Hey y'all! You might know me as Crystal Silvera from prior encounters on FFN and all that. Ahaha... let me forget It's nice to be back writing again! Feel free to call me Crystal or Dani or even just Auritas!

My work is also found at my:

portfolio (you can also see my photography and lettering art here!)

fictionpress

ao3

Catch me on (so, scream with me):

twitter

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TO THE SUBMITTERS OF MY SYOT:

Unfortunately I've become far less daring than I was when I began writing this, so this work is discontinued and will be taken down soon. For everyone who did submit: I sincerely apologize for not being able to feature your character, and if it's any consolation feel free to shoot me a PM if you'd like me to write something (within the fandoms I'm in) and I'll give you first priority in requests!!

And if you want to know what I had planned for the plot/ending of the fic, feel free to PM me as well! Thank you for sticking with me for so long!

CURRENTLY IN THE PROCESS OF A COMEBACK! I will add that I'm most active on AO3 and twitter, so feel free to catch me there ~

Please also bear in mind that this profile is a strange mishmash of various phases in my writing career (can I call it that? I'm calling it that) so, um. It's a ride.

"One mistake cannot ruin a life or a kingdom. It is what is done after that mistake, that decides. Remember the lessons of history. Despair is the enemy. Do not let it defeat you . . ."

—Zeean, The Sister of the South; Emily Rodda / Jennifer Rowe (Deltora Quest: Dragons of Deltora arc, also known as Deltora Quest 3, book 4)

CURRENT STATUS ON MY STORIES (also see the top of my profile . . .)

I am begging you all, please read I Saw Dragons—I poured my lifeblood into this thing and it's probably most representative of my writing as it currently is; please read it I'm dying for feedback

Just posted TWO works! TWO!!!! And in new fandoms!! Check 'em out:

and i need nothing more: me yelling about Persephone and Adam (the Raven Cycle)

Yet still : we strive: me yelling about a happy ending in general (Tokyo Ghoul:re)

Current "main focus" story/stories: All other stories are currently on hold while I work on ObeliskX's request, Equilibrium!

And now, a bit of inspiration for all those aspiring writers out there and to all who may hear (or read):

(All credit of this beautiful speech goes to Nic-n'-Nyx, and my own thanks to the profile of KJtheELMtree as I found it there!)

To all other young fiction authors out there. Copy and paste if you wish. It just needs to be said, and needs to be heard;

You may be a reject. You may not be smooth with the spoken word. You may be the most popular kid in school. You may be the boss at your office. You may be short or tall or heavy or light or anorexic or white or dark or struck by an unfriendly label. You may be the homeless guy on the corner or the one inside the store signing books as you hand them out. You may listen to Justin Bieber or to Three Days Grace. But what you are is a writer; never doubt the power of what you can do. Tell me, what did you learn more from this year; the President, or the Hunger Games? The senator or Rick Riordan? The public speaker or Clarissa Fray? Your boss or Pi Patel? American Idol or the Twilight Saga? A list of facts or Harry Potter? Which of them stole the most of your time? Which is more well-known?

It's the book. Every time. People fail to realize flaws in our society in their own lives, but they see it in District Twelve and in the Capitol. Books make clear what we can't see with the naked eye, they make everyone look closer. Authors are the ones that speak to people's hearts. Writers are the ones people turn to for lessons and entertainment. It's been this way for thousands of years. We are the teachers of every child who opens a book. The themes we write are the themes they learn. We are there in every life, a quiet influence bound in a pretty cover, months' worth of work and reading, colored with imagery built around the lightning rod of an unforgettable plot line. A story spent months reading is memorable more than a speech listened to for just five minutes. I can't name all the leaders of the world right now, nor what they've decided to preach about, but I can tell you all the characters from Percy Jackson, and every little thing they taught me. And they are things worth learning.

So don't think there's a better way to make a point. Don't think there's a better way to reach your audience. Fiction stories have been striking the hearts of their readers farther back than anyone alive can remember. And striking the heart is what makes literature so different from everything else. Don't ever doubt your ability to show someone something new, to teach them a life lesson, or the importance of what you have to say. Say it in this foreign language everyone knows. Decorate it with characters and light it with sights and smells and sounds and touches and tastes and give it to the public gift-wrapped with your finest effort. Because I guarantee you, someone is bound to hear you clearer than they've heard anyone else before.

I hope you've found some words of inspiration. The world needs it desperately. Do us all a favor, all you writers, and come out of hiding. We've had the greatest influence of all over people of the past, and as we act now, we are the ones influencing the future. We have more knives and pens than the BVB Army, more sway in society than the Senate (whom we have proved this to before), more power than any celebrity you could name. I'm calling on you now. Rise up. I dare you to write something today that readers won't forget. I challenge you to make someone cry with one thin little page of text. I urge, no, I demand you to put something down on paper that'll be copied and produced and remembered for longer than Ancient Mythologies have been. I dare you to slam a revolving door. I demand you to write a message in the folds of a book and watch how, in awe, people unwrap it. Watch your footprints stand bold against the falling snow and refuse to be covered. It is all possible, I assure you. You have no idea just what power you hold in a pen—or a keyboard—until you use it.

And right now, the world needs you to use it more than ever.

We, writers, have made history. We were the ones to record it. And that ability has not changed at all, just our awareness and will to use it. We were given the gifts of language and storytelling for a reason.

This is that reason. It's calling. So ask yourself what message you want to send. Ponder about what you want to say. Because the world is listening to us above all other beings currently on this earth. Us, not the movies, not the official-labeled politicians, not the superstars. And it's our job to give it a story worthwhile.

What's yours?

BEFORE I CONTINUE . . .

FanFiction is a huge part of my life. Some may think it's weird, some may think it's silly. Well, I think they're weird and silly. FanFiction is important to me because it allows me to take characters and settings that I know and love, melt them all down, and then re-forge them in my own way. I get feedback on my writing, play with other universes and realities that I enjoy so much, and it's a great way to practice and develop my writing for the other ten or so novels I'm working on as well. So yes, FanFiction is a massive part of my life. It helps me escape. Post this on your profile if this fits you!

Let's all go back to our first story. You'd signed up for your account, waited patiently for the waiting period before new users could post stories— And then, finally, you hit the post story button, and waited. Don't we all remember how excited we were when we checked the review count to see if we'd actually gotten a review? We didn't even care if it was a three-word "Good chapter, update" (even though we wished for more). And as the reviews came in, you felt that smile creep across your face. The excitement (however small) you get when you see the review count go up is always enjoyable.

Are we really so cruel as to deny someone that feeling? It only takes five minutes tops. Swear to review: Join the Revolution!

I, Crystal Veritas Silvera, do solemnly swear to review every story I read, regardless of the number of reviews, its age, or anything else.

I have joined the Review Revolution.

Copy and paste this into your profile to join the Revolution! (Because everyone knows how much it sucks when you have 500 hits and 3 reviews . . .)

(So don't be surprised to get loads of reviews from me!)

FAVORITE SERIES WHOSE ARCHIVES I WILL DEFINITELY BE ACTIVE IN (unless it's an archive I'm still rather new to—that may take awhile)! (Alternatively, read as: You have my express permission to scream at/with me about absolutely any of these. I will respond with my immediate joy and enthusiasm, though perhaps lacking timeliness.) These are not really ranked by any particular order, so... ya.

A more complete/updated list of this is available on my tumblr, so if you'd rather scream over messages there, well: two birds with one stone!

Deltora Quest / The Three Doors Trilogy, Rowan of Rin, and the Rondo Trilogy; Emily Rodda/Jennifer Rowe

Young Wizards / Feline Wizards (also known as, in other countries, the Cats of Grand Central) series; Diane Duane

Raven Cycle, The Scorpio Races; Maggie Stiefvater

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation / Mo Dao Zu Shi, Heaven Official's Blessing / Tian Guan Ci Fu; Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Tokyo Ghoul (anime manga); Ishida Sui

Yuri!!! on Ice (anime and whatever else we get, honestly); the entire team because bless

Which, of course, I had to follow with: Check Please!; Ngozi Ukazu

Yona of the Dawn / Akatsuki no Yona (anime and manga); Mizuhou Kusanagi

LESS ACTIVITY ARCHIVES TITLES I'D RECOMMEND STRANGERS (ESSENTIALLY WHAT I'M DOING HERE):

Fullmetal Alchemist (manga, 2003, Brotherhood); Hiromu Arakawa

The Book Thief; Markus Zusak

Hunger Games Trilogy, Underland Chronicles; Suzanne Collins

Harry Potter; JKR, unfortunately

Eon: Dragoneye Reborn / Eona: The Last Dragoneye (duology); Alison Goodman

Divergent Trilogy; Veronica Roth

Unwind Dystology; Neal Shusterman

Jenna Fox Chronicles; Mary E. Pearson

Percy Jackson and the Olympians / Heroes of Olympus, Kane Chronicles; Rick Riordan

Giver Quartet; Lois Lowry

Inheritance Cycle; Christopher Paolini

Wings of Fire; Tui T. Sutherland

Warriors; Erin Hunter

Maximum Ride; James Patterson

Guardians of Ga'Hoole / Wolves of the Beyond / Horses of the Dawn; Kathryn Lasky

Septimus Heap / TodHunter Moon; Angie Sage

Fablehaven; Brandon Mull

Matched Trilogy; Ally Condie

Redwall; Brian Jacques

Dragon Slippers Trilogy; Jessica Day George

Silverwing trilogy; Kenneth Oppel (plus the prequel, Darkwing)

Dragon Keeper (in the back of the book it said that there was a sequel called Garden of the Purple Dragon, but I can't find it!); Carole Wilkinson

The Little White Horse (long time no read, so I'm planning to reread . . . sometime)

The Blue Roan Child; Jamieson Findlay (a book ALL horse lovers should read, 'cos it's amazing!)

The Perfect Distance; Kim Ablon Whitney (another wonderful horse book. . . . More YA-ish, but still amazing!)

Red Kayak and the sequel, The Journey Back; Priscilla Cummings

The Mostly True Story of Jack; Kelly Barnhill

The Wednesday Wars; Gary D. Schmidt

Every Soul a Star; Wendy Mass

Hatching Magic and the sequel, The Dragon of Never-Was

Keys to the Kingdom; Garth Nix (suggested series for DQ fans! Also, KttK people check out DQ! PLEASE! :D And those two hilarious fics in this category under my favorites list!)

Unicorn Chronicles; Bruce Coville

Animorphs; K.A. Applegate

Series of Unfortunate Events; Lemony Snicket

Secret Series; Pseudonymous Bosch

Most anything written by Mary Downing Hahn, too . . . (Including Deep and Dark and Dangerous, The Old Willis Place, and All the Lovely Bad Ones)

Ruby Holler, Walk Two Moons, Heartbeat and some other books I can't remember; Sharon Creech

Enchanted Forest Chronicles; Patricia C. Wrede

Spiderwick Chronicles (although it's been a really long time since I read them); Tony diTerlizzi (shoot, not sure if I spelled that right. But he's the author of the Wondla series as well) and Holly Black

Fever Crumb and Here Lies Arthur; Phillip Reeve

Emily Windsnap series

Paint the Wind, Esperanza Rising, Riding Freedom; Pam Munoz Ryan

Dovey Coe; Roald Dahl

12 Again; Sue Corbett

Tangerine; Edward Bloor

Movies from Studio Ghibli: Princess Mononoke, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, Kiki's Delivery Service, Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea, My Neighbor Tortoro

CURRENTLY WATCHING/READING/ETC:

Wrinkle in Time trilogy by Madeleine L'Engle! I'm working through A Swiftly Tilting Planet

Banana Fish, bc i am Thirsting for MAPPA content (YOI please come back from the war)

WORDS MARKED

"[Books] were among the most important affairs in the world. . . . One could take a pen and set down what one thought, and . . . nobody accused him of 'showing off' by doing so."
—Rudyard Kipling

". . . [W]hy does anyone create? You feel a . . . need to make something new, something no one else has ever seen before. You want to add to the beauty and richness of the world with a gift, an offering that is uniquely yours. . . ."
—Fallon, The Last Hunt; Bruce Coville

"Either things happen for a reason, or they happen for no reason at all. Either one's life is a thread in a glorious tapestry or humanity is just a hopelessly tangled knot. . . ."
—UnWholly; Neal Shusterman

"I told you she was going to turn you into a soggy beermat. No one ever listens to me." —Johnny, A Wizard Abroad ["Honey?"
"What, Mama?"
"The dog wants to know what the meaning of life is."]
—A Wizard Alone (And these should be precise and all, since I pulled it directly from one of DD's posts on the forum!) "Where other species are involved, I think as soon as we're old enough to ask, we're old enough to find out."
and
"'Destiny.' Half the time the word's just code for 'what someone else wants you to do without asking any inconvenient questions.'" —Dairine
—Wizards at War [". . . Besides, she's busy managing her wizardry these days . . . spends most of her time working with her computer. You wouldn't believe some of the conversations I've heard over its voice-link recently." She fell into an imitation of Dairine's high-pitched voice . . . "'No, I will not move your planet . . . What do you want to move it for? It's fine right where it is!'"]
—A Wizard Abroad

[The Unknowable

Are there some things I will never know?
The unanswerable I will have to accept?
Have I changed the way everyone does, time and events molding me?
Or am I a new Jenna, the product of technology, changed by what was put in or maybe what was left out?
And if my original ten percent is really enough, what if it had been nine percent? Or eight?
Is one numeral that different from another?
When is a cell finally too small to hold our essence?
Even five hundred billion neurochips aren't telling me, and I'm not sure they ever will.
The question twists inside me again and again—am I enough?—I realize for the first time, it's not just my question, but it was the old Jenna's question as well.
And I think about Ethan and Allys and even Dane, and I wonder
has it ever been their own question, too?]
—The Adoration of Jenna Fox; Mary E. Pearson

"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

—Sirius Black, Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire; J.K. Rowling

"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us . . . Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
—Albert Einstein

["Sometimes paper is only paper," my mother says. "Words are just words. Ways to capture the real thing. Don't be afraid to remember that."
I know what she means. Writing, painting, singing—it cannot stop everything. Cannot halt death in its tracks. But perhaps it can make the pause between death's footsteps sound and look and feel beautiful, can make the space of waiting a place where you can linger without as much fear. For we are all walking each other to our deaths, and the journey there between footsteps makes up our lives.]
—Reached; Ally Condie

[When I wake, I will meet my old enemy uncertainty, she thought, and its partners, the shadows that lie at the back of my mind and others': those darknesses that go about hunting for some action of mine to which to fasten themselves. They will lie in my road and say, Why bother? or It will never work: or they will lie out long and dark behind me, saying, What difference have you made? It is all for nothing. But I need pay them no mind. They are only the servants of the Lone Power, and against me and Those Whom I serve, they have no strength unless I allow them the same. My commission comes from Those Who Are, the Powers that were before time and will be after it: the Powers Who made time, and to Whom it answers. My paw, lifted to strike the shadows away from the feet of the Event enacted, holds hidden within it Their claw that strikes the Lone One to the heart, day by day. So it was done anciently; so I shall do tomorrow. And for tonight, I admit of no shadow but that of my closed eyes, and I give Their claw the resting time to sharpen itself in dream on the Tree: for at eyes' opening, together We go to battle again!]
. . . And yet another version (sorry guys; I just think the writing here is absolutely brilliant):
[Even at the best of times, she thought, even when life seems normal, who among us can say with certainty that we'll see this world again tomorrow? Entropy stalks the world in all its usual shapes, and some less usual than others. I'll meet them, the strange and the deadly, but I don't need to crouch in fear or bristle at them in show of defiance. I know my job. My commission comes from Those Who Are. We stand together, They and I, in protection of the world They made and I keep. We may lose: there is always that chance. But meanwhile We keep watch at the borders, and contest the Lone One's passage. We will not let it be easy. We will not fall without selling ourselves dearly. And when in the worlds' evening we fall at last, and finally come home, We will find that we have brought with us what we love, bound to us forever by blood and intention: and the Lone One will stand with Its claws empty, and howl Her anger at the night. Then we will say, That was a good fight that we won: and come the dawn, We will make another world, and play the play again. . . .]
—Three wonderful passages of writing. And now, for a quick mood shift:
[Artie looked up, then, and said, "Who's going to do guard duty on the queen?"
Rhiow glanced at Huff. They both turned and looked at Arhu.
He went wide-eyed. "Oh no!" he said.
"It's the best bet," Huff said. "She was known to have a soft spot for little kittens."
"I'll 'little kitten' you, you big—"
"Arhu," Rhiow said, slightly exasperated. "It's useful being cute. Exploit it a little. You can take the poor ehhif's [human's] mind off her troubles for a while."
"What am I supposed to do? Play with string?" Arhu looked scornful.
"If necessary, yes," Huff said. "Make sure you ingratiate yourself sufficiently with her, and she won't want to let you out of her sight . . . which, for our purposes, would be absolutely perfect."
Arhu was opening his mouth to disagree again. "You will also probably eat like royalty," Urruah said.
Arhu shut his mouth and looked thoughtful.]
. . . And now, seeing the abovementioned plan in action:
["What was that you said? 'Meow'?" said Siffha'h, still rolling and stretching on the floor. "Look at you, squirming around like you've still got your milk teeth. How shameless can you get?"
"Well, it says here that a cat may look at a king," Arhu said. "So I'm looking."
"Well, this is a queen. And it doesn't say anything about being truly sickeningly sweet to the point where Iau Herself will come down from broad Heaven and tell you you're overdoing it. My blood sugar's going dodgy just looking at you."
"You're a wizard: adjust it. Meanwhile, at least she smells nice. Some of the ehhif [humans] around here could use a scrub."
"Tell me about it."
"Well, come on, don't just lie there. We've got to get ourselves well settled in. Find something to be cute with."
Siffha'h got up and headed for a thick velvet bell-pull with tassels. "All right, but I'm not sure this isn't going to stunt my growth." She started to play with the tassels.
The queen burst out laughing and put Arhu down. "Oh, my dear little kitties," said the queen, "would you like something to eat?" She turned to look over her shoulder, toward the butler standing in the doorway. "Fownes, bring some milk. And some cold chicken from the buffet."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"Now for once Urruah was right about something," Arhu said. "Milk and cold chicken. I don't suppose they've invented pastrami yet."
Siffha'h inclined her head slightly to listen to the Whispering. "You're on the wrong side of the Atlantic. They do have it in New York. . . ."
"Dear Mr. Disraeli is coming to see me before lunch," she [the queen] said to the cats. "You must be kind to him and not scratch his legs. Mr. Disraeli is not a cat person."
"Uh oh," Arhu said.
"I wish she hadn't said that," Siffha'h said. "I won't be able to resist, now."
"Don't do it," Arhu said. "He might nuke something."]
—Numerous excerpts from To Visit the Queen / On Her Majesty's Wizardly Service; Diane Duane

". . . And that is the trouble with choosing—there is always the one you didn't take. It may have been better, it may have been worse, but that's not the point. You could not choose both. And sometimes, when the tide is running fast, you only have one chance to decide. You do your best at the time, with what you know then. . . ."
—Nicko Heap, PathFinder; Angie Sage

RELICS FROM THE FFN COPY-AND-PASTE ERA

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

I write for the same reason I breathe—if I didn't I would die.

We should all take a lesson from crayons: Some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, some are new and some are old, and all are different colors, but they still learn to all live in the same box.

Weird people are like rainbows—colorful, unique, interesting, and sometimes even mysterious against the plain old sky. The sky is like normal people—same old, same old all around, at first interesting but then boring after too long and always being covered up by clouds.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils in the end . . .

Be nice to people. They outnumber you 6.5 billion to one. And that number gets bigger every minute.

It doesn't matter if the cup is half full or half empty—it's poison both ways!

Dinosaurs getting wiped out wasn't an accident! Barney came along and they all committed suicide.

There are three types of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.

Sometimes, people build walls—not to keep others out, but just to see who cares to break through.

Not obsessed. Just extremely dedicated.

Whenever you think your life sucks, think of a tree that took fifty years to grow up only to be cut down and turned into a Justin Bieber notebook.

When everything in life is going your way, you know you're in the wrong lane.

What you see is not what you get; if that were true the world would be a wasteland.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. Reality, I'm not so sure.

Bookstores are evidence that the human race is still capable of thinking.

Please do not annoy the writer. She may put you into a book and slowly torture you to death.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

Life and Lemons:

-When life gives you lemons, it better hand you water and sugar. Otherwise your lemonade is going to suck.
-If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
-When life gives you lemons, you turn them into apples and leave people wondering how the heck you did it.
-When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world wonder how that was even possible.
-When life gives you lemons, you scream, "I wanted LIMES! So I'm grouchy and you're deaf?!"
-When life gives you lemons, you cut them in half and squirt life in the eye.
-When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone else's eyes and RUN!

Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

Forgive your enemies—it's what will annoy them most.

Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie or make up a Mary-Sue.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you did.

Think about perfection this way: If everyone was perfect, we'd have a world of Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus. Now that, my friends, is what I call scary.

Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

If the grass is greener on the other side, it's probably fake turf. And if it's not, you can bet the water bills are going to be higher.

Bending the rules is good . . . Breaking the rules is bad.

I dream of a better tomorrow—a tomorrow where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.

Just say no to drugs. Because if drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.

When in doubt, make words up!

Two things are infinite; human stupidity and the universe. And I'm not so sure about the last one.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed, I tell you!

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner! Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Whoever said "nothing is impossible" has never tried slamming a revolving door.

People who think they know everything annoy those of us who do.

I'm the author of my own life, and unfortunately I'm writing in pen.

I used to think that the whole world was against me. Now I know that's not true. Turns out some of the smaller countries are neutral!

Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

I'm not lost, I'm exploring.

Smile—it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Always proofread to make sure you don’t any words out.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who'll be laughing then?

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

It's you and me versus the world. . . . We attack at dawn.

Knowing I had to crawl all the way up the mountain makes the view so much better.

I've reached the top of the mountain. It's time for me to make a pair of wings and FLY HIGHER.

Move on. It's just a chapter in the past. But don't close the book, just turn the page.

If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off.

Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people seem bright until they speak.

Whatever you do, always give 100% . . . Unless you're donating blood.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every two months.

Software engineering today is a race between programmers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe striving to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.

There are three types of people: Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who must test the electric fence for themselves.

If zombies eat brains, you and I are safe.

Never take life too seriously. No one comes out alive anyway.

Excuse me while I attempt to find a container for my joy.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

The problem with democracy is that some people are stupid, but the problem with dictatorships is that all dictators are stupid.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like Grandfather did, in his sleep—not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.

Things to Ponder:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

I wonder why people say "life is so short" when life is the longest thing that you will ever experience?

If curiosity killed the cat, then what about its other eight lives?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it that doctors call what they do a "practice"?

Isn't it funny how the word "politics" is made up of the words "poli" meaning many and "tics" as in the bloodsucking creatures?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, then is that considered a hostage situation?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station . . .

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If the opposite of "pro" is "con," then would "congress" be the opposite of "progress"?

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

What disease did cured ham have?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do alarm clocks “go off” when they start making noise?

Why do we yell “Heads up!” when we should be yelling “Heads down!”?

How can something be both “new” and “improved”?

Why do we shut up, but don't quiet down?

How did the “Keep Off the Grass” sign get there in the first place?

What happens when Pinocchio says that his nose is going to grow?

What color does a Smurf turn when you choke it?

Do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If knees bent the other way, what would chairs look like?

How come Superman would stop bullets with his chest, but ducked when people threw stuff at him?

If it's zero degrees today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why is it an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in an asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets?

How come schools say they don't allow weapons but give all students textbooks?

So when did time begin, and when will time end?

Why do parents tell their kids not to accept candy from strangers 364 days and then on Halloween they encourage it?

If two foots are called feet, then why do we say "footballs" instead of "feetball"?

Why is the word "cheese" considered random? Or "cookies"? Or "tacos"? Or

If silence is golden, then what color is loud?

How do scientists know the colors dogs see in?

Why are apartments called "apartments" when they're all stuck together?

How come we drive on parkways, and then park on driveways?

If swimming is so good for your figure, then how do you explain whales?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Nothing really rushes, right?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah just swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that's used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular pencil, why is it still #2?

If sleep is so good for your brain, why isn't it allowed in school?

Why are snacks called "fun-sized" when there's nothing "fun" about getting a smaller potion of food?

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

How do you know if your pen's out of invisible ink?

If Walmart is lowering prices daily, then how come none of it is free yet?

Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn't they already know it?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Why is it called quicksand when it sucks you down very, very slowly?

Why are they called marbles if they’re made out of glass?

What color hair do bald men put on their driver’s license?

How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

Why do we put our suits in a garment bag and our garments in a suitcase?

When two airplanes almost collide, why is it a “near miss”? Shouldn’t it be a “near hit”?

Is there another word for "synonym"?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If truth is stranger than fiction, then how strange are lies?

If a taxi has to go backwards, does the driver owe you money?

What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

Why do they put pictures of criminals in the post office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?

If you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why can't you find fresh sardines at a supermarket?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you need to buy her friends?

Can't anyone who has a job go into the doors marked "Employees Only"? Shouldn't they be more specific and say, "Employees of This Place Only"?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet love Mickey Mouse?

Why is it called common sense if it seems to be so rare?

If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?

Is it possible to scream from the bottom of your lungs?

If everything in the Universe is part of a larger system, then what larger system is our Universe part of? (And after that, what's that part of?)

Why losing your pen is a death sentence:

Lost your pen = no pen
No pen = no notes
No notes = no study
No study = fail
Fail = no diploma
No diploma = no work
No work = no money
No money = no food
No food = you get skinny
You get skinny = then you get ugly
Ugly = no love
No love = no marriage
No marriage = no children
No children = alone
Alone = depression
Depression = sickness
Sickness = death

Lesson: Don't lose your pen, or you will die.

Letters the Mailman Forgot to Deliver

Dear Yahoo,
I've never, ever heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it . . ." Just saying . . .
Sincerely, Google

Dear 6,
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things.
Sincerely, 7

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till five.
Sincerely, the unicorns

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Justin Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear Impossible,
Screw you. I just made a campfire underwater.
Sincerely, Spongebob

Dear Dreams,
PLEASE stop ending right when I get to the good part!
Sincerely, Sleeping People

Dear Parents,
I am fully aware that money doesn't grow on trees. That's why I'm asking you for it.
Sincerely, Broke Child

Dear Math,
I am not a therapist; go solve your own problems.
Sincerely, Students

Dear China,
Where do you dig your holes to?
Sincerely, A Curious American

Dear Lost Keys,
Touché.
Sincerely, Lost Phone on Silent

Dear Kids,
Give the silly rabbit some Trix already!
Sincerely, the Committee of Compassionate People Worried about the Rabbit's Health

Dear Cursed Black Hole At the Bottom of My Backpack,
Please stop eating my pens and pencils and homework. I kind of need those.
Sincerely, Unprepared Student

Dear Slowest Walkers in the World,
Please do not form an impassable wall in front me.
Sincerely, Stuck Behind You and Late to Class

Dear Dad,
I think you took the Got-Your-Nose Game a little too seriously.
Sincerely, Voldemort

"About the stories. They'll last, even if nothing else does. They'll be like a light in the dark, and they'll burn as long as the dark lasts and go on out the far side of it into the morning."

—Gwyna, Here Lies Arthur by Philip Reeve (stand-alone)

THE INFINITE CODEX OF OUR FANDOM TERMINOLOGY
(And if you can't find the definition of what you're looking for here, check Fanlore, aka Lifesaver[TM])

Alternate Reality / AR: A story that deviates from canon (see Canon) and is set in a world/setting/timeline/"reality" (hence the name "Alternate Reality") that had been established in canon, even if it had been mentioned in passing. It can also refer to a story set in another "version" of the canon, e.g. a book series's movie world, or vice versa. DIFFERENT FROM Alternate Universe / AU.

Alternate Universe / AU: A story which deviates from canon (see Canon) and explores possible events had things happened differently. (Ex: What would have happened if Darth Vader had never gone to the Dark Side?) It may also refer to a story in which the setting is in a previously unstated (and thus the creation of the author's imagination) "universe," with no canonical proof that said "universe" exists / can exist. DIFFERENT FROM Alternate Reality / AR.

Author's Note / A/N / AN: An author's note(s), commenting on his or her fic, or an element of it.

Bashing: Poking fun of a character, pairing, group, or topic, portraying them/it as unintelligent, ridiculous, in a negative light, etc.

Beta Reader / Beta (v. or n.): Someone who helps to edit a fic, or gives suggestions about said fic's elements.

Canon: The way the story unfolded originally outside of fan fiction; the way the original creator or author portrayed it.

Challenge: Similar to a writing prompt or plot bunny. (See Plot Bunny.) A challenge, though, sets specific guidelines/rules for the writer, or outlines objects or events the fic has to include. Can be any genre, or multiple genres. (See Genre.) A story written for a challenge is often preceded with "Written for [so-and so's / series's name] [the] [insert challenge name] [challenge] ." (Ex: Padme must knit a sweater for Anakin. Obi-Wan must learn to play the bagpipes. Mace Windu must wear purple. Must be rated PG.) (Ex: Written for FanficLover's Yuletide Crossing Paths Challenge.)

Companion Piece: A piece of writing that is somehow/somewhat connected to something else the author has written. Differs from a series in that events do not need to be in chronological order, or even mentioned in both stories. Similar emotions or events can connect them instead.

Cover Art / Coverart: Art created for a fic's cover, either by the author themselves, or someone else. Similar to the cover for a novel.

Citrus: A story with light romance. Can include / Includes hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. (Can be referred to as "fluff" or a "fluffy" story.) (See Fluff.)

Crack fic / Crackfic: Fics that have unique or strange plots, or maybe no plot at all. Can usually be classified as humor. (Ex: A story about Darth Vader and the pet bunny he named Fred.) Can also refer to a pointless fic, or one meant to make the readership laugh until . . . Never mind.

"Crack" ship / Crack ship / Crackship: A ship (see Ship) or pairing (see Pairing) that is nonsensical, random, or completely non-canonical. It is often unaccepted as fanon (see Fanon). Usually is supported by the creator of the crack ship.

Crossover: A fic which combines two or more fandoms, connecting canon events or creating situations where characters from different fandoms meet. (See fandom.)

Death fic / Deathfic: A fic that someone writes when the main character (or just characters) die normally. It can also refer to a fic in which the author writes about a character mourning / "getting over" / thinking about the death of (an)other character(s). Usually takes the form of one-shots or two-shots. (See One-shot and/or Two-shot

Disclaimer: A note by the author of a fic acknowledging that the characters and events they are portraying are not their original or intellectual property. They may also state that the author does not intend to make any profit from their writing or infringe upon the original creator's rights. (Often written as a safeguard against lawsuits, admin banning, angry authors / copyright owners, etc.)

Drabble: A very short piece of writing meant to convey or portray a specific emotion, point, or instance. In its strictest form, it is limited to one hundred words, not including author's notes. (See Author's Note.) Thus, drabbles are often used as challenges and/or writing prompts. (See Challenge.) (Lately, authors have also expanded the definition of "drabble," which may result in "extended" drabbles, such as bidrabbles.)

Fandom: A term for the show, movie, book, or cartoon which a fan supports, enjoys, or is writing fan fiction for. (Ex: Harry Potter, Star Wars, Dark Angel, Supernatural, etc.)

Fan Fiction / Fanfic / Fic: Stories written by fans for television shows, books, movies, or cartoons, about the characters or events included within a specific fandom or fandoms. (See Fandom.)

Fanon: The fan version of canon. (See Canon.) The story might not have been written that way, but there are certain events, story lines, or characteristics that are / can be (generally) accepted as fact by the fans.

Femslash: Slash (see Slash) between two female characters.

Flame / Flaming (v.): A cruel, overly harsh review of someone’s work without any constructive criticism; a review comprised entirely of insulting remarks; a review written with the sole purpose of upsetting the author and/or their story.

Fluff: Fics that are lighthearted, usually very cute, and/or very romantic.

Gary-Stu / Gary Stu: A character, most often male, who fits all stereotypical labels (can be described as "perfect") and could be the answer to all conflicts in a storyline/fic. The character is usually interested in / romantically paired with a primary character (who also can be labeled as another "perfect" character). It is the "male version" of a Mary-Sue. (See Mary-Sue / Mary Sue.)

Gen / Genfic: A story that is free of any slash or overly graphic content. (See Slash.) Can also be used to mean that the story is free of any type of romantic relationship, pairing, ship, etc. (See Pairing and/or Ship.)

Genre: The category a story belongs to (very similar to that of canonical fiction genres). (Ex: Humor, angst, romance, etc.)

Het: A romantic relationship in a story between a male and a female. (See Pairing

In-character / In Character / IC: Describes the way that a character's personality is portrayed in a fic, which matches what fans have come to expect from that character.

Kink / Kinky (adj.): An eccentric idea or unusual sexual tastes with lemon, lime, etc. (See Lemon and/or Lime.)

Lime: A fic with lightly discriptive sex scenes but black out before / lack of anything "worse."

Lemon: A fic with very discriptive sex scenes.

Mary-Sue / Mary Sue: A character, usually female, that is very stereotypical or even so far as "perfect," and often has all the answers to all the problems in a storyline. The character is also usually interested in, or paired romantically with, one of the other primary characters (who often also happens to be another "perfect" character). The male version of a Mary Sue is often called a Gary Stu. (See Gary-Stu / Gary Stu.)

MPreg: (Normally in yaoi (see Yaoi / Yeri.).) When a male has the child instead of a female.

OC / Original Character: An original character of your own creation, who is not canonical. (See Canon.)

Out of Character / OOC: Describes or refers to the way the portrayal of a character [in a fic] doesn't match what fans have come to expect from that character, or even a departure from the character's personage.

One-Shot: A piece of writing, similar to a vignette (see Vignette), that is not connected to or intended to follow another story. The characters' thoughts are often less internally focused than a vignette, however, and the tone less formal. Can be any genre. (See Genre.) Though usually consisting of one chapter, two-shots and three-shots are examples of longer one-shots. (See Two-Shot and/or Three-Shot.)

One True Pairing / OTP: A romantic pairing that a fan personally believes is the only true or acceptable romantic pairing in a fandom. Usually, but not necessarily, a pairing that is part of canon. (See Canon.)

Pairing: Similar to a ship (see Ship). Normally refers to a canonical romantic pairing between two of the fandom's (see Fandom) characters, usually straight. (See Het.) When used, most often it is meant to differ from a slash. (See Slash.)

Plot Bunny: An idea for a story that may or may not be in [the early stages of] development, or (less often used as) an element of a story.

POV / Point of View: The perspective a story is written from.

PWP / Porn with Plot: Self-explanatory. . . .

Ship: A particular romantic pairing (see Pairing). Can also refer to a pairing whose degree of acceptability (depending on the fandom (see Fandom), its relative fanon (see Fanon), canon (see Canon), etc.), can be debated upon.

Shipper: Someone who likes, supports, or promotes a certain romantic pairing.

Shmoop: The fluffiest fluff. (See Fluff.)

Slash: Male/male or female/female romantic parings. (Female/female parings are often referred to as femslash. (See Femslash.))

Spoiler / Spoilers: Information, references, and/or events from certain episodes, books, or movies within a fandom that others may not know of, or wish to know of. Especially important for an ongoing series like a television show, since not every fan may have seen the most recent episode. (Similarly, in a fandom of a book series, spoilers would consist of So-and-So dies in the last book, or such remarks.)

Switzerland (n. used as adj. or adv.): Typically in all fandoms, [the state of being] neutral towards shipping (see Shipping); having no shipping at all.

Tag: A story with events that are connected to, meant to follow, or meant to occur just before events in a certain episode, book, or movie in a fandom. Often explores a character's thoughts or feelings about those events.

Three-Shot: Similar to one-shot and two-shot (see One-Shot and/or Two-Shot), only three chapters long.

Two-shot: Similar to one-shot, only two chapters long. (See One-Shot and/or Three-Shot.)

Verse / 'Verse: (Short for "universe.") The events, characters, and storyline surrounding a fandom or an AU series of fics. (See Alternate Universe / AU.) Often used in phrases like "movie 'verse," "comic 'verse," etc.

Vignette: A short piece of writing, usually a story which is only a few pages or a [few] chapter(s) long, that focuses on making a particular point or exploring a particular emotion or event. The characters' thoughts are usually internally focused, and the tone more formal. Can be any genre. (See Genre.)

WIP / Work in progress: A story that is not posted completely, and is still being written.

Whump / Whumping: Severe mental or physical pain in a fic, which can be focused on a main character or group of main characters.

Yaoi / Yeri/Yuri: Same-sex couples; usually used in an anime fandom. Note that the former comes with often negative connotations regarding the treatment of gay relationships and the historic context in which the term was used

["[I]f he's fighting with . . . with Them . . . with the ones who made the bright Book, isn't he in the wrong?"
(I don't know,) Fred said again. (How am I supposed to judge? But you're wizards, you should know how terrible a power belief is, especially in the wrong hands—and how do you tell which hands are wrong? Believe something and the Universe is on its way to being changed. Because you've changed, by believing. Once you've changed, other things start to follow. Isn't that the way it works?)]

—So You Want to Be a Wizard; Diane Duane (Young Wizards, book 1)

Somehow you've reached the end... I'll do my best to come back around and actually be active here again!