Hiya! I'm Emi, (Yes, I'm a girl, duh...), I wear glasses/contacts, depending on how bad my allergies are. I have blue/gray eyes, and I'm really pale. I have straight, short layered black hair, with natural dark brown highlights .My avatar is Arty and Holly dressed up as tinkerbell and Peter Pan, Haha they aren't very happy about it either. I didn't draw it myself though.

"I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY, I ENJOY EVERY SECOND OF IT"

Height: I'm pretty tall, taller than all my friends anyway - I'm 5'6"

Location: I'm from the north,but I live in Mississippi. I'm a country girl! I say things like ya'll and soda.

Best Friends: Jace Rencher,Olivia Wilson, and Samantha Sharp

Sports: Volleyball,soccer

Relationship Status: Taken, and madly in love

Favorite color: Red...because it's the color of blood

Favorite TV shows: House, Blush, Spongebob, Inuyasha, Bleach,Hercules, Invader Zim, Gilmore Girls,Charmed, American Idol ( I like to laugh my ass off at all teh bad singers..erm not that I can sing either. But hey! I don't try and therefore I get the right to laugh at those who do...) That 70's show, South of Nowhere, and Degrassi

Favorite Bands: Fall Out Boy,the Hoodies,Panic! At The Disco, A Love Ends Suicide, Nirvana, Paramore, Five for Fighting,Green Day, The Click Five,Blue October, maroon 5,Evanescence,Linkin Park, Secondhand Serenade,My Chemical Romance, Three Days Grace, 3 doors down, skillet, thousand foot krutch,simple plan, shinedown, reliant k,plain white t's, nickelback, bowling for soup,avenged sevenfold, breaking benjamin,the used,boys like girls, flyleaf, The Smashing Pumpkins

Favorite Movies: Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sweeny Todd, Twilight, Wizard of Oz, Alice In Wonderland, Aladdin, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory( both versions),Hercules, Definitely Maybe, Penelope, Made of Honor, Eragon, all shrek movies,all spongebob movies, happy feet, first sunday, horton hears a who, the grinch(both versions)

Favorite Flower: Tiger Lilies

Bloom or Depp?: Depp! DEPP ALL THE WAY~!

Favorite Books: Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, Twilight series, Remnants, The Inheritance Triliogy, The Icemark Chronicles, The Edge Chronicles, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Underland Chronicles, The Bartimaeus Trilogy, The Inkheart Trilogy,The Chronicles Of Vladimir Todd, The Faerie Wars,The Will of the Empress, Pendragon,The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants,Percy Jackson and the Olympians,and tons more but these are all I felt like naming.

Ships I love:

Arty/Holly~ Awww, just so perfect no matter how impossible

Juliet/Trouble~Idk, just infinitely better than H/T

Root/Vinyaya~ I dunno, I just like this one

Percabeth~ Duh! So perfect! To hades with Rachel!

Gruniper~ Go figure that Grover wound up with a girlfriend, but they're good together

Thuke~ I think it would've happened if he hadn't joined Kronos

Percy/Luke~ Ahahahaha, if this one's done right it's beyond hilarious. I would never want this to really happen but I think it's funny to read(Funny enough, their names put together are Puke, teehee!)

Harry/Ginny~ Meant to be from the beginning

Ron/Hermione~ Glad it worked out, they're funny around each other

Inuyome~ To hell with Kikyo! And she better stay this time!

Sango/Miroku~ If she could only get him to be less of a perv

Ships I can't stand:

Holly/Trouble~ Ugh, I just don't like this one.

Arty/Butler~ Wtf!? I mean oh my gods, who even came up with that?

Mulch/Juliet~ Ummm,gross

Arty/Juliet~ Weird, she's just like his sister

Arty/Minerva~ Minerva was Eion Colfer's biggest mistake!

Perachel~ Gods, I hate Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Annabeth/Luke~ Ugh, I just don't like it.

Thalia/Percy~Ummm,wtf?

Inuyasha/Kikyo~ That b!+(#, I really really really hate kikyo

Anyways I'm addicted to anime, and guitar hero and zelda. I read all the time((duh)) and listen to music a lot. I like to draw and write((double duh)). I'm hopelessly romantic. I like nothing better than curling up on a rainy day with a good romance, throw in some comedy and my day has been made. I can't stand horror movies(shudders). I'm not very sociable. I don't mind my group of friends though. It's 3-4 amazing people I love and that I've known forever. I get along with new people If I try, but when caught on a bad day I'm irritable and I just don't feel like trying. I don't try new foods often, I just eat italian a lot. I eat mostly veggies and fruit, and the only meat I eat is chicken. I don't do much in the sports area, I'm just a band geek(I play the flute). I like volleyball and soccer, but I'm not particularly good at either. I love to swim though,and I'm really good. I dunno what else to say about me really.

1. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Black
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Possibly
4.Do you plan outfits? No I throw on the first thing I see in my closet that matches
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Bored,slightly amused
6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? My cell phone
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? aim
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?I don't remember my dreams
9. Did you meet anybody new today? Nope,not today
10. What are you craving right now? Hot cocoa,I'm freezing my ass off.
11. Do you floss? When I remember
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Nasty
13. When was the last time you talked on aim? Couple months
14. Are you emotional? Sort of...but I don't let people see my emotions often
15. Would you dance to the taco song? I would but I'd trip over myself and fall on my ass
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? Not in a long time
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Not actually sure
18. Do you like your hair? No
19. Do you like yourself? Usually,unless I humiliate myself
20. Have you ever met a celebrity? Does the guy in a Shrek suit in Orlando count?
21. Do you like cottage cheese? Nope
22. What are you listening to right now? Sober by Evanescence
23. How many countries have you visited? None,been in the U.S. all my life
24. Are your parents strict? Not really,they're pretty cool-most of them time.
25. Would you go sky diving? No way in hell
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? If I got to be mean lol
27. Would you throw potatoes at him? Most definately,especially if it was hot potatoes
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? Don't think so
29. Have you ever been in a castle? Does dreaming about going to hogwarts count?
30. Do you rent movies often? Once a month I usually rent 3 or 4 new releases
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class? A bitch
32. Have you made a prank phone call? Hehe...occasionally
33. Do you own a gun? No
34. Can you count backwards from 74? Could...but I'm lazy
35. Who are you going to be with tonight? Probably all by my lonesome
36. Brown or white eggs? Brown eggs??wtf?!
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? 4 t-shirts, 1 jacket, some jewelry and a bottle of black nail polish

38. Ever been on a train? The kiddie train that takes you around like half the park at Cedar Point count?
39. Ever been in love? not really
40. Do you have a cell-phone? Yes
41. Are you too forgiving? Sometimes,but I can hold a grudge
42. Do you use chap stick? Only If I really need some
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?I dunno what she's doing,prolly sitting around on gaia most of the day like me
44. Can you use chop sticks?Not without poking my eye out
45. Ever have cream puffs? Don't think so
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?No,is that a horror movie?
47. What was the last question you asked? Is that a horror movie?
48. What was the last CD you bought? Panic! at the disco
49. Boys or girls? Boys
50. What is your bus number for school? 103
51. Is your hair curly? I wish,I'm trying to get my mum to let me perm it 'cause it looks great curled
52. Last time you cried? Yesterday
53. Ever walked into a wall? Frequently
54. Do looks matter? Not nearly as much as personality,I don't give a damn what you look like if you're an ass
55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? Erm..Pac Sun?
56. Have you ever slapped someone? Yes,several times
57. Favorite time of the year? Autumn
58. Favorite color? It changes,almost daily
59. Are you sarcastic? My entire family's nickname for me is Smart-ass
60. Do you have any tattoos? No,I'm belonephobic-my entire being shies away from anything involving needles.
61. The last person you held hands with? None of your business
62. Do you sleep with the TV on? Yes,I have since I was like 6
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? Yes
65. Do you like your life right now? Eh...
66. How often do you talk on the phone? Usually about 2 hours a day,but that's sort of a recent thing
67. What is your favorite animal? Don't actually have one
68. What was the most recent thing you bought? A bottle of black nail polish
69. Do you have good vision? No,I wear contacts and I honestly can't see more than 3 inches in front of my face without them.
70. Can you hula hoop? Not well
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater? After a long time,maybe.But cheaters aren't as bad as liars
72. Do you have a job?No,I can't legally have a job for 2 more years.
73. Can you handle the truth? Can-I don't always like it but I much prefer it to lies
74. What are you wearing? My fave pair of darkwash jeans,a blue sweater,and a pair of socks with pandas on them
75. Have you ever crawled through a window?Yes,because my mother has an increasingly annoying habit of locking us out of our house and being smaller than she is I'm the one who gets to break into the house to unlock the door.

REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEes?
when )m 0 m( was your hero
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?
I doNt.

COPY THESE INTO YOUR PROFILE!!

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over. If this is true for you, post this on your profile!

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a DOOR KNOB, copy into your profile.

If you get easily obsessed copy this to your profile

If you like two things that are insanely different copy this to your profile

If you think your BFF is your sister copy this to your profile

If you can't read the word,djytshkyrshfusd, copy this to your profile

If you have ever fallen in love with or had a crush on a fictional character, copy this to your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a wall(or pole) because you were looking sideways at a friend, copy this into your profile. (Well, I was actually looking behind me at a friend. Then I turned around. The pole snuck up on me, I swear!!)

If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy this into your profile. (Ok, waaaay more than 100. And that's not counting the ones that I can't seem to get rid of.)

If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile. (The goddess of wisdom is a lot funnier than she looks. . . )

If you think that people who don't like PJO are crazy/stupid/losers, copy this into yor profile. (SOO TRUE)

If you constantly forget what you're saying or are about to say, and i mean CONSTANTLY, copy this into your profile. (I wouldn't ask, while you're still ahead. . .)

If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile.

If you've heard the freecreditreport.com song, and have began to sing it randomly, sometimes when it's least appropriate, copy this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile. (Screaming does count.)

If you've ever tripped over nothing, copy this into your profile.

If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.

If you DON'T check under the bed for monsters, but you DO check behind the shower curtain for monsters/murderers/Michael Jackson/Opal Koboi, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the news is depressing, copy this into your profile.

If you run from the room screaming whenever someone starts talking about politics, copy this into your profile.

If you noticed that in horror movies, it always happens when they're home alone during a thunderstorm at night, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped when there was a "watch your step" sign copy and paste this into your profile.

if you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get, like, two reviews, copy this into your profile. It only takes one review to get me excited.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've never even heard of those shows, copy this in to your profile.

Ninety-three percent of the teen population would die if Hannah Montanna or The Simpsons said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy and paste this if you would be part of the seven percent that'd be LAUGHING YOUR BUTT OFF!

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

Chocolate Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile (or one of those doors that are made out of glass. I've run into plenty of those).

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

Chocolate Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. (That's me. Unique, I mean.)

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile. All my friends are insane.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking' Trix, copy this into your profile

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freaking' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile,

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

Weird is under-rated. Copy and paste this in your profile, if you agree and add your name to the list: Celiana, SuperSidney, Wisegirl101, Seweedbrainrocks314, Shorty and KG Inc., BookWormBandGeek, Stargirl844, iBookworm-chan

My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this into your profile.

If you are willing to rebel against the flamers and anyone who is bad in the world and harms any animal or plant of any sort (except a few selected) copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: SuperSidney, Wisegirl101, Shorty and KG Inc., BookWormBandGeek, Holly M.,Stargirl844, iBookworm-chan

If you play an instrument and suck at it or hate it, but you can't quit, copy this into your profile. ( Good at it,but I still hate it)

If you agree with the following state ment, copy it into your profile: Nerds rule the world.

If you agree that it's a complement when someone calls you a bandgeek, bookworm, or any other name that normal people would find insulting, copy this into your profile.

If people say you read too much copy this into your profile.

If you still watch old disney classics just for the heck of it- like Beauty and the beast, aladdin, any other fairy tales- and you are proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile ( Oh gods I do this SO often, people call me crazy but I take it as a compliment)

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!!

Copy and paste this into your profile if you and your BFFs watch movies just to laugh at them and make fun of them. ( Well duh, that's the whole reason power rangers were invented)

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer!

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

When life gives you lemons, make grapefruit juice, and let life wonder how the heck you did that!

If you are a total clutz copy this into your profile. ( Oh my gods I've broken a toe on my right foot on the heel of my left foot)

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

If yoo cant spel too sav yoor lyfe then putt thes in yoor profiel.

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile! (Especially the FREAKING CAPS LOCK!)

If you believe that FAIRIES ARE YOUR FRIENDS, copy this into your profile.

Some fave quotes of mine:

"The road to insanity is a very long and narrow one, my friend. It takes time, dedication and steadfastness to get there. Not everyone will make it with there wits about them."-unknown

"What do I look like? The Wizard of Oz? You need a brain? You need a heart? Go ahead. Take mine. Take everything I have."- Stephenie Meyer, Breaking Dawn

"Pain is inevitable,suffering is optional" - Greta Randolph

"And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into a ditch" -Matthew 15:14

"I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here."- Stephen Bishop

"A child of five would understand this, send someone to fetch a child of five" - Groucho Marx

"Somebody already broke my heart" - Sade

"I don't have to be careful! I've got a gun!" - Homer Simpson

"Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree,shake your fist at the sky and say "Storms suck!!" -Johnny Carson

"Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway"- Mary Kay Ash

"We're all mad here, In case you hadn't notice I'm not quite all there myself." - Cheshire Cat

"Patrick:I'm mad!, Spongebob: What's wrong patrick?, Patrick: I can't see my forehead!"

"Show me a girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a girl who can't put her pants on" - Annik Marchand

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening,but this wasn't it" - Groucho Marx

"Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death. That's all."-William Goldman

"Boys are like slinkies- utterly useless but it's so entertaining to watch them fall down the stairs" - Uknown

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain" - Unknown

"Maybe we're better off this way, maybe it's better that we break" -Maroon 5: Better that we Break

"Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn’t expect to be paid back."-Unknown

"He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard."-Unknown

"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."-President Harry S. Truman

"I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."-Mark Twain

"Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?"- Don Rickles

"It is better to remain silent and appear foolish then to open your mouth and remove all doubt" - Unknown

"I for one can see no blood from the hearts and the wrists you allegedly slit."-Panic! At the disco

"Time is never time at all. You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of you." - The Smashing Pumpkins

Go to sleep and close your eyes

And dream of broken butterflies

That tore their wings against a thorn

You know the pain that they have borne

Silver metal shine so bright

Scarlet blood that feels so right

Dream of that blood trickling down

And wake up just before you drown

The moonlight's shining off your tears

As you bleed out your own worst fears

So tonight when you start to cry,

Whisper the cutters' lullaby:

Hushabye baby; you're almost dead

You don't have a pulse, and your pillow is red

Your family hates you and your friends let you bleed

Sleep tight with a knife 'cause it's all that you need

Rockabye baby, broken and scarred

You didn't know life would be so hard

Time to end the pain you hid so well,

And down will come baby - Straight back to hell.

Look, I didn't write this( found it on www.myspaceglittergraphics.com ) and NO I don't cut myself, but my best friend in the whole world does. She's like my sister, and she threatens to kill herself but I tell her if she did I would too, because I don't know what I would do without her. I'm not gonna say I'm EMO either, 'cause I'm not labeling myself, labels are stupid, but I am depressed, very. So many teens every year kill themself, and a lot of people don't even realize why. It's the kids who treat them like dirt, it's the parents who never cared enough to notice until it was too late. Don't be one of those kids who drives someone to the point they want to die. Think about the way you're treating someone, it's a joke to you... but the things you say can mean a lot more to someone else. When you call someone ugly, or stupid, or a freak. When you tell them they don't belong, or say you hate them(Ya, I know people say a lot of worse things than that, but I'm not gonna cuss)...you might not mean that, but it's the kind of thing that makes someone lie awake late at night silently crying because they can't get it out of their head. Be careful how you treat someone 'cuz people are usually a lot more fragile than they let on.

Just because she comes off strong

Doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying

And maybe - just maybe-she's really good at lying

()_()
(O.o)
( _ )

Meet the bunnies. they want world domination. help them. repost them on your profile. THEY HAVE COOKIES!!

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and geting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy.So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality they are amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Random things to say if you feel like it :

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

One day we're going to look back on this, laugh nervously and then change the subject

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

He who laughs last probably doesn't get the joke.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?

Why is verb a noun?

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there? - I live in Australia, so we don't actually sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game". But, meh, Americans think its funny.

Why is it called after dark when really it's after light?.

When life gives you lemons, squirt the lemons in Life's face

Boy, I didn't fall for you, you tripped me!

TGWF: Thank God We're Female

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his most expensive footware. That way you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Fridge isnt a word so, officially, we have to say refridgerator

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid ass

When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip n' slide.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

Be insane...well behaved girls never made history.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.

Officer, I swear to Drunk I am not God!

I'm disappointed in you, really. You locked away her sanity and swallowed the key.

When life gives you lemons, spit the lemons in life's eyes.

My mind works like lightning...one flash and then it's gone.

An optimist is someone who falls off the top of the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'"

Gone crazy. Be back soon.

I'm spinning in my new expensive office chair. So I'm away... Now I'm back... Away again... Back!.. And away..

I am sleeping, why aren't you?

Suicide is our way of saying to god, “You can’t fire me, I quit!”

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, Meet strange, new, people, then kill them.

I spilt Spot remover on my dog. Now sob he's gone.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.My heart? Yeah. It's not a playground.

UFO's are real. It's the Air Force that doesn't exist!

A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one.

Marriage is Grand... Divorce is 20 Grand...

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot! (Actually, I'm not ... but its a joke)

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

I’ve got problem for your solution…

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.

Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.

All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Life is like a magic show, captivating and full of lies.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?

Be creative, invent a perversion.

MONEY TALKS... but all mine ever says is GOODBYE!

If life begins at 40, what are you supposed to do until then?

If plugging it in doesn't help, turn it on.

I'm in shape... round's a shape isn't it?

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

When in doubt, mumble. When asked to clarify, say "Trust me".

43 of all statistics are useless.

Write all complaints legibly in this space -

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're upside down.

Optimist: A YUGO owner.

I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.

WYTYSYDG - What You Thought You Saw You Didn't Get

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Black Holes are where God divided by zero.

I've got a... uh... uh... Oh yeah - a photographic memory!

Is that seat saved? No, but we're praying for it!

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Dolphins: Don't trust a species that's always smiling, its up to something!

Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.

1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts.

Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl mistakes!

Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make them up!

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

Daddy? What's this little red button for? Pzzzz...

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

SHIN - A device for finding furniture in the dark.

It's only a hobby... only a hobby... only a hobby...

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad cheque.

Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver

You call me a b? Because a b is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, thanks for noticing.

If you still have to think 'righty tighty, left loosy' when opening, well, anything, copy this into your profile.

A friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"
A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"
A friend wipes your tears when your rejected. A best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"
A friend will visit you in jail. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS FREAKING AWESOME'!!
A friend will always be like "well you deserve better". A best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days".

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" That's a really good question...I wonder...

She's drowning in blood, but nobody notices. The world is in black and white. Some people have endured so much that they just keep drowning, and drowning, and drowning...

A friend will walk into your house without ringing the doorbell or knocking, a best friend will walk in and yell,"I'm home!"
A friend will call your parents by their first names, a best friend will call them Mom and Dad.
A friend will tell you that your a great singer even if you're terrible, a best friend will tell you that you suck.
A friend will give you a shoulder to cy on when he breaks your heart, a best friend will go up to him and say, "It's because you're gay, isnt it?"

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who the hell is drinking my water!

Lying there in the middle of the ballroom floor, white dress stained a deep crimson, drowning in the pool of my own blood, I wonder what kind of Cinderella am I? Not one at all, because Cinderella found true love and we all know true love is just a fairy tale your parents tell you when you're little so you'll shut up and go to sleep.