Name: Emily

Age: 17

Guy: Where have you been all my life?

Girl: Hiding from you.

Guy: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Girl: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Guy: Is this seat empty?

Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Guy: Your place or mine?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Guy: So, what do you do for a living?

Girl: I'm a female impersonator.

Guy: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Girl: Do not enter.

Guy: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Girl: Unfertilized.

Guy: Your body is like a temple.

Girl: Sorry, there are no services today.

Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Girl: But would you stay there?

Guy : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Girl: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together

Girl: Really? 'Cause I'd put f and u together.

Stuipid Fears

Ablutophobia - The fear of taking showers Anablephobia - The fear of looking up

Anglophobia - The fear of England (well, with all the Cobra's...)

Aulophobia - The fear of flutes

Basophobia - The fear of walking

Cinophobia - The fear of going to bed

Geliophobia - The fear of laughter

Linonophobia - The fear of string (but string is fun!)

Omphalophobia - The fear of belly buttons (i wonder about this one...)

Scriptophobia - The fear of writing in public(how did u get through school?)

Sinistrophobia - The fear of left-handed people

Trichopathophobia - The fear of hair

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words(kinda ironic)

Panophobia- Fear of everything

Levophobia- Fear of objects to the left side of the body

Chromatophobia- Fear of colors

Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down

Geliophobia- Fear of laughter

Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom

Turophobia- Fear of cheese

My Mother...

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of

next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the

store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't

have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"