Don't we love it when our stories are deleted when they are the only copies we have so for now my profile is for keeping witty things that I find... :)

Yes this will be one of those profiles with a million and ten of those copy and paste things :)

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for YOU!!

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

What should you do if you see an endagered animal eating an endangered plant?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person . . . just a beautiful monkey.

The Earth is full . . . go home.

Surburbia- where they cut down trees and name streets after them.

I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck on my nose.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely, know the feeling?

Minds are like parachutes- they only work well when opened.

The problem with the Gene pool is there are not any lifeguards on duty.

Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?

In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is a new argument.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

Consciousness- that annoying time between naps.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to past, its about learning to dance in the rain.

We're all crazy. It's just the magnitude of our problems that define who we are.

When people ask me if I'm crazy they act like it was supposed to be a rhetorical question.

I'm not built for fitness.

Somewhere in the rain, there are rainbows.

If it can be dreamt, it can be done.

The purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really
in trouble.

The feeling when you're so doomed you don't even care anymore. (Can anyone say 'finals week'?)

Yes dad, every boy I talk to is my boyfriend.

OMG GUNNA SNEEZE GUNNA SNEEZE GUNNA.. its gone

Texting the person next to you stuff you cant say out loud

Shouting at Video Games When You Die

Don't see me, don't see me, don't see me"... "HEYYY!!!" ... "fluk"

If you tailgate me, I will intentionally slow down to annoy you.

I am a ninja.. No your not.. Did you see me do that.. Do what? ...
Exactly.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

If you break a pinky promise, ill break your pinky, promise.

I hate it when someone else takes the piece of food I have mentally
claimed

I tilt my game controller side to side because I think it will help.

Dude i'm not going if your not going.

Now we have beaten that dead horse, let's move on

When I hear myself eating crunchy food, I wonder if people can hear it
too.

When I'm sad I cut myself... another slice of cheesecake.

When I was your age, we had to blow on the video games to make them
work.

Oh no, don't worry about me.. It's not like I have feelings or anything.

I love how my best friend and I can say one word, and crack up

I will carry 20 grocery bags so I don't have to make a second trip.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.

Hate when I orginally pick the right answer then change it.

Welcome to Hollister, would you like earplugs, a gas mask, or a
flashlight?

I would carry you to the moon and back...LOL jk, your fat and i'd die

"But mommm what if i get kidnapped?" "they'll bring you back, trust me"

I'm paranoid because the spider I saw five seconds ago isn't there
anymore.

When boys had cooties, homework was 2+2, and drama was he stole my
crayons...

Anyone noticed that "studying" is like "student" and "dying" put
together?

Laughing while telling a story and confusing everyone at why it's funny

I know them, that's whatshisface!"

'hahahahahahahaha' 'what are you laughing at' ' i dont even know but i
cant stop!'

That's right. When I was 12, I watched PG-13 movies. REBEL.

I'm sorry but how do you starve yourself? Food is pretty much my BFF.

Hate when you were little you killed someone with a fake gun but some
how they never play dead

When You're Riding Shotgun and the Driver Suddenly Yells "Take The
Wheel!"

When I was younger, I put my face close to the fan to hear my robot
voice.

Telling inanimate objects to STAY when they look like they're going to
fall.

When I'm alone in my house hear a noise, I presume I'm going to be
killed.

Someone is cranky" -"Someone needs to SHUT UP."

I regret leaving my phone on 'silent' when I can't find it

If I could punch you without getting in trouble, beleive me, I would

Frozen Computer...maybe if I click EVERYWHERE it will start working
again..

Saying YOU'RE WELCOME really loudly when people don't thank you

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile We probably both are. :)

95 percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5 percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

Love

Pretty in Pink