Heyy Im Chloe

Im a twilight fann!! lol i have read all of the twilight series so want to ask me sumthing go right ahead

i live in australia Auzzi auzzi auzz Oi Oi OI

Well im working on 2 storys Both published if any of you have an idea for a story tho dont want to do it pass it on 2 me ill do it with you.

OMG IM SO SORRY PPL AHHH IM SO SORRY MY MOTHER LEFT AND IT WAS REALLY HARD ON ME and like my stories wll be o hold 4 a while IM So Sorry

He Left My Mum Didnt Tell me I wasnt Human

Chapter 4

Phones :Kayla

Karli:

Kitchen:

Bathroom:

Karli BedRoom:

Kayla BedRoom:

Lounge Room:

Things to do in Walmart

1.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2.Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3.Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4.Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5.Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area
6.Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7.When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8.Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9.While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10.Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11.In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13.When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14.Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
16. Stage a conversation with your shadow then when you walk through a shady area, scream that your friend is missing.

42 Things to do in an Elevator

1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. MEOW occasionally.
6. STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7. SAY -DING at each floor.
8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9.MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. STARE, gri nning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
23. MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.
25. GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. ASK, "Did you feel that?"
34. TELL people that you can see their aura.
35. WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time...
38. START breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air
39. WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors
40. GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.
41. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.
42. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention.

Some Things u can read tht r funny

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92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

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A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

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If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

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If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

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If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

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If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

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Put this in your profile if you know someone who is fighting, has survived, or died of cancer

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If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.

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If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

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If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.

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92 percent of the population is bringing sexy back. Put this in your profile if your part of the 8 percent who never lost it!

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I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile.

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If you've ever tripped and gotten intimate with the floor, copy and paste this into your profile.

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Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, Red Gnome,Tsuyu Mikazuki, Weasel Chick, Revenant666, dragonsroar, foxdude33, FallenLex, Soelle, Miss Whiskers, Tenebrae Nivalis, SPG inc., SaberTooth and Wolf, Animaxfan and Makiro, Wishing You Knew, a.s.h.l.i.u, HinamoriSenna,wolfmoon69, Sexy-Chloe

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15 Things to do when your in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. ( I love this one! )

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!

15. Grab alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

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People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile.

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93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

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There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

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If you have ever stayed up past 5:00 in the morning just because you friggin' could, copy and paste this onto your profile

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If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

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If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

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If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

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If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

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If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

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If you hear voices in your head and know that they are real put this on your profile.

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If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not, copy this into your profile.

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If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.

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If you are odd and proud of it put this on your profile.

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If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile

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If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

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If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

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If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

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If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

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If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

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If you hate it when people review your story just to ask you to review theirs, copy this into your profile.

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If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

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If you hate the smell of Sharpie markers, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you like chocolate, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If yawning is one of your hobbies, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you hate racism, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you like the rain copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you've ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you have ever run up or down an escaltor and SUCCEDED in getting to the top or bottom, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you've laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, copy and paste this into your profile. (I laughed at the end of Titanic!)

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If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile.

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If you like copying and pasting these copy and paste things, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you know you and all your friends are insane and don't care, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this to your profile.

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For me, crazy is a very loose term. Maybe its when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks just what you find so interesting about the eraser. For others its when you have an hour long sob fest, then start singing and dancing just because you heard your favorite song. Maybe for you its when someone does or says something totally random like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or they start have a thumbwar with themself.

If you fit this desrciption and your proud of it, add this to your profile.

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Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone.

Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good!

If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

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If you fit the 'crazy' definition found above, or the 'wierd' one, or are considered wierd, crazy, hyper, random, etc. yet your also considered the sane one out of you and your friends, add this to your profile.

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If you have ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" or pulled on a door that said "Push", copy this into your profile.

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If you have your own little world, copy this to your profile.

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Olny fteefin prenect of poelpe can raed this. fI you are one fo taht prenect, cpoy and pstae tihs itno yuor porflie.

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If you have EVER yelled at a TV after getting frustrated at someone who can't hear you, put this on your profile.

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If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy this into your profile.

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If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

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If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, put this in your profile.

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If you have a wild imagination and it seems like no one appreciates it or has any imagination worth squat, add this to your profile.

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How about riding an elevator up and down for no reason? If you have, add this to your profile.

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If you think that i'm making you think too much then copy this onto your profile.

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"Curiosity killed the cat, but I'm not a cat so that's not my problem."

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A good friend will bail you out of jail

A true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn, we messed up."

A good friend helps you when you fall.

A true friend laughs at you and trips you again.

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Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

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Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

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Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

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Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

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They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

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If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.

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The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

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I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

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When life gives you lemons, make grape juice; then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

or

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you do it.

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Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

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Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

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If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

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Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

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We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

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If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?

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The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

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To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

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When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.

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We lie to ourselves as a shield, because the truth hurts like shit.

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For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

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When you love someone, their happiness means more than your own.

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Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them enough not to.

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Just because a person forgives, doesn't mean that a person should, or will, forget.

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I'd rather be hated for who I am, than to be loved for what I'm not.

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I don't hate you; I strongly dislike you.

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Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

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1+1 is equivelent to 3 if you add it twice.

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You are still a smartass. And you're still a dumbass, so we're even.

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You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

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They say that guns don't kill people. People do. But I think that guns help. I mean, if a guy goes into a middle of a room and yells "BANG!" He wouldn't kill that many people.

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Sarcasm isn't an attitude; it's an ART.

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Rocks and logs may bite like dogs, but words will never hurts me. I may not be the smartest kit, but unlike you, I don't smell like-

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It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... THEN IT'S EVEN FUNNIER!!

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If you laugh, I laugh. If you cry, I cry. If you jump out a window and die, I'll laugh harder.

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Therapist = the/rapist. . . . a scary thought...

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Just when I thought you said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking.

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I don't care about what you're doing so much as the idiotic way you're doing it.

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Define 'normal'.

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What is this "kindness" you speak of?

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Call me weird, call me strange, call me different, I won't change.

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"I love you" is eight letters. So is "bullshit."

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I'm not insensitive. I just don't care.

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I have decided to be indecisive.

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The book is called the End of Beginning, but on the back it says its important to start before you begin... But starting is beginning, and you have to start reading the book before you begin it... But the end is the beginning... Im comfused.

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How does it feel to be the dumbest person alive?

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My life is seriously fucked up.

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I don't take orders, and I don't deliver death wishes. If you wish to die, kill yourself.

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I'm here because heaven wouldn't take me and hell was afraid I'd take over.

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Having the love of your life break up with you and say "we can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom saying that you could still keep it.

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Love is the slowest form of suicide. Then why does it feel so damn good?

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Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

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Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

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Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, and you meant nothing to him.

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When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he is looking back.

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Roses are red,

Violets are blue;

When god gave brains,

Where the hell were you!?

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Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

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Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

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If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

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If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

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If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

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My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile

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If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile

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If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

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If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profle. ( Ther're out to get me!! )

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If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

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If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile

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If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

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One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

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Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

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Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

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Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

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u say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

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Life was so simple when boys had cooties

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Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

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I ran with scissors, and lived!

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I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

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"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

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I hear voices, and they don't like you.

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A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

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I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love..

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My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

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You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.

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On a package of peanuts: open package, eat nuts. (What were you supposed to do? Throw them at the people sitting near you?)

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On a child's Superman costume: Warning: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly. (I blame the parents for that one)

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

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There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

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"Yes, it is easy to see that six years of magical education have not been wasted on you, Potter. Ghosts are transparent."

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Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. (:D)

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Your right to smoke stops when it interferes with my right to breathe.

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I find "good morning" contradictory.

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You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30, and I'm still 29, who'll be laughing then?

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Some day we'll look back on this, and plow into a parked car.

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Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

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HE SAID: I don't know why you wear a bra: you've nothing to put in it. SHE SAID: You wear pants, don't you?

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Hahahahahahahaha. Wait. What?

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I have super powers. I just don't want to show you.

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I'm not random. You just can't think as fast as I do.

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Don't flatter yourself. I was looking at your friend.

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ME?? SARCASTIC?? NOOOOO.

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I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

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FAKE. It's the latest trend. and everyone seems to be in style.

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bom chicka wah wah...

and every word is nonsense, but I understand.

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When The Power Of Love Will Overcome The Love Of Power, The World Will Know Peace.

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Secret Admirer: a stalker with stationary.

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Don't follow me... I'm lost too.

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Poke me. I dare you.

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Doctors say I have Multiple Personalities. We disagree with that.

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It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... then it's hilarious.

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DON'T DRINK WATER: fish have sex in it.

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Dain bramaged.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, feck the fruit.

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You can't make a person love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.

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I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

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A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.

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"If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English." - Homer Simpson.

-xXx-

One night I looked up at the beautiful stars and began to think... where the HECK is my roof??

-xXx-

People are like SLINKIES. Basically useless. And yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.

-xXx-

I'm smiling because they haven't found the bodies yet.

:D

-xXx-

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

-xXx-

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

-xXx-

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The te acher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

-xXx-

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

-xXx-

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

-xXx-

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)

2. Meet the recruitment bunny!

3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!

4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!

5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guy!

6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life

7. Money Money Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?

8. (Reason I joined) Does there have to be a reason? The dark side is fun! -Flails arms-

()()
(0.0)
c( uu)
Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies)

BUNNIES KICK BUTT!

-xXx-

／l、
（ﾟ､ ｡ ７
l、 ~ヽ
じしf,)ノ

kitty!

This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your
profile to help him gain world domination

-xXx-

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

-xXx-

Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply, just being one.

-xXx-

At last! My plans for world domination are complete! MAHAHAHAA? Oh look, something shiny...must go look.

-xXx-

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed-I'm not a can.

-xXx-

Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

-xXx-

"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

-xXx-

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going, and hook up with them later.

-xXx-

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

-xXx-

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

-xXx-

If you can't fix it with duck tape you haven't used enough!

-xXx-

I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay.

-xXx-

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies natural desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

-xXx-

25 Things I Learnt From My Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your nec k!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"