I'm the Great Ninja--Yuffie Kisaragi! Of course, you could probably see that from my name, but I felt like I had to get a good introduction going for this thingy here, ya know? So I introduced myself like that, even though to anyone with half a brain, it would be obvious who I am. So, since that blue thing basically tells ya that it's me, I probably didn't need to do all that, but it was fun anyway.

Getting to the point of the shuriken--You guys suck.

I'm here to tell you just that too. I bet you're all, "OH MY GOD! YUFFIE KISARAGI? BUT SHE'S NOT REAL! SHE'S A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER!" And you'd be darn right, but you guys are gettin' lax with the quality of your work, and I just so happen to be bored enough to spend some time lettin' all of you know.

What is with you people, lately, huh? From the looks of things, I'd say you all need a good session of bein' knocked around a bit. It's like, I get here and I'm all, "OH MY GOD, STORIES WITH ME AND AVALANCHE IN IT? THAT'S THE BEST THING EVER!" Click, I go to the link and what do I find? Crap! Pure, unfiltered crap. Is the kinda stuff I keep readin' the best you guys can do? I still hold out some hope for the future of the world, but sheesh, you people are really pushin' it here.

There's somethin' that's reeeeeeaaaally tickin' me off. And trust me on this one: you don't wanna be around a ticked off ninja. We're the stealthiest fighters there are, and a ninja will have snuck up behind ya and started poundin' your face in before you can say...uh, "Please don't pound my face in, you awesomely spectacular ninja!"

Wait...what was I talkin' about? Oh, yeah! Okay, so what's really tickin' me off is that you people write me as some kinda...really annoying person who don't know what she's talkin' about half the time. So I am really annoying at times, but gosh, people, I have more sides to me than just the annoying one. Also, I don't go 'round stealin' materia all the time, ya know. 'S not like I need any after savin' the world and junk. Besides, I got my buddies in AVALANCHE to help me restore Wutai.

I get mad and sad and happy and scared just like other people! Just 'cause I'm louder and more beautiful and awesome and fantastic than everyone doesn't mean I don't feel things like all the other characters. I'm a person! I feel things too! I'm not always the smartest person on the Planet (I leave that to super-nerds like Reeve), but I gotta know at least something if I'm gonna be a ninja. I gotta have skills, I gotta have moves, I gotta have street smarts! SOMETHIN'!

There are some definite exceptions to all this stuff, ya know. I've seen some great stuff about me and the rest of AVALANCHE, but they're about as hard to find as Cloud's Knights of the Round summon materia after he finds out I'm payin' him and Tifa a visit.

The point is, I am magnificent to the thousandth power (don't you like the word "magnificent"? I like the word "magnificent"!) and I'm here to tell you that I expect nothin' less than quality writing from you fuddy-duddy authors out there. I'm watchin' and I'm readin' and I want to see the best of the best.

Hope you took notes, 'cause this was The Great Ninja Yuffie.