Greetings, O hapless Visitor, and beware the Grue!

Since I've Officially Posted Two Pence, I feel justified in writing an actual profile. It's very informative.

Order of Business #1:

Seven Haikus: Or, An Ode To The Art Of The Disclaimer

1:

It has come to my

Attention that my fanfics

Are all undisclaimed.

2:

Yet I am lazy;

Too lazy to fix each one

Individually.

3:

Hence the haikus I

Now present to you, reader.

Facts are as follows.

4:

Discworld, alas, ain't

Mine. You can tell because I

Do not have a beard.

5:

If I was bearded,

It might have been. But I don't.

This is my sorrow.

6:

All that belongs to

Me are a few flat OCs

And some of the words.

7:

One final note, dear

Reader. If you really thought

This mine - you are dense.

Order of Business #2:

Statistics, except not really, since there are very few numbers involved.

My name is not, alas, Schlodenbert Roxeim III. It kills me, but sometimes people just have to own up.

I did not just burn down the White House.

I completely failed to gain possession of weapons of mass destruction.

I own not even one single cherry tree.

I can't speak German.

I am not out of high school yet.

I do not have red hair.

I never ate a butterfly.

While these are just a few selected facts out of the many, I hope they will help you form a clear picture of various persons I ain't.

Order of Business #3:

Miscellany

Credits for the avatar to Marionette, x672, Emily, Debbie, Talia, Claire, or whatever it is she's calling herself today. I appreciate the most accurate rendition of my brain yet very, very much. Without it, who knows how far into the depths of iniquity I would have sunk?

Also, you can find the exact same fanfiction as is list below at the Archives of Excellence, because I am, obvs., excellent even in the my current dormant state. OBVS.