Deep in the night, I awoke to my ringtone.
Miki-san was calling again. I got up and walked to the guest room, to avoid disturbing the others. There, opening the fusuma to look out at the bright moon, I answered the phone.
The skies were clear. It was a cool night.
"Mami-san?"
She sounded tired.
"Ah, hai."
"Mami-san? Sorry to disturb you so late in the middle of the night."
"Miki-san?"
"Nn. Did I wake you up? Suman, suman."
"No, no. It's alright."
"Ah."
"You're still awake so late?"
"Mm. I guess. Maybe I'm dreaming now, haha. It feels like it at least."
"Then what about me?"
"I wouldn't know."
We shared a small laugh.
"What did you call for?" I asked, getting to the point.
"Ah. Right. Ano…"
"Miki-san?"
"Ah, ah. Mami-san, is Kyouko with you?"
"Of course not."
"Does Kyouko have a set of your keys?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Ah, okay, okay. If that's the case then it should be alright. Yokatta."
"What is it?"
"Nothing much. It's just… if she's at your place, can you tell her to come home? Onegai, Mami-san."
It was then that I came to know that Sakura-san had gone missing since the week before.
Over the past few days, Miki-san simply assumed that Sakura-san was sleeping over at my place. Such was their routine as of then. Sakura-san would disappear for a few days and reappear at Miki-san's doorstep with the fruits of her latest adventure. The previous day, however, Kaname-san and her family had to fly back to America. Due to the urgency of the matter, she had neglected to inform anyone else, even Homura-chan. When Miki-san raised this up, as a matter of fact, all Kaname-san gave her was a dazed look, as though she were trying hard to recall. Miki-san and Saotome-sensei, who both happened to visit the Kaname household at the time, were thus the only ones to send her off. At the airport, Kaname-san asked her how Sakura-san was doing. Miki-san could not answer.
She then remembered to call Sakura-san back home for Obon. Over the previous school term, the two had planned meticulously to celebrate the festive period together. Miki-san had also, with great difficulty, stolen precious moments with Sakura-san to shop together for new yukata and summer clothes. But for the rest of the day, Sakura-san remained uncontactable. Only then did she realise that Sakura-san was not simply wandering about from place to place as usual.
That night, Miki-san discovered on her desk, beneath her books, Sakura-san's personal letter of apology to her.
In it, Sakura-san thanked Miki-san for keeping her company and giving her a place to stay. But, she wrote, this was not the kind of life that was suitable for her. She emphasized Miki-san's virtues and the warm comfort she felt when she was by her side. She mentioned that she would forever be grateful to Miki-san. Miki-san had changed her life with her bright smile. There would not be a day, she swore, that she would not reflect on this. Miki-san made her very happy, always. But, she wrote, this could not go on. To her, this was not the way she wanted to be. There was more she wanted to do, and there was something she needed to strive towards. To that end, she had to leave Miki-san behind. She would be transferring out, to make a fresh start, but not before attending school for one last week in September to bid farewell to all her friends.
It was not Miki-san's fault. This was Sakura-san's own choice. So, she asked Miki-san not to blame herself for anything. And, if, Miki-san felt lonely, then there was always Kamijou-san by her side. There was always friends and family by her side. She encouraged Miki-san and hoped that Miki-san would have a bright and wonderful future. On a final note, she promised that if nothing got in the way, she would surely come back to visit every now and then – hopefully as a better person. And one day, she would return for good. She promised that she would definitely one day return for good.
"Don't worry about me. Take it as a bit of an extended vacation I'm having, yea? Nothing serious. I know you will worry about me anyways, but rest assured. I'll be touring a few monasteries; free food and lodging, y'know? Maybe I'll try getting ordained or something, just for a while. Earn some cash. Chopping wood and carrying water."
Everything would be alright.
"Sayaka," she wrote, "can you forgive me for being so selfish? Sore ja, mata."
That was the last of the letter.
Miki-san chuckled a little at the end.
"Mattaku, this girl really knows how to worry people. Just upping and leaving without telling anyone. She didn't even tell us where she's going. When I see her again, I swear I'll tear her ear out."
"Nn, she's always been like this, hasn't she? Always running circles around others."
I smiled.
Miki-san told me that she found it awfully rude of Sakura-san to leave before Obon, which she had been looking forward to spending with her. She requested my help to locate her, wherever she was. Together, she said, we could scold her as she sat seiza and tell her to come to her senses. Until then, she would never forgive Sakura-san.
Then, she wondered if Sakura-san was hungry.
She wondered if Sakura-san was properly taking care of herself.
She wondered where Sakura-san could be.
She wanted Sakura-san to come back home.
I asked her when she last saw Sakura-san.
"I don't know," she said. "I don't remember, Kyouko – I..."
Her voice was quivering.
"What have I been doing?"
She paused for a while after.
I remained silent.
Outside, the bamboo shimmered in the moonlight, glistening dew. It must have drizzled while we were sleeping.
"Ne, Mami-san?"
"Yes?"
She took a deep breath.
"Why am I always like this?"
She started weeping gently.
