A guy and a girl were speeding over 100km on a motorcyle. Girl: Slow down! Guy: No, this is fun! Girl: No it's not! Please, it's way to scary! Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you. Now slow down. Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gave him a big hug. Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me. In the newspaper, the next day, a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was, that half way down the road the guy realized his breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so she would live even if it meant he would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, copy and paste this into your profile Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master... He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher... He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer... He had no army, yet kings feared him... He won no military battles, yet he conquered the World... He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him... He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us... If you believe and God and Jesus Christ is His son... Then copy and paste this into your profile 7 reasons not to mess with kids Reason 1 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”. Reason 2 A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.” Reason 3 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.” Reason 4 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?” Reason 5 The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out,”And there’s the teacher, she’s dead. ” Reason 6 A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face..” “Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.” Reason 7 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want - God is watching the apples. If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father TRUE STORY: A teenage girl, about 17, named Diane, had gone to visit some friends one evening, and time passed quickly as each shared his/her various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town, and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley, she noticed a man standing at the end as though he was waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped around her; she felt though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley way just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she can identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man have been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they can do for her. She asked if they can ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98% of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93% of the people that read this won't re-post it? Re-post this if you truly believe in God. PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what, and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you. (Amen to that!) Copy and Paste this VVVV if you will NEVER forget Gravity Falls I promise to be like Dipper and try to solve the unknown And I will never forget Gravity Falls ️ Difference between a strategists and mastermind -A strategist gather's intel to evaluate probabilities -A mastermind manipulates intel to stack the odds We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: “GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?” “BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!” We hope this clears up any confusion, The International Council of Manhood, Ltd. Insanity: Knowing what you're doing is completely stupid, but you can't stop yourself from doing it again and again. I don't suffer from insanity I ENJOY EVERY FUCKING MOMENT OF IT. Love is temporary insanity, the cure is marriage. Insanity the reason your anime characters are awesome. You need a little bit of insanity to do great things. Trust me. Insanity is the definition of fun. Plead insanity it will get you out of anything, except insanity. Insanity because courage is for pussies. Insanity has no end, much like humanity's stupidity. A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. Embrace insanity fun times will come, till your sanity and common sense step in and you realize you're fucked. The final insanity, doing the same ship for the same anime/show for all your fanfics. Spread this and place it on your profile and add your name to the list if you know you're insane. Darren the Madman & Insanity, The Howling Behemoth I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile! You're a great friend, but if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes. I'm sick of following my dreams, I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later. When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide. Help I've fallen and I can't...hey nice carpet! I want to live forever...so far so good. This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Lucillia About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone that she fell...and they believed them. THEY HURT HER FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post but didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off. Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true. If you don't repost saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you. (They hurt her) (P.S THIS IS FAKE HAHAHAHHA, oh man) I have discovered the equation to go over the top in everything! If: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E but and, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, its really the BULLSHIT and the ASS KISSING that will put you over the top. 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx, Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc., AVirgoGirl, xcheergrlx3, Mrs.DiAngelo, Nico's Future Wife, DaughterofPoseidon32498, A PJO, Fan Lil Mexican, Ariel Night, jackarchbeam, The-Moon-is -my-Mistress 95% of teens would be crying if Justin Bieber was on a 100 ft tall building about to jump. If you are some of the 5% who brought popcorn and friends, add this to your signature. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile "Curiosity killed the cat, but it saved the dog, fed the snake, and amused the fox. Which are you?" You say BABY PINK If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your ass off. If your obsessed with dragons, foxes, wolves and fantasy copy and paste this in your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile Thinkings: Humanity is screwed, proven fact, and we are screwed by the new generation. War from the old generation that would most likely be involving the people in charge you know who I'm talking about. And for the fact humanity is screwed for the fact we are greedy monsters with no end to our desires for better, and bigger things which would lead to our downfall. In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair!). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD Things to Do in an Exam you Already Know That You are Going to Fail: 1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level. 4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min. 7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 8. Come down with a BAD case of Torte’s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she/he is not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. 15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). 16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave. 20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. 22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave. 23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary. 25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! 27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her. 32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..." 35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect. 38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby. 40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour. 41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it. 44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam. 45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras. "A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded." -SparkDazzleDuez 20 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In." 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks write, "for smuggling diamonds." 7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." 8. Don't use any punctuations. 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify that your drive-through order is, "To go." 12. Sing along at the opera. 13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme? 14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom. 17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream, "I won!, I won!" 18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!" 19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." 20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity... copy and paste this into your profile! 95% of teens would be crying if Justin Bieber was on a 100 ft tall building about to jump. If you are some of the 5% who brought popcorn and friends, add this to your signature. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile "Curiosity killed the cat, but it saved the dog, fed the snake, and amused the fox. Which are you?" If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your ass off. If your obsessed with dragons, foxes, wolves and fantasy copy and paste this in your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair!). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD Things to Do in an Exam you Already Know That You are Going to Fail: 1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level. 4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min. 7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 8. Come down with a BAD case of Torte’s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she/he is not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. 15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). 16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave. 20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. 22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave. 23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary. 25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! 27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her. 32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..." 35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect. 38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby. 40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour. 41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it. 44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam. 45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras. 20 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In." 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks write, "for smuggling diamonds." 7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." 8. Don't use any punctuations. 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify that your drive-through order is, "To go." 12. Sing along at the opera. 13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme? 14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom. 17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream, "I won!, I won!" 18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!" 19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." 20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity... copy and paste this into your profile! - And behold, I shall be a blight upon the land, and everything I touch shall wither and die! Total slaughter total slaughter I won't leave a single man alive La de da de die Genocide La de da de dud An ocean of blood Lets begin the killing time... “Anger ... it's a paralyzing emotion ... you can't get anything done. People sort of think it's an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling — I don't think it's any of that — it's helpless ... it's absence of control — and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers ... and anger doesn't provide any of that — I have no use for it whatsoever." -Toni Morrison “Knowledge is power. Power to do evil...or power to do good. Power itself is not evil. So knowledge itself is not evil.” “When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!” The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here." 1) I NEED TO TELL YOU A SECRET (LO0K AT #5) 2) THE ANSWER IS (L0OK AT #11) 3) D0NT GET MAD (L0OK AT #15) 4) CALM DOWN DONT BE TICKED OFF ( L0OK AT #13) 5) FIRST (L0OK AT #2) 6) D0NT BE THAT MAD (L0OK AT #12) 7) I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI...LOL 8 ) WHAT I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS...(THE ANSWER IS ON #14) 9) BE PATIENT (L0OK AT #4) 10) THIS IS THE LAST TIME IMMA DO THIS (L0OK AT #7) 11) IM NOT MAD WHEN IM SAYIN THIS (L0OK AT#6) 12) S0RRY (L0OK AT #8 ) 13) D0NT BE GETTIN ALL HYPE (L0OK AT #10) 14) I D0NT KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS (L0OK AT #3) 15) YOU MUST BE REALLY TICKED OFF (L0OK AT NUMBER #9) |
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