Hey, y'all, what's up?

My name is Courtney Friend. I'm thirteen years old. I am one of the randomest persons that any of my friends have ever met, so I apologize if I confuse any of you. Now, a little bit about my likes and interests:

On the subject of Twilight: I think that Edward and Jacob are both gay and should go screw each other. (no offense to my sister, friends, or any viewers who love Twilight and totally obsess over it). I think that Bella might just be lesbeian, and that Alice is the only cool person in the Twilight/New Moon movies and the Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse/Breaking Dawn books besides Renesmee. And I only like Renesmee because she bites the hell out of Jacob in Breaking Dawn. ;3

On the subject of family: I have two full-blooded siblings, two half-siblings, two stepsiblings, and half a million cousins. My cousins range from ages of forty years old to three months old. My full-blooded siblings are Robert Lloyd Friend III (who is sixteen and lives with me) and Tiffany Dyan Friend (who is fifteen and lives with me). My half-siblings are Dallas Friend (who I have not seen for six years because of my jerk off dad and who lives in Oklahoma with my father) and Christopher D'wain Welch (who is only six and lives with me). My stepsiblings are William Valentino Skinner-Diego Friend (who I have not seen for six years because of my jerk off dad and who lives in Oklahoma with my father and my father's evil wife) and Pamela Valentino Skinner-Diego Friend (who I have not seen for six years because of my jerk off dad and who lives in Oklahoma with my father and my father's evil wife). My father's evil wife is named Mandy Valentino-Friend, and I wouldn't mind if anyone went after her.

On the subject of personal tradgeties: My half-sister died only a few months after she was born, and my mom wouldn't let me go to her funeral. Her name was Hannah. Mandy was always calling me whenever Hannah did something new, saying that she was going to grow up just like me and that she looked just like me. It was probably the only time that I didn't hate my stepmom. Another tradgedy: My stepmom was one of the most abusive women in the world. She nearly beat me to death when my sister and brother were staying the night at a friend's house. Another tradgedy: Robert and Tiffany tried to run away from my dad's house and left me behind! How mean was that?! I was only seven years old! Another tradgedy: I can't say the word "Riekehof". And yes, it is a real word.

On the subject of funny things: I think that the following sayings are just hilarious:

It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

We'll be the old ladies making trouble in the nursing homes!

"Badassery" is taking knives to a gun fight and winning.

Why so serious?

Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?

Keep smiling; it makes them wonder what you're up to.

I LOVE YOU is eight letters; so is BULLSHIT.

Note to self: It is illegal to stab someone in the face for being stupid.

I didn't hit you, I simply high-fived your face.

Tell me if you agree to any of these, please.

And yes, I am one of the meanest friends in my group. Kyouya might just be one of my favorite OHSHC charachters, because I can blackmail people just like he does. In fact, I'm blackmailing one of my friends for money...She shouldn't have told me those secrets at her Halloween party. ;3

On the subject of Family Drama: My sister, Tiffany, is totally the drama queen in the family, and Robert is totally the violent person who punches holes in walls. Christopher is the sweet/curious/annoying one in the family. My mother is the strict/loving person. I am the random/mean/weird person...

Anyways, here's some funny/touching stuff I thought I should put up:

Always go the extra mile. It's less crowded.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the gun helps, because if you just stood there and yelled "BANG" I don't think you'd kill too many people.

So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I'll accept!

I live in my own little world. But it's okay, they know me there.

When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because, I mean, really? Who likes lemons?

When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, sit back, and watch the world wonder how you did it.

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye and see how much Life likes lemons then.

Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.

If electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from?

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I'm gonna miss you.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

When in doubt, make up words!

I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.

I ran with scissors; and lived!

Don't worry about the world coming to an today; it's already tomorrow in Australia.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away and you have their shoes!

Music is like candy; you throw away the (w)rappers.

The newscaster is the one who says "Good Evening" and then tells you why it isn't. Weird...

Don't take life too seriously; nobody gets out alive anyways.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

Please: Don't throw your cigarrette butts on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.

There are ten kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

My Mother Taught Me...

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not coming to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Keep your mouth shut and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks like a tornado just went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
18. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't quit crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me about ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat those vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

I am who I am. Your approval isn't needed.

5 Truths of Life:

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue
2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it
3. The first truth is a lie
4. You're smiling right now because you know you fell for it...(Idiot!)
5. You still have a stupid smile on your face

I'm so gangster I carry a squirt gun

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I am a Froot Loop in a world full of Cheerios

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.