Frequent Interruption
 Author has written 1 story for Misc. Anime/Manga. Hi there! Im Frequent Interruptions! Call me...Freak...Yeah,that fits me! 1. You have the fake, trendy, bullsh*t emo. These are the people that force themselves to be emo, try to dramatize their life, and think wearing black and cutting your wrists is emo. 2. The true emo, some who is overly emotional. Thats right, emo's can smile and be happy! Many people suffering from manic depression are labelled emo, because they can't help feeling like life f*cking sucks. Alot of them also cut, hence people labelling other people who cut 'emo' ((Also, to all the people who say emo is sh*t, and say 'dont become emo' then label people emo when you decide they are, you are a bunch of tosspots who can go shoot yourself in the face.)) two days later* *is wearing fully black clothes, make up, and is carrying a razor with them.* Fake emo: My parents don't get me. Nobody gets me... 2. True emo: *is being hyper and dancing* I loooove life I've been on this site for a bit and I still haven't gotten around to uploading any of my fanfics... that's kind of sad. I would put a list of my favorite anime and manga, but I might be updating that for the next ten years, so I'm going to save myself the trouble for until I'm really bored. When I finally do get around to putting up fics, can you guys please review? fun stuff. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty This is a DIE-HARD FANFICTION READING ZONE! If you wish that fictional characters were real, copy and paste this to your profile. If you are addicted to fanfiction, copy this into your profile. If you want to learn Japanese, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just one review, paste this into your profile. If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever read a whole story while thinking "This could have been written so much better," copy and paste this into your profile. !eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI If you have ever spent too much money at any bookstore, put this in your profile. If you walk into walls because you have your nose in a book, copy this to your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile. If you're supposed to be doing homework right now, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever annoyed people just for fun, copy this to your profile. If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile. A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." If you're someone who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like to read people's profiles when you're bored, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever laughed out loud when you were thinking something funny and people looked at you with a weird face, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these (there's more BWHAHAHAHA!), copy this into your profile! There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. If you love CHEESE and are proud, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever forgot your name, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've read all of these just because you're bored, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyway, copy and paste this into your profile. For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. The bolded ones apply to me. I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat. FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb a*s?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run bi*ch run!" FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DA*N!" we messed up!" FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds a*s that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!" FRIENDS: Would read ignore this If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this on your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your carcass off. If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile. If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile. If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you have written a story, but never completed it, then copy and this on your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile. If you have ever wanted to slap someone, copy this into your profile. If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile. If you have slapped someone upside the head , copy this into your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions when you probably should be doing something else, copy this onto your profile If you have random moments where you get completely lost in your thoughts and lose track of everything you were doing, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. 16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!" Repost this if you laughed... When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you wierd, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have a tendency to talk/sing to yourself copy and paste this to your profile. Have you ever tried having a thumb war with yourself?? I have. (I found that I'm a very tough opponent.) If you have just tried having a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this on your profile. If you find Spongebob funny SOMETIMES, but most of the time he is SO annoying you want to throw the TV out the window, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever pulled on a door that said push, or vise versa, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever stayed up past 2 in the morning reading, copy and paste this on your profile. (More like all night! :D) If random songs pop into your head for no apparent reason, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy and paste this to your profile. If you think that Writer's Block blows, copy and paste this to your profile. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! People say that I'm weird, but I think that weird is strange, and strange is odd, and odd is different, and different is unique, and everyone is unique, so unique is normal, so therefore I am normal. If the same is true for you, copy this onto your profile! If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this to your profile. If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this to your profile. If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile XD If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this to your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are reading this line, copy and paste it in ur profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this to your profile. If you are not sure if you find these 'copy and paste things' annoying or if you love them, copy and paste this on your profile. Azmanig huh? Why America has some Issues (Yes I live there, but tough. These are clever) 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. 7 Reasons Not to Mess with Children (small children) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: Sauron the Fangirl Fairy-Hands Draco To-ya! Lightsabers Love Tesseracts Why sour candy makes one's tongue bleed Rhyming Poetry Yoink! Where they sell Cans of Whoop-ass Oliver Wood, writhing on the ground in attempt to tame a bludger. Freudian implications of the surname Biggerstaff Progression Pure-blooded Wizards Fan of TUA Quotes "If life were a video game, Pez would be the magic coins." Cedric: Cedric is normal Kat: Oh my God, that guy has manboobs! "I'll show you 'constant vigilance'!" "Well, I am a selfish, only child bit*h. But Leerie can have some." "Great. Now I can buy a candy bar in magical fairyland where everything's free!" "It just keeps going and going and going… It's like the Energizer Bunny on crack!" "I'm so happy! I have hamsters in my underwear!" Me: It's okay for a guy and a girl to be just friends, right? "Computers are evil. But they are also the tools of the gods. Sort of like Hollywood producers, and dentists." "The zombies will settle for PB&J." "I don't care if he is Death, I'm still gonna kick him in the shins!" "Okay, aroused ferret out of the cleavage." Me: Voldermart? "Because there are so many damsels wandering around Kent." Kat: Death! "Stop! You must be this tall to ride!" 'Draco? Draco…? [Pause] Snookhums…?" Kat: Kerry, stop flirting with Brett. "I know, I'm an inverted pumpkin." PC game Malfoy: You've damaged my broomstick, Potter! "You do not have a crush on Harry Potter!" "Right. Are they paying you to be a jerk, or are you stupidly doing it for free??" "And the award for Most Priceless Facial Expression goes to …Elrond!" Me: You'd like Seamus, Cedric. "My eyelashes have been curled. WHY?" "Oh, I am so angry at you now." "Excuse me, okay, you squeezed my pen, err, pinkie…" "We are not sods, Mr. Sorting Hat!" Nina:...and Caitlin and I call him Sexy Man. "Dude! Brett! You forgot your clothes!" "Matt, there are so not twelve bases!" "All citizens should be advised that the local turtle was found to be harboring Badgers." "Oh yay! Kerry is quoting me!" "Help!! Betsy's Slushie's trying to kill me!!!! It's a Slushie kill-Anna conspiracy!!!!" "I am not Kerry's freshman!" "That's very nice perfume... must you marinate in it?" "You'd be surprised what a good meal carpet makes." "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…Matt." "You've abandoned me for another sidewalk!" "Oh crap. There are ghosts guarding the last bitey thing. Crap, I'm stuck!" Seana: He looks extremely hot on this pen. "Camel Couscous. 100% natural camel." "Cedric Diggory- dead sexy, dead boring…just plain dead." Betsy: Ginny's crush on Ron is cute. "What kind of spiders were they?" Erin: What happened to Ginny? "Who did what now?" Anrui-chan: …especially redheaded ones named Kerry after their mother. "I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my ha- Ow. Pressure point…" Kat: [Holding up a Harry Potter pen] …and he really doesn't look eleven, either. "He did not impregnate me!" Lunchtable: Oh, my god, Aragorn, *look* at his butt. [All fall over giggling] "Pipe." "No! Technology hates me!" "I'm on book number f*ck!" "Specky git." Aegeus86: i want me Jai! "Bush is a dumba*s hinker. Who fukes the government up." dj1thousand: i mean, everybody is pathetic, but your levels of patheticness are not as high as for you to be considered somebody who can be described as pathetic. Ninjagirl5: :stops dead and sits down calmly and investigates sock: "nevermind" "hold on while i put on enough clothes to go upstairs and get the paper" Aegeus86: PRAISE JESUS! "Are your fingers British too?" BetsyAnnH: anna believes that *everyone* has a crush on you, Kerry, I swear... Aegeus86: We are the Fags who say MOO and to you, we say MOOOOOOO! uote from other chat I'm in: S*it...they've found a light-switch...here's you're...no, not that...this! Ah...well, uh...[ahem]...that is cheating, but TAKE THE FRICKEN SHORTS! /Talk to Betsy...Like Betsy...Talk to betsy...lend me five bucks.../ Boggart Harry: I need to know what love is like, Malfoy, I need to find out. I’m hungry for you. "Mr. Potter, the snitch has not flown down Mr. Malfoy's throat. Please extricate yourself from his wind-pipe." "Ok, I'm going to just stand in the middle of the street until those cars start g-okay, they're going!" "The world's going to end at three? ...but I haven't been laid yet!" "Marry me!" "find things that resemble underwear, like t-shirts!" "ack! can't be lucius when I'm listening to "lost my cookie at the disco!" "Anyone over 21 in the United States has the right to get absolutely smashed" Aegeus86: Draco was a boy --Quotes; "You're an idiot." Briar "Is there a point there?" Neko "I had a point?" Briar "I grew up with six older brothers who walked around the house in the nude. Nothing freaks me out anymore." Briar and Neko "Girls, did you let Iggy into the kitchen again?" Our brother Aaron when our brother Iggy blew up the oven "Run! It's the end of the fucking world!" Briar when Neko kicked our brother Fang's ass "Can I kill them?" Neko and Briar after someone made fun of our friends "Can you guess..." Briar "...which is which?" Neko "No, now go do your homework." our dad. "Cookies!" Briar to break the awkward silene that accumulated in the classroom "Homosapiens are evil!" Briar and Neko. If we call you that it meens we hate you. :p "That which does not kill me, had better run pretty damn fast." Briar "I'm being stalked by Satan's Camaro!" Sam, Transformers, It's funny 'cause Neko is trying to write a fanfic about it "I have my own mall." the princess(who's name we cannot remember),Princess Diaries 2 "Myths are based on reality. Reality is often much more frightening than the myth." Neko after reading about child-abuse "You can't help being mad. We're all mad here." Cheshire Cat, Alice in Wonderland "The best thing about not caring what most people think about you, is watching them edge away in fear." Briar "And life, life’s a bitch, cause if it were a slut, It’d be easy." one of our friends "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistant one." Albert Einstein "Don't follow me. I walk into walls, and fall down stairs, and trip over nothing, and run into counters, the list goes on for another seven hours." Briar "Real evil people will join the dark-side, steal all their cookies, and leave." Another of our friends, while eating a cookie "To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target." Ashleigh Brilliant "I finally have a grasp on reality. Now I can choke it." Briar "When everything's coming your way you're in the wrong lane." another friend "Sometimes the one thing you're looking for is the one thing you cannot see." Neko "It is as bad as you think and they are out to get you." friend...again "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you." our brothers Drake and Drane(triplets with Fang) "If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?" "Next time you wave, use all your fingers." a friend after watching us wave at random people "You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME." us when a prep teased us "I love preps, I especially love the screams they make when I punch them." Briar "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them." Briar "Next mood swing, ten minutes." us when our x-friend was PMSing "I‘m out of estrogen and I have a gun." "All stressed out and no one to choke." Briar(can you tell which of us is more violent yet?) "Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself!" Neko, she's a schitzo(i can't spell, that's Neko's job) "Mine!" "Die a ranbow chocolatey death!" a friend when she was throwing MnM's at everyone "Forget Prince Charming, I'll take the wolf."- Emily the Strange(lovelovelovelovelove her) "Oreo!" "Jake from State Farm at 3 in the morning? Who is this?" woman "Oh my god you are evil...I am so proud of you!" Briar to one of our friends who is supposed to be the 'good-girl' From Quotes; "You're an idiot." Briar "Is there a point there?" Neko "I had a point?" Briar "I grew up with six older brothers who walked around the house in the nude. Nothing freaks me out anymore." Briar and Neko "Girls, did you let Iggy into the kitchen again?" Our brother Aaron when our brother Iggy blew up the oven "Run! It's the end of the fucking world!" Briar when Neko kicked our brother Fang's ass "Can I kill them?" Neko and Briar after someone made fun of our friends "Can you guess..." Briar "...which is which?" Neko "No, now go do your homework." our dad. "Cookies!" Briar to break the awkward silene that accumulated in the classroom "Homosapiens are evil!" Briar and Neko. If we call you that it meens we hate you. :p "That which does not kill me, had better run pretty damn fast." Briar "I'm being stalked by Satan's Camaro!" Sam, Transformers, It's funny 'cause Neko is trying to write a fanfic about it "I have my own mall." the princess(who's name we cannot remember),Princess Diaries 2 "Myths are based on reality. Reality is often much more frightening than the myth." Neko after reading about child-abuse "You can't help being mad. We're all mad here." Cheshire Cat, Alice in Wonderland "The best thing about not caring what most people think about you, is watching them edge away in fear." Briar "And life, life’s a bitch, cause if it were a slut, It’d be easy." one of our friends "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistant one." Albert Einstein "Don't follow me. I walk into walls, and fall down stairs, and trip over nothing, and run into counters, the list goes on for another seven hours." Briar "Real evil people will join the dark-side, steal all their cookies, and leave." Another of our friends, while eating a cookie "To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target." Ashleigh Brilliant "I finally have a grasp on reality. Now I can choke it." Briar "When everything's coming your way you're in the wrong lane." another friend "Sometimes the one thing you're looking for is the one thing you cannot see." Neko "It is as bad as you think and they are out to get you." friend...again "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you." our brothers Drake and Drane(triplets with Fang) "If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?" "Next time you wave, use all your fingers." a friend after watching us wave at random people "You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME." us when a prep teased us "I love preps, I especially love the screams they make when I punch them." Briar "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them." Briar "Next mood swing, ten minutes." us when our x-friend was PMSing "I‘m out of estrogen and I have a gun." "All stressed out and no one to choke." Briar(can you tell which of us is more violent yet?) "Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself!" Neko, she's a schitzo(i can't spell, that's Neko's job) "Mine!" "Die a ranbow chocolatey death!" a friend when she was throwing MnM's at everyone "Forget Prince Charming, I'll take the wolf."- Emily the Strange(lovelovelovelovelove her) "Oreo!" "Jake from State Farm at 3 in the morning? Who is this?" woman "Oh my god you are evil...I am so proud of you!" Briar to one of our friends who is supposed to be the 'good-girl' Random Thing we found then edited so it fit our style, we underlined the ones we edited! When life gives me lemons, I make a chocholate sundae and leave the world to wonder how the heck I managed it If at first you don't succeed, throw knives at the people who failed you If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried. I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it because I invented it Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject...or just laugh and say 'I miss those days.' I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them when i stare at them for four hours strait without blinking Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas...such as taking over disney world If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating...good thing I don't. Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with, considering it makes life dull and boring! That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast. (Heh, we honestly thought we made this quote up when we were, like, five) Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back then killed it 'cause it found another thing to be curios about Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. A wise man once said, "Ask a girl, they're the smart ones." When in doubt, push random buttons then laugh as it blows up! Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's psychotic. You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft! There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train that you're about to get run over by. Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling? I just painted a dragon on it yesterday!" There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...unless they have heart-attacks due to surprise Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it He who laughs last thinks slowest An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work...then falls and the only thing going through his mind is 'Please don't let blood splater all over my nice clean windows.' I'm not cynical, everything just sucks I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies...'cause I'll probably be ignoring you anyway. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss...or you don't mind hurting people. There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots that deserve to have their mouths taped shut. The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good I'm not as dumb as you look The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police...'cause the pizza delivery person saw the dead body in the living room. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk or run screaming in circles. Sarcasm is one more service we offer. Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away with mind control. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. Always take the time to smell the roses...and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee then scream 'GET IT OUT!'. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek...nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. If genius is 1 inspiration and 99 perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people. It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the tme to do it. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely and read your book. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines. I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else. My father always said laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us ended up having to go to the hospital due to my morbid sense of humor. It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man then get pushed down the five-story stairs for being an asshole. When I'm feeling down I like to whistle...too bad I don't know how. Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows...as long as you always have a bobby pin. If you can't get the skeletons out of your closet, you'd better teach them to dance. Stupid is just a 5 letter word...at least that's what my stalkers say Don't ask me to think inside my head, because I lost my inside voice cause it wanted to join the fun outside. No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning...they fight harder then act like sore losers as I laugh from the sidelines at their stupidity Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. If UFO's are supposed to be so intelligent, then why have they abducted humans? Anyone who says "As easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it. If voting could change anything, it would be illegal. That that is, is. That that is not, is not. That that is is not that that is not, and that that is not is not that that is. If you actually understood that, welcome to the society of really smart people If you got a problem, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it...or you could just jump in and drown yourself I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself...oh, dang I just repeated myself. Work is blackmail for survival. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth without first giving him a Certs. Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them. Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys...unless you have a sword and threaten to cut their heads off if they trample you. When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later...it's more fun that way. Fun flies when you're doing time. When all else fails, use duct tape. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injection if you're just gonna die anyway? I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode and I'd die of laughter. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car just 'cause we can. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!" My Reality Check bounced. Wait, there's a reality? On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing You Know You're an Author When: 1. You talk to yourself constantly 2. You've spaced out for more than five minutes 3. You always seem to be typing in your head, and sometimes find yourself doing so on an imaginary keyboard. 4. You don't have a favorite song, you have multiple theme songs! 5. You have read a 250+page book in less than an hour 6. In every book/movie/show you have read/viewed, you make up at least three fanfictions about them in your head. (Or actually write them.) 6. Your writing teacher hated you. 7. You failed English class 8. You have people yelling at you to stop writing and pay attention WOMEN'S ANSWERS TO PICK UP LINES: Man: "Haven't we met before?" Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Man: "Is this seat empty?" Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Man: "Your place or mine?" Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants." Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" Man: "What sign were you born under?" Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason." Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." Man: "I know how to please a woman." Man: "I want to give myself to you." Man: "I can tell that you want me." Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy." Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?" Man: "May I see you pretty soon?" Man: "Your body is like a temple." Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you." School quotes that we were actually present for. TEACHER: Why are you late? TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? TEACHER: John, how do you spell, "crocodile?" TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentance starting with "I". TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him? TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? from Quotes; "You're an idiot." Briar "Is there a point there?" Neko "I had a point?" Briar "I grew up with six older brothers who walked around the house in the nude. Nothing freaks me out anymore." Briar and Neko "Girls, did you let Iggy into the kitchen again?" Our brother Aaron when our brother Iggy blew up the oven "Run! It's the end of the fucking world!" Briar when Neko kicked our brother Fang's ass "Can I kill them?" Neko and Briar after someone made fun of our friends "Can you guess..." Briar "...which is which?" Neko "No, now go do your homework." our dad. "Cookies!" Briar to break the awkward silene that accumulated in the classroom "Homosapiens are evil!" Briar and Neko. If we call you that it meens we hate you. :p "That which does not kill me, had better run pretty damn fast." Briar "I'm being stalked by Satan's Camaro!" Sam, Transformers, It's funny 'cause Neko is trying to write a fanfic about it "I have my own mall." the princess(who's name we cannot remember),Princess Diaries 2 "Myths are based on reality. Reality is often much more frightening than the myth." Neko after reading about child-abuse "You can't help being mad. We're all mad here." Cheshire Cat, Alice in Wonderland "The best thing about not caring what most people think about you, is watching them edge away in fear." Briar "And life, life’s a bitch, cause if it were a slut, It’d be easy." one of our friends "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistant one." Albert Einstein "Don't follow me. I walk into walls, and fall down stairs, and trip over nothing, and run into counters, the list goes on for another seven hours." Briar "Real evil people will join the dark-side, steal all their cookies, and leave." Another of our friends, while eating a cookie "To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target." Ashleigh Brilliant "I finally have a grasp on reality. Now I can choke it." Briar "When everything's coming your way you're in the wrong lane." another friend "Sometimes the one thing you're looking for is the one thing you cannot see." Neko "It is as bad as you think and they are out to get you." friend...again "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you." our brothers Drake and Drane(triplets with Fang) "If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?" "Next time you wave, use all your fingers." a friend after watching us wave at random people "You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME." us when a prep teased us "I love preps, I especially love the screams they make when I punch them." Briar "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them." Briar "Next mood swing, ten minutes." us when our x-friend was PMSing "I‘m out of estrogen and I have a gun." "All stressed out and no one to choke." Briar(can you tell which of us is more violent yet?) "Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself!" Neko, she's a schitzo(i can't spell, that's Neko's job) "Mine!" "Die a ranbow chocolatey death!" a friend when she was throwing MnM's at everyone "Forget Prince Charming, I'll take the wolf."- Emily the Strange(lovelovelovelovelove her) "Oreo!" "Jake from State Farm at 3 in the morning? Who is this?" woman "Oh my god you are evil...I am so proud of you!" Briar to one of our friends who is supposed to be the 'good-girl' Random Thing we found then edited so it fit our style, we underlined the ones we edited! When life gives me lemons, I make a chocholate sundae and leave the world to wonder how the heck I managed it If at first you don't succeed, throw knives at the people who failed you If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried. I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it because I invented it Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject...or just laugh and say 'I miss those days.' I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them when i stare at them for four hours strait without blinking Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas...such as taking over disney world If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating...good thing I don't. Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with, considering it makes life dull and boring! That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast. (Heh, we honestly thought we made this quote up when we were, like, five) Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back then killed it 'cause it found another thing to be curios about Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. A wise man once said, "Ask a girl, they're the smart ones." When in doubt, push random buttons then laugh as it blows up! Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's psychotic. You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft! There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train that you're about to get run over by. Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling? I just painted a dragon on it yesterday!" There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...unless they have heart-attacks due to surprise Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it He who laughs last thinks slowest An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work...then falls and the only thing going through his mind is 'Please don't let blood splater all over my nice clean windows.' I'm not cynical, everything just sucks I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies...'cause I'll probably be ignoring you anyway. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss...or you don't mind hurting people. There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots that deserve to have their mouths taped shut. The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good I'm not as dumb as you look The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police...'cause the pizza delivery person saw the dead body in the living room. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk or run screaming in circles. Sarcasm is one more service we offer. Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away with mind control. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. Always take the time to smell the roses...and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee then scream 'GET IT OUT!'. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek...nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. If genius is 1 inspiration and 99 perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people. It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the tme to do it. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely and read your book. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines. I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else. My father always said laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us ended up having to go to the hospital due to my morbid sense of humor. It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man then get pushed down the five-story stairs for being an asshole. When I'm feeling down I like to whistle...too bad I don't know how. Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows...as long as you always have a bobby pin. If you can't get the skeletons out of your closet, you'd better teach them to dance. Stupid is just a 5 letter word...at least that's what my stalkers say Don't ask me to think inside my head, because I lost my inside voice cause it wanted to join the fun outside. No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning...they fight harder then act like sore losers as I laugh from the sidelines at their stupidity Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. If UFO's are supposed to be so intelligent, then why have they abducted humans? Anyone who says "As easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it. If voting could change anything, it would be illegal. That that is, is. That that is not, is not. That that is is not that that is not, and that that is not is not that that is. If you actually understood that, welcome to the society of really smart people If you got a problem, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it...or you could just jump in and drown yourself I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself...oh, dang I just repeated myself. Work is blackmail for survival. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth without first giving him a Certs. Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them. Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys...unless you have a sword and threaten to cut their heads off if they trample you. When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later...it's more fun that way. Fun flies when you're doing time. When all else fails, use duct tape. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injection if you're just gonna die anyway? I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode and I'd die of laughter. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car just 'cause we can. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!" My Reality Check bounced. Wait, there's a reality? On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing You Know You're an Author When: 1. You talk to yourself constantly 2. You've spaced out for more than five minutes 3. You always seem to be typing in your head, and sometimes find yourself doing so on an imaginary keyboard. 4. You don't have a favorite song, you have multiple theme songs! 5. You have read a 250+page book in less than an hour 6. In every book/movie/show you have read/viewed, you make up at least three fanfictions about them in your head. (Or actually write them.) 6. Your writing teacher hated you. 7. You failed English class 8. You have people yelling at you to stop writing and pay attention WOMEN'S ANSWERS TO PICK UP LINES: Man: "Haven't we met before?" Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Man: "Is this seat empty?" Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Man: "Your place or mine?" Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants." Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" Man: "What sign were you born under?" Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason." Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." Man: "I know how to please a woman." Man: "I want to give myself to you." Man: "I can tell that you want me." Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy." Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?" Man: "May I see you pretty soon?" Man: "Your body is like a temple." Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you." School quotes that we were actually present for. TEACHER: Why are you late? TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? TEACHER: John, how do you spell, "crocodile?" TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentance starting with "I". TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him? TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Random Things we found then edited so it fit our style, we underlined the ones we edited! When life gives me lemons, I make a chocholate sundae and leave the world to wonder how the heck I managed it If at first you don't succeed, throw knives at the people who failed you If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried. I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it because I invented it Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject...or just laugh and say 'I miss those days.' I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them when i stare at them for four hours strait without blinking Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas...such as taking over disney world If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating...good thing I don't. Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with, considering it makes life dull and boring! That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast. (Heh, we honestly thought we made this quote up when we were, like, five) Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back then killed it 'cause it found another thing to be curios about Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. A wise man once said, "Ask a girl, they're the smart ones." When in doubt, push random buttons then laugh as it blows up! Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's psychotic. You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft! There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train that you're about to get run over by. Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling? I just painted a dragon on it yesterday!" There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...unless they have heart-attacks due to surprise Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it He who laughs last thinks slowest An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work...then falls and the only thing going through his mind is 'Please don't let blood splater all over my nice clean windows.' I'm not cynical, everything just sucks I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies...'cause I'll probably be ignoring you anyway. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss...or you don't mind hurting people. There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots that deserve to have their mouths taped shut. The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good I'm not as dumb as you look The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police...'cause the pizza delivery person saw the dead body in the living room. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk or run screaming in circles. Sarcasm is one more service we offer. Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away with mind control. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. Always take the time to smell the roses...and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee then scream 'GET IT OUT!'. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek...nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. If genius is 1 inspiration and 99 perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people. It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the tme to do it. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely and read your book. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines. I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else. My father always said laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us ended up having to go to the hospital due to my morbid sense of humor. It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man then get pushed down the five-story stairs for being an asshole. When I'm feeling down I like to whistle...too bad I don't know how. Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows...as long as you always have a bobby pin. If you can't get the skeletons out of your closet, you'd better teach them to dance. Stupid is just a 5 letter word...at least that's what my stalkers say Don't ask me to think inside my head, because I lost my inside voice cause it wanted to join the fun outside. No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning...they fight harder then act like sore losers as I laugh from the sidelines at their stupidity Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. If UFO's are supposed to be so intelligent, then why have they abducted humans? Anyone who says "As easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it. If voting could change anything, it would be illegal. That that is, is. That that is not, is not. That that is is not that that is not, and that that is not is not that that is. If you actually understood that, welcome to the society of really smart people If you got a problem, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it...or you could just jump in and drown yourself I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself...oh, dang I just repeated myself. Work is blackmail for survival. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth without first giving him a Certs. Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them. Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys...unless you have a sword and threaten to cut their heads off if they trample you. When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later...it's more fun that way. Fun flies when you're doing time. When all else fails, use duct tape. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injection if you're just gonna die anyway? I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode and I'd die of laughter. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car just 'cause we can. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!" My Reality Check bounced. Wait, there's a reality? On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing You Know You're an Author When: 1. You talk to yourself constantly 2. You've spaced out for more than five minutes 3. You always seem to be typing in your head, and sometimes find yourself doing so on an imaginary keyboard. 4. You don't have a favorite song, you have multiple theme songs! 5. You have read a 250+page book in less than an hour 6. In every book/movie/show you have read/viewed, you make up at least three fanfictions about them in your head. (Or actually write them.) 6. Your writing teacher hated you. 7. You failed English class 8. You have people yelling at you to stop writing and pay attention WOMEN'S ANSWERS TO PICK UP LINES: Man: "Haven't we met before?" Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Man: "Is this seat empty?" Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Man: "Your place or mine?" Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants." Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" Man: "What sign were you born under?" Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason." Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." Man: "I know how to please a woman." Man: "I want to give myself to you." Man: "I can tell that you want me." Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy." Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?" Man: "May I see you pretty soon?" Man: "Your body is like a temple." Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you." School quotes that we were actually present for. TEACHER: Why are you late? TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? TEACHER: John, how do you spell, "crocodile?" TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentance starting with "I". TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him? TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Bored? Listless? Help is at hand! 1. THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show See how long you can hold a note Try to not think about penguins Use your secret mind power Pretend you're a robot Scratch yourself Rate passers by Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning Pinch yourself Try to swallow your tongue Pretend to be a car Make Star Trek door noises Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image Invent a weird twitch Make a low buzzing noise 2. THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH VERY LITTLE See what's in your neighbour's rubbish/trash Watch TV, repeat everything said in Italian accent Send spooky emails Play our useless games Make prank phone calls Pretend all humans will die except for people in room with you Step off a curb with eyes shut, imagine it's a cliff Try and sound Welsh Burn things with a magnifying glass Still really, really bored? With a friend? 3. THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ANOTHER PERSON Have a water gargling contest Stare at the back of someone's head until they turn around Have a "Who is less competitive" competition Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view Pull out a hair, stick in someone's ear Pour water in hand, make sneeze noise, throw water on back of person's neck Can you out-hum your friend? Things we feel strongly about: I am the friend who will kick the ass of whoever threatens my gay or lesbian friends Boy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please I'm scared. Boy: Now tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down. Boy: Now give me a big hug. The girl hugs him. Boy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of beak failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that, halfway down the road, the boy had realized his break wasn't working, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he put his helmet on her so that she could live. 'Never Argue With A Woman' One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?'). 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could startat any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. Rules! Rule #1 for Anime: Women hit harder than villains. Rule #2 for Anime: You can cuss someone out to the darkest depths of hell and actually get rewarded for it. Rule #3 for Anime: The homework always gets done even when you haven't touched it for weeks. Rule #4 for Anime: Girls with sweet dispositions and innocent faces are the MOST dangerous fighters you can find. STAY CLEAR! Rule #5 for Anime: Even the stupidest person in the class will graduate with flying colors even though they showed NO sign of improvement. Rule #6 for Anime: Every anime-yes EVERY anime-has its slut. Learn to deal with it. Rule #7 for Anime: Never underestimate the people who look like complete idiots. It turns out they are the ones who kick ass/have really good hearts/can always be depended on/safe your life and many other things you'll want as you go through your life. Rule #8 for Anime: You can save a person's life ONCE-and only ONCE- and they'll stick to your side talking about a "debt to be repaid" when you know full well they're staying there because they consider you a friend and you WILL give into those eyes!! You know it!! Rule #9 for Anime: You can be the biggest dick/bitch in the entire world and if you're the main character or have some relation-good or bad- to the main character you're most likely to have way more trustworthy friends than the packs of jocks, preps, and any other group you're not a part of. Rule #10 for Anime: You can have the worst past in the entire world and be able to handle it WAY better than anyone else who has minor problems. Because of this most of them will come to you for help. Go figure. Rule #11 for Anime: Every anime has at least one pervert. Random Women Rule: Children have colds, and Men have the Flu. Women just get on with it. Random Women Rule: Men are proof Women can take a joke. On Sears hairdryer: On a bag of Fritos: On a bar of Dial soap: On some Swann frozen dinners: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Boot's Children's cough medicine: On Nytol sleep aid: On a Korean kitchen knife: On a string of Christmas lights: On a food processor: On Sainsbury's peanuts: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: On a Swedish chainsaw: On a child's Superman costume: On a Butler Amusements Farris-Wheel On artificial bacon: On an American Flag: At Funplex: Next to a kid's place: In a Parking Lot: Most of this stuff was put on these labels to make sure the idiots who use them won't sue when they make an obvious mistake. If you know this, copy and paste this into your profile. Read each sentence ONE AT A TIME! This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is person cat This is who cat This is has cat This is too cat This is much cat This is free cat This is time cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line Over 98% of people will give up cartoons just because they became teenagers. Copy and Paste this if you are one of the 2% who will still be going to the movie theater to watch kid movies when you're 70. Quiz Time! 1 . YOUR REAL NAME: 2 . YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle) 3 . YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal) 4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first) 5. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink) 6. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, first two letters of your middle name, last two letters of your first name then last three letters of your last name) 7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (both parents middle name) 8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets) 9. NINJA NAME: (First two letters of your first name added with ruto) 10. PIRATE NAME: ( Your middle name after the word Captain) |
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