This was a hard chapter to write never sure where exactly to take these two...how they get where they end up at is a mystery to me. thanks for the reviews love to hear what you have to say ENJOY...
As we headed down to the beach that morning, I could feel the tension and conflict lulling off of the man beside me. Seeing him concerned about his friends is something new for me, but it is something that makes him that much more desirable for me. The arrogant front he so easily puts up can't mask that he is obviously a true friend, his devotion and caring are evident. The shallow and unnerving guy I first talked to in shadows of the front room, seems to have been hiding more than his physical self that night. The deep recesses of Embry Call seem to be furrowed deeper and more intricately than I could have ever imagined and yet I still know nothing of the actual wolf before me.
"What has you staying so quiet today?" He asks drawing me out of myself and back to the partly cloudy day before me.
"Just thinking." I say wistfully my voice light and airy.
He smiles, "I've been thinking too," He wraps his arm around my shoulder pulling me gently against him.
"What have you been thinking about?" I ask a little worried, this is the first time I have talked to him since he last phased, learning information about what went on the night he had patrol, sharing information against his will, or boasting his conquests—not sure which he would consider it.
"About everything that has happened in the past couple weeks." His thumb lazily trails across the light pink marks on my shoulder, sending a slight chill down my arm at his heated touch.
"hmmm anything specific rolling over in your mind?" I ask a little curious what occupies his mind.
"You just surprise me sometimes, just when I think I can predict your next move you do something crazy, it is like I don't even know you sometimes."
"I don't even know what I am going to do half the time; I have experienced so many new things since I moved here." I blush looking down and to the left away from him.
"Like the other night." I peek at him seeing his smile, his mouth slightly open his eyes bright but full of intrigue.
I open my mouth to say something but a smile creeps over my face, I close my mouth at a loss of words. "Yeah."
"I hope it was everything you imagined it to be…"He says almost sincerely, "You couldn't stop thinking about it since the party could you?" Sincerity is no where near his voice as the deep and arrogant voice takes over. "When I asked if you if you wanted to you really did didn't you, do you even remember what I am talking about?"
The party, my memory of that night I not that fuzzy anymore, I do remember, how could I forget Embry's hands on my body. How could I forget Paul's obvious display of his sexual conquests?
"Yes." I said my voice not feeling very confident at the moment as I admit that I wasn't entirely truthful to him that night.
"I thought so, the way you were openly staring at Paul made it so obvious." He smirks pulling me closer to him.
"Oh, now you think you can predict my actions huh?"
"Not your actions, but sometimes it is pretty obvious what you want even if you won't act on it."
"Really enlighten me, what else to I want that I won't let myself have?" I challenge him, hoping beyond all hope that he is wrong.
"You want me more than you let on; in fact I bet you can hardly stop thinking about it…"
I swallow loudly, "You're wrong." I choke out turning around facing him, escaping his grasp on me.
"I'm not. You're just scared, you are scared, not answering that question during truth or dare proves it, and you're scared to admit you want to have sex that you are dreaming about it, thinking about it constantly." His voice remains calm as he accuses me.
"I already told you I want to have sex with you, what more do you want from me damn it." I throw my hands up into the air trying to emphasize my point.
"I want you to be open with me, you are so closed off all the time, it is like pulling teeth trying to get anything out of you, don't get me wrong you have opened up to me but I feel like I am the only one not keeping secrets here."
Gosh, now he is making me feel guilty, I know I am not open with him about a lot of things. I am scared to tell him, that he scares me to death sometimes, I feel guilty lying to him, making him feel like I am okay with everything he tells me. I have to be strong, don't I, I think I really want this relationship to work, I am way to attached to the sweet kind hearted Embry to let his arrogant or terrifying sides to get the best of me. Sam said he isn't going to get better, can I really come to terms with this, can I put on a happy face instead of running for the hills and hiding from it all.
If I ran away from him now, would he chase me down again, would he force me to stay. Would something inside of him snap sending him down a road of no return where he holds me hostage in his house again? These are the questions that torment my mind, these are the thoughts I don't want him to know. The thoughts I myself don't want to have, I want to be accepting and when I think about it rationally I am accepting. I am not always rational, the fears inside me seek out their footholds and refuse to let anything go, whispering words of doubt and fear into my ears.
"What do you want to know?" I finally say after a few minutes of us silently starring at each other. The leisurely walk on the beach today has gone sour, much to my displeasure.
"What are you hiding from me? What has you so worried? You can tell me anything, it won't change how I feel about you, and nothing you say or do ever could."
"I know that, I'm not afraid of you not loving me, there are just certain things that I can't tell you that go on inside my brain, just like you can't share with me everything that you think about."
"Okay, I'll accept that but answer one question or I am going to go crazy thinking about it until it happens. Why are you afraid to answer the question, are you scared of what I will think of your answer or are you scared that it won't happen the way you want it to?" His face looks like he is pleading with me to answer him, to let him know the reasons behind my refusal.
I close my eyes collecting my thoughts, I can give him this, he deserves to know at least this much, "I don't want what I say to influence you, I want our first time to be what it is cause that is what happened between us, no preconceived notions or expectations hanging over us. I am sure you would be happy with any answer I gave because it would further confirm that I do want you, but it is like everything is so intense between us all the time I have no idea who you are beyond all the drama. I want to know who you are, putting aside imprinting, the pack, and everything else and just getting to know you."
He smiles slightly at me, although it isn't a happy smile but one of understanding. He pulls me into a hug kissing my temple, letting me know that he is aware of what I told him without words. Releasing me hesitantly, we walk the short way to the most comforting spot on the beach, at the base of the cliff where I first laid eyes on him, our spot.
He doesn't speak until we are sitting, his back against the cliff and my back resting snugly against his chest. His voice is barely above a whisper as he begins to tell me about himself. He holds me tight his fingers digging slightly into my flesh, one hand on my hip and the other on my upper arm. I listen intently hearing the pain in his voice when he talks about his father, feeling his grip tighten around me as he speaks about the loneliness he felt when he first phased, having to be away from his friends. His voice lightens a bit as he tells me about his likes and dislikes and for the first time since I met him I feel like I know who he is, what makes him who he is.
I don't speak once until his rough voice retreats, it echoes in my mind as if I can still hear him talking to me. The only other time I heard him talk so much was when he told me his secret in the woods. This was different, this sounded harder for him to do, talking about himself in a very personal way. He didn't use his calming voice, I love to hate, or the witty arrogance, but he spoke to me in a way I have never heard him speak.
I turn around facing him for the first time since we sat down, my chest pressed against his, I lean in pressing my lips gently against his in a chaste innocent kiss and I whisper, "Thank you." As a tear slowly streaks down my face, I swallow hard driving back any others that are threatening to come out.
