Complete and total crackfic, complete with too many references, too much swearing, and too many unneeded sex references. Pissed off with constant bullying about his name and even more pissed off that the freakin' birdface men stole his box of condoms, Eragon sets off with the fat old perv Broom and his new winged lizard which sexts him telepathically to go kill the king. Do enjoy.