Hi! I am your ordinary Twilight lover/fanpire! (that usually means I'm not ordinary) LOL! I love writing, but I'm just getting started on this account! It really means the world to me when i get good reviews and i know that I have a lot of support! I love when my stories entertain others! So if you're on this page and you're reading this, and you havent read all of my stories then if you have the time please check them out! I hope you dont get disappointed! Well, I'm off to make everyone something new to read! Bye for now!

My really good friend has an account; Jellopurple333

Pull up a chair sit on the floor
I'll tell you a story you've heard before.
One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Pulled out their swords and shot each other
The deaf police man heard the noise
Saved the lives of the two dead boys
If you don't believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man he saw it to!

Why can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

There once was a bear& a rabbit that hated each other. One day they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each 3 wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the U.S. and all the rest were female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go w/ that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
Then It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."

Some of My Favorite Quotes or Sayings or What Ever!

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If they say TV's so bad for you then why do they have one in every hospital room?

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

Don't bother me. I'm busy planning to be spontaneous

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Why in the game of Sorry do they have Spanish instructions... yet no Spanish playing cards?

If something is indescribable, isn't that describing it?

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?"

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE A GOOD AUTHOR

You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if it was sunny the day Bella got hit by the van? Oh, story idea!! Must get computer!)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then dissappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (once a key actually fell off!)

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

16 THINGS IM GOING TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll

invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

CUTE AND FUNNY QUOTES

"All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies."

"When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back."

"Having the love of your life say, "we can still be friends", is like having your

dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it".

"My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil."

"Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them." (hell yea!)

"Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES."

"I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard."

"ran with scissors, and lived!"

"You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder."

"It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone."

"It doesnt matter whether the glass is half empty or half full,just drink it and get it over with."

"I'm not afraid of Death.What's he gonna do,kill me?"

"You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips"

"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."

"Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?"

"He who laughs last didn't get i"

"Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter"

"I'm not afraid of death i'm afraid of something much worse... my mother"

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

Emmett's the Strongest,
Rosalie's the Prettiest,
Edward's the Smoothest,
Bella's the Clumsiest,
Alice's the Quirkiest,
But only Jasper can sit in a corner and STILL make
everyone feel jealous.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

"I went to an insane asylum to talk to who led the building. I ask him, "How do you know if someone is insane?" "Well," he replies, "we fill a bathtub with water and offer them a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket; they have to empty the bathtub quickly." "Oh," I say, "so they will take the bucket because it is the biggest and holds the most water." He looks at me, "No. A normal person would pull the plug. Now, would you like a room with a bed near the window or by the door?"

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Whoever said, "Nothing'simpossible," never tried slamminga revolving door.

Being mature is overrated.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide!

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you findit, you stop looking!

Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?

If diamonds a girls best friendthen that means Edward belongs with bella. If dogs are a mans best friend… well that just shows that Jacob Black is gay.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run -beep- run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

the six truths of life (i love this one!)

1. You can't lick all of your teeth with your tongue.

2. You just tried to do the above.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're realizing you're an idiot.

5. You'll copy this into your profile for some other sucker to read it.

A girl and a guy were speeding, on a motorcycle, over 90 mph on the road...

Slow down. I'm scared

Guy:

Girl:

Guy:

Girl:

Guy:

(In the paper the next day)

A motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it, but only one survived.

the truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes went out, but he didnt want to let the girl know.

instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it

meant that he would die...

Girl:

Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "

The mom walked out
Leavingthe girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

copy and paste this if you are against child abuse and want to kick all of the abusers butts cause you hate 'em!

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that hasn't, put this in your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consectutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

If you have a friend that scares you when they have sugar, copy this into your profile

If you truly believe that there is an Edward Cullen out there somewhere for you (his name doesn't have to be Edward)...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you think the Cullens should have their own theme music :o) Copy this to your Profile

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

If you think the Coa-coaPuff Turkey Bird thing shoud go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

If you could read that put it in your profile.

now for semoehtnig itnresitng...

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile.

º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„¸Twilight¸„ø¤º°¨
¸„ø¤º°¨ ~~~~ ROCKS!!~~~~°º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤

Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did
What I was told,
I went to school, I got straight As',
I even got the gold!

But Mommy, when I went to school that day,
I never said goodbye,
I'm sorry Mommy, I had to go,
But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun,
He hit me and another,
And all because Johnny,
Got the gun from his older brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy;
That I love him very much,
And please tell Chris; my boyfriend;
That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister;
That she is the only now,
And tell my dear sweet Grandmother;
I'll be waiting for her now,

And tell my wonderful friends;
That they always were the best,
Mommy, I'm not the first,
I'm no better then the rest.

Mommy, tell my teachers;
I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this,
And please don't let this pass.

Mommy, why'd it have to be me?
No one deserves this,
Mommy, warn the others,
Mommy, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy, tell the doctors;
I know they really did try,
I think I even saw a doctor,
Trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying,
With a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy, please remember,
I'm in heaven with the rest.

Mommy, I ran as fast as I could,
When I heard that crack,
Mommy, listen to me if you would,
I'm not coming back.

I wanted to go to college,
I wanted to try things that were new,
I guess I'm not going with Daddy;
On that trip to the new zoo.

I wanted to get married,
I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress,
Mommy, I wanted to live.

But Mommy, I'm must go now,
The time is getting late,
Mommy tell my boyfriend,
I'm sorry, but I had to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have,
I know; you know it's true,
And Mommy all I wanted to say is,
"Mommy, I love you"

--In Memory Of The School Shootings--
If this poem touched you in any way, please pass it
on. And even if it didn't, pass it on just for the
memory of the innocent children