So you got as far as reading my profile! My profound thanks for that, seriously. Just by being here you're making me all glow-y.

Anyhow, here it is.

I'm British, male and by far old enough to know that yes, there are better things to do with my life than writing fanfiction. It doesn't stop me, however. Thanks for asking. I write because otherwise ideas literally sit in my skull jabbing viciously at my brain until my fingers start typing them out. They don't even care what time it is (although luckily I'm naturally nocturnal) they just demand to be written. I have a genuine compulsion to do this. It's not my fault, I promise. These ideas must just come out, and I may as well share them when they do.

More about me? Really?

Well, I love the rain, especially walking in it, but I love ridiculous, intense sunshine and heat more. I drink coffee to live, not live to drink coffee. I bleed the stuff. Triple shot, hold the cream, hold the sugar and in fact sometimes even hold the water, because I like to chew on espresso beans. The ones that aren't chocolate coated, naturally. I think decaf is the worst word in the English language, worse than all of the swears anyone could dream up. I spit in decaf's face.

I hate sprouts and celery. Due to this hatred, I have formed the firm belief that there is no one on this planet who can like these foods. The Disney Channel made me watch That's So Raven once when I didn't want to get up for the remote and ever since then my brain has been filled with the theme tune and will require me to sing it aloud on occasion. I hate pulp. Don't be giving me pulp in my orange juice unless you want me to attempt to waterboard you with it. Pulp is not juice! There should not be bits in orange juice, because bits require chewing and who wants to chew juice?

I wear glasses because I can't afford contacts. Without corrective lenses I couldn't hit the broadside of a barn if I was a foot from it, but I YouTubed Lasik and nearly hurled, so needless to say I am letting no one treat my eyes like that any time soon. I have no practical skills whatsoever and I couldn't read a map if I tried. I love music but I'm tone deaf; I've never met a note I could hit.

One day, some day, I'd like to turn writing into my full-time job. That's a tiny little squashed up secret I'm hiding away from the world, except that the anonymity of the Internet lets me tell you all. I love to write, I really do but yeah. Still, what's wrong with this world when a guy can't dream?

Merry Wednesday! (Just like Stephen Hunt's clock, this will be right once a week).

Over and out,

Mission to Marzipan.