name: Blake Bayley

sex: male

age: 16

yo whats up i have noooooooooooooooooo idea why you would be here because i have yet to post any stories (but i will)

one day i was looking at my profile while is was vacationing at my dads(there was nothing else to do
and i was like...wtf since when i was a sooooo...childish... so i went and erased it all...
and well here i am writing these about me things i hate so much...
(i like dramatic pauses they make me sound more dramatic)and while i was redoing this
whole thing in html(nerd language)and listening to dave matthews band so i organized it all
...still havent fized the quotes tho... well anywhooooooooo i was organizing it
and i finaly get it done and i save it...then KAMEHAMEHA!! all of
my awesome organizing skills were gone...so yeah i like got angry and stopped writing
these about me things i hate...

i have alot of quotes now i dont know who they are copyrighted too and i didnt make any of them so dont sue me
and btw these have alot of errors in them(like lines where they shouldnt be) and i havent found the time to fix them

The willing, Destiny guides them; the unwilling, Destiny drags them. -Seneca the Younger

You don't know what you have until its gone.

Ill blow up that bridge when i come to it.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Now put a woman scorned in charge of hell and the outcome is quite terrifying.

When it doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it." -Unknown

Life is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards. -Unknown

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. -Leonardo De Vinci

Humans say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Why? Do they think there's a shortage of bad ones? -Unknown

If toast always lands butter side down, and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you strapped toast on the back of a cat and dropped it?" -Unknown

God created men first because you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece." -Unknown

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." -Unknown

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

This isn’t a classroom, it’s hell with fluorescent lighting.

-You know you’re addicted to coffee when:
1)you’re nervous twitches show up on the Richter scale.
2)you have to watch movies in fast-forward.
3)you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

If you cant dazzle them with your knowledge then baffle them with your bullshit.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet I’ll put shoes on my cat.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Ohhh, let me turn on the part of my brain that gives a damn.

Whatever look you were going for, you missed.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

We guarantee that your hair will be 4x thicker in just 15 seconds, and when you come for
your money back guarantee, we're gone just like your hair!

All heroes are suicidal

I'm not lazy, I'm just energetically handicapped.

Only those born guilty recognize innocence for what it is: the rarest thing in the Universe, and the most precious

Here's everything I know about war: Somebody wins, somebody loses, and nothing is ever the same again

You brought a vampire to my brother's bachelor party?

My greatest suffering will be my greatest triumph

A good friend will bail you out when you're in jail. But great friend will be sitting right beside you saying "That was fucking awesome!"

Within the perfect architecture of thought, logic may often provide the structure, but from emotion comes the inspiration

The universe is perfect. You cannot improve it. If you try to change it, you will ruin it. If you try to hold it, you will lose it

Are you a monster? Are you a freak? Will you be my friend! Or have you lost your way. With trouble to pay, when you come to your journey's end?

"I want to live. I want to experience the universe, and I want to eat pie."
"Who doesn't?"

"Do not test my temper, woman!"
"Woman? Did he just call me a 'woman'?"

"Yes, I believe he did."

Is that a 'money-back-if-you're-not-completely-alive' guarantee?

"You'll have to excuse us, it's just that we've never met anyone who could blow up a sun before."

"Ah, my favorite book. Chapter twelve, paragraph eight, verse three: the universe hates you. Deal with it."

Compared to baking, brain surgery is a snap.

"I'm the Captain. I'm always right . . . Except when I'm wrong."

"Now can we blow them up?"

"Oh we have plenty of currency. It's just that none of it's . . . current."

"Umm, where'd ya get all the candles?"
"I rendered them from the fat of my enemies."

"So why is it whenever anyone goes on a suicide mission they take my ship?"
"Because it has seat belts."

"It's half mystical mumbo jumbo, half putrid poetry, and half bad math."
"That's three halves."
"Like I said- bad math."

"Tell me there's an afterlife for androids. And that all good cyborgs go to heaven.

"You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same."

"You can fall from the sky, you can fall from the tree, but the best way to fall, is in love with me."

Save a cow, eat a vegetarian.

Save water, drink beer

I have a heart. I have the heart of a child. It's in a jar on my desk

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy

Using a feather to tickle is kinky, using the whole chicken is perverted

"Swans sing before they die - 'twere no bad thing if certain persons die before they sing."

Politicians are interested in people, not that this is always a virtue.

1) If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
2) If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked.

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.

A government solution to a problem is always followed by the creation of at least two additional problems, either of which was worse than the original problem which the government set out to solve.

A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.

After many years of study, scientists have determined that dogs bark just for the hell of it.

Cluelessness: There are no stupid questions, but a lot of inquisitive idiots.

Despair: It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black

Demotivation: Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

Elitism: It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.

Procrastination: Working often pays off later, but laziness always pays off now.

A component's degree of reliability is directly proportional to it's ease of accessibility (the harder it is to get to, the more often it breaks down).

A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do."

A diplomat...is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

A dog will look up on you;
A cat will look down on you;
however, a pig will see you eye to eye
and know it has found an equal.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer and wish we didn't.

A fella's talking to his priest. He said, "I gave up sex for Lent ... Well, I tried to, but the last day of Lent my wife dropped a can of peaches and when she bent over to pick 'em up, I couldn't help it."
The priest said, "That's all right, son, a lot of people give in to temptation." He said, "You're not gonna throw us out of church?" The priest said no. He said, "Well, thank goodness. They threw us out of the supermarket!"

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing something right.

After a heated argument on some trivial matter Nancy Astor . . . shouted, "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!" Whereupon Winston
with equal heat and sincerity answered, "And if I were your husband I would drink it."

It takes a minute to like someone, an hour to know someone, a day to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them

It's funny--the people with the closed minds usually are the ones who open their mouths.

I'm everything you've ever been searching for...you just can't see me.

You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories.

If pain is beauty, I must be gorgeous.

I'm not different, you're just not like me.

I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in hell until I met you.

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures.

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that moron up-side the head!

Some cuts and bruises are more than skin deep.

What you do speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you say.

You may be one person in this world, but you may mean the world to one person.

We're all trapped in a world where nothing is as it should be.

Tomorrow is today, the one we waited for yesterday. How much longer are you going to wait?

A wise man once said, "Go ask a woman."

Don't make me angry, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

I loved you once. You loved me not. I loved you twice. But I forgot. You never loved me, never will. But even so, I love you still

Perfection is nothing more than a mere dream.

If your mind isn't open, keep your mouth shut, too.

Don't judge me until you know me.

There's nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends on how good you are at it.

Be who you are, because those who mind never matter, and those who never mind do truly matter.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

Don't follow the path. Instead, go where there is no path and make your own.

The key to fame is unknown, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

If you never trust anybody, you can never be let down.

I'm one of those really bad things that happens to undeserving people.

If every fool had a crown, we would all be kings.

Sometimes in order to truly live, you must die first.

Ships in harbor are safe, but that's not what ships are built for.

I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.

I'm not going to go and try to find myself. I'm right here.

I see your playing stupid again. And it looks like you’re winning.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. -Bill Watterson

Among life's perpetually charming questions is whether the truly evil do more harm than the self-righteous and wrong. -Jon Margoli

If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years. -Socrates

The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. -George S. Patton

Truth, justice, honor...none of that's worth shit. What matters is people, and people aren't honest or just or honorable. They're petty and they're angry and they're afraid, and all anyone really wants, deep down, is to be wanted. And what's truth to that? -M. Clark

I take a simple view of living. It is keep your eyes open and get on with it. -Sir Laurence Olivier

If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. -Leo C. Rosten

No matter what a man's past may have been, his future is spotless. -John R. Rice

When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?"

-Brady's First Law of Problem Solving

Nunquam lamiae morde me dice. - Never say 'bite me' to a vampire. -Anonymous

Committee- a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -Fred Allen

"Did I do anything wrong today, or has the world always been like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice?" –Douglas Adams

A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else. -George Savile, Marquis of Halifax

Nunquam commoda homini lupinotuum pectinem crinalem. - Never lend a werewolf your hairbrush. -Anonymous

The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. -Mark Twain

Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. -Dorothy Parker

He who has a strong enough why to live for, can bear almost any how. -Friedrich Nietzsche

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -Mark Twain

Futue te ipsum et caballum tuum. -- Screw you and the horse you rode in on. -Anonymous

Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell, and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough. -William Saroyan

You can't make a person love you...you can only stalk them and hope for the best. -Anonymous

Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. -Napoleon Bonaparte

Maturity is knowing that just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean he's a horse's ass. -Harry S Truman

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. -Mother Teresa of Calcutta

No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately 1.5 billion Chinese couldn't care less. -Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom

People are morons. I don't have any other explanation. I really don't. -Joss Whedon

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over. -Edna St. Vincent Millay

The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence. -Lyman Bryson

The difference between news and gossip lies in whether you raise your voice or lower it. -Franklin P. Jones

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. -Dave Barry

The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, nobody wants to live any other way. -Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners

All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair. -Anonymous

Always remember that there are certain people who set their watches by your clock. -Anonymous

I hadn't smoked in ten or twelve years, but I wished then I'd had a cigarette that I could have taken a final drag on and flipped still burning into the river as I turned and walked away. Not smoking gains in the area of lung cancer, but it loses badly in the realm of dramatic gestures. -Robert Parker

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -Sean O'Casey

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. -Alice Walker

Before you set out for revenge, be sure to dig two graves. -Chinese proverb

MITCH: The weirdest thing just happened to me.

CHRIS: Was it a dream where you were standing in sort of sun-god robes on top of a pyramid, and there were hundreds of naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?

MITCH: No...

CHRIS: Why am I the only one who has that dream?

-Neal Israel