Great quotes! ... or just plain funny XD LOL!! =P

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. But a best friend will be in the room next to you yelling "THAT WAS AWESOME! LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

When life give you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really? Who likes lemons?

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

When life gives you lemons, throw them at people!!

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles M. Schulz (1922-2000) US cartoonist

To Err is Human, to Arr is Pirate.

I've had a tough time learning how to act like a congressman. Today I accidentally spent some of my own money. - Joseph P. Kennedy (1888-1969) US businessman

Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself - Sir Charles Spencer Chaplin (1889-1977) English film actor, director, producer, writer, and composer.

If I were two-faced, Would I be wearing this one? – Abraham Lincoln (1809 . 1865) 16th US President

It isn't true that convicts live like animals: animals have more room to move around. - Mario Vargas Llosa (1936- ) Peruvian novelist and politician

Why do we kill people who kill people to show people that killing people is wrong? - unknown

I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues. - Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882- 1945) American President

The Bible shows the way to go to Heaven, not the way the heavens go. – Galileo Galilei

Do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. - Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) Italian Astronomer

Why, sir, there is every possibility that you will soon be able to tax it! (to PM William Gladstone, on the usefulness of electricity) - Michael Faraday (1791-1867) English scientist

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Julius "Groucho" Marx (1890-1977) US comic, actor.

It is nice to know that the computer understands the problem. But I would like to understand it too. – Eugene Wigner (1902-1995) Hungarian-born US physicist

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen. – Winston Churchill (1874-1965) British Statesman, Soldier, and Author

"Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake."- Napoleon Bonaparte

We're only young once, but with humor we can be immature forever.

If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it annoys enough people to make it worth it!

Sometimes I feel like giving up, they I remember I have a lot of motherfuckers to prove wrong.*

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left

The statistics of insanity is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends; if they're ok, then it's you!

Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is Optional

Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it.

I live in my own little world. But it's ok, they know me there

I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends

You can talk to inanimate objects, but when they talk back, you know something’s wrong

I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away…

Sometimes you make me so mad I want to throw you in the middle of ongoing traffic, but then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you.

You call me crazy, I've been called worse by the voices in my head.

You call me crazy like it’s the ultimate insult but I just stare at you blankly and say "So"

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

Suger is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting

the violets are dead

the sugar bowl's empty

and so is your head.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.

If ya cant' join 'em, bribe 'em.

If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.

If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.

If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.

Don't make someone a priority when they make you an option.

If he's dumb enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let him go.

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?

If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something

No, of course what really matters is the blame, someone you can blame. Fine! If that’s the thing you enjoy, placing the blame; if that’s the aim give me the blame, just give me the boy! ~ The witch, Into the Woods.

You’re so nice; you’re not good, you’re not bad; you’re just nice. I’m not good, I’m not nice; I’m just right; I’m the witch; you’re the world. ~ The witch, Into the Woods.

I solemnly swear
I will never forget...
That first page.
That magical land I discovered,
And the wonderful dreams it inspired.
The people and places it led,
And wisdom in words which it said.
The late nights in bed,
The words which I read.
The memories it created,
The time that I waited...
But now that it's over, I solemnly swear
That no matter what, I will always care