I have never read the data books, I don't waste time with the wikis. If those things say something other than the facts expressed below they are wrong. And yes, it is possible for the creator of a setting to be wrong.

Things I hate people on this site for:

Henge - the Transformation technique - is a ninja art that turns a person into someone or something else. This is NOT an illusion. Naruto is NOT magical. Every single transformation is real and solid. The anime and manga make reference to the major failing being improper formation, i.e. not all details are correct (the Forest of Death - the rain ninja places his kunai holster on the wrong side), the technique requiring excess chakra for complex transforms (the Chunin Exam Prelims - Kiba and Akamaru need soldier pills to use the man-beast clone) and the chakra signature of the user remaining the same (4th Shinobi World War - Zetsu uses the transformation in addition to a chakra copying technique). For the love of fucking god you moronic retards, just because everyone says its true doesn't make it so. Every single author who does this to make Naruto cooler and more special should be beaten and mocked. 'deep breaths, take deep breaths, it's not their fault they were never taught to think for themselves'

Fuuma Shuriken - Seriously guys, they explained this quite clearly in the first fight against Zabuza. A fuuma shuriken, also wind demon shuriken (Fuu - on reading of the kanji for wind, Ma - on reading of the kanji for demon (the on-reading is the original Chinese pronunciation for the character and is primarily used in Japanese when the kanji appears in a kanji compound word, i.e. a word made up of multiple kanji, that's why water is mizu alone but it's suiton for water element)), is the long, straight bladed weapon with a ring on the end that when triggered springs open into a large, four bladed throwing weapon with curved tips. While it is a large shuriken, it is NOT the weapon Mizuki used against Naruto and Iruka, that was just a giant version of the standard shuriken, as is seen by comparing the one Mizuki used to the ones used by team 7 during the bell test. One last time, Mizuki used a giant shuriken against Iruka and Naruto, Sasuke and Naruto used a Fuuma shuriken in the fight against Zabuza. The two weapons look nothing alike and only the most unobservant individuals could get them confused. And, as an addendum, the windmill of shadows was the technique Sasuke used to THROW his pair of fuuma shuriken, one being the transformed Naruto, so that the first obscured the second. The result of that, Zabuza being unable to see the second object until the first was out of the way, is called the shadow shuriken technique, i.e. hiding one shuriken in the shadow of the second. A safe assumption is that the windmill of shadows is a named technique only because there can't be many ways can you possibly throw two object the size of a fuuma shuriken without it being obvious that your throwing two of them. Again, for completeness; giant shuriken, used by Mizuki; Fuuma shuriken, nifty shuriken that can be opened and closed for ease of storage and use; Windmill of Shadows, a technique used to throw two fuuma shuriken, or presumably any two large shuriken, such that the first obscures the second and it isn't obvious you threw two weapons; the Shadow Shuriken technique, the technique of hiding one shuriken, or really any object, in the sight line of the second so your target doesn't know the second object is there.

Shadow Clone paperwork - My problem here is that no one seems to care the only Hokage who had paperwork issues was Tsunade. The Third never seemed to be buried in paperwork. In fact, he had time to visit with children and orphans, leisurely tour the village and interact with his people, and watch the sunset from the top of the Hokage's tower. I think the safe assumption is that the God of Shinobi, the so called professor for his knowledge of all Konoha's jutsu, knew how to use his awesome ninja powers to do the tedious parts of his job in short order. I understand it's funny, and that's fine, this isn't so big a deal; but consider why the village dictator, who could push that work onto others (he IS in charge), would voluntarily take that work on. Safe bet, just like in all dictatorships everywhere, he needs to be on the lookout for usurpers and other dangers to his authority. Best way, red tape of doom!

The council - How to say this...WTF? 'The council' in the manga is just the Third's old team, Mitokado Homura, Utatane Koharu and Shimura Danzo. I understand the plot point most people want with this, but it usually just ends up as some odd bashing target...you're making up a bashing target...*sigh*. Regardless, it's obvious that the Third's old team have some level of power or at least competence (at least Homura and Koharu, Danzo will be discussed shortly) at their jobs or Tsunade probably would have done horrible things to them. And that leaves Danzo. There was actually a very relevant piece of information revealed piecemeal throughout the series, and that is how a ninja becomes Hokage. It's a two stage process; first someone, or several someones, are nominated by the village higher ups (or presumably by the Hokage, since that's what the First and Second did for Hiruzen) but then it gets a little fuzzy. It's somewhat unclear, as far as I have read, whether the Fire Lord is just one vote in the nomination process or if he gets to veto a nominee. Regardless, after someone is nominated, there is actually a democratic vote by the standing jonin of the village as to who becomes Hokage. That should make lots of sense to you, the jonin probably represent the single largest block of power in a village and they're the ones who will have to follow the new Hokage's orders. What kind of majority is needed was either never stated or I don't remember, but if the nominee gets some majority they get to be the new Big Cheese. And this brings us back to Danzo. During the Hokage summit arc, it was clear Danzo, despite coveting the position of Hokage, knew his reputation was such he could never get the jonin vote (he was well know for raising a bunch of emotionless zombie-ninja, even if they didn't know he was still at it or the true extent of his...psychosis? Evil?), thus why he strong-armed the nomination and then left BEFORE the jonin vote could be taken. I really love the detail that this represented in the story and wanted to share it with you. Kishimoto is such a dichotomy. I think he seriously, accidentally came up with all this awesome depth and complexity in his story. Every time I begin to think it's intentional, he has someone go on one of his cookie-cutter piece rants that's both so primitive and ignorant that it causes me physical pain!...gah!

Kunoichi sexual training and seduction - Long ago, during the warring clans period in the elemental countries, hundreds of years before the hidden villages were founded, someone realized the obvious. This man had one hundred ninja under his command and his hated rival had ninety. His numerical advantage wasn't enough to risk his clan but he hated his rival so...and then he realized the god damned OBVIOUS!! He had 40 women who could use chakra, but he used them as whores and sold them to brothels and had them assassinate nobles because: 1) there was no better way of getting information from or killing soft, squishy civilians and 2) Its not like they were at all important to propagating his clans lineage; I mean seriously? protecting your women because they're the ones you need in majority to replenish your numbers from the constant fighting that characterized a time referred to by the HIDDEN VILLAGES, PINNACLES of peace and cooperation, as the WARRING CLANS period. However!!, back to our intrepid clan leader, he realized he had 40 women in his clan the he used as cum dumpsters because he just hated women...apparently. And he had this sneaking suspicion that ninja's were superhuman warriors, the weakest of which could crush twenty times there number of armed and trained civilians. And he did what these truly irritating fanfiction authors can't seem to, and came to the realization if he trained his whores to FIGHT LIKE NINJA, he would have 140 ninja, more than enough to crush his hated rival. So he did. And when the day came for his glorious victory he discovered that because he only got information from people being used as sex toys his hated rival actually had simply launched a disinformation campaign by training his ninja to give out false information in the form of pillow talk. His hated rival actually had 380 ninja under his command and an alliance he didn't know about. He and his clan were slaughtered to a ninja and vanished, erased from the annals of history. But fear not! His legacy lived on!! His hated rival was so impressed by the thought of using women as ninja instead of whores that he had actually been doing it since the founding of his clan before he was born, just with more care because he also knew that, just like the losses he suffered from his fight against his unnamed, forgotten, and now dead rival, he needed women to make new ninja; so he always made sure to keep enough safe and protected that his clans line was never in danger. As a historical side note, that mans clan became large and powerful, eventually being the largest and most powerful clan in what is today river country but was part of the Nation of Wind back then. And having achieved such grandeur under his leadership his clan was wiped out by an alliance of smaller clans who feared his awesome power...That's why it was called the WARRING CLANS period after all, it was an approximately four hundred year period in which there was One. Constant. WAR!!! Also as a side note, I REALLY hate when this idiocy pops up in stories trying to be serious and was sadly crushed when it popped up in a really cool story that had lots of world detail, which I enjoy in a story. I won't point the finger but I was so, so disappointed. Regardless, I actually think this stems from the same base idea that that idiocy about the transformation being an illusion comes from, this idea that ninja aren't the awe-inspiring super humans they are portrayed to be, so the transformation can't be that cool, you can't just horribly mind-rape someone to get information, and god forbid someone who isn't even a ninja be easy to assassinate. I mean, the second Hokage, Senju Tobirama, was hunted down and assassinated by Cloud (the manga translation I read used the word 'assassinated', but seriously if he was hunted down and fought a rearguard action to protect his students that really fails my 'is that an assassination?' test. Just my opinion) but some random noble with no ninja training? LIES!!

Female Naruto - I guess I don't really hate this, it's just not my cup of tea. In general I avoid books with female lead characters because after reading one after another after another for YEARS (I read a lot) and being horribly disappointed no matter how cool the description or cover or first chapter were, I realized the obvious (as an aside, I haven't stopped, I'm just very cautious now. And I did find a fun one recently, called EON, located in the Teen Fantasy section of your local book store). The obvious is: Men and Women are different. Shocking, I know. Our physical bodies are different, our chemical balance is different, our freaking BRAIN STRUCTURE is different. Look at the fanfiction you find under a search set with rating M, 1000 words or more, language English. See that ocean of retard yaoi that just popped up? That was not written by homosexuals, it was written by 13 year old girls who are experiencing puberty. And do you know why? because they have a completely different reaction to puberty than guys; It's probably a process only related to male puberty by the maturation of the sexual organs. Females and Males are different. When you read a story about a female lead that's written well, a character that a normal girl or woman could identify with, that character spends the entire book experiencing and coming to terms with their feelings in what is, to me, an overly dramatic and idiotic waste of time. Hell, often in such stories, the resolution of the problem they are facing comes through the resolution of their own emotional struggle, not through some proactive action of their own that SOLVED the problem. And that is a direct result of the difference between men and women. Does it apply to all women? God I hope not or I will die alone. How much of that is cultural on our part and how much is ingrained biology? No idea. And the worst part? We will probably never know because as soon as someone poses the question they get crucified for being a sexist monster if male or a throwback subservient if female. Seriously, and this isn't funny, the president of MIT got removed, he was FIRED, for saying that there might be some biological cause behind the fact that there are so few women in the fields of Engineering, Physics and Chemistry. If there is even the possibility that there is a biological cause or bias, wouldn't you want to know? If there is maybe there is also something we can do to help open those field to women. But no, not only is that not a field of study, the person who said it was brutally slandered on the news and lost his job. So what does this all have to do with female Naruto? Inherently, if it's well written, I probably won't like it and if it isn't then whats the point of a rule 63 in the first place?

Kunoichi rape - People throw this one around when they're trying to be dark and edgy. Oh noes, Ur gonna get raped! I'm so dark now *grunts and turns up the Linkin Park*. Rape happens, its a brutal violation of self and should be punished as such. However, in the world of Naruto there are civilians, just like us but somewhat more ignorant and live in the equivalent of a third world country where access to modern equipment and powered transportation is spotty or nonexistent, and there are ninja, who are superhuman soldiers capable of otherwise impossible feats of strength and dexterity, with the ability to move faster than the eye can follow, possessed of strange and unusual powers granted through birth or training, able to bend the very elements to their will. What, in my opinion, makes ninja so engaging is that, with a few exceptions, as is completely fair, a kunai in heart will kill any of them. This creates a situation in which the WAY you exercise your power is every bit as vital as how much power you have. I would think that, in this situation, the chance of a kunoichi getting raped would be right up there with getting struck by falling space debris. On the scale of all human ideas from best to worst, raping a ninja, because kunoichi or not they're still ninja, would be right behind masturbating with a full wasps nest but ahead of seeing if there really are eight pints of blood in your body by draining it all out. It just strikes me as being on of those really bad ideas to force yourself on a girl who might have the ability to cause their vaginal juices to act like poisons or acids, bases or other harmful and traumatising substances. They also might be booby trapped (literally :P) or faking weakness so as to lure you in for the kill. It IS possible for people to just make REALLY STUPID choices, but in the world of kill or be killed ninja combat, which it generally is in stories trying to be all dark and edgy, I doubt they would last long. To safely rape a kunoichi you probably need the resources and specialties that only a whole village could possess and I bet if you drag an enemy kunoichi back to your village so she can be subdued and check for rape safety you will no longer be the one doing the raping. On the other hand, It was fairly commonplace, unfortunately, for armies that conquered a city or town to rape and pillage. Today, it's still common behavior from armies fielded by warlords or terrorists or dictators but by and large the first world has all but stamped out that behavior. In fact, in the Iraq conflict the number of confirmed rapes is countable on one hand. Could there be more? Yes, but even if the number was ten times higher and correct that's still tiny compared to the behavior of local armies in places like Somalia. The point there was to support this statement, "The more disciplined and Professional the force the less raping and pillaging they do.". In the world of Ninja, the hidden villages ARE the disciplined and professional and it's unlikely, even when emotions are running high any but the most psychotic and cruel indulge like that. This is more of that idiocy that comes with the phrase, "I'm being realistic.". In general, when someone justifies themselves this way, they don't mean realistic, they just mean dark, which I guess fits with their emo world view.

Dark Naruto - In the same vein, this shit is stupid. At best, it's just someone reacting emotionally to something they find unfair. This generally takes the form of some deranged, ultra-violent version of Naruto's childhood. At worst, this whole genre is an excuse to angst and rage while indulging the authors own psychosis or inner dementia. And the VAST BULK of these tools claim, "But I'm just being realistic.". I hate to say it, but apparently the responsibility falls to me: The universe is, at worst, wholly indifferent to your existence. It does not hate you. Your confusing your overly emotional, biased view for reality and I feel for you. Is it a coincidence that most of these stories are written by fifteen to twenty yearolds? No, that's just part of the maturation process, learning to deal with our own negativity. However, It's important that someone point out the difference so there you go. Your welcome.

Physical Abuse Naruto - I wonder if any of these authors have ever been in the same room as a small child. I'm horribly overweight and out of shape and I even have a bad back and I can still run down my four year old nephew without issue. My seven year old niece is almost fast enough to escape me, but just by virtue of having more muscle and being bigger when I do catch her I have to be careful when tossing her around, which children enjoy, to avoid hurting her on accident. I am NOT a ninja. I realize that to fit anything substantial into the timeline you basically have to start sometime between 4 and seven, but let me tell you what an actual mob would do to a four year old, because I happen to know. It was during one of the Egyptian protests last year. It turned into a riot and during the mass chaos they brutally trampled a five year old to death, in seconds, on accident. I am giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming it was an accident. If that shit were intentional such as in every single Naruto story that starts with, "four year old Naruto was running for his life..." and goes on to describe his little legs churning as he runs for safety to end up in a dead end ally...It would actually start, "four year old Naruto was crushed underfoot by a dozen adults, his organs crushed and limbs mangled about five seconds after the riot started.". This is only the FIRST glaring issue with this cliche, moronic, retard thumping, mind-searing stupidity of MANY. Do you know what dictators in our world do to riots? Well, in china they send in the army and kill them all. Same in Venezuela and Cuba...huh. Actually, in most places they respond with lethal force. Even if they don't, such as in Egypt where they have these cool water cannons mounted on APCs they still end up killing a few people while dispersing the crowd. Pretty much only in America is the act of tear gassing a riot considered cruel. None of those guys are ninja and Konoha is NOT America. I would assume, even if the Third didn't put a riot down with extreme prejudice, the people who had Itachi off everyone in his clan down to the cats and dogs, guilty or innocent, wouldn't bat an eyelash at smacking a bitch on civil unrest. Which, coincidentally, is why riots are put down with such brutality in so many places. If the people get the idea they have some say in things a dictators days are numbered. The mandate of heaven died with the rise of Scientism (the idea that science can find answers to questions traditionally left to religion) in the 1700's so they really only have fear or patriotism to rule with and to keep that level of blind devotion through patriotism means you need a Great Satan...hmm, I bet there's a sociology paper in there somewhere. "What about domestic abuse?", you say, "The Third couldn't be there all the time!!". The man has a GOD DAMNED CRYSTAL BALL!!!!! He's the head honcho and best ninja in a village full of ninjas that actually make a career out of combat, espionage and internal security. They have none of the civil rights guaranteed by the Constitution's first ten amendments. And that means no expectation of privacy. And even if we assume Sarutobi just didn't pay attention the behavioral changes inherent to physical abuse are just about as obvious as a giant, flashing neon sign in children that young. And that leads us to the last point; Naruto's behavior is completely at odds with prolonged physical abuse. Those victims end up as violently unstable people prone to fits of rage where they lash out at whatever is reminding them of their abuser, withdrawn perfectionists trying to correct whatever is 'wrong' with them, or violent abusers themselves. None of those characterize Naruto. This particular brand of fail is primarily used by bad authors to engender sympathy and cover otherwise nonsensical actions or to introduce a character to Naruto earlier than otherwise happened. The former is bad writing and the latter is just sad and uncreative. Move on...please.

Mpreg and High School fics - God I hate you. All of you.

Super Children - This idiocy is the love child of Ignorance and Laziness. Writers here are generally young and have no idea what children are like and are to lazy to find out. Let me give you a quick run down. For the first three-ish months your child will sleep all the time, only to awaken to perform bodily functions and eat. And it will scream incessantly. Once it's about six your child will begin to crawl, so it can now find you while it's screaming. At about one to one and a half years of age, your child should be able to walk on their own. They will be unstable and slow, completely useless in public settings where they will need to be carried, but they will move under their own power and if you stop paying attention they can in fact walk off and badly harm themselves now. Somewhere between now and two you child will probably say their first word and they will be capable of climbing on things so they can fall off. By three your child will be speaking. All. The. Time. And shouting. And still screaming. Unfortunately, that speaking is in the form about one understandable word followed by unintelligible sounds. With practice, a parent can get to between a fifty and sixty percent understanding of what the child is saying. The child will also start handing you things in mimicry of parental behavior. They will be content if you take it even if you immediately return the item. Failure to accept things will result in crying. Learn from my failures. Somewhere around three your child should be able to run...badly off balance in that kind of disaster waiting to happen way. Children are built small so they don't fall as far, apparently. Between three and four you should begin working on things like counting, colors and you should read to your child to get them interested in words. By four your child will be able to finish statements of words. They may or may not mean anything. At this point, Natural intelligence begins to manifest in the form of memory retention and speed of learning. A really smart four year old can remember the names of the planets or count to 100 for example. This is where attentive parents should begin with preschool level material if the child has the intelligence to understand and progress. If they don't, go at their pace, making them hate learning will only cause problems...and more screaming, which they will still do. Also, four year olds are now capable of understanding and expressing desire. They want things. They are, however, unable to deal with those feelings well and this results in horrible tantrums. Hope those are not in public, with the screaming and crying and physical resistance. Also, if your lucky your child will be out of diapers between three and four. If your unlucky you will be spending your cash on those for another year. By five your child should be learning to read and doing some basic schoolwork. By seven, your child will almost be a little person, although with no focus or drive to speak of and utterly incapable of understanding things that take more than three sentences to explain. Presumably a mature, intelligent child will essentially be fully functional if emotionally immature people by about 8-9. however, even pure intelligence won't make up for their utter lack of focus or interest, so complex ideas and concepts will be beyond them for a while. Also, they lack the fully developed brain system and necessary experience to fully grasp cause and effect in most new situations, being limited to what they have been shown. How much more developed they get is really up to parents and biology at this point. In my opinion, most people never get to the point of understanding complex ideas and cause and effect, so in that case the child in now fully grown. You have now been educated. You're welcome.