I bet my profile is longer than anyone elses since i put useless information on it=)

Birthday: 06/12/97

Siblings: two brothers and four sisters:P

Favorite Holiday: Christmas:)

I got the pen name sallywatermelon from my computer teacher at elementary school..LOLZ

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Put this on your page
if you laugh a lot =
(Too much! LOL)

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ღ Chipmunks/Chipettes/Music
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If you have ever listened to someone say something and you REALLY DO listen, word for word, and when their done you go, "What did you say?", copy and paste this to your profile

If you've ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects, copy this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this to your profile.

If you hate Racism,Copy this into your profile.

If you claim to have no life and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you completely hate Nick for ending production on Danny Phantom, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're against racism, prejudice, discrimination, or even stereotype, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. 80 of the talking you do today will be to yourself.

If you are over the age of 12 and still watch cartoon network, disney channel ect., and are proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this to make it longer.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever accidentally walked into a wall, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're weird and you're proud of it post this into your profile!!

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you don't even look at the things that you copy and paste and when you do you have the same thing over and over again, CAPTIYP

If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you ever copied something to your profile, copy this into your profile. Now add your name: krazykookiegirl, J'Bates-Forever, Fizzy Starburst, peaceluvandchipetteslolz

I like cheese. I've seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese? Or when two foot are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. Some people call me crazy, but I'm just random. If you are random and proud of it, copy this onto your profile

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do so at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have a profile, paste this on your profile

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Of course I'm talking to myself! Who else can I trust!

If you dream of the chipmunks or try your hardest to dream of them each night copy and paste into your profile
If you compare every person, inanimate object, house, or ANYTHING to the chipmunks/ettes copy and paste into your profile
If someone has ever told you your weird and you reply "what was your first clue"

Even if the voices aren't real... they have some good ideas.

I haven't failed, I've found 1,000 ways that won't work!

The greatest love quotes I have found on peoples profiles!!!!

We were given: Two hands to hold, two legs to walk, two eyes to see, two ears to listen, but why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else, for us to find.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

I sought for love, but love ran away from me. I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. Then I sought you, and found all three.

When you're down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I'll be willing to lie right down next to you.

"Don't worry that you're not strong enough before you begin. It is in the journey that God makes you strong."

Love knows no reason, love knows no no lies. Love defies all reason, love has no eyes. But love is not blind, love sees, but doesn't mind.

Sometimes you make me so mad, I wanna throw you in the middle of on going traffic, but then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you.

To the world you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

If you're too afraid to fall, you'll never meet the special person who was meant to catch you.

The greatest thing ever learned is just to love and be loved in return.

If you loved any of these quotes copy and paste it to your profile!!!!

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you love to draw but think your art sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you ever copied something to your profile, copy this into your profile. Now add your name: krazykookiegirl, J'Bates-Forever, ChipmunksChipettes4Ever, sallywatermelon

Just because we eat animals doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc., copy this into your profile!

If you read this, copy this into your profile.

If you want to, copy this into your profile.

I like cheese. I've seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese? Or when two foot are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. Some people call me crazy, but I'm just random. If you are random and proud of it, copy this onto your profile

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile

If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. Now add your name so we can see how many times this will be copied and pasted:krazykookiegirl, J'Bates-Forever, ChipmunksChipettes4Ever, sallywatermelon

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever had a random crush on a cartoon character, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do so at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you have a profile, paste this on your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If a fork is made of gold, will it still be called silverware?

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to "Woman Hitler"?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.

Love your enemies! It really pisses them off.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

Smile. It confuses people.

Americans worship money. I have been looking for God all my life and he is right in my pocket.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

A day without sunshine is like...night.

Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled...Now where the heck am I?

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepair to shatter.

There are A LOT of people who

Warning:Randomness Ahead!!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha No!

Friends will say "You deserve better" Best friends will call him n say " You die in seven days"

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

Of all the things I've lost... I miss my mind the most.

Of course I'm talking to myself: who else can I trust?

Don't follow me I'm lost too.

At least I don't CARE what those mindless people think of me.

It's always in the last place you look...of course it is! WHY would I keep looking AFTER I found it?

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

Haha. I don't get it.

A good friend will come bail you out of jail. A best friend will be in the next cell saying,"Let's do it again!!"

So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.

If at first you don't suceed then sky diving isn't for you.

Those who throw objects at the crocodiles will be asked to retrive them.

Set sail in a general...THAT WAY direction.

Music is my boyfriend.

Definition of Your Mom: How to anwser a question when your bored.

Poke me. I dare you.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

Doctors say I have multiple personalties. We disagree with that.

Bom. Chicka. Waa. Waa.

You cry. I cry. You laugh. I laugh. You jump off a cliff. I laugh even harder.

I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

When life gives you lemons, chunck them at the people you hate.

Danger: The person beside you is stupid.

It doesnt matter whether the glass is half empty or half full,just drink it and get it over with.

It takes 42 muscles to frown,28 muscles to smile,but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.

Defenition of homework-crude form of mind control still practiced in some priminal areas of the world

One day your prince will come.Mine?Oh,he just took a wrong turn,got lost,and is to stubborn to ask directions.

WARNING:Do NOT follow in my footsteps...I walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.

I'm not afraid of Death.What's he gonna do,kill me?

Whenever you feel pissed off at someone,walk a mile in their shoes. That way you'r a mile away from them andyou have their shoes!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Did you know...Sarcasm is your body's natural defense against stupidity.

Have you seen my sanity? I seem to have lost it.

Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorway and run away... he hates that.

Paper may beat rock but cannon ball make big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keybord can crush your crummy pen!

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the anwser and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Parents spend the first parts of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Boys are like trees- they take 50 years to grow up.

My knight in shining armor turned put to be a loser in aluminum foil.

How are the force and duct-tape the same?- Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

Charm is a way of getting the amwser yes without asking a clear question.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

What happens when you get scared half to death twice?

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade!

The sun has set the moon has risen, today's the day we get out of prison!!

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

When life gives you lemons squirt them in life's eyes, then run far, far away.

Who was the first person to look a cow andsay, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt"?

When French people swear do they say padon my English?

"Most people learn by observation, and there are a few who lear by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." Anonymous

If technically after midnight it's morning, then why do we call it the middle of the night? Shouldn't we call it something like early morning?

if you can raed tihs, cnorgadluatoins! You are one or the sarmt peploe who dno't need to look at the wrod idniviudlaly, but as a wolhe! Olny samrt poeple can raed tihs bceuase tehy are good raedres. Msot good raedres can raed wrdos wehn the frist and lsat ltetres of the wrod are the smae, and tehre are the smae auomnt of lteters in the wrod.

write stories here on Fanfiction.net...If you are one of the very few that know that 'realize' is spelled with a 'z' and not an 's', copy and paste this onto your profile. Now add your name so we can see how many people DO know: krazykookiegirl (I was the one that made this up in the first place. I'm sick of reading stories that always spell it with an 's'. it bugs me.) C'mon! add your name to the list!: krazykookiegirl, J'Bates-Forever, ChipmunksChipettes4Ever, sallywatermelon

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

When life gives you lemons,make apple juice,then laugh while people try to figure out what you did.

It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full,just drink it and get it over with.

This world is full of crazy people.THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER!!

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Parents spend the first parts of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Friends and Best Friends:

Friend: Will help me when I'm lost.
Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass,stealing my map and giving me bad directions.

Friend: Will help me learn to drive.
Best Friend: Will help me push the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away.
Best Friend: Won't let me go away.

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down.
Best Friend: Will point and laugh cause she tripped me.

Friend: Will bail me out of jail.
Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying ''Dang we screwed up!''

Friend: Will go to a concert with me.
Best Friend: Will help me kidnap the band.

Friend: Call my parents ''Mr'' or ''Mrs''
Best Friend:Call my parents ''Mom'' or ''Dad''

Friend: Ask me for my number.
Best Friend: Ask me for her number.

Friend: Hides me from the cops.
Best Friend: Is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.

Friend: Lets me make an idiot out of myself in public.
Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade.
Best Friends: Are FOREVER.

FRIENDS Lend you their umbrella.
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN GIRL RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS:Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS:Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKIN AWESOME!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to berry the body of the person that made you cry.

FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

Jeanette: Do I ever cross your mind?

Simon: No.

Jeanette: Do you like me?

Simon: Not Really.

Jeanette: Do you want me?

Simon: No.

Jeanette: Would you cry if I left?

Simon: No.

Jeanette: Would you live for me?

Simon: No.

Jeanette: Would you do anything for me?

Simon: No.

Jeanette: Choose me, or your life

Simon: My life.

Jeanette walks away, holding back sobs, and Simon runs after her and says...

"The reason why you never crossed my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I'll do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life."

Cute-ness :)

Copy and paste on your profile if you area true SIMONETTE FAN

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ღ SIMONETTE
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You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _"
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Carebears
You collected all the Troll dolls
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . nough said
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up trainers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When gameboy was a brick.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, watching-waiting-wishing, 100-percent-Harry-Potter-obsessed, iluvdavidwright45, dianeandnumairareahotcouple,windsoftiti, Ilovethelittletacos...Ilovethemgood, i-have-issues-deal-with-it, Kiba Obsessed Demonic Angel, Digital98, Yin's Crescent, Naruto713-17, halfdemongirl92, Black-Dranzer-1119, Riayu, SasuNaru RULES The World 4 EVA, AlvinSevilleIsHOT,captain chipmunk, BrittanySeville18, AndAllThatGoodStuff, sallywatermelon.

If you claim to have no life and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with cartoons or cartoon people/animals, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hate Racism, Copy this into your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.

If you are really random put this on your profile.

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, add this to your profile.

if you want to see the Alvin and the chipmunks t.v show back on air post this to your profile :)

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree

"REMEMBER WHEN"

REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HIGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was COOTIES?
'm 0 m' (was your hero)
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMIES were your siblings
and RACE ISSUES were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now

25 Reasons I owe my mother.

1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into next week."

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about,"

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about weather.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

10. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck."

11. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

" You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate."

13. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

16. My mother taught me about about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing you eyes, their going to freeze that way."

18. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

" You are going to get it when we get home."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold."

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come crying to me."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables you'll never grow up."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut the door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

" When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE

"One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you."

Warning: MAJOR Randomness ahead

The stupider people think you are, the more surprised they are when you kill them.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunch and good with ketchup.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

I'm a palm reader: GASP! You're going to die! But don't worry; you'll live through it.

There are two kinds of pedestrian: the quick and the dead.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Suicide hot line...please hold...

Don't drink and drive- you might spill the beer.

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll think your on drugs.

All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!

Guys: No shirt,no service. Girls: No shirt, no charge.

Dying is nature's way of saying,"Hey! You're not alive anymore!"

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bed skydiver? The golfer goes (Whack) "Dang!" The skydiver goes, "Dang!" (Whack)

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. When men are depressed, they invade another country.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Next time you wave, use more than one finger, please!

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

I try to take life one day at a time, but, lately, several days have attacked me at once!

Slow and steady gets you trampled by other people.

When opportunity knocks, shoot first, ask questions later.

I wanted to kill the prettiest person alive then I realized...Oh ya suicides a bad thing.

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Scientists say one out of every four people are crazy. Check three of your friends if their o.k. then your it.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may mot follow. Do not walk beside me either just leave me alone!

What goes around gets dizzy and falls over.

Why is it that when a person tells you there are a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it to make sure.

You know your getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair you used to get from a roller coaster.

He who laughs last thinks the slowest.

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

When I'm feeling down I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of the chain and gag himself.

Don't play dumb with me... I'm better at it.

If at first you don't succeed try, try again. If it still doesn't work redefine success.

I hurt myself speed reading. I hit a bookmark.

Women should not have children after 35...really 35 children is enough.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie.

I love dead lines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they pass by.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver but if you pair that with shouting you get diamond.

Things not to say on an airplane number 47 "Hi, Jack."

It really is as bad as you think and they are out to get you.

If you saw my room, you would know why I don't have my homework.

Cry me a river, build a bridge, GET OVER IT.

Stupid is as stupid does.

You can roll in manure and powered sugar, but that doesn't make it a jelly-filled donut.

Newton's law to teenagers: An object at rest stays at rest unless forced to move.

Axe is the best smelling smell you can smell.

There are three types of people: Those who can't count and those who can.

Boys are like dogs: You say hi, pat them on the head, and they follow you home.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Life isn't passing by. It's running me over.

Never argue with idiots. They just drag you down to their level and then beat you with their experience.

A wise man washes his hands after he pees, A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands.

Everyone is entilted tobe stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

The surest sign of intelligent life out there is that none of them has never tried contacting us.

The computer beat me once at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars in the sky, I thought to myself, where's the ceiling?

THINGS THAT COME AT ME AT RANDOM TIMES

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why don't we ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why do doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man that invests all your money called a broker?

Why can't they make the plane out of the same substance that indestructible little black box is?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed would milk come out of her nose?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

Why does the word Filipino start with letter "F"?

EMO= extravagantly made origami

If the sky is the limit then what is space, over the limit?

Why do our noses run and our feet smell?

Why do people think drinking will solve all their problems?

ITS TIME FOR...COPY AND PASTE QUOTES!!

If you are obsessed with Alvin and the Chipmunks, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are obsessed with the Warner brothers (Yakko and Wakko), the Warner sister (Dot), and the rest of the cast of Animaniacs, copy and paste this into your profile.

if you have ever laughed in a silent room because of something you heard yesterday CAPTIYP

if you have ever ran into a tree while running CAPTIYP

if you have ever ran into a door CAPTIYP

if you have ever asked a random obvious question CAPTIYP

if you want those stupid annoying voices in your head to just SHUT UP already CATIYP

if you are obsessed with fanfiction.net CATIYP

If you go on fanfiction everyday CAPTIYP

if you are against abortion CAPTIYP

if someone has ever told you your wierd and you reply "what was your first clue" CAPTIYP

if you ever wonder who started these copy and paste quotes CAPTIYP

if you have ever argued with your-self and lost CAPTIYP

if you wish 'someone' could be ran over by a bus CAPTIYP

if people call you a perfectionist and yet you post a chapter with a thousand mistakes in it CAPTIYP

if people think you are mentally insane...and you agree CAPTIYP

if you think your profile is longer CAPTIYP

if you hate slash stories CAPTIYP

if you have ever tripped over air CAPTIYP

Even if you can't see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD CAPTIYP

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird isgood. If you're weird and proud of it, CAPTIYP

98 of teenage population does or had tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 who hasn't CAPTIYP

If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, CAPTIYP

92 of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 that would be laughing your pants off!

My best friend is insane. If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, CAPTIYP

If you have ever fallen up the stairs, CAPTIYP

If you have felt like killing someone, CAPTIYP

If you love to shop till ya drop CATNIP

If you agree that glitter and sparkles goes good with everything,CATNIP

If you have ever stayed up after 3:00A.M Reading or waiting for a story or chap to be posted CATNIP

If you like OC's and have ever made them the main idea,CATNIP

If you like school sometimes yet hate it other times CATNIP

If you have ever been bullied or talked to meanly/rudely CATNIP

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If there's a person in you're life that won't go screw herself/himself, that you verbally abused in your mind, CAPTIYP

If you daydream when you're supposed to be doing something else CAPTIYP

If you have a shy personality, CAPTIYP

If you're the kind of person that waits till the last minute to do everything, copy and paste this into your profile!!

If you are a characterized as brilliant but lazy, CAPTIYP

You know you live in 2010 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave

2.)You haven't played solitare with real cards for years (or never have played it with cards)

3.)The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or MySpace

4.)You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.)Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.)As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.)As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.)You were to busy to notice number 5

10.)You scrolled back to see if there was a number 5

11.)Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.)Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Here ya go ladies... the comebacks you always needed.

Man: Where have you been all my life?

Women:Hiding from you.

M: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

W: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

M: Is this seat empty?

W: Yes, and so will this one if you sit down.

M: Your place or mine?

W: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

M: So what do you do for a living?

W: I'm a female impersonator.

M: Hey, baby, whats your sign?

W: Do not enter.

M: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

W: Unfertilized

M: Your body is like a temple.

W: Sorry, no services today.

M: I would go to the end of the world for you.

W: But would you stay there?

John 3:16 is the most known verse across the world.

For God so loved the world,

that he gave his only begotten Son,

that whosoever believeth in him should not perish,

but have everlasting life.

But, just as there are many people who now this verse, there are many who don't. Help spread the word if you truly believe in God!

I truly love this verse and truly believe in God. If you believe in God as well, please repost this!

Just flat random quotes

Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape.

The early bird catches the worm; on the other hand, the early worm gets eaten.

Having the love of your life break up with you and say, "We can still be friends," is like having your dog die, and your mom saying that we could still keep it.

I'm not insensitive. I just don't care.

I know it sounds like I'm in denial. But I'm not.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

I'm not different, I'm weird!

'Boys don't fall for me; I trip them.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

You’re a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.

I did not hit you, I just high-fived your face.

If you can't convince them, confuse them

My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.

Do not take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up.

I know who I am... your approval is not needed.

He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

My doctor said I should quit smoking, that it was easy and he'd done it ten times.

Don't make me mad... I'm known to bite at random

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Most teachers promote the three R's; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic. Then there are those that promote three S's; Sit down, Shut up, and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!!

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

I'm multi-talented; I can talk and piss you off at the same time

I didn't invent sarcasm, but I perfected it

I don't have issues; I just have problems that make me want to punch people.

When your teacher tells you to solve a problem on the board, go up there and start writing her life story.

A wise man once said: "I don't know, go ask a woman."

Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

Forgive your enemies, it messes with their heads.

I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice!

Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.

Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Smile. It scares people.

What does not kill me had better run pretty darn fast!

When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 to extend your arm and whack them upside the head.

Every day I think people can't get any dumber. Everyday I'm proven horribly wrong.

I don't need your attitude, I have my own.

a, b, c, d, e, f, g, gummy bears are chasing me. One is green, one is blue, one is peeing on my shoe. Now I'm running for my life cause the red one has a knife!!!

Yeah, I'm crazy, it runs in the family, what's your excuse

When I was younger I dressed up as a nun and went bar hoping.

You know there’s something wrong with you when your imaginary friends stop playing with you

I don't see plays cause I can nap at home for free

Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

I'm not crazy; I've just been in a very bad mood my whole life!

There is no such thing as natural beauty.

Don't try to get on my good side, I no longer have one!

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you stood there and yelled 'BANG' I don't think you'd kill many people

There are very few problems that cannot be solved using a large amount of explosives

I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die

I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away

It is not enough to succeed; others must fail

You know what! Earth sucks, I’m going home

I'm not ALWAYS late. Sometimes I just don't show up.

Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity

A rejected invention: Instant water! just add water

If you laugh I will laugh If you cry I will cry and if you jump out a window I will laugh harder

If it starts actually raining cats and dogs, don't go outside

I have a pocket comb-but then, who wants to comb pockets?

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come

Everyone wanted him to run for Congress. They figured it was the best way to get him out of town

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died

It is amazing how nice people are to you when they know you are going away

A team effort is a lot of people doing what you say

Saying guns kill people is like blaming spelling mistakes on your pencil

Is there an afterlife? Of course! People live after your life

Come on you guys! I'm not THAT obsessed with cartoons!" (have drawings, posters, and a shirt with 'I LOVE CARTOONS!' on it)

Did you know there are three kinds of stupid? There’s ignorant, mentally retarded, and then there's you

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed

I hate people who go under the speed limit, if your going to break the law you might as well speed.

My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, I replied, no, we all seem to enjoy it

Just remember, everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you upside the head, remember... I had a reason!

Whatever it is, I didn't do it. Unless I was supposed to do it, in which case I did it brilliantly

Bleach and latex gloves: $10... Plastic wrap, trash bags and duct tape: $ 20...Chainsaw: $200
The Horrified look on the cashiers face: PRICELESS!

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

I want to build a life size Whack-a-Mole game, and choose 9 lucky people to put in it

Don't ever tell someone you're FINE - it stands for Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional

I think some people should come with warning labels

A friend would help you up when you trip and fall. A best friend would laugh, trip you again, then laugh some more!(:

Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."

I couldn't ask for better friends. I could ask for normal friends, but where's the fun in that?!

I am so talented I can fall up the stairs, trip on flat surfaces, and get hit by a parked car. Aren't I just amazing? :)

If you’re going to get accused of it, you might as well just do it!

Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say 'YOU'RE IT!!' and then run away

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear

My Mom's so out of date, she still thinks that LOL means "Lots of love" so she texted me the other day and said "Sorry your grandma died, LOL"

I don't have a license to kill ... I have a learners permit!

He handed her 11 red roses and one fake rose, and said "I will love you until the last rose dies"

Of all the things I’ve lost… I miss my mind the most

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

Whoever said that words don’t hurt never got hit by a dictionary

I have the kind of friends that if my house was burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen

Sarcastic?! ME?! Never!

Sometimes I wonder, 'Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?'... then it hits me

I'd have a longer attention span if so many things weren't...OH! LOOK! SHIINNNY-SQUIRREL!

A best friend rides in your car no matter how many times you nearly kill them

Boys are like slinkies: stupid, but fun to watch fall down stairs

When every little girl in kindergarten wanted to be a princess, I wanted to be a vampire

Friends ask why you're crying...Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to but if you push the wrong button, you'll be disconnected

Sarcasm is not a free service I offer...It's a personality trait

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional

What you're looking for is always in the last place you look..." Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!"

If a turtle is missing its shell is it homeless or naked?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

The less you know, the less you fear, and that means I'm not scared of anything!

Life is like a movie: If you're sad, that's drama. If you're afraid, there's suspense. If you're angry, here's your action. When you look in the mirror, you got horror. Now you're smiling, that's comedy

Although fire dwells within my soul, it cannot melt the ice throughout my heart

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird

I never got my letter to Hogwarts, so I'm moving to Forks to live with the Quillites

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else

You know your stressed out when you can hear mimes

The voices and I took a vote, and your insane

(On a T-Shirt) Who are you, and why are you reading my shirt?

A conclusion is what you reach when you get tired of thinking

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

Normal people worry me.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

My friend text-ed me asking "what does 'idk' mean?" so I said "I don't know" and she said "omg! NO one knows!"

I'm that type of girl who walks into chairs and says sorry

I hated going to weddings cause old people would nudge me and say 'You next!'...That stopped when I started saying the same thing to them at FUNERALS

It's not that I'm not a 'people person’; it's that I'm not a 'stupid people person'

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

"If all your friends were jumping off a cliff would you jump off too?" -- "If it meant that I would never hear that stupid cliché again I would be first in line."

When in doubt, push random buttons!

It's okay to talk to inanimate objects, it’s when they talk back that you should be worried

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out, yeah like that, stop it

I'm not cynical, everything just sucks

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck

Common sense ain't all that common

Don't out smart your common sense

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

Okay...so there's this thing called retarded-ness and me and my friends, well...We've gone pro

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station...

Being unique is thinking outside the box, reading between the lines, and coloring out of pictures, dancing to the tune of your own drummer, and having a heck of a better time than other people

Important

Conversation I heard in class: Girl: Retardo is not a word

Boy: It is in the red neck dictionary. Go look it up.

Actual Headline: Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way; wisdom is looking both directions anyway

The secret to creativity knows how to hide your sources

Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay...so if you keep reading, you'll go broke

Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.

Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?

Actual Headline: Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Murderer? Well, that's a harsh word. I prefer to think of myself as a Mortality Technician.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

What the hell do you mean my birth certificate expired?

Nothing is illegal until you get caught.

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

There is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just pray that it isn't a train.

Seen on a Church Bulletin: "Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help."

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

Actual Headline: Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better

If money doesn't make us happy, then what does it do?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

If ours is a man made world, why can't we remake it?

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from many.

"When I was young I used to think that wealth and power would bring me happiness. I was right."

Earn cash in your spare time, blackmail your friends.

I never pirated it...it was donated. by the file fairy. I put a blank CD under my pillow at night..

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.

My rules apply only to other people, not myself.

Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!

The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

My problems all started with my early education. I went to a school for mentally disturbed teachers.

In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than others.

I pledge allegiance to the internet and to the principle of end-to-end connectivity for which it stands. One network, under construction, with liberty and access for all.

Actual Headline: Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

It's not what you say in your argument, it's how loud you say it.

Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.

When Puerto Rico joins the union, where will they put the 51st star?

Late to bed and early to rise gives a hacker blood-shot eyes.

Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

A penny saved is a penny taxed.

I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.

"My dad wants to show he's not mad by taking you out hunting with him"

All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second.

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people

The worst part of having success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.

USA PATRIOT = Useless State-sponsored Action Purporting to Attack Terror while Really Initiating an Oligarchic Takeover

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking on the form of a readiness to die.

Laws are like bones; they're made to be broken.

It's better to be looked over, than overlooked

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packed bags, $10. Or, do-it-yourself, $1.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

The only way to get rid of corruption in high places is to get rid of high places.

How to get out of a speeding ticket: Always carry a cooler with a big red cross on it - 'Officer, I MUST get to the hospital'

It's your right to be stupid, but it doesn't mean you should be.

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

One bright day in the middle of the night,

Two dead boys got up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other,

Draw their swords and shot each other.

One was blind and the other couldn't see,

So they chose a dummy for the referee.

A blind man went to see fair play,

A dumb man went to shout "Hooray!"

A paralyzed donkey passing by,

Kicked the blind man in the eye.

Knocked him through a nine inch wall,

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

And ran to save the two dead boys.

And if you don't believe it's true,

Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.

In Honor of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

Liquid plumber-"Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages."-(Beverages WOOO!!)

Arm and hammer scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Are you sure?)

Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances." (Do I really need to say anything to this one?)

Baby oil-"Keep out of reach of children." (except you know when they need it)

Dog food-"new and improved tasting" (who tests it?)

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (Why did I buy it again?)

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." (Really?)

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (Gasp!)

On a bar of Dial soap- "Directions: use like regular soap" (And that would be how?)

Some Swann frozen dinners-"Serving suggestion: Defrost" (But it's just a suggestion.)

Tesco's dessert (printed on bottom of the box)-"Do not turn upside down" (Too late! you lose!)

Sainsbury's peanuts:"Warning: may contain nuts." (But no peas?)

American Airlines package of peanuts; "Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts." (Someone got paid big bucks to write this one...)

Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire (so that means a lighter is a lighter to right?)

Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking (but it tastes so much better that way)

Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado (no, use the one your grandma made instead)

Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts (but no assemble requeried)

Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (cool, is prosecuting corpses new?)

Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping (dang, that's my favorite flavor, perky blonde)

Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regular soap (???)

Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required (NO, you've got to be kidding me, is that what all those little pieces are for?)

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought??...)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because??...)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Korean kitchen knife-- "Warning: keep out of children."
(Hmm..Something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

If you want to see the world someday, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this into your profile

"Now and then, I announce 'I know you're listening' to empty rooms. If I'm wrong, no one knows, no one has to know. And if I'm right, maybe I just freaked out some secret organization." If you feel like it, copy and paste into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have a ridiculously long profile, copy and paste this onto your profile to make it longer

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile. (Don't all writers?)

No one's perfect. If you know and like that you’re not perfect. Copy this to your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't know how to copy and paste something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are or have ever been in love with a fictional character copy and paste this into our profile.

If you ever stayed up all night at least once, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you quote along with your favorite shows and love doing that, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know a video game character(s) or video game weapon(s) that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile

If you think you can be pretty without being self-centered, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile.

If you still like TMNT and are in double digits, paste this in your profile.

If you are considered Anti-Social and you like being that way, copy this into your profile.

If fanfiction shut down and you would go insane because of it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are OBSESSED with fanfiction, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.

If you ever pulled on a door that said "Push" copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle one of the characters for being so dumb copy and paste this to your profile.

If you ever wished that you could talk to animals, paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you go crazy every time you get another comment, copy and paste this.

If you wish that people would just grow up and stop being racist, copy and paste this.

If you've ever fallen backwards in your chair, copy and paste this.

If you're obsessed with a character so much that you have dreams about meeting or fighting them, copy and paste this.

If you've ever pushed off a school project till the week before it was due and still got a good grade on it, copy and paste this

If you've ever laughed at your friend when they've done something stupid, copy and paste this.

If you've ever laughed and couldn't stop yourself from laughing for the next few minutes, copy and paste this.

If you’re pretty different from others copy this into your profile.

Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year?! If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever felt like changing your name and moving to Las Vegas, Copy and Paste this to your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the Trix, copy this into your profile

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

98% of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like donuts.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up you!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

6 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading #1, will try it.

3. And discover that #1 is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot..

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face

(\)_(/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny.
(")_(") Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination!

Stupid Questions that need to be answered!

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?

Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?

Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?