One fateful meta-versal unit of time, a skybeam appeared, but this one had more or a royal bluish sort of tint as opposed to the standard light blue.

For reasons I'm just going to brush over, the blast's quantum magical convenience gave birth to me, a giant slow-moving and derpy looking cicada.

Also, my exoskeleton failed to fuse properly on my underbelly, so internal body cavity was left completely vulnerable to ponytail protagonist-based attacks.

After that I took on a human form in the place you call Earth and what we pretencious multiverse beings often call "the place you call Earth".

I was raised as a prim and proper Canadian boy in a cabin in the middle of the woods.

They say it's the best place to avoid spontaneous personality and moral dysfunctions, which I was really looking forward to, but this one organism from the meta-verse is just flat out racist against cicadas.

So he comically rearranged my reproductive organs in such a way that I was rendered permanently sterile. Then my Mom and Dad just sort of ran away.

I was thinking about trying and do a vengeance with personal growth murder trip, but I just can't get myself motivated. Why do I have to be so lazy?

It's okay, though. I still have my specialized mouthparts so I can pursue my only true passion in life...sucking off trees.