Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the Word...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in God and Jesus Christ his Son

then copy and paste this in your profile

If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says,

"If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

Dorky Sayings:

1.You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
2.Whenever I see and old lady slip and fall on a sidewalk, my instinct is to laugh. But then I think, "What if I was an ant and she fell on me?" then it wouldn't see quite so funny.
3.I have ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
4.I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5.I like long walks. Especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.
6.I'd kill for a body like yours except I don't have any more room to store it.
7.The first sign of maturity is discovering the volume knob also turns to the left...
8.Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
9.Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright before they speak.
10.I want to die in my sleep like my grandpa. Not screaming and yelling like the people in his car.
11.When you wish on a shooting star, your wish will come true. Unless that star is actually a meteor headed straight towards Earth. Then you're dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
12.The early bid may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
13.Evening news starts by them telling you "Good evening," then proceeding to tell you why its not.
14.Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.
15.There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hope its not a train...
16.Squirrels...Nature's little speed bumps.
17.Laughter is always the best medicine... Except when you have cancer... Then Kemo is...
18.When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
19.A bus station is where a bus stops. A train stations is where a train stops. My desk is called a work station...
20.Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.
21.I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
22.He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.
23.I like patries but I don't like pinatas...Because the pinata promotes violence against flambouyant animals...
24.I was making pancakes the other day and fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatual is a lot like a fly swatter... And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry...
25.A drunk driver is very dangerous. But so is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive... 'Dude make a left.' 'Those are trees...' 'Trust me.'
26.I like fruit baskets, because a fruit basket enables you to send fruit to someone without appearing insane. If you just mail somebody some apples, they're like, 'What the hell is this?' But if you put those apples in a basket, they're like 'This is nice.'
27.My favorite fruit is grapes because with grapes, you always get another chance. If you get a crappy apple or peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you get a crappy grape, you just move onto the next one. Grapes-the fruit of hope.
28.I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone'...
29.About a month ago, I got a cactus. And a week later, it died. And I got really depressed because I thought, 'Damn. I'm less nurturing than a desert.'
30.I want to make a jigsaw puzzle with 40,000 pieces that when you're finished with it, it says: 'Go outside'.
31.Sort of is such a harmless thing to say... It's just a filler. It doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort means everything. Like after, 'I love you.' Or 'You're going to live'.
32.I bought a clock the other day, but the minute hand fell off. I didn't want to throw the clock away so I just added an 'ish' to every number.
33.If I had a book store, I'd make the mystery section really hard to find. 'Excuse me, do you have any mystery novels?' 'That's a damn good question.'
34.I've always wanted to buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together...People will ask, 'Are those hermit crabs?' And i'll say, 'Not anymore. These are mingling crabs'.
35.Don't take life seriously. No one makes it out alive.

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
Are you done?
If so, scroll down
(don't cheat--)

THE ANSWERS
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
3. If your initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If you were born in:
Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.
Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate.
5. If you choose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.
8. If you choose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laidback person.
9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday!

If you have run into a window that you thought was an open door copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to slap yourself/someone else, put this on your profile.

If you have ever accidentally stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, therefore weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I can't see,

Must be stupid, I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked

All the day long

When I awake

I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get

Just one beating tonight

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid

I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says it's my fault

That he suffers at work

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me

Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

Month One

MOMMY
I am only 4 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak...

Again repost this on your profile if you think abortion is wrong.

where angels are...

she pointed to the sky and smiled

brightly...

I looked up they seemed so far...

but mama said they're always with me...

but then mama's gone...and far from me...

I cry every night and think of mommy...

then she appeard right beside me...

surrounded by light that glows so bright...

she wiped my tears and held me tightly...

she placed her hand over my heart...and said...

she'll always be with me...

Place this poem in your profile if you think that you're love ones will always be with you until death...

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

What a Boyfriend Should Do

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her
When she stare's at your mouth
Kiss her
When she pushes you or hit's you
Grab her and dont let go
When she start's cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong
When she ignore's you
Give her your attention
When she pull's away
Pull her back
When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying
Just hold her and dont say a word
When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared
Protect her
When she lay's her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steal's your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she tease's you
Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesnt answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay
When she look's at you with doubt
Back yourself up
When she say's that she like's you
she really does more than you could understand
When she grab's at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers
When she bump's into you
bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tell's you a secret
keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does
When she misses you
she's hurting inside
When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away
When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers
When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it -
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.-
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go-
When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her-
because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up-
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-
Tease her and let her tease you back.-
Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-
Give her the world.-
Let her wear your clothes.-
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-
Let her know she's important.-
Kiss her in the pouring rain.-
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking, Sweet??"
If you post this in the next five minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.

America's intelligence

On Sears hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

(But it's just a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)

Do not turn upside down.

(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.

(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.

(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:

Do not drive car or operate machinery

(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

Elizabeth Brown: On Nytol sleep aid:

Warning: may cause drowsiness.

(One would hope!)

On a string of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

Warning: contains nuts.

(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)