If it were up to me, the sign welcoming you to our 'town' would say:

"Welcome to Nowhere. Population: Not sure, we have to find them first”

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” -Drew Carey

"I'm not a bitch, I'm the bitch. You're just angry because I'm not your bitch."

Teacher: "The road to success is important."

Student: "The road to success is always under construction."

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters you get:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters you get:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
HE BUGS GORE (For anyone that didn't know this is the guy that ran against him the first time he ran for president.)

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the you get letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love,
Your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home...

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you be willing to stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together.
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together.

Man: Your eyes are really amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing