"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words."

Life's Tough, get a helmet! (Eric from Boy Meets World)

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay."

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?

normal people worry me

you say psycho like it's a bad thing

those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do

If you love somebody, they shouldn't make you cry, they should be worth crying over.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Good friends give you a ride. Close friends buy you a car. Best friends are the getting-away-from-the-scene-of-the-crime driver.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

"When all else fails blow shit up."

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.

If you're forced to choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before. ;)

"Oh, good, my dog found the chainsaw." -Lilo (Lilo and Stitch)

You're a great friend but if the zombies chase us I'm tripping you.

There's two kinds of people in the world, those who have a plan prepared for when the zombies take over the earth, and those who don't... We call those last people, dinner.

"An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough." -Colbert

Irony: Falling down the stairs due to distraction by the "watch your step" sign.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

"We've just witnessed what I like to call 'misdirected rage'. I believe the technical term is 'being an ass'."- Shigure (Fruits Basket)