Jallybwan

A.K.A Monsieur Jallybwan

Hai guys!

I'm just a guy who likes to write. Not sure what else to say. WAFFLES! I recently broke my knee ice skating, so I have more time to write! Yay...

Age: Unknown

Height: 1.80 metres

Weight: 97 kg

Location: NZ and proud of it!

Favourite Music: Symphonic Metal/Orchestral Metal

Favourite Song: A Rose For Epona by Eluveitie

Favourite Genre: Psychological/Thriller Horror by far. Second is Comedy.

Inspiration to start writing: EmeraldDragon1: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4364434/EmeraldDragon1

Well, if I was an RPG character my stats would be like this:

Strength: High (ever knocked someone out with a startled backhand?)

Intelligence: High (I was joint Dux of my school with one other person)

Charisma: Medium (I can be charming, but only if people listen to me)

Wisdom: Medium (Granted, I am wise but I'm also a teen, so...)

Dexterity: Medium (I play five-finger-fillet with knives most of the time)

Speed: LOW. REALLY LOW. (I'm called Snail Guy for a reason. And no, it's not my face.)

Favourite Games:

1. Pokemon Platinum

2. Terraria

3. Dead by Daylight

Pokemon

Stories: 0

Favourite Pokemon:

1. Absol

2. Heracross

3. Zoroark

Favourite Human: Cynthia

VGC Team: (Doubles)

Whimsicott

Terrakion

Machamp

Togekiss

Malamar

Mega Charizard Y

Favourite Metagame: Mix and Mega

Blissey w/ Sablenite (I actually put this on the threat list xD)

Noivern w/ Altarianite

Porygon-Z w/ Pidgeotite

Ninetales w/ Houndoominite

Gallade w/ Aerodactylite

Tyranitar w/ Garchompite

Kanto Team

Charizard

Gyarados

Exeggutor

Aerodactyl

Snorlax

Dragonite

Johto Team

Typhlosion

Poliwrath

Victreebel

Heracross

Crobat

Tyranitar

Hoenn Team

Blaziken

Milotic

Breloom

Absol

Aggron

Flygon

Sinnoh Team

Infernape

Floatzel

Roserade

Weavile

Bronzong

Garchomp

Unova Team

Serperior

Volcarona

Seismitoad

Zoroark

Archeops

Eelektross

Kalos Team

Delphox

Clawitzer

Trevenant

Hawlucha

Aegislash

Noivern

Alola Team

Decidueye

Turtonator

Wishiwashi

Mimikyu

Jangmo-o

Lycanroc (Midnight)

Dead by Daylight

Stories: 2

Favourite Killer: Wraith

Favourite Survivor: Ace (ACE ACE ACE!)

Survivor Set

Character: Claudette

Item: Utility Flashlight

Addon 1: Odd Bulb

Addon 2: Long Life Battery

Perks:

Sprint Burst III

Self Care III

Empathy III

Decisive Strike III or Iron Will III

Killer Set

Killer: Nurse (sorry Wraith)

Addon 1: Fragile Wheeze

Addon 2: Campbell's Last Breath

Perks:

Nurse's Calling III

Deerstalker III

Whispers III

Devour Hope III

Terraria

Favourite Class: Mage

Favourite Weapon: Last Prism

Setup:

Weapons: Last Prism/Lunar Flare/Nebula Blaze/Nebula Arcanum

Armour: Nebula Armour

Accesories: Nebula Wings, Sorcerer Emblem, Celestial Emblem, Mana Flower, Star Veil, Frostspark Boots

Favourite Boss: Moon Lord

Favourite Enemy: Medusa

Random Babbling!

99% of teenagers would cry if they saw Justin Bieber above the skyscraper about to jump; copy and paste this to your profile if you're the 1% who would stand there with popcorn yelling, "Do a backflip!" Whoo hooo!!

Most teens would suffer a heart attack if they saw somebody burning Twilight.Repost this and add your name if you'd be singing campfire songs and toasting marshmallows around it: Ninjakat403, HetaliaSparkleParty, Gir'sdoomsongofdoom, Fluteorwrite, Squintz, Honeyshine, PJOfan4evaGreekgeek, Pokegirlandthorn, EmeraldDragon1, Jallybwan

-Be optimistic... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!

-Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?" And then it hits me!

-What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

-A friend will visit you in jail; a good friend will bail you out of jail, and a best friend will be fighting you for the top bunk.

-They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

-Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

-Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

-Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge; others just gurgle.

-If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.

-There's a light at the end of every tunnel; just pray it's not a train.

-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep; not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

-Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

-I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

-Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

-You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.

-I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

-OK, so what's the speed of dark?

-Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

-Normal people worry me.

-The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

-I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down...

-The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

-We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

-Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

-Stupidity killed the cat; Curiosity was framed.

-They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

-Don't steal; the government hates the competition.

-I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

-When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

-Success only occurs in private; failure happens in full public view.

-Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

-When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

-You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.

-War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

-Growing older is mandatory; growing up is optional.

-I've heard that it's possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. And I'm certainly not going to be the first.

-Kids are the future. Be afraid; be very afraid.

-Sometimes you make me so mad I wanna throw you in the middle of ongoing traffic, but then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you.

-Keep on talking; maybe one day you'll say something intelligent.

-It's you and me versus the world... we attack at dawn.

-If all else fails, try reading the instructions.

-When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

-If you can't convince them, confuse them.

-Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies.

-Out of my mind. Back whenever.

-The trouble with life is there's no background music.

-I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

-I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it!

-Save trees: don't do homework.

-When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eyes.

-Arguing with yourself is perfectly fine. Arguing with yourself and losing, however...

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER;

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE;
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION;
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC;
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC;
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT;
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY;
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS;
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM;
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA;
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER;
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY;
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE;
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION;
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY;
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION ;
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING;
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE;
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP;
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR;
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT;
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS;
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS;
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM;
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE;
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Here's a petition against racism; join us in the cause for equality!

An African-American man walked into a restaurant, whereupon the person at the register pointed to a sign and said

"Excuse me, sir, we don't allow colored people here."

The African-American man turns to him and replies

"Excuse me, sir, but when I am born, I am black. While I grow, I remain black. When I'm cold, I'm black; when I'm hot, I'm black; when I'm sick, I'm black. And when I die, I will still be black. When you're born, you're pink; while you grow, you turn white; when you're cold, you're blue; when you're hot, you're red; when you're sick, you're green. And when you die, you will turn purple."

The African-American paused for a second to let that sink in. He turned to leave, but before he walked out the door, he turned back to the clerk and told him

"Think about what I just told you, and ask yourself this; which one of us is really colored?"

If you hate racism as much as I do, copy and paste this onto your profile and add your name; EmeraldDragon1, Jallybwan

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY: COPY and PASTE this if you started giggling, laughing, nodding your head, thought this was hilarious, etc, while you read this!

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman "Where's the self-help section?". She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions??

8. If a deaf person signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "Get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock the gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

20. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

21. How is it possible to have a civil war?

22. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

23. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

24. If you try to fail, and succeed in doing so, which have you done?

25. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

26. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom; don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout "AMEN!".

5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks; once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

7.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the Prophecy".

9. Skip down the hall rather than walk; see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify that your drive-through order is "To go".

12. Sing along at the Opera.

14. Put Mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!".

18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!".

19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".

20. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

21. Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom".

22. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity;

Copy and Paste this to make people who read bios smile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (You can't tell me what to do!)

On a bag of chips: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (Mum? A little help here?)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (Frozen food for thought)

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (NOW you tell me!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (I don't know what's more depressing, the fact that this exists or that some people apparently don't know)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (I have a schedule to keep, you know)

On Boots Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Didn't we outlaw child labour?)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (NO... WAY!)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Can I decorate the door frame?)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of children. (Ummm...)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other uses." (Which would be...?)

On packet of Nobbys' Peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Just in case people don't get the memo)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (I blame the parents for this one)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Not sure if kinky or just screwed up)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (How do I put it on the fork?)

On Bath Salts Directions: Put in water. (Wash your kids in the sea!)

On Brownie Mix Directions: Preheat oven, mix brownie mix eggs, water and oil, bake, eat. (What if I don't trust my own cooking?)

Mattress: Do not attempt to swallow. (I don't even know how this is possible)

Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (Sentence: the electrical chair)

A sign on a Telephone pole: Do not post signs. (Diplomatic immunity much?)

Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required. (Some assembly required? What, does it need batteries, too?)

On earplugs: These ear plugs are non-toxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe. (Oh good, I thought it was just going to be another warning about cancer!)

On Nabisco Easy Cheese: For best results, remove cap. (Nah, I'll take my chances)

On a Life Saving Device: This is not a Life-Saving Device. (Irony at its finest)

On a Shark Vacuum Cleaner: 1. Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning. (Like that gasoline...?)

Various Computers: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue. (A hammer might be more effective)

On the Japanese GameCube: Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury. (Keep out of reach of ants)

On a can of bug spray: “Harmful to bees”. (So... is it the right product?)

On a TV remote control: “Not dish washer safe”. (I'll take 500 for stupidity...)

A Television Owner’s Manual "Do not pour liquids into your television set." (Okay, scratch that. I'll take five hundred on dumb people)

A New Zealand insect spray "Not tested on animals." (Obviously... you tested it on insects, duh!)

A cardboard sun-shield that keeps sun off the dashboard "Do not drive with sun-shield in place." (Can you say "oops" before we crash?)

A cartridge for a laser printer "Do not eat toner." (I have a doctor's note...)

A computer mouse "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." (So what am I supposed to throw, the monitor?)

A container of underarm deodorant "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." (A human's ingenuity...)

A dishwasher carries this warning "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher." (Oh... Sorry kids, can't play in there anymore...)

A sharpening stone "Knives are sharp." (Found that out the hard way)

A snow-blower warns "Do not use snow-blower on roof." (And how exactly am I supposed to get a snow-blower on the roof?)

A baby stroller "Remove child before folding." (Don't tell the wife...)

A pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." (How long did it take for them to figure that out?)

An electric router made for carpenters "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." (Hear that, rednecks?)

A rock garden; "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." (I beg to differ)

Wet-Nap: Tear open packet and use. (And then...?)

A Fruit Roll-Up snack "Remove plastic before eating." (So many details...)

On a bag of Marshmallows: "Flammable" (What? (Holding out marshmallow over a fire))

Children's Aspirin: Warning: Keep Away From Children. (We need to straighten our priorities out)

Candle: Warning: A burning candle is on fire. (Good to know...)

Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking (I'm on a tight schedule!)

McDonald's Coffee: Warning! Drink may be hot! (Some old lady sued McDonalds for that)

Arm & Hammer Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets. (OH, REALLY?!?!)

Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado. (That's what laptops are for!)

Matches: WARNING: Contents may catch fire. (They oughta...)

Toilet Plunger: Do not use near power lines. (Um... okay?)

Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts. (Since when?!)

Windex: Do not spray in eyes. (Yeah, that's what bleach is for!)