horned jackass!" Tusk roared. WHAM!
"You fat piece of elephant crap!" Rhino roared back. BAM! Razor noticed that the Shocker wasn't taking advantage of the chaos. The yellow-and-brown-clad costumed criminal simply appeared to be just sitting on the couch. He was holding a bottle of beer and sipping from it.
"All I wanted was just a nice peaceful vacation." He mumbled to himself. "But Rhino sneaks on the plane because he wanted to swipe some t-shirts from the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame. And so I gotta deal with more of this CRAP!" He stood up shakily, and wobbled like the drunk he was. "Hoist with my own retard!"
"It's petard, stupid!" A passer-by snapped.
"Ah screw you, you stupid fat hippie…" The Shocker started to snap, until he felt sick. "Oog…Oh God!" He puked all over the ground, and on himself. He collapsed on the bench. "I hate my life!"
Cincinnati, Ohio
"Look out, Frog-Man!" Sonic Blue exclaimed as he zipped past the explosion created by several rubber balls that were thrown by the clown.
"I got it! I got it!" The armored amphibian hero mumbled as he dodged Mr. Fahrenheit's flame streams.
"Hold still so I can toast you, you overgrown pile of dog puke!" The ex-pyrotechnician grumbled as he tried to fry the Frog-Man.
"Sorry, pal." Frog-Man apologized. "But Roasted Frog-Man is not on the menu tonight!" Mr. Fahrenheit snarled angrily.
"I said hold still, you little freak!" Mr. Fahrenheit roared angrily, firing more blasts of flame from his flamethrowers. "Oof!" He found himself getting kicked in the side by Ernesto Gambonno, one of the Flying Gambonno Brothers.
"Ha!" He crowed in a thick Italian accent. "You are Mr. Fahrenheit, correct?"
"Aw, great! I got ambushed by a freaky trapeze artist." Mr. Fahrenheit grumbled indignantly. "Augh!" He got knocked forward by a kick in the back from Luigi Gambonno.
"Ha! Did not expect to be two of us, didn't you?"
"I don't care if there are two or two hundred of you Bruce Lee-Super Mario bastard kids! I'll toast all your asses!" Mr. Fahrenheit roared in rage as he started to fire flames again, this time at the Gambonnos. "Hold still, you Super-Mario wannabes!"
"Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!" The Gambonnos chanted as they used their acrobatic skills to duck, dodge, and avoid Mr. Fahrenheit's flame blasts.
"HOLD STILL, YOU MOTHER-! OOF!" The ex-pyrotechnician started to scream in frustration, only to get dropkicked in the side by the Frog-Man.
"Remember me, ya fire-spewing screwball?" Frog-Man smirked underneath his helmet. Mr. Fahrenheit snarled.
"That's it! Your ass is WHOA!" He barely managed to avoid getting himself kicked in the face by Ernesto Gambanno.
"Yipes!" Frog-Man dodged a flying kick from Luigi Gambonno. "Hey, buddy! Wait your turn!"
"The Circus of Crime waits for no one, tadpole!" Luigi laughed. Meanwhile, Sonic Blue was running into a few problems of his own.
"RAHHHHHHH!" The dark-haired powerhouse called Teena the Fat Lady roared as she ran towards Sonic Blue.
"Geez!" Spencer exclaimed as he leapt out of her path. "As Razor would say, 'For a fat lady, she sure is quick!'" A lariat wrapped itself around him. "Huh?"
BZZZZZZ!
The lariat, which was electrified, started to run electricity into Spencer's armor, shocking the young hero.
"NYEEEEEARGH!"
"Ha, ha!" The rope-wielding cowboy-costumed Live Wire scoffed. "You ain't so tough, boy! Heh heh heh…Huh?" Live Wire blinked as he saw Spencer get to his feet and smirk at him.
"A little modification I made to my armor when I once battled Electro." Spencer explained. "I added on insulation from his electrical attacks. And he could put out a lot more juice than this rope." Using his increased strength, Spencer easily broke out of the lariat. The Iron Speedster then blasted Live Wire right in the gut with a blue sonic beam, knocking him into a barricade.
"WHOA!" Mr. Fahrenheit screamed as he dodged Teena's charge. "That's one crazy fat lady!" He grinned at the sight of the Ringmaster, directing traffic. Spencer had taken on the Gambonnos, and the Frog-Man was brawling with Bruto the Strongman. Mr. Fahrenheit grinned evilly and fired his flamethrowers, hitting the unsuspecting Ringmaster right in the butt.
"YEOW-WOW-WHOO! HOT BUNS! HOT BUNS!" The Ringmaster screamed as he leapt up and ran out, desperate to put out his blazing backside. The fire-wielding villain turned his attention back to Spencer.
"Hey Sonic Blue!" Mr. Fahrenheit called. Spencer threw Luigi Gambonno off him and turned around. The former pyrotechnician threw a small red baseball-sized sphere at him.
Next: Psycho Circus, Part 5 More fighting in Ohio's Twin Cities: Cleveland and Cincinnati!
