Once upon a time, there was a child named Cicada. Yes that was her actual name. One day she went into the forest to pick some mushrooms for her mother and met a monster. As the monsters gaping maw went down upon the child something amazing happened! The little girl Cicada opened her mouth and sucked up the monster. She inherited his strength and as a bonus didn’t need to eat for a week. Another day similar to the first she found a lost wizard. He began to ask her for directions but before he could even finish ‘Where am I,’ she sucked him up too, thus gaining wisdom. About a month later she went to the forest once more. There she saw rather famous computer genius (who shall not be named due to a harsh fear of lawsuits). She didn’t even bother to let him know she was there, but merely went behind him and sucked him up as well before he could call his pesky robot minions. It was in this way she gained intelligence and a thirst for world domination.

Now that Cicada had wisdom, strength, intelligence, and the desire for world domination she only needed an army. In the basement of her parents’ small cottage she went to work creating many inventions. The first was a machine that changed your race. However it didn’t change your skin, hair, or eye color. It also shut down randomly. Next she created a multi-dimensional gateway. However this too was unreliable and often dumped the user in the wrong, but always seemingly related universe. Lastly she made the universal language translator. Unfortunately if you were listening in it and someone spoke English it came out in Portuguese. Cicada felt very lonely now. Sure, she had her cousin Stephie to help her but Stephie wasn’t so keen on world domination. Through great pains and dimension hopping Cicada finally got what she needed for the ultimate minion. She took the body of a cat, the legs of a chicken, the wings of a giant bat, and the horn of a unicorn and put it together. Minion, the minion of Cicada was born. She bided her time and built up an army of drones led by her general and minion, Minion. Her plans for world domination however were not yet complete so to keep her genius mind occupied whilst she waited for the completion of her army she started… writing fanfic.

Cicada: As you could probably guess this is my life's story. Everything above is absolutly true and if I am lying may lightining strike me down *predictably gets struck by lightning*.
Minion(1): As you could probably guess that was a load of B.S.
Cicada: SHUT UP you freak *thwaps Minion*
Minion: *starts bawling* You're so MEAN to me Cicada WHAAAA!
Cicada: I'm so sorry Minion! Please forgive me! *hugs Minion, gives him a cookie, and hands him a Sack O' Money*
Minion: *grins evilly behind Cicada's back* I feel a bit better now *sniffles fakely*
Cicada: That's my brave minion. Now run off and train the army of robot soldiers please.
Minion: *Looks excited* OK!!!
Cicada: They grow up so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was assembling him from random animal parts... Oh yes anyway, read my stories, check out my favorite authors and stories and read "Pirates of the Caribbean:Curse of the Mary Sue" by graywolfeyes. I helped write it so it must be good!

By the way, I'm kinda searching for two _Lord of the Rings_ parodies right now that I read a REALLY long time ago. One has something to do with the fellowship riding around in Aragorn's pants and the other is about a girl and her male friend who give hobbits Mountain Dew and Krispy Kreme. If you e-mail be I will certainly thank you, but if I don't, my e-mail was probably shut down again. Thankee.

(1)Minion has the body of a black cat, the hind legs of a chicken, the wings of a large bat, and the horn of a unicorn. He stands upright and has intellegence rivalling that of... some... smart person. He enjoys training the robot armies, interrogating the prisoners, and taking long moonlit strolls on the beach.