UPDATE 6/28/07

I'm reposting The Underground. I have up to chapter 6 rewritten and posted. Please read, and remember that if you review every chapter, I will give you a small piece of my soul.

Just say no to drugs, and remember, kids, stay in school! XD

UPDATE 4/18

They removed my fic Harry Potter and the Vague Plotline of Doom because it violated their rules. To the person who reported it, fuck you. I did not have any of it saved to my computer, so I will not be reposting it, unless someone was obsessed enough to save it. To my wonderful fans: thanks for reviewing my story, I'm sorry that some asshole decided they didn't like it and had it removed.

Quote of the Week:

"It's all fun and games until someone gets a penis in the eye and then where will you be? Overrun by alien life forms, that's what."

Controversial Issues:

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans... Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage

"Sometimes I’m not sure whether the world is run by smart people who are putting it on or imbeciles who really mean it."

"War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left."

"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?"

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn’t want to live there.

According to research and survey, America and Australia are the gayest countries in the world. The least gay? Vietnam. So not only are they communists… they’re boring.

You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core... I like that in a person!

"Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing."

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either

The difference between man and animals is that we don't use our tongue to clean our genitals.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

"When in doubt, it is most likely that your screwed either way, so just choose the one that's more fun."

stop talking...I'm out of aspirin

It wasn't attempted murder...I missed.

"Never trust a dead doctor"

"How do you drown a fish?"

"Ever notice that the people who are late are often much happier than the people who have to wait for them?"

"I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way.which is really the WRONG way, only faster."

"I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died."

"No one fucks with you if you're carrying a big heavy stick."

"I beieve in karma. That way, I can do bad things to people as much as I want, and say that they deserve it."

When I'm old, I don't want them to say of me, "She's so charming." I want them to say, "Be careful, I think she's armed."

Reality is whatever refuses to go away when I stop believing in it.

Nothing is more unerving to the truly conventional than the unashamed misfit.

-J.K. Rowling

Name: Diana

Age: Somewhere between thirteen and death

Location: I live somewhere. I'll give you a hint. It's on the planet Earth.

Music: I love heavy metal, rap, and various other types of musical entertainment. My favorite group at the moment is System of a Down.

Movies: I love all kinds of movies. I really like the movies Queen of the Damned, Labyrinth, and Jesus Christ Superstar.

Likes: Tom Felton, vampires, and Algebra

Dislikes: Writing these little profile things, and Science.

RANT SECTION

VULNERABLE SNAPE.
I HATE vulnerable!Snape. He gets on my nerves, and seems totally out of character. I, personally, have no idea what attracts people to stories like that. I have stopped reading in the middle of an amazing fic, just because vulnerable!Snape got on my nerves waaaaaay too much. Snape is a cold heartless bastard in the books, and I seriously doubt that it is actually a clever mask to hide his secret pain and heartache. I adore Harry/Snape, but ONLY if it is written in such a way that it could be believable. If Snape is going to 'fall in love' with Harry, it is going to start with lust, and then develop into something else, or there had better be a lot of developing before anything remotely romantic happens. End of vulnerable!Snape rant.

MPREG
Now the mpreg rant begins. ahem. -cough- MPREG! GAAHHH! It is the ultimate destroyer of all slash fic everywhere! Die, mpreg, die! I WILL NOT READ ANY STORY THAT CONTAINS MPREG, FOR IT SUCKS! I love stories with a good plot, emotional attachment, and SEX. Mpreg ruins the sex aspect of it, because, frankly, who would want to have sex with a pregnant man? Plus, inevietably, any story containing mpreg will turn out inexcusably OOC. And now, of course, the scientific aspect: How the HELL would a man become pregnant? And, more importantly, why would he want to? I've never had kids, and even I know that pregnancy's a bitch. So, what's the point? You're a gay guy and you want kids? Adopt! It makes a lot more sense than 'Hey! Lets use magic to make you pregnant so you can enjoy the miracle of birth!'

STUPIDITY
And I have one more rant, but this is not aimed at a quirk of fanfiction. This is aimed at people. Specifically, closed-minded people. I might have been funny up until now, and I promise, I will bring the funny back right after I'm done with this. But this kills me. I have been reading slash fic since I have been reading fanfiction. I write slash fanfic, and pretty much nothing else. and I HATE people who think that being gay is wrong. It drives me insane. Even the hardcore Christians, with their 'lets love all our neighbors except for the evil homosexuals and women who have abortions!' Don't get me wrong. I live in the Bible belt, and I think religion is a vital part of everybody's life, but it stops being a good thing when it requires people to hate other people. So I, at the moment, refuse to take part willingly in any kind of Christianity, simply because I think it is wrong for anyone to dictate who I love. I don't define myself as straight or gay. I just don't care about gender. I could fall in love with a woman just as easily as I could a man, and it wouldn't make any difference to me. These people who say that certain kinds of love are wrong are no worse than racists. Because that's what they are. Prejudiced.

I like to think that no one who makes it to my page would be anti-gay, since all but one of my fics are slash. But, if you are a prejudiced bigot, PLEASE, email me, and let me know how wrong I am just by being me. Tell me that I'm going to hell because of the way I feel. I will laugh in your face.

--END RANTS.--

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairings: HarryVoldy, HarrySnape, HarryDraco, HarryBellatrix, and lots of other miscellaneous pairings.

Stuff: I am a GIRL, people, yes, a GIRL! Shock! Horror! Dismay! Dislexia! Epilepsy! I enjoy horror movies, long walks at the cemetary, and getting it on with my town's resident vampire. I enjoy staring at people until they cry and run away. I change my religion about once a week. I WILL attack you if you walk too close to me. I WILL steal quotes from your profile. I WILL annoy you endlessly with stupid questions if you insist on having a conversation with me. And if I tell you anything else I WILL have to kill you. That is all. Your computer will self destruct in thirty seconds.

yo! look over here --

THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR!
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8)Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space"