HELLO,HOLA,BONJUR,SALAM,SHALOM,NI HAO, AND ALL THE OTHER WAYS TO SAY HI!

DESCRIPTION: I am a girl... that's all I'm gonna say. WHo knows what kinda creeps there are on this website, man. For all I know they could take my description of "I'm a girl." and find out my name, age, picture, address, phone number, school, and maybe they'll figure out a way to read my mind!! Technology's crazy these days! (Did I mention I have a slight case of paranoia? no, well that there is you're proof)

Plain was the same as it ever was the same
Plainly plain…
Samely same…
But then…someone lit the flame.
Plain rode away on lion’s mane.
Where plain met fruits with strangely names.
Such wonderful things they did contain.
A shot of life to a hungry vein.
The captive beast who broke the chain.
And there upon that fruited plane,
is where plain became what plain became.
So much more than more than plain.
Plain will never be the same.

I love this poem... even though it came from a yogurt commercial!

Stand up to Bullying Everywhere!

Just because some of the Wise are Cowards, does not mean that the unwise cannot be Brave. Bravery and Courage do not always come from Wisdom.

Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.”

I was on a class field trip a couple weeks ago to the Peace on Earth Film Festival in Chicago. It was mostly about how we should help the planet and its people, but there was one video that just GOT to me. It was called Rorans Escape. Only a few minutes long yet able to strike tears in many of the eyes watching the short narrative. Anyways, it about this Australian kid named Roran who gets bullied in school and ends hanging himself off a tree. After the film, there was a discussion and there was one comment that made me SO mad. A student said that since the adults in the film failed to help the obviously emotionally broken boy then the friends and peers should not be expected to either. She said that it is too hard for one person to make a difference in someones life. I entirely disagree. One person CAN make a difference, even change the WORLD with a simple gesture, word, or smile. Thats why you should always smile because with each smile you give to anyone at all you could be changing their lives.

*Sorry about the rant, but that person REALLY annoyed me*

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you are against abortion, post this in your profile.

AS A FORMER FETUS, I AM OPPOSED TO ABORTION!!

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

IF YOU HAVE EVER BURST OUT LAUGHING ABOUT SOMETHING IN A BOOK, AND PEOPLE LOOKED AT YOU WEIRD, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE! (that was SO me during a couple of free minutes during science class. "Don't you love me Bella? Then let me plan your wedding!" Oh, Alice...)

If you think Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann--Disney's PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN-- are made for each other and that, no matter how awesomely awesome Jack Sparrow may be, he should never, under any circumstances, be with Elizabeth, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!.

(I'm not even a fan, but it's true!)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe), I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly (about 24 hours now not counting the few hours of sleep)VOLVO S60R,LoveMeForeverORLoveMeNever, EdwardEclipse, Alexz1jude, DaisyPinker(I'm always on FanFic! Like 24-7! I mean it! Really! Really really! god dammit i'm twitching again! don't judge! My mommy says I',m special! don't look at me like that! Why! why! why cant you people just leave me alone! Oh, god! THE VOICES! THERE BACK! NO! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! oh, go I'm hypervenilating, the blackness, i want to give to the blackness! I cant breath! Help! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-big breathe- okay I'm better! hehe.), TwiRidePotterGirl (it's SO much fun... until my mom yells at me to get back to my homework)Dark-wings-Black-rose( Im like on this website like 24-7! My mom gets soooooo annoyed. She keeps threatning to take away my phone!! noooooo! my phone is my lifee!! nooo! oh! and i have internet on it hehe, so i read on that!! thats why i cant have my mommy take away my phone!! Gasps! oh no, me gasp not having gasps cough a phone gasps is likegasps the world coming cough to an end!! noooooooooooooooo!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! )

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

92 percent of the teen population would die if Abercrombie&Fitch said it was uncool to breath. Copy and paste this to your profile if you're one of the 8 percent that would be laughing their butts off.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, ReganBaxter, the7thflockmember, TwiRidePotterGirl,Dark-wings-Black-rose.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy, copy this onto your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you think Fang is hot...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you read Maximum Ride School's Out - Forever in under 5 hours copy this into your profile.

If your friend(s) think you're crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog) and you don't care, copy and paste this is your pro

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your pro.

I read New Moon and Eclipse and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD! (screw that...I'm gonna knock him SENSELESS til he's DEAD. Especially after Eclipse)

When I read Maximum Ride I wanted to kill Fang for not kissing Max sooner. I mean, COME ON!

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

One day, while a blond was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blond started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blond laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blond is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blond giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blond. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.By this point, the blond had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!"

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?

Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?

Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?

Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?

Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers? Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

AND THE ONE THAT ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS CAME UP WITH BEFORE EVER SEEING THIS LIST:

Why is it called common sense if it's so rare?

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Some other stuff:

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raises hand...

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off... NOW.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
You're diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the high cost of living, it's still extremely popular.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Drive way too fast and you don't have to worry about cholesterol.
If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
Borrow money only from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy the evidence.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough chlorine!)
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

A good friend or a best friend?

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

good friend: Will help me learn to drive

best friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

good friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

best friend: Won't let me go away

good friend: Will help me up when I fall down

best friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

good friend: Will bail me out of jail

best friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

good friend: Will go to a concert with me

best friend: Will kidnap the band with me

good friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

best friend: Calls my parents "Marie" and "Dave" (or whatever their names are

good friend: Asks me for my number

best friend: Asks me for her number

good friend: Hides me from the cops

best friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

good friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

best friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Good Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are For Ever :-)

15 Things to do with friends when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!!"

BEST POEM EVER

One bright morning...
in the middle of the night,
two dead boys came out to fight.
they stood back to back
to face each other,
drew their swords
and shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise
and came to kill
those two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
ask the blind man, 'cause he saw it too!

Random Stuff

"Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?" ~ Anonymous

"Everyday is a gift, that's why they call it the present." ~ Anonymous

"My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone." ~ Anonymous

"If you know me, chances are you hate me." ~ Anonymous

"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." ~ Anonymous

"When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back." ~ Anonymous

"Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit and shut up." ~ Anonymous

"Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it." ~ Anonymous

"Sometimes, people just build walls up not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through." ~ Anonymous

"The cracks in the cement are a reminder that no matter how strong you may be, you can break." ~ Anonymous

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity?... I think I lost it.

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger, Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die"- Mel Brooks

"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated

Crazy is a relative term in my family!

How is it possible to have a civil war?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the SWAT team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

I read Eclipse and wanted to punch Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD. Then Bella did it for me.

"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Always forgive your enemies... nothing annoys them so much.

Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics

If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable

Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese. There are five people in my familly so it must be one of them. It's ether my mum or dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu. But i think it's Colin.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

If olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space, but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain, who is "she"?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

If dance were any easier, it would be called football.

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be "under par" in any thing else?

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. -

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?!"

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Got a problem with me? Solve it.

Think I'm trippin'? Tie my shoe.

Can't stand me? Then sit down.

If random songs pop into your head for no apparent reason, copy and paste this on your profile.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

"You can't always argue with all of the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they aren't paying attention." -Brom, Eragon

I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

Fang: Sell your soul for a cookie.

Max: Nah, Jeb already tried to get me with that, and I said no. No matter how much I wanted that cookie.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

All the good ones are either dating someone, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Stupid shiny Volvo owner.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it."

"Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else"

"Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real."

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Which way does a compass point in space?

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?

" A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said,"He's in heaven."Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!"The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds, Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning,my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells,"Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person."Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

ADD stands for Attention Defici- look, a squirrel!!

Top 75 Most Annoying Things To Do In An Elevator

When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

Call the Psychic Hot line from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

Ask, "Did you feel that?"

Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

Swat at flies that don't exist.

Tell people that you can see their aura.

Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

Put police tape in front of the door before entering.

Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.

Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.

Throw a rave.

Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people

ask what you are doing, tell them you "Won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei."

Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".

Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.

Lean over to another rider and whisper 'Noogie patrol coming!'"

Have a heated debate with yourself.

Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.

Drum on every available surface.

Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.

Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.

Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.

Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.

Propose to the other passengers.

Challenge people to duels.

Sell girl scout cookies.

Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."

Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.

Shout "Food fight!"

Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.

Elevators were practically MADE for river dance!

Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"

Shave.

Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.

Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.

Practice your kung fu.

Make race car noises when people get on and off.

Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"

Fly a model airplane.

Do yoga.

Play the accordion

Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.

Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.

Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.

Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."

Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word.

Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.

Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.

Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic. (Vampires??)

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

Bibliophobia- Fear of books. -This would probably drive me to phobia listed above (Agateophobia-Fear of Insanity)

Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.

Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors. -That would seriously suck.

Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch. -Sorry Dutch people, but some people are afraid of you.

Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers. -What can I say?

Ergophobia- Fear of work. -Sounds like a good excuse to me.

Gerontophobia- Fear of old people. -I just I can understand this one, I mean an old lady with crutches... shivers

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. (Now this name is just mean!)

Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news. (Wow)

Nomatophobia- Fear of names.

Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile