Brighter by Against the Current from their Gravity album. Nell reflects on her team with a little Neric. Nell's point of view.

Song link: watch?v=esaOKeVTtDk

It's a normal Tuesday morning but something isn't right. I've been to Ops and Eric was nowhere to be found. I've checked the tea room but no sign of him there either. I then checked the bullpen to find no-one which was surprising as I drove Melissa into work today and she's usually checking her inbox by now. I'm running out of places to check. I know Eric's in work as he text me to say he was looking forward to seeing me. He saw me only last night. It feels strange being in the empty bullpen, usually Callen, Melissa and Sam are in by this time, and there's been no sign of Hetty either. I sit down at Melissa's desk for a moment, before looking at each of the team's desks in turn, each desk is a representation of its inhabitant. Kensi's desk is full of souvenirs from her travels, Callen's is slightly more organised with a few stray pens on the desk, Deeks desk has a clock on it after Melissa bought it as a joke as he is usually the last team member in, Sam's is orderly all the pencils sharpened and ready for use in the pencil pot. Melissa is on the end of Kensi and Callen's desk with only an inbox and outbox tray to show that it is her desk and a picture of the whole team tucked neatly on the right hand corner behind her name plate. It's the only personal item nearby as her drawer is down over by Callen's desk as there's no room for it down by her seat. Melissa is good at coping with the limited space she has on the desk although it does get cramped when Kensi and Callen get behind on their files and paperwork which is often in Callen's case. Melissa usually monopolises the couch in the tearoom when that happens and has perfected the art of balancing a file on her knee and writing in it at the same time. Many a time I've found her in the tearoom away from the team neat piles of files at her feet. Callen could learn a lot but I know he tries and that's all we can ask. I look back at the picture taken Christmas time by the tree we all decorated while singing and/or dancing along to Rocking around the Christmas tree which Melissa played on her laptop for a laugh. A team photo is rare… Callen is smiling for once and Sam has his hand on Melissa's shoulder with Callen on his left and Melissa on the right next to me and Eric. Deeks is photo bombing behind me and Kensi is rolling her eyes next to Hetty and Eric. I laugh at the happy memories.

It's a brand new day, it's never too late to start

Can't live this life with an empty heart

Every single time that we lay it on the line

It's a roller coaster ride for one

When you know it's do or die and you're running out of time

We gotta give it all we've got,

All we've got

I wonder what it would be like if I'd started at NCIS with a different team as I leave the bullpen and head for the gym. Would I have been such good friends with all of them? I felt a little unsure of myself around Eric at first but the others were great with me. Hetty took me under her wing which she does with all Agents in her care and Granger still perplexes me but I have best friends in Eric, Kensi and now Melissa. They've all seen changes in their teams throughout their careers and I'm glad I've never had any. Melissa has probably had the most changes in her 5 year career but then she has been assigned to 3 different cities in those years. That's a lot of moving for a 23 year old for jobs but then she's used to it growing up on the army bases. I stop as I reach the gym doorway as I hear Melissa laugh and a grunt from someone else. I carefully peak in and spot what looks like Eric in an arm lock. I'm unsure as they have their backs to me.

'Come on Eric, get free.' Melissa encourages. Must be Eric.

'This is why I stay in Ops.' Eric fires back.

'Wrong you stay in Ops because Nell works there more often than not and you two make an awesome double team.'

'You may have a point…'

'I have a valid point that broaches no argument so get free of this arm lock and prove to me that training is paying off.'

When have they been training? Eric spends most of his time with me outside work hours except for the Sundays where Kensi, Melissa and I have been meeting up in the mornings. I watch as Eric manoeuvres himself to gain purchase and then fluidly moves so that he is free of the loose arm lock Melissa had him in before promptly placing her into one.

'Like that is it Beale?' She laughs before working her way out of it before swooping down and taking his ankle out from under him causing him to fall to the mat with a thud. Eric looks up at her from the mat and I quickly duck back out of sight.

'I know you, Nell and Kensi have been meeting up for coffee on Sundays but do I ever get mentioned? She talks to you girls more than she does me sometimes…' Eric asks trying to distract Melissa from their work out and take a breather. I'm surprised. I never realised that Eric fretted so much or even knows about Coffee mornings on Sundays. I listen in keen to hear how Melissa will respond. Melissa bites and sits down on the mat next to him cross-legged.

'Coffee is our girl time and as for Nell if you're worried about something talk to her. I'm not going to break Nell or Kensi's confidence but I will say that I think you and Nell are fine. I've noticed you two hanging out a lot recently and she generally seems happier in herself. Don't worry yourself Beale.'

'I know I'm fretting but it's just Nell is way out of my league and I'm wondering how long it's going to be before she realises and then I get left behind. I mean Nell is awesome and witty and fun and those eyes and that smile…..'

'Sounds like someone has a crush…..' Melissa teases.

'Maybe I do and maybe I've even fallen in love with her but in this job it's just so dangerous and Nell wants to work in the field and I don't want her thinking I want her to give up on that… I love her.'

'But?' Melissa coaxes.

'I like her safe in Ops… with me, where I know she's safe.' Did he just say he loves me? My heart melts at that way he's being so honest with Melissa and sad at how much I realise he's been holding in with me. I know it's tough on him when he's left behind in Ops, I mean last time he literally hugged me as soon as I walked back into Ops and told me I was never leaving again. He's just so sweet. I want a life where I'm not worried about coming home safe each day but I know with NCIS I'm in the only job with any element of security but it's not enough for me. I want to be an agent being active in getting bad guys off the streets and not behind a computer screen. I want a life with Eric, maybe a family and wedding but I never knew what it was really that was happening with us. I close my eyes and lean against the wall as I listen to Melissa answer Eric.

I want something more, a life worth fighting for

I don't need a reason, to set the world on fire

And burn a little bit brighter now

There's something beautiful hiding in the shadows

So set the world on fire

Let's burn a little bit brighter now

'Eric, just be honest with her and tell Nell what you just told me. She's not going to bite your head off for being concerned for her welfare in the field. She'll probably think it's sweet and she knows you're a worrier. She hasn't walked away yet so stop waiting for it to happen. Nell is sticking around and from what I can tell you want her to but you have to be honest with each other. Sam and Callen are brutally honest with me and sometimes I wanna throttle them for it but you'd be surprised how much I respect them for it too. I hate it when they see me as a damsel in distress but I know their nagging is just proof that they care. It's not a weakness Beale. There's risk with everything.'

Sometimes we gotta risk it all to chase a dream

It's a dive in head first, all-or-nothing kind of thing

Every single time that we lay it on the line

It's a roller coaster ride for one

When you know it's do or die and you're running out of time

We gotta give it all we've got

I want something more, a life worth fighting for

I don't need a reason, to set the world on fire

And burn a little bit brighter now

There's something beautiful hiding in the shadows

So set the world on fire

Let's burn a little bit brighter now

Can't stand by and wait like the others

I'm front line and won't run for cover

Head held high cause I'm burning brighter

Yeah I'm burning brighter

I finally reopen my eyes to find Callen stood in front of me. I nearly jump and curse but then realise that he too has been listening in. I hadn't heard his approach. He smiles apologetically before shrugging.

'I know you're right. You're only telling me what I'm thinking.'

'Well then Eric, are you going stand by and wait or are you going to talk to her?' Melissa asks as Callen finally enters the gym leaving me still unnoticed in the doorway.

'Talk to who?' Callen casually asks as he makes his way to the bench press acting like he hasn't been eavesdropping like me.

'Morning Callen, hi Mels, there you are Eric.' I finally muster up the courage and realise that Eric and Melissa's heartfelt conversation has now ended and enter the gym and make my presence known. Hopefully Eric will talk to me soon and if not I now know that I can broach the subject of us…

Can't stand by and wait like the others

I'm front line and won't run for cover

Head held high cause I'm burning brighter

I want something more, a life worth fighting for

I don't need a reason, to set the world on fire

And burn a little bit brighter now

There's something beautiful hiding in the shadows

So set the world on fire

Lets burn a little bit brighter now

It's a brand new day, it's never too late to start