Chapter 54
Lily sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, shifting around uncomfortably, nervously picking at a piece of toast. Sunday morning had rolled around quicker than she'd thought possible, though in reality, it wasn't that surprising. She'd barely slept the previous night, too many thoughts spiralling around her head, along with the fear that she wouldn't be able to keep Dumbledore out of her mind. She was able to push Severus out, but he was only just starting out at Legilimency, maybe he just didn't know enough to really push his way in, or maybe, he respected her mind enough not to force the issue, maybe he was ending the connection before she could truly kick him out. He'd told her that wasn't the case, told her she really was able to do it. But, what if he was just telling her what she wanted to hear, trying to build her confidence? Dumbledore wouldn't do that. And what if she couldn't keep him out? What if she couldn't keep anyone out? She didn't want to put Severus in any more danger than he was already in.
Lily sighed, resting her head on her arms on the table. Really, she wanted to run back up to the dorm room and hide away in her bed. Attempt to catch up on the sleep she'd missed as she'd tossed and turned and worried the night away.
"Hey" a soft voice spoke to her, as a hand gently ran over her hair.
"Hey" she replied, lifting her head slightly to see Severus looking down at her, before settling himself next to her on the bench.
"Are you ok?" he asked as he slipped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to him. Lily sighed as she buried her head against his chest.
"Mmm. Couldn't sleep" she told him, "Worrying about today" she added.
"You'll be fine, Lily" he told her as he stroked her back.
"I know you keep saying that, but I'm still nervous. What if I can't keep him out?" she asked.
"You will" he assured her.
"But what if I can't?"
"I went through this with him too. I know it's nerve wracking, but even if does see something, it won't be as bad as you think it will be" he explained gently.
"He is going to see something, at least to start with, isn't he?"
"Yes" he sighed, "But you'll figure it out. Just keep calm"
"So, what did he see in your mind?" she asked him curiously.
"Bits and pieces. Incidents with my father, Potter, the other Slytherins" he told her, shrugging. Lily nodded slowly. "But you've already covered the basics with me. I just think this will help you, Lily" he explained. She nodded again. She knew it made sense, Voldemort was a highly skilled Legilimens, some of his Death Eaters obviously had at least a grasp of the basics. She needed to know how to fight someone who had more experience at the discipline than Severus had. Though she still hoped it wouldn't come to that, hoped the War would be over before they left Hogwarts. Something that was highly unlikely really, but it didn't stop her from hoping.
The Hall gradually filled with students, happy groups moving around talking, joking, laughing. Lily wished they would be quiet.
"Morning, Lily" Mary greeted, sitting herself nearby.
"Morning" Lily replied, pulling herself reluctantly away from Severus.
"You ok?" she asked.
"Mmm. Couldn't sleep, that's all" Lily told her friend.
"Maybe you should take a nap, it is Sunday after all" Mary reasoned.
"Maybe later" Lily smiled. She knew that wouldn't happen, far too much to do, and too much to worry about anyway.
Lily watched as her friend helped herself to breakfast as the Hall continued to fill. Soon, Alice was sitting alongside Mary, smiling brightly and looking almost giddy after an early trip to the owlery. The Marauders weren't far behind, most of the boys giving a polite nod towards herself and Severus, Pettigrew scowling for whatever reason. She could feel Severus tensing beside her, at the sight of the future Death Eater. Or Death Eater from a different time. A different universe. However the whole 'memory' thing was actually working.
"Come on, Lily, let's go" he whispered in her ear. Lily looked at him questioningly, but nodded anyway.
"Won't it be too early to go to Dumbledore?" she asked.
"No, it's fine" he assured her, standing from the bench, offering her his hand.
Lily held his hand tightly as they left the Hall, eager to put some distance between themselves and the strangest Marauder, though not especially eager to reach Dumbledore's office. But maybe it was best to just get it over with. Severus led her through the corridors and halls, up staircases, until they reached the gargoyle guarding the Headmaster's office. Severus gave the password, revealing the staircase to them. Lily nervously stepped on alongside him, making the slow ascent to the inner office.
"Good morning" the Headmaster greeted warmly "Do come in, take a seat" he smiled, gesturing towards the two chairs in front of his desk. "Tea?" he asked.
"No, thank you, Sir" Lily answered as she took one of the seats, Severus taking the other, still clinging on to his hand.
"Getting all settled in?" Dumbledore asked them.
"More or less" Severus answered.
"Any problems?"
"Not so far" he told the Headmaster.
"Excellent. First of all, Severus, your mother has moved to the protection of one of the families working alongside the Order, their house is well protected" Dumbledore explained.
"That's good. I was worried she wouldn't go" Severus told him. She knew he'd been worried about his mother, at least if she was in hiding, Severus wouldn't have to worry about the Death Eaters targeting her to get to him. Though, living with those fighting against Voldemort wouldn't keep her completely safe. Not that anyone truly was safe anymore, but she was safer with others around her who knew how to fight, than she was alone at Spinner's End without a wand.
"I will remain in contact with the family she is with, and of course you are still free to write to her yourself" Dumbledore continued. Severus nodded. The Headmaster turned his attention to her next.
"Now then, Miss Evans" he began. Lily swallowed nervously as she met his eyes "Relax, Miss Evans. All will be fine" he said with a smile, "Severus tells me you have made an encouraging start" he told her. Lily glanced at Severus nervously as he squeezed her hand. "The only reason I am suggesting trying this with you myself, is because Severus has no prior experience with Legilimency. I will be as gentle as I can, it may be an unusual sensation, but it shouldn't hurt" he explained.
"It doesn't hurt, when Severus does it" she told him.
"Good. Just try and relax, stay calm, in control. You can do this, Lily" he told her. She had to do it. Had to at least try to do it, for Severus. Lily nodded. "Very well. Shall we begin?" he questioned. Lily nodded nervously. "One three then. One...Two... Three... Legilimens" the Headmaster whispered. She felt him slip into her thoughts, his presence was more deliberate than Severus' had been, though as he said, it wasn't painful. Lily concentrated on her breathing, her mind staying blank as she felt him trying to pull memories forwards, probing to find a weakness in her defences. Lily tried to push him out, the Headmaster pushed back, her defences cracking, memories of home forcing their way to the front of her mind... talking with her Mum... Petunia calling her a freak... Petunia calling Severus worthless, scum... Lily pushed again and Dumbledore withdrew from her mind. Lily sat forwards in her chair, rubbing her face with her hands.
"Good, Lily. That took some pushing to get in, whatever you've been doing with Severus is clearly working" the Headmaster told her. Lily dropped her hands, meeting his eyes again. She glanced at Severus, seeing him smiling at her. Maybe she could do this. "Now, if someone from the other side were to attempt to retrieve information from you in this way, they would likely question you at the same time, in order to make it more likely for you to 'push' those memories to the front" he explained. She nodded, frowning as she thought it over. That would obviously make it harder to hide things.
"We shall try this again, this time I will try to ask you a few questions" he told her. Lily took a deep breath, preparing herself as best she could, meeting the Headmaster's eyes when she was ready.
"Legilimens" he whispered, once more entering her thoughts, "What can you tell me, about Severus?" the Headmaster asked. That wasn't fair. She pushed her memories down, deep down inside her mind, but she could feel him probing. Thoughts fluttered forwards... Severus holding her hand... Severus reading to her as she curled up against her chest... asking why he didn't tell her... her son... the Elder wand... "What do you know about the Prophecy?" Dumbledore whispered. Lily pushed back. The image of Trelawney came to mind... Trelawney shoving the Tarot cards into Severus' hands... laying shuffled cards on the table... Lily pushed against Dumbledore's intrusion again. And he was gone.
Lily was breathing heavily in her chair, rubbing her forehead again. It really was an unusual sensation, having someone in her mind. She definitely preferred it when Severus was the one doing it.
"I think this is something the two of you can work on together now" Dumbledore told them. Severus reached for her hand again, Lily held on to him tightly, glad of the contact, the reassurance his touch gave. "We shall leave it there for today, but I do not think you need to be concerned" he told her. She nodded slightly, a headache starting to brew behind her eyes, physically and mentally exhausted after that experience.
Severus stood from his seat, standing in front of her, pulling her up towards him, slipping his arm around her shoulder.
"Come on" he said, leading her towards the door, back to the staircase.
"Good day, both of you" the Headmaster said quietly. Lily nodded, glancing over her shoulder one last time before exiting the office.
"Are you ok?" Severus asked once they were back out in one of the hallways.
"I'm ok, just tired" she answered.
"I know that feeling" he said, rubbing her arm gently.
"What do you want to do now?" she asked. They didn't have any homework yet, they'd only had one day of classes before the weekend arrived. "Walk? Library? Your room?" she asked, so many options.
"No, I have another idea. I have something to show you" he said, as he continued to guide her through the castle, in the direction of the dungeons.
...
Severus led Lily in silence down to the dungeons, down to one of the smaller potions labs, closing the door carefully behind them.
"What are we doing down here?" she asked him.
"I thought we could do some brewing" he answered. He'd missed it over the summer, there was nowhere at home to set up his own mini-lab, even if there was he didn't think his mother would have let him.
"And we're allowed to just 'do some brewing' now, are we?" she asked with a bemused smile.
"I spoke to Dumbledore, I offered to help brew things, for the War" he explained. "If it comes to a battle, when it comes to that, we'll need lots of healing potions, salves" he told her. he nodded slowly. "Plus, I might be able to experiment here and there too"
"And Dumbledore was ok with that?" she asked him.
"He seemed to be quite happy with it, it'll help boost supplies for the Hospital Wing, or the Order. It doesn't hurt to be prepared"
"What about Slughorn?" she asked.
"He should be in his office, I'm sure he'll be checking in on us at some point" he told her.
"So, what do you want to work on?" she asked him.
"I think mainly pain relievers to begin with. I want to experiment with them at some point though, see if I can find something that helps with regenerating nerves" he explained.
"Nerves?"
"Cruciatus" he'd experienced that particular curse both in his memories and first hand, and it was not pleasant in the slightest - only a feeling of every nerve being electrified, or ripped to shreds, the feeling that anything would be preferable to the pain continuing, even if the only alternative was death. Voldemort and his Death Eaters were especially fond of that curse, whether used in an attempt to extract information, or just as a way of torturing their victim for the fun of it. And there had to be some way of aiding in the recovery afterwards, to help repair the damaged nerves.
"Do you want to help me?" he asked her.
"Of course I do" she answered with a smile. Severus nodded, moving further into the lab, heading to the supply cupboard, removing the supplies and ingredients they needed to begin. Lily joined him at the workstation after finding a cauldron they could use, the two of them working in silence for a while as they chopped and prepared various roots and leaves.
"So, how did you find working with Dumbledore?" he finally asked her.
"Not as bad as I expected" she told him. He nodded, he'd known that would be the case, reality not as bad as the expectations build up beforehand. "But I'm glad we can work on it together now"
"You must have done well" he told her with a smile.
"Maybe. He saw 'some' memories, we both knew he would, but I was able to push him out" she told him.
"What did he see, when he asked you about me? About the Prophecy?" he asked curiously.
"About you, just us spending time together really. But, the Prophecy -" she trailed off with a sigh. Severus stopped his dicing to look at her more closely.
"What?" he asked.
"Well, I didn't want to think about the actual Prophecy, so, I sort of thought of something else" she admitted.
"What did you think about?"
"Well, I remembered you telling Malfoy the Prophecy was just someone giving Tarot readings in the pub, so I thought about her giving you the Tarot cards" she told him.
"That's brilliant" he told her.
"Really?" she asked him, looking unsure.
"Really. You lied to Dumbledore" he told her with a grin, "You pulled up a different memory, showed him what you wanted him to see" he said.
"I don't like lying" she told him sadly.
"I know, but that's the point of this really, concealing information from the other side. Blocking memories is one aspect of Occlumency and is great for making sure they find out nothing. But showing someone something specific like that is more advanced, if it came down to lying to Malfoy that way, he'd be inclined to believe that no Prophecy existed at all" he told her in amazement. Lily nodded again as she thought it over, turning her attention back to the leaves she was now crushing. Severus had assured her that she was able to use Occlumency to keep someone out, but she had still doubted, still worried that she was somehow going to put him in more danger. Hopefully, this would help her believe in herself. He believed in her, he always had done.
"Did it feel different?" he asked her.
"What?"
"When I used Legilimency on you, compared to Dumbledore?" he asked her.
"It did" she answered quietly, "When you did it, it was harder to want to push you out, it felt strange having you in my mind, but it was you. You already know everything about me" she told him. He smiled then, she really didn't seem to mind him accessing her thoughts that way. She already chose to share her life with him, sharing her thoughts and memories that way seemed somehow, more intimate. He wasn't sure he would want to return the favour, wasn't sure how he'd feel if she could access his thoughts in return. He was so used to hiding parts of himself, in one way or another. He'd opened up more, shared more of himself since they'd become a couple. But there were still things he'd chosen to keep to himself - some of the memories he'd seen. He'd kept the identity of her son's father a secret for a while, his insecurities convincing him that if Lily knew that the 'other Lily' had fallen in love with Potter, that just putting the possibility out there would be enough to make it happen. That had, so far, proven entirely false. Lily was aware of the alternative and she'd ignored it completely, remaining by Severus' side, their relationship growing deeper and stronger as time continued to tick ever onwards.
Even when she'd proven that she was going nowhere, he'd still not divulged everything he'd learned in the memories. He hadn't told her that Dumbledore had orchestrated his own death - Severus being his weapon of choice. In his memories he'd seen Dumbledore convince him that having Severus murder him was not only the best option, but the only option to get ahead in the War - regardless of the fact he was dying a slow death thanks to his encounter with the ring. The memory Severus had agreed, and he knew he had obeyed. He hadn't seen himself carry out the act, and he hoped he never would, but he knew he had done it. It was something he hadn't wanted to admit to Lily, hadn't wanted to think about the darkness that was potentially residing in him somewhere, however buried it might be. He wouldn't have told her at all if it hadn't been for the stone, for Dumbledore making his subtle suggestions. But admitting one of those items existed - the stone - then finding out about the invisibility cloak Potter possessed, forced him to think about the wand. The wand Voldemort murdered him with in order to master - a meaningless attempt as Severus was never its master.
She'd been hurt, that he kept it from her to begin with. They'd talked. The things he did in the memories hadn't made her hate him - 'her' Severus hadn't done those things. However far he'd come, he still had a way to go, overcoming his insecurities, his worries, his fear that he would do something to push her away forever. After all, the memory Severus had done it. He'd pushed her away, everyone had a breaking point. He hoped he wouldn't make any of those mistakes.
The two of them continued to work in silence, preparing the ingredients they would need for the first batch of potions, when the door burst open, Professor Slughorn bustling his way through.
"Ah! Good morning, Mr Snape, Miss Evans" Slughorn beamed happily, "The Headmaster told me you might be brewing for him today" he carried on. No doubt Slughorn was pleased with that, with himself and Lily brewing it was saving him a job.
"Good morning, Sir" Lily greeted in return.
"Did you both have a good summer?" he asked.
"Quiet, for the most part" Severus answered.
"I heard about your little run-in with Mr Malfoy" Slughorn added.
"Oh?" Severus asked.
"Yes, the Headmaster filled myself and Professor McGonagall in on it, and on the Prophecy" he added in a whisper.
"He told you?" Severus asked, not sure why Dumbledore would have told anyone.
"Well, yes. He told us about the memories" Slughorn told him. Severus frowned as he nodded, he knew he'd been told about his memories "When Trelawney gave that Prophecy, the Headmaster wanted to make sure we knew exactly what we were all dealing with" he added. Severus was not pleased that the Prophecy had been shared, even if it was only with their Heads of House. "That we knew how serious this was, if You-Know-Who found out what you'd seen, that you knew about the Horcruxes he'd made -"
"Horcruxes?" Severus interrupted sharply, frowning as he met Slughorn's eyes.
"Y - Yes" Slughorn stammered uncomfortably "You know about that though, don't you?" he asked nervously.
"I know that he's trying to make himself immortal, that he's hiding bits of his soul" Severus confirmed.
"Dumbledore didn't tell you? What it was called? What he did? Who he spoke to?" Slughorn asked, wringing his hands uncomfortably.
"No. Who did he talk to?" Severus asked, suddenly realising that there was more going on. Someone else knew about Voldemort's plan.
"Oh, I don't think that's all that important right now. Best to discuss it with the Headmaster" Slughorn answered. "Anyway, I really must be getting to my office, essays to mark, you see. Any problems brewing, just come and get me" he added, bustling through, off to his office before Severus could ask him anything else.
"Well, that was interesting" Lily stated as she continued grinding the leaves.
"Hmm. I guess we know what to research now, though I don't think he meant to let that slip. Horcruxes" Severus said.
"And we know someone else knows about it" Lily added. Severus nodded. It seemed there were still things Dumbledore was keeping him in the dark about.
"And I have more things to talk to Dumbledore about" he added, before turning his attention to the cauldron, trying to distract himself with their brewing. Trying not to think about the fact that Slughorn was also hiding information from him. It seemed like everyone had their secrets.
...
Regulus Black looked around the small room cautiously, waiting for the others to arrive. He didn't like it, thought it was too risky, thought they would get caught one of these days. But it was too late now. He'd done what his parents had expected of him, he'd followed the orders of his peers, he'd joined in with the raids over the summer. He'd earned his Mark. He'd taken his Mark. He probably should have waited until he'd left Hogwarts, but that would have made things difficult for him at home, his mother's expectations that much higher since Sirius had moved out the previous summer. Regulus had more to prove. He had to prove he was worthy of carrying the name 'Black'.
His only task while still at Hogwarts was to keep tabs on Severus Snape - someone he'd spent a small amount of time with in previous years, discussions had on the stupidity of his brother, and Gryffindors in general (which he'd always found a little hypocritical given that Snape spent the majority of time with a Gryffindor - a Mudblood girl, no less). But everything changed last spring. Snape had suddenly acted against the group that had formed, the group with aspirations to aim higher, to want 'more' from their lives than to conform. They wanted to be important. Respected. Feared.
Now, the Death Eaters had getting Snape back on 'their side' as a top priority, like he was so special. They didn't want to harm him, at least, not yet. Merely keep track of him, find out what he was up to, what he was talking about, who he was talking to. Though, that last one was easy - Evans. That was about it, apart from Dumbledore.
Regulus had the hardest job 'spying' on Snape, being in different years meant they never shared classes, and Snape having been moved out of the Slytherin dorms meant there was no chance of meeting him there. His only chance at gathering any information at all being the scrawny, shifty boy from Gryffindor. The boy that belonged to the group that terrorised Snape (along with his brother), the boy that was sick of being in the shadow of James Potter and Sirius Black. The boy who would do anything to achieve a little power. Some protection from someone bigger. Peter Pettigrew.
The door creaked slowly open, Pettigrew shuffled nervously inside, casting furtive glances around the room before sitting at one of the desks.
"What do you have for me?" Regulus asked. Pettigrew jumped in his seat, wringing his hands together anxiously.
"I... I... I don't know anything" he whispered.
"Oh? And why is that? You have classes with him, don't you?" Regulus asked.
"Y.. Yes, but only one day of classes so far!" he protested.
"Mmm. And you haven't followed him at all? Over heard anything... interesting?" Regulus asked.
"N.. No! He uses spells, to stop people hearing his conversations"
"You told me you would work with me, bring me information. We need information" Regulus warned the boy.
"It's not easy, Snivellus is smart"
"He is. And you, are not" he pointed out. Pettigrew recoiled in his seat, "You are sneaky. Use that to your advantage"
"He suspects something though. They all do" he said quietly.
"Who suspects?"
"The other Marauders. They're hiding things from me, they know I've met with you before" he squeaked nervously. That could be a problem. "And they don't want to follow Snivellus anymore, don't care about pranking him. I can't do this alone, I wouldn't stand a chance against Snape!" he whimpered.
"No. I don't suppose you would" Regulus agreed. "If you are unable to get information from Snape, then I suggest you work on my charming brother, the walking ego that is Potter, and that pathetic excuse for a prefect. Find out what they're hiding from you" Pettigrew nodded nervously.
"Then, you'll still introduce me? To Him?" he asked. Regulus snorted.
"If I brought you to the Dark Lord like this he would kill you on the spot, then probably me as well for insulting him. Prove yourself first, then, we'll discuss it" he told him. Pettigrew said nothing, only nodded meekly before scurrying back out of the room.
Regulus sighed, it was going to be difficult trying to figure out what was going on with Snape, but the Dark Lord had ordered it, so he would obey. He considered Snape to be important, for whatever reason. Regulus didn't have to understand the reason, he only had to obey.
