Gender: Male

Age: 20

Favorite Colors: black and Red

Favorite Games: Pokemon minecraft Loz mario

Favorite Characters: Knuckle Joe and Galacta Knight

Top Five Favorite Legends: reshiram, Giratina, Latias, Zapdos, Hoopa.

Top Ten Favorite Pokemon: Gardevoir & Gallade (can't pick!),wailord, Zoroark, superior, Metagross, chandelure, Mismagius, Forretress, ninetales, Lilligant

Favorite Pokemon Games; Pokemon XD; Gale of Darkness, white 2, sun

This isn't me:

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said

"I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him and asked

"Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied

''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly

"No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this.

"My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said

"I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me

"I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy

"Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said

"Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added

"I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me! I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started; I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message, or 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart.

99% of teenagers would cry if they saw Justin Bieber above the skyscraper about to jump; copy and paste this to your profile if you're the 1% who would stand there with popcorn yelling, "Do a backflip!" Whoo hooo!!

Most teens would suffer a heart attack if they saw somebody burning Twilight.Repost this and add your name if you'd be singing campfire songs and toasting marshmallows around it: Ninjakat403, HetaliaSparkleParty, Gir'sdoomsongofdoom, Fluteorwrite, Squintz, Honeyshine, PJOfan4evaGreekgeek, Pokegirlandthorn, EmeraldDragon1 bomb2

-Be optimistic... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!

-Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?" And then it
hits me!

-What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

-I have PMS and a gun... now, what were you saying?

-A friend will visit you in jail; a good friend will bail you out of jail,
and a best friend will be fighting you for the top bunk.

-They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the
guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill
too many people.

-It's always the last place you look. Well of course it is. Why the heck would
I keep looking after I found it?

-When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.

-You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months. But when
you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

-Some people are alive only because its illegal to kill them.

-He who laughs last thinks the slowest.

-Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

-Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge; others just gurgle.

-If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.

-There's a light at the end of every tunnel; just pray it's not a train.

-Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep;
not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

-Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

-I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

-Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

-You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.

-I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

-OK, so what's the speed of dark?

-It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.

-Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

-Normal people worry me.

-The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one
whose answers I accept.

-I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down...

-The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the
pessimist fears it is true.

-We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

-Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

-I'm not a complete idiot; Some parts are missing.

-Stupidity killed the cat; Curiosity was framed.

-They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the
truth, I get sent to my room?

-If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you
probably don't fully understand the situation.

-Don't steal; the government hates the competition.

-I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

-When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

-Success only occurs in private; failure happens in full public view.

-Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say
“Are you gonna drink that?”

-The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast
approaching train.

-When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it only
takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

-You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.

-War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

-Growing older is mandatory; growing up is optional.

-I've heard that its possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's
actually done it. And I'm certainly not going to be the first.

-Kids are the future. Be afraid; be very afraid.

-Sometimes you make me so mad I wanna throw you in the middle of ongoing
traffic, but then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you.

-Keep on talking; maybe one day you'll say something intelligent.

-It's you and me versus the world...We attack at dawn.

-If all else fails, try reading the instructions.

-When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country.

-If you can't convince them, confuse them.

-Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies.

-Out of my mind. Back whenever.

-The trouble with life is there's no background music.

-I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

-I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it!

-Save trees: don't do homework.

-When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eyes.

Here's a good motivation!

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon!

Chinese Proverb

An elevator smells very different to a midget.

Element Quiz

FIRE:
x] You have a short temper
] You often act on your emotions without thinking first.
] You are very competitive.
] You like to play with fire.
] You are not a strong swimmer or you can't swim at all.
x] You prefer warm weather over cold weather.
] You often lose control over yourself
x] You can be quite reckless.
x] You sometimes hurt people without realizing it.
x] People have often called you insane.

Total: 5

WATER:
] You have a calm, laid-back personality.
x] You like to go to the beach
] You rarely get angry.
x] When you do get angry, you know how to control it.
] You think before you act.
] You are good at breaking up fights.
x] You are a great swimmer.
x] You like the rain.
x] You can stay calm in stressful situations.
] You are very generous.

Total: 6

EARTH:
x] You are physically strong.
] You have a close connection with nature.
] You don't mind getting dirty.
] You form strong opinions on issues that concern you.
] You could easily survive in the wild
x] You care about the environment.
] You can easily focus on your work without getting distracted
x] You rarely get depressed.
] You aren't afraid of anything.
] You prefer to have a strict set of rules.
Total: 2

AIR:
] You have a free spirit.
x] You hate rules.
] You prefer to be out in the open rather than in small, enclosed spaces.
] You hate to be restrained.
] You are independent.
] You are quite intelligent.
x] You tend to be impatient.
x] You are easily distracted.
x] You can sometimes be hyperactive and/or annoying.
] You wish you could fly.

Total: 4

LIGHT:
] You are very polite.
] You are spiritual.
x] When someone is in trouble, you never hesitate to help them.
] You believe everything you see or hear.
] You are afraid of the dark.
] You hate violence.
] You hope for world peace
] Everyone loves to be around you
] You always follow the rules.
] You laugh/smile a lot.
Total: 1

DARKNESS:
x] You spend most of your time alone.
x] You prefer nighttime over daytime.
] You like creepy things.
] You like to play tricks on people.
x] Black is your favorite color
x] You prefer the villains over the heroes
] You don't talk much.
] You are an atheist.
] You don't mind watching scary movies.
] You love to break the rules.
Total: 4

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER;

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE;
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION;
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC;
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC;
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT;
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY;
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS;
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM;
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA;
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER;
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY;
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE;
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION;
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY;
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION ;
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING;
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE;
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP;
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR;
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT;
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS;
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS;
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM;
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE;
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

This is sweet...

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and tells her:

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you are my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

Here's a petition against racism; join me in the cause for equality!

An African-American man walked into a restaurant, whereupon the person at the register pointed to a sign and said

"Excuse me, sir, we don't allow colored people here."

The African-American man turns to him and replies

"Excuse me, sir, but when I am born, I am black. While I grow, I remain black. When I'm cold, I'm black; when I'm hot, I'm black; when I'm sick I'm black. And when I die, I will still be black. When you're born, you're pink; while you grow, you turn white; when you're cold, you're blue; when you're hot, you're red; when you're sick, you're green. And when you die, you will turn purple."

The African-American paused for a second to let that sink in. He turned to leave, but before he walked out the door, he turned back to the clerk and told him

"Think about what I just told you, and ask yourself this; which one of us is really colored?"

If you hate racism as much as I do, copy and paste this onto your profile and add your name; EmeraldDragon1 bomb2

Kids Are Quick:

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's 'H to O'.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right...I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I love this kid)

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher?

REMEMBER WHEN...

Getting HIGH meant swinging at the playground?

The worst thing you could get from boys was c0oties?

'm 0 m' (was your hero)

and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?

And your WORST ENEMIES were your siblings, and race issues were about who ran the fastest?

When-WAR-was a card game and life was simple and carefree?

Remember when all you wanted to do

WAS GROW UP?

Put this in your profile if you're still 5 inside...no matter how old you are.

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY: COPY and PASTE this if you started giggling, laughing, nodding your head, thought this was hilarious, etc, while you read this!

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman "Where's the self-help section?". She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions??

8. If a deaf person signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "Get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock the gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

20. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

21. How is it possible to have a civil war?

22. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

23. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

24. If you try to fail, and succeed in doing so, which have you done?

25. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

26. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?

5 Truths of Life.

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling right now because you know you fell for it. (Idiot!)

5. You still have a stupid smile lingering on your face.

Now, if you fell for it (I know you did!), copy & paste this into your profile.

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom; don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout "AMEN!".

5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks; once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

7.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the Prophecy".

9. Skip down the hall rather than walk; see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify that your drive-through order is "To go".

12. Sing along at the Opera.

14. Put Mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!".

18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!".

19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".

20. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

21. Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom".

22. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity;

Copy and Paste this to make people who read bios smile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you think you should be able to watch what you want on TV without being called immature, copy and paste this in your profile

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (You can't tell me what to do!)

On a bag of chips: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (Oh, crap...)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (Frozen food for thought)

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (NOW you tell me!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (You don't say?!)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (I have a schedule to keep, you know)

On Boots Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Didn't we outlaw child labor?)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (NO... WAY!)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of children. (Que?!)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other uses." (Which would be...?)

On packet of Nobbys' Peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Shit just got real!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Why do we have to address this directly?)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat it?!)

On Bath Salts Directions: Put in water. (Fffffuuuuuu...!)

On Brownie Mix Directions: Preheat oven, mix brownie mix eggs, water and oil, bake, eat (What if I don't trust my own cooking?)

Mattress: Do not attempt to swallow (I don't even know how this is possible)

Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (Sentence; the electrical chair)

A sign on a Telephone pole: Do not post signs (I hate hypocrites)

Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required (Some assembly required? What, does it need batteries, too?)

On earplugs: These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe (Oh good, I thought it was just going to be another warning about cancer)

On Nabisco Easy Cheese: For best results, remove cap (Nah, I'll take my chances)

On a Life Saving Device: This is not a Life-Saving Device (Irony at its finest)

On a Shark Vacuum Cleaner: 1. Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning (Like that gasoline...?)

Various Computers: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue (A hammer might be more effective)

On the Japanese GameCube: Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury (Well... if you say so...)

On a can of bug spray:“Harmful to bees”. (So... is it the right product??)

On a TV remote control: “Not dish washer safe”. (I'll take 500 for stupidity...)

A New Zealand insect spray "Not tested on animals." (Obviously.. you tested it on insects, duh!)

A Television Owner’s Manual "Do not pour liquids into your television set." (Okay, scratch that. I'll take five hundred on dumb people)

A cardboard sun-shield that keeps sun off the dashboard "Do not drive with sun-shield in place." (Can you say "oops" before we crash?)

A cartridge for a laser printer "Do not eat toner." (I have a doctor's note...)

A computer mouse "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." (So what am I supposed to throw, the monitor?!)

A container of underarm deodorant "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." (A human's ingenuity...)

A dishwasher carries this warning "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher." (Oh...Sorry kids, can't play in there anymore...)

A sharpening stone "Knives are sharp." (You don't say!)

A snow-blower warns "Do not use snow-blower on roof." (And how exactly am I supposed to get a snow-blower on the roof?)

A baby stroller "Remove child before folding." (Don't tell the wife...)

A pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." (How long did it take for them to figure that out?)

An electric router made for carpenters "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." (Hear that, rednecks?)

A rock garden; "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." (I beg to differ)

Wet-Nap: Tear open packet and use. (And then...?)

A Fruit Roll-Up snack "Remove plastic before eating." (So many details...)

On a bag of Marshmallows: "Flammable" (What? (Holding out marshmallow over a fire))

Children's Aspirin: Warning: Keep Away From Children (We need to straighten our priorities out)

Candle: Warning: A burning candle is on fire (Good to know...)

Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking (I'm on a tight schedule!)

McDonald's Coffee: Warning! Drink may be hot! (Oh, really?!)

Arm & Hammer Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets (OH, REALLY?!?!)

Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado (...)

Matches: WARNING: Contents may catch fire (They oughta...)

Toilet Plunger: Do not use near power lines (Um... okay?)

Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts( Since when?!)

Windex: Do not spray in eyes (Yeah, that's what bleach is for!)

37 Things to do in an Elevator
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Shout "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make race car noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want; say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style "Is that your final answer?"
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask: "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic; they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

Rules Men Wish Women Knew!

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. Or a bed.

2. It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

- After wrecking your boss’ car.

- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing.

10. You may be flatulent in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model... and only when it’s free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem.You didn’t see anything.

16. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both; that’s just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

- Yeah, Baby, Push it!

- C’mon, give me one more! Harder!

- Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.) For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men’s gymnastics. Ever.

Set 2:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.

2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don’t make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody’s idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.

17. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you’re getting on the heavy side, you probably are. Don’t make us suffer, too.

28. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.

29. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

31. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

32. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her

When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you
Grab her and don't let go

When she starts cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she likes you
she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
don't look away until she does

When she misses you
she's hurting inside

When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away

When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers

When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it -

Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.-

When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go-

When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-

Call her before you sleep and after you wake up-

Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-

Tease her and let her tease you back.-

Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-

Give her the world.-

Let her wear your clothes.-

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-

Let her know she's important.-

Kiss her in the pouring rain.-

When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.

This is really sweet...

When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.

When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.

When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says "I love you." she means it.

When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.

The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.

The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.".

If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.

If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.

Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.

Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.

So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.

If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eternity.

Repost this to your profile, and spare yourself the emotional stress.

Crazy is when you have a voice in your head that you named Pedro, even though he clearly isn't spanish and you just do that to annoy him. (Or in my case bomber.)

Crazy is when you're so obsessed with eating your Jell-O (and you forgot to put a spoon in your lunch box) that you try drinking your Jell-O through a straw and using straw chopsticks because straws were the only untensil-type thing available.

Crazy is when you start dancing in Wal-Mart to its cheesy music.

Crazy is when you laugh uncontrollably at your own jokes.

Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser.

Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.

Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself.

Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.

Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny.

Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!".

Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence.

Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it.

Crazy is when you are going through this as a checklist.

Crazy is when you quote Charlie the Unicorn at random moments.

Crazy is when you eat twenty pixie sticks in one day.

Crazy is when you're crazy.

Crazy is when you convince your friends you're 'high' because you can't stop laughing even when nothing is funny. And then all of you convince the nearest adult that you're having a breakdown.

Crazy is when you trip up the stairs, and laugh all the way back down them.

Crazy is when it is last day of school you scream and run around in circles.

Crazy is when you can call yourself something else, and completely become that person, forgetting your reason for hating the world,

Crazy is when you laugh at nothing during school and laugh when everyone looks at you like your insane.

Crazy is when you trip over nothing at all, fall, and say "I see the ground...it's pretty".

Crazy is when you are asked to get someone's phone from the other room, and you go and grab it ethically, then crack up and spit out your Oreos halfway through.

Crazy is when you hit your head on an object, then start yelling and swearing revenge.

Crazy is when you mix five boxful of Jello Pudding Mix with Dish Soap and Green food coloring in a jar,pour it on the side-walk,and say it's "alien bloooood".

Crazy is when you make up stupid texts and faces just for pleasure.

Crazy is when your laughing so hard that you inhale a whole packet of fun dip (ohhhhhhh how much it burns)

Crazy is when you want to wear fake furry ears and a tail to an anthro planet just to see how everyone reacts

Crazy is when you make a fool of yourself then call your self a physco

Crazy is when you stay up all night to read fanfiction only to realize you've already read it before

Crazy is when you convince yourself that guy you saw walk past the door, was really nothing.

Crazy is when you stick your finger in on a burning candle, get mad because you got hurt, then laugh and do it again.

If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

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