'ello.

Life doesn't make any sense. I mean, why is orange juice yellow? Because when I open a carton of orange juice, I expect it to be orange.

One day I'm just gonna make a book of quotes I hear and make millions of dollars off of it. Because I hear some pretty funny stuff. That, and then eventually world domination. I mean... what?

Don't steal the FedEx truck. Just don't.

... IGNORE ME!

Story Statuses:

Storm Warning: Updated very slowly.

Ninety-three percent of Americans would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the seven percent who would say, "What was your first clue?" copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you were like in another dimension, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Admitting you're weird makes you normal. Saying you're normal makes you odd. If you admit you're weird and you like it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into somethnig, whether it is a person or not, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever given in to that urge to slam your head into something, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you know you can fly, no matter what the laws of physics state, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', then what's the opposite of 'Progress'?

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

You are only young once. If you act foolish after that, you’ll have to find some other excuse.

Don't get too excited about the light at the end of the tunnel; because nine times out of ten, it's an oncoming train.

Eighty percent of questions that begin with "Why" can be answered with the simple sentence, "People are stupid."

Why is it that wherever I go, the resident idiot heads straight for me?

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Ding!

We all know how stupid the average person is. Now realize that, by definition, fifty percent of the population is dumber than that.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Always keep a smile on your face... it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Quotes:

"You got turned down by Dora!" -S.D.

"Someone's going to bop you in the mouth one day, and first I'll ask 'Are you ok?' and then I'm going to laugh at you." -M.M.

"Sorry, I was just expressing my love of tractors." -C.H.

"If an ice cream truck broke down outside, you guys would just be there like 'Rah! Sugar!'" - Mr. G.

"Who would've thought a giant book could bend metal?" -N.M.

"I think of a 13-year olds brain as a hampster on a wheel. Except that the hampster is dead." -Mr. G.

"Antonio's pencil is naked! It's been stripped!" -S.D.

"This music's too sexy for me." -L.J.D.

"Well, your opinion is wrong!" -L.J.D.

"Why are they called small pox if they're such a big deal?" -R.C.

"Are sunflowers trees?" -R.S.

"This book looks like it was in the bathtub with somebody." -S.D.

"Why can't we put Antonio in a box and ship him away? He's a big banana!" -S.D.

"If the whole world was dumb, then everybody would be smart." -R.C.

"I iron my money." -M.H.

"That sounds like something Kaiba would say: Screw the rules, I iron my money." -R.H.

"You can't blow a straw!" -L.J.D.

"Don't poke my baby!" -S.D.

"I don't punch it with my knuckles, I stick out my fingers and I punch it." -C.H.

"The potatoes became zombies..." -C.H.

"I don't want my spit back. It's not like I can use it again." -G.W.

"I don't talk to people like him. I eat people like him for breakfast." -M.H.

"I know. I look good in women's clothes." -M.H.

"I'm allergic to not having pizza!" -C.P.

"I'm allergic to pollen, so don't put it in the food." -C.H.

"There's a funny bone in your wrist!" -M.M.

"Can I go to the bathroom? My ear is leaking." -S.D.

Ladies and Gentlemen, skinny and stout,
I'll tell you a tale I know nothing about;
The Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Now pull up a chair and sit on the floor.

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight;
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.

A blind man came to watch fair play,
A mute man came to shout "Horray!"
A deaf policeman heard the noise and
Came to stop those two dead boys.

He lived on the corner in the middle of the block,
In a two-story house on a vacant lot;
A man with no legs came walking by,
and kicked the lawman in his thigh.

He crashed through a wall without making a sound,
into a dry creek bed and suddenly drowned;
The long black hearse came to cart him away,
But he ran for his life and is still gone today.

I watched from the corner of the big round table,
The only eyewitness to facts of my fable;
But if you doubt my lies are true,
Just ask the blind man, he saw it too.
-nOT mINE i jUST lOVED iT-

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .