I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in.

Mom says, “Happy is a decision.”

But my happy is as hollow as a pin pricked egg.

My happy is a high fever that will break.

Mom says I am so good at making something out of nothing and then flat-out asks me if I am afraid of dying.

No.

I am afraid of living.

—Sabrina Benaim