Hi. I'm Megan Sleevewillow. I am twenty-four years old, a ginger, and a recent graduate of university with a dual major in history and theatre. This is my profile page. It's cobbled together with stuff I've collected over the years. Enjoy!

Hobbies: Making it to the bathroom in time, singing really loudly when I think I'm home alone, wearing brightly colored socks, yelling at video games, rolling around on the floor and other surfaces in excitement, making comic book/movie/literature/theatre references NO ONE ELSE GETS, talking in caps when I get a little bit erratic, making people of the same gender as I uncomfortable, playing gay peacock with myself and LOSING, and generally being a lethally concentrated dose of awesomeness.

Favorite Books:
Animorphs
Harry Potter
Dear America: Voyage on the Great Titanic
The Cask of Amontillado
These Is My Words
Squire's Tales
Bloody Jack Adventures
A Song of Ice and Fire
Royal Diaries

Favorite Movies:
Bend it like Beckham
Moulin Rouge!
The Lord of the Rings
The Pirates of the Caribbean
Beauty and the Beast
Secondhand Lions
Doctor Zhivago (Keira Knightley mini-series)
Titanic
The Mummy
The Mummy Returns
Hellboy
Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story
Paint Your Wagon
The Terminal
Tombstone
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Anastasia
Sherlock Holmes
Butterfly Circus
Julie & Julia
There Will Be Blood
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
The Aviator
Pride and Prejudice (2005)
Avengers

Favorite TV shows:
Futurama
Family Guy
X-Men Evolution
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Law and Order: SVU
MythBusters
Dirty Jobs
The Soup
Legend of the Seeker
Downton Abbey
The Tudors
Archer

Favorite Bands/Singers:
Good Charlotte
Backstreet Boys
Kelly Clarkson
Josh Groban
Keith Urban
Big and Rich
Johnny Cash
Hayley Westenra
Taylor Swift
Steam Powered Giraffe

Favorite Male Celebrities:
Viggo Mortensen
Johnny Depp
Ewan McGreggor
Jorge Garcia
James Stewart
Gene Wilder
Eddie Izzard
Doug Jones
Liam Neeson
Daniel Day-Lewis

Favorite Female Celebrities:
Keira Knightley
Parminder K. Nagra
Madeline Kahn
Emily Blunt
Amy Adams
Felicia Day
Katharine Hepburn
Kate Middleton

Miscellaneous Objects of My Affection:
BioWare games
Salt Lake City and the surrounding area
Cowboy Country, NV
The color orange
The Tudors and Early Modern British History
Brightly colored socks
My Chellefish

To all the delightful people who have ever reviewed, read, liked, favorited, or anythinged my writing: Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means so very much to me.

Current Projects
Withstanding Destiny -- The second of my three-part Mummy series, beginning with The Lost Sister. I high advise reading The Lost Sister first, as it introduces one of the main characters of Withstanding Destiny and explains the setting of Withstanding Destiny.

Future Projects
Third installment of the Mummy series -- I will not focus on this until the whole of Withstanding Destiny is complete and published, but it should be up by Summer 2014.
A sequel set in the future after The Adventures of Christiana Thomas -- I have the plot mostly figured out but have difficulty writing everything the way it is in my head. There is no estimate to when this will be written, but I do plan on doing so.

Favorite Quotes/Pieces of Advice/Warped Wisdom

"How'd this go all screwy?"
"Well, each wants the chest for hisself, don't 'e? Mister Norrington, I think he's tryina regain a bit of honor. Old Jack's lookin' to trade it, save his own skin. And Turner there - I figure 'e's tryna... settle some unresolved business 'twixt him and his twice-cursed pirate father." Pintel and Ragetti, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

"From now on, everyone must call Cameron 'Commander Nipples!'" -- Me

"You need to find yourself a girl, mate! Or, perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?" -- Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

"Pol Pot killed one point seven million Cambodians, died under house arrest, well done there. Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, aged seventy-two, well done indeed. And the reason we let them get away with it is they killed their own people. And we're sort of fine with that. Hitler killed people next door. Oh, stupid man. After a couple of years we won't stand for that, will we?" -- Eddie Izzard

"Megan, that hole should be just for you."
"Lisa, did you hear that? That hole should be just for me."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" -- While practicing for the Powderpuff game Freshman year of high school, Zane, Lisa, and I.

"Whats the word for go?"
"Let me look it up in my book." (I open my German textbook and turn to the glossary) "Holy crap! It's all in German!" -- During German I, Lisa and I

"This is barbaric! This is no way for grown men to settle--! Oh! Fine! Let's just - pull out our swords and start banging away at each other! This will solve everything! I've had it! I've had enough of wobbly-legged, rum-soaked... PIRATES!" -- Elizabeth Swann, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes." -- Jack Handey

"Mormon this!" -- Cameron

"I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work." -- Eddie Izzard

"It's illegal in all 54 states!" -- My brother-in-law Alex while I was staying with him and Melanie before Christmas 2003.

"We're gonna be ok! We have a Summer Sausage!" -- My brother Erick when we were stuck in a four foot snowdrift on New Years' day 2004 in his car along with four other vehicles down the same stretch of road.

"Everyone hates me cuz I'm paranoid!" -- Cameron

"You know... Lizzy... I am... captain of a ship. And being captain of a ship, I could in fact perform a... marr-i-age. Right here. Right on this deck. Right... now!" -- Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

"I'd do the whole Fellowship and then some!" -- Me

"If I wasn't an actor, I'd be a secret agent." -- Elijah Wood

"OH GOD! NOT THIS BLOODY DAMN ISLAND AGAIN!" -- Captain Jack Sparrow in Umm, run that by me again?

"I want to wear the kilt!" -- Jake in German I when we were trying on clothes and learning their names.

"How do you say cross-dresser in German?" -- Ty in German I when Jake got up in front of the class that day.

"You actually were telling the truth."
"I do that quite a lot. Yet people are always surprised." -- Norrington and Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

"The extent to which this colossal number is inflated by sites dedicated to swooning appreciations of the looks and long blond hair of Orlando Bloom cannot be precisely calculated in the average life span." -- A Rough Guide to LOTR

"They're a bit like chicken fillets, really, and you can hit people with them." -- Keira Knightley, talking about her prosthetic cleavage.

"...Before I knew it, its 5:00 a.m., I'm drunk, and I'm back in the house." -- Billy Boyd talking about Oscars 2004 on the Late Late Show

"I don't tap. The music is within me." -- Emily while flute section was practicing for competition in 2004.

"I think that God invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey." -- Hal Holbrook, Mark Twain Tonight!

"The world will be ruled by roaches and spam. And Styrofoam. Roaches, spam and Styrofoam.The Roaches will live in the Styrofoam... but then later on will be killed off by eating the spam and the world will recreate itself and there will be fossilized spam where the new race of people will look and wonder, just what the heck the world was like before them." -- Chelle

"Well, Lily, you better get going before your friend finds us and removes my penis by magic. Speak of the devil!" -- A Sirius Black from a Yahoo! RP Chat. I'm proud to say that he was talking about my character.

"...I hate you Sparrow."
"I know, love." -- Jack and Chris in my fic The Adventures of Christiana Thomas

"Yeah, well I'm Harry Potter's girlfriend and he taught me how to use a cell phone!" -- Lisa

"I swear, if you weren’t immortal and more powerful than me, I’d kick your ass." -- Legolas in the MST fic at www.veryverygay.com

"There is a large number of lonely men out there."
"Don't worry, I won't let them rape you." -- Lancelot and Guinevere, King Arthur

"And you are?"
"I am Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein, and these are my faithful squires, Delves of Dodgington, and Fowlhurst of Crew."
"I'm Richard the Lionheart, pleased to meet you." -- Geoff and William, A Knight's Tale

"Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. " -- George Carlin

"Listen to me, little door! You are endangering my King's Wife with your stupidity. If you do not open immediately and without further discussion, I will twine myself through your lock and throw you down twisted and broken, and the goblins will put in a new door that understands its obligations." -- Charm, The Hollow Kingdom

"Es macht mich hocht!" -- Frau Bochman, nee Andersson, when she pretended to be sniffing markers in German II.

"Diet. Keyword: DIE." -- Me, discussing the concept of dieting with my mother.

"With all rumours, they're best enjoyed with a pinch of salt and marijuana cookies. Or maybe that's just us." -- An update from Keira Knightley.com, formerly Keira Knightley Wavefront.org

"Burnt out by drought. Washed out by flood. Ate out by jack-rabbits. Sold out by the Sheriff. Still here."-- President Gordon B. Hinckley

"My left hand sucks up all the water, and the other one is always dehydrated and pissed off at the other hand for sucking up all the water." -- Alex talking about how when he washes his hands, his left hand is dryer than the right. Always.

"...And what did the Red Scare do to Americans?"
"It pissed 'em off!" -- Mrs. Pearson and Jamie, talking about the Red Scare in American History Sophomore Year.

"Somebody cares: Nobody!" -- Alex

"Insanity: a perfect rational adjustment to an insane world." -- R.D. Lang

"I have friends who kiss me on the mouth now. The men who kiss me aren't my friends anymore... They're my bitches." -- Jorge Garcia

"See, I told you not all statues have wieners!" -- Someone on the bus trip to the Circus Circus Adventure Dome during Skills USA State 2005. They were commenting on statues outside a gentleman's club.

"Megan, there's things Alex and I do that Jesus shouldn't see!" -- Melanie, talking to me about taking a picture of Jesus Christ off of her and Alex's bedroom wall...

"Man Gryffindor still doesn't have any Prefects."
"I know. Us rowdy bunch."
"We're all too busy being weird to make that work."
"Speaking of which, may I lick your shoe?"
"Why yes, but only after I dance about wearing only a cape."
"Oh alright, I can wait. While I wait, I think that I'll melt some chocolate and make it into a mustache." -- Antony and I discussing my deceased HP RPG.

"Have I taught you NOTHING since the moment you bowed to me?!"
"You've taught me that girls are wildly emotional." -- My friend Antony and I playing Megan and Sol out in a crazy chat concerning my deceased HP RPG.

"Maru doesn't like Dio either: She thinks he's an egomaniac. Where does she get these ideas?"
"Maybe because he was checking his reflection in his spoon!"
"Hey, he would have taken out the compact in his pocket, but Harry would've seen!"
"Oh my God, he has a compact."
"Doesn't everyone nowadays?"
"He is a competent Gilderoy isn't he?" -- Antony and I talking about an Orlando Bloom based character.

"Dio is SUCH a pimp. He's gonna be sleeping with most of your female staff, you know that right?"
"Oh God, Harry will hate the hell out of him." -- Antony and I

"Replied! Megan's being annoying... Ahh, so it begins."
"The friendship that makes no sense but is based around Megan being a borderline stalker, and Solaufein having funny feelings for her that he doesn't understand." -- Antony and I

"I'm just pulling your feet." -- Alex during summer 2005

"After five years of studying while Meg was on a sugar high she had learned to ignore pretty much all noise...And Meg singing Willy Wonka at the top of her lungs." -- Mo

"Well, let's get out of here before he wipes us down!"-- Alex, when Margo and I helped him and Melanie move in October 2005. A diesel came into the gas station we were at at breakneck speed, almost hitting the Durango, and then the driver jumped out to grab a squeegee.

"I'm not judging you." -- Me. :D

"To love another person is to see the face of God." -- Victor Hugo

"My mom thinks I have ADD, but I don't think so. Oh look, a llama! I love pandas!" -- Stephanie

"Sometimes I think I'm a genius. Other times, I'd rather not talk to myself." -- Stephanie

"It was like all slowed down and I was like, 'Whooooah!' but I couldn't stop it." -- Stewie Griffin, Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story

"Hello, my name is Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. Two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out that my wife died six years ago. Who the hell did I hit?"
"This message brought to you by the National Diabetes Association." -- Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story

"Arrgh me maties!"
"You want me to what you?!" -- Shawn and I on a 2005 AOT trip. We were talking about pirates, and Sean suddenly said that, and that was my immediate reaction.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." -- Unknown

"RPGs are role-playing games where you sorta act out things like movies and stuff online. Like in this one, it's Star Wars and I'm C-3PO."
"Ohh..."
"Anything else you wanna know about my personal life, like what color underwear I'm wearing?" -- Matt and I in Accounting one day.

"I feel like you're judging me. Are you judging me, Matt? Are you? Are you?!"
"Megan, I already told you, I've already picked out the verdict. Now you're just insane."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"First you were insane, now you're paranoid. It's actually kinda weird." -- Matt and I, same day, same class.

"We're both still up - our lives are pain. That is all." -- Antony, one night when we were up in the wee hours of the morning working on quarter/school projects.

"You worry me sometimes. But then I just hit my head really hard against something, and everything's right again." -- Me.

"And here comes the boss while they are still in bed together. Absolutely terrible..."
"Well, maybe Ewan shouldn't HUMP everything that MOVES." -- Steph and I. She was describing a movie called, "Young Adam" that has Ewan McGregor in it.

Antony: I am making several characters, based on people I know! Because they asked!
Me: WTF! -Two seconds later- ...can you make one of me? -- Antony and I.

"It's like a theme park...OF DEATH!" -- Me while my dad and I were watching House of Wax.

"DEATH FROM ABOVE!" -- Chelle.

"Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I'm a freaking lunatic." -- Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

Ashley (Looking in her scriptures): Where's Moses?
Me: ...he's heading for the promised land! -- Ashley J. and I at church one day.

"Remember that rash I told you about? Well, I got the test results back today. Gonorrhea. Sounds sexy." -- Me

"The -- the whojamaflibber." -- My beloved Grandma!

"Is it Heroin or Cocaine?"
"Both." -- My Grandma asking about a bag of bath salts we gave her for Mother's Day, and me answering.

"Don't tell me what I'm doing; I don't want to know." -- Federico Fellini

"Megan, you should lie to your friends, not your brother." -- Erick

"You ran over whose dog with a cemetery?" -- Karlee on my trip to Europe in 2006.

"You did WHAT in the parking lot with WHO for HOW many jellybeans?" -- Something recited many, many times on the Europe trip in 2006.

"DIE UNGLAUBENLITSCHEN!" -- Karlee, attempting to say 'The Incredibles' in German on said trip at a French ferry terminal.

"So, why are you a wegetarian?" -- Karlee to Markus, our Austrian Guide, who said most of his v's as w's.

"Did you enjoy your wisit to the Vatican?" -- Markus

"Markus said we needed to go to the bathroom."
"Well Markus isn't my BLADDER, is he?" -- Stephanie retorting someone's question on said trip.

"Tomorrow I am going to decide to not eat something unless it falls out of a tree." -- Herbert, my French home-stay brother, during a conversation about veganism and people's eating habits.

"You do not like McDonalds? ...Are you sure you are American?" -- Herbert. He was SO FRICKING FUNNY!

"If I taste my own breast milk is that a form of cannibalism?" -- Melanie

"You got me sick! That is the last time I ever make out with you while you're sleeping!" -- Melanie

"Let's do it when she dies! I promise I won't break her or sell her on eBay!" -- Alex speaking about stuffing Smapdi, Melanie and Alex's dearly departed dog.

"...as soon as you get here I'm going to break your legs and chain you to the futon." -- Melanie

"Cucumbers. They are green. And are home on salad. Live in the moment and always carry a fork. Llama." -- Ben!

"I am NINJA! Unless there's a pineapple nearby. Then...I'm the PINEAPPLE PRINCESS! So...Yeah. Now you know." -- Ben!

"DANTE AND MEGAN ARE GONNA GET IT ONE WHETHER TOM LEAVES OR NOT!!1111!!@@222@2@22!!1!" -- Me

"If you are the Cheese Queen, then I am your Cheese King. Quick! Let us run away and elope and make cheesenips together. ...That sounded dirty." -- Chelle!

"Your mom!"
"Your dad!"
"Your face!"
"I like my face!" -- Myself, then Dain (Pronounces DAH-EEN), an exchange student from South Korea.

"Adam, the police officer says you need to drink more." -- Jamie Hyneman, MythBusters.

"I reject your reality and substitute my own!" -- Adam Savage, MythBusters.

"LAY OFF ME, I'M STARVING!" -- Bill impersonating a person that I cannot disclose the name of.

"She's trying to be different...All 'I don't like you Sparrow.' Though given the chance, she'd plow that till next January."
"Oh crap, I just spit on my screen laughing." -- Myself and Chelle speaking of a POTC RPG.

"I'm going to die!"
"No Dain, don't go into the light! You're Buddhist! It'll burn!" -- Dain and Bill

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Dain while we were watching Will Turner make out with Elizabeth's knee.

"I like you. You're soft." -- Bill about me, while he was inebriated, the lush.

"I can't help it, I wath born that way!" -- Christina, Bill, and I whenever we feel like it.

"Cracker says what?" -- Christina. :D

"I like Megan for her evil laugh and her general disdain for the human race." -- Bill

"She can run pretty good... It must be the Mexican in her." -- Melanie, talking about my niece Halczia.

"I like money." -- Alex speaking to a Salvation Army bell-ringer during Thanksgiving 2007.

"I wear a lot of black. I'm worried I might be Emo...or Spiderman." -- Bill

"Here it is New Year's Eve and I could give a rat's ass. Sure, I could go party, but I hate clubs. They're just a useless excuse for people to drink and rub up against each other because people are so repressed with their sexuality that they can't do it sober because they need something to blame their true behavior and feelings on!" -- Melanie!

"...there's really no point for me to make a "resolution". I think any resolution I have made for the past few years has been to kill people, so yeah." --Mennay New Year's 2008!

“What ze hell is zat?” -- Harry, Chris' uncle, in The Adventures of Christiana Thomas when he first meets Pearl.

"Whoo, I'm glad he suits me. There's a lot of sad truth in his hatred for Man."
"Which is why he needs to get laaaaaaaaid..." - Chelle, then me, speaking about Nuada in an HB RPG.

"You don't be showin' your ankles!" -- Professor Klemp, Theatre 100, Freshmore Year.

"...And now Emperor Diocletian was just a prick. Don't write that on the exam, but he was a prick." Professor Albritten, History 105, Freshmore Year.

"Boy, I will slap the ugly off you!" -- Chelle portraying Prince Nuada in a chat-box of the Hellboy RPG

"I gave you a chance to live demon, it will not happen again."
"You gave me- what? No, I let you live."
"This is why we can't have nice things." -- Nuada, Hellboy, and Frankie in the c-box for a Hellboy RPG.

"What would happen if you wept tears of maple syrup? Would people drag you to iHop, depress the hell out of you, and then wipe their pancakes on your face? What if you cried tears of syrup, and were also kitten-handed?" -- Platy

"I definitely may or may not have been sprayed by a skunk."
"Frick, I can tell you're a country boy." -- My brother Erick and his co-worker Harley one night when Erick was sprayed by a skunk.

"We had Asian noodles things left over from the last meal and I made some chicken broth from those hard cube things, threw in two eggs, noodles and a dash of soy sauce and heated that bitch up!" -- Chelle. XD

"He just wanted the kimono back, dammit!" -- Dr. Walker in History 300 in Spring 2009 while discussing the movie Rashomon.

"Dry toast isn't very good."
"How toast is your toast, cause I like mine dry, but not too toasty." - Myself, then my fantastic buddy and writing partner Andi in February 2006.

"You should have said yes, jumped through the passenger side window, licked him and then as he peeled out of there with you hanging on, you should asked him if he liked fish and blue paint. Then when the three state chase finally ended after you guys robbed a store, you declare love to one another, hold hands and drive off a cliff only for the car to turn into Starscream and you jet outta to the moon where you fight moon zombies and aliens. But then that's when you realize, you don't really love, love Doug look-alike but still you enjoy his overall presence so you two say your goodbyes, you leave Doug look-alike to forever pine for you and you head back to earth t live your life as a wanted vigilante where boys and the occasional girl fanboy/girl quite heartily over you.
"And I totally watch it all on the news." -- Chelle in my LJ in March 2009 after I described a random encounter with a boy I liked. Copied and pasted directly from the source, because she is THAT AWESOME.

"That turkey looks like it's from the fifties. Seriously. It looks worse than Stalin's mummy after Gorbachev was done eating the skin off of it.
Wait, what?" -- Me

"Shakespeare's rolling over in his grave." -- Joey in Theatre 450 Sophomore year when three girls were performing their Romeo and Juliet scene as Benvolio, Mercutio, and Romeo.

"My name is Lynn, and I'll be playing the guy whose name starts with an 'M.'" -- Lynn in the same class, same day, and same performers. She was playing Mercutio

"'please multi chara or anything jesus.' Wait ... you RP with Jesus? O_o"
"Jesus needs hobbies, too."
"Yeah, but I would kind of have to hope he'd be better at RPing than this."
"I wouldn't RP with Jesus. I hear he Godmodes." -- Three people in the LJ Community bad_rpers_suck after a post that had no punctuation or sense. The italicized text is part of said post.

"Grow a pair, Foster."
"I assure you I have a pair. I have a son you know." -- Myself as Luke (A Villain) and Chelle as Foster (One awesomely socially awkward doctor) in Pendulum Swing -- A Watchmen-based superhero RPG Chelle created.

"Edward, I know I said I would reply to the Sabbath thread this weekend, but I'm a terrible person and you and my brother are locked into mortal combat with spoons. So there you go." -- Myself as Annabel (Resident superhero/overall good person) to her partner in justice Edward in Pendulum Swing.

"Now you're putting words in my mouth. Just because I randomly bust into your workshop and yell "I CONQUER YOU IN THE NAME OF FISHMEN EVERYWHERE!" doesn't mean... uh anything." -- Chelle as Abe, directed at my tech chick Tabby.

"WOman."
"WHOA-OA-OA-OA-OA-OAMAN!"
"Tabby, you and I need to make some sweet sweet love."
"O_o"
"Heh. Shuts em up every time..."
"...can there be a big brass band present?"
"Wait... Yes."
"...I'm down."
"...This is... so hot." -- Julius and then myself as Tabby in the BPRD's crack-box.

"SHE CAN SPIT ON YOU TO HEAL YOU! NO DON'T WORRY, IT TASTES GOOD BITCH!" -- Chelle. XD

"I'm debating on drawing something for each others admin pic in the sidebar. I thought about doing like a symbol/animal/thing Abe, Frankie and Evadne are associated with. I got fish for Abe, a bat for Evadne but grumpy!bitch doesn't come in animal form for Frankie." -- Chelle in her LJ. I adore her.

'“But, you see, I’m no longer married and that doesn’t essentially mean I cannot buy my ex wife jewelry, but,” he cleared his throat. “It’s a perfectly logical assumption since I do wear my ring on my left hand though tradition says I should either wear it on my right or take it off completely.”
“Actually I think it’s stuck and I haven’t been to get it off even with olive oil though I have thought about vegetable oil since most today are synthetics. The chemical compositions might allow for a slicker surface but then again, they say olive oil is better for you.” The man paused and raised a finger to tap his chin. “not sure, who they are.”' -- Foster in BPRD. I love Foster.

'“O-okay. Thank you ma’am.” Foster leaned forward to watch the retreating figure of the woman from where he sat on the floor. “I promise not to steal anything either!” He called after her. “Not that I actually do. I’m not that kind of a person but… okay.”' -- Foster once more. He's cooler than you.

"I'm going to kill everyone in the world, take all their money, and go away." -- 'Aukai Almeida as Ubu in Nevada Rep's Fall 2009 production of Ubu the King.

"Now we're in a cave." -- 'Aukai as Ubu in Ubu the King.

"Canada is just America's hat." -- Drew to Candadian Mitch during rehearsals for Ubu the King.

"Who watches the Watchmen? ...Batman." -- Derek in my acting lab fall of Sophior year.

"I saw you save the boy from a spear."
"I doubt it, you don't have very good depth perception." -- The cyclops from Krull and then me. I'm awful.

"I kinda just threw my hand in the air like I was fist bumping God... and it was awesome." -- Chelle

"Grrr... why must guys be so idiotic? And why do girls let them walk all over them and control them like they are little children? Oh the stupidity!"
"Are you talking about Twilight?" -- Jocelyn on her Facebook, and then me in her comment thread.

"Can a Confessor confess another Confessor?" -- Me while watching Legend of the Seeker with Melissa.

"Jake just confessed that bird!" -- Me while watching Avatar.

"Now they're going to live together in Africa like it's some GD hippie commune."
"All that water isn't going to wash the AIDS away!" -- Myself and then Melissa while watching 2012.

"That's a really big box."
"He shopped at the 'Little Ring, Big Box' store." -- Myself, then Melissa, while watching Teen Mom

"I would plow that. And then plant seeds in him. And nine months later he would bear my children in a most fruitful harvest.
"And that's where babies come from." -- Me on a friend's Facebook, talking about Johnny Depp om nom nom.

"Keira Knightley is SO PRETTY!"
"She's wearing like... Five scarves."
"...England is SO COLD!" -- Myself and Melissa

"I think the amount of fun that I had tonight should be illegal. On the other hand... I might have a bruised face. And I smell like peppermint."
"Weird, the strippers around here smell like bubblegum." -- Lisa and then Erick on Facebook.

"I've been telling you Margo's a liar for fifteen years, Mom. Thanks for finally listening to Jamie about it." -- Myself to my beloved mummy about my little sister.

"I don't even feel like I have a relationship with that child, but the tumor and I are really tight." -- Mel from my university workplace in February 2009 when she was pregnant with her first son. She also had a fibroid in there too.

"You should know this one because you're all religious and sh-t." -- Melissa before reading me a riddle.

"At least you're not nailing a stewardess..."
Stewardess, no. Secretary, yes."
"What?!"
"Well, I have an hour of lunch a day and I eat it in fifteen minutes, so what else am I supposed to do?!"
"What?!"
"Why do you think I have four secretaries? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then Friday I give myself a break!"
"You're lying, you're lying! You don't have a secretary, you punch people for a living!"
"In the pocketbook!" -- Myself and Donald while rehearsing as Karen and Gabe for a scene from Dinner With Friends. None of the above is in the play, except the bit about the stewardess. We got into a bunch of make believe arguments, and that's what came out.

"Shelleen? The Mean Bean? First on the Scene? With paper compiled into a Ream? Always a valuable playah on the Team? Likes to sew up her Seam? And let off some Steam? And eat ice Cream?" -- Me on my friend Shelleen's Facebook. I am so cool.

"I never got in trouble for tattling."
"Me neither."
"That's because they never paid any attention to you." -- Melissa and I about our childhoods

"I think that Kenneth Branagh is pretty hot, actually, when he's shirtless and covered in amniotic fluid." -- Me after watching Mary Shelley's Frankenstein for Core Humanities in Fall 2009.

"I am nekkid because I DO NOT NEED YOUR APPROVAL. Also, it's payday." -- Me

"And the Godfather says, (In a deep, gravelly voice) "I'll send Guido." And Guido goes off and your problem is solved, it's in a coffin." -- Professor Hartigan, Spring 2010, describing private jurisdiction in the middle ages.

"I want Professor Snodgrass on Return to the Secret Garden to tell Lizzie, 'There's no such thing as magic!' and then slap her." -- Me. :D

"I love you. Don't be dead. Because then you won't be living. And I don't want you to not live. 'Cause that's just not cool." -- Stephna

"If we were physically and mentally linked like Nuada and Nuala, I'd gladly stab myself in the gut to stop you! I say that out of love. Expecto Patronads!" -- Bill

"If my dad knew we were walking down an alley, he would kill me."
"You mean your dad doubts our kung fu skills?" -- Me and Melissa while walking down an ill-lit alley.

"I have no soul. And I'm fine with that." -- Me

"Don't forget your Metamucil!" -- Meleigh, bless her.

"I'm on ur facebook, stalking you stalking..." -- Sylvia

"BPRD sucks, evil is more fun!"
"Just like your mom. OHHHH WHAT?!" -- Antony as Arkins and then myself as Tabby in the BPRD c-box.

"I JUST ALMOST KILLED MYSELF WITH A BINDER CLIP I'M SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW." -- Me on Facebook to Chelle when she posted in an X-Men RPG we joined.

"Your insanity knows no limits, nor no bounds. THANK GOD." -- Antony :D

"WAS HE NOT RAISED IN A HOUSE WITH COMMON MANNERS? OH WAIT, I REMEMBER, HIS PARENTS LOVED A DRUG CARTEL MORE THAN HIM AND HE'S A NATURALIZED CITIZEN OF CANADA! SILLY ME." -- Me to Chelle about a character that molested my own character. DO NOT WANT.

"Her mind was her own, that's where she kept all her porn and list of childhood fears and current address." -- Chelle as her character Mac.

"I WOULD GO GAY FOR YOU. YOU AND KEIRA KNIGHTLEY. YEAH." -- Me to Chelle. XD

"Next time C meets NoSee, he should insist on being called "Sock Juggler", claiming it is his code name, and that he must always and at all times be called "Sock Juggler", working that phrase into conversation as often as possible." -- Someone on Bad Role Players Suck in response to a post I did about a character that insisted everyone call her by her codename. Repetitively.

“You couldn’t wear shoes for this?”
“James, I am holding a rapier and I will stab you in the face.” -- Norrington and Chris from 'The Adventures of Christiana Thomas.'

"I am straight as spaghetti (the following had a strike through it) till it's heated up." -- Chelle on my LJ after I told her my mom asked if she was gay because of our conversations on Facebook. XD Oh Mommy, I luff you!

"I want to rip this apart mercilessly and mock it for some reason. :\ And by some, I mean no reason. But I won't anyway because Doug Jones told me to be a good girl, and that is now what I strive for."
"I... yes. It's kinda asking for it. I'm trying to be good too! But more because of you, cause you're awesome and made me realize I can be a bit of a douche canoe at times."
"It's all Doug Jones. We should start a cult."
"I am liking the sound of this already." -- Myself and Chelle in a YIM convo shortly after we met Doug Jones at Comic Con 2010.

"I dunno, it's late so I make crappy decisions when it's late."
"Like sleeping with me at Comic Con? I mean what?"
"No, that was a calculated plan set in motions months ago."
"...Well, don't I look the fool now."
"Hmm. Don't you." -- Chelle and I on the eve of our 27th/21st birthday. Yeah, we have the same birthday. Because we're hardcore like that.

"Yay!
It's your birthday,
it's your birthday,
it's your birthday, boy or girl!
Happy 21 years, Mey Mey! This is the part where I'm supposed to impart some sort of wisdom for you to cling to...but years of underage drinking and smoking, teen pregnancy, and forced sodomy have pretty much killed all my brain cells. Sorry, no wisdom for you!! (If you're wondering about the last bad habit...all grown ups HAVE to do it. Why, someone is coming to knock on your door right now and...)
Anyway...Happy 21st Birthday, Megan. I hope your birthday is teh awesome, the presents are teh copius, and the N00b pwn'age is sufficient. I love you!
You go, Grown-up!" -- Bill on my 21st Birthday.

"I'm picturing Voldemort sobbing in a corner because Harry won't date him." -- Me

"I totally stubbed my toe on a gun tonight and I didn't even FLINCH. I am that hardcore."
"Oh, my." -- Myself and then Bill

"I totally just probably broke the sink." -- Me

"The folical equivalent of Chuck Norris was just killed." -- Matt in the Tudors RPG the day that JDuds' shaved his beard.

"Never thought I'd be reading about horrible X-Men RP and then suddenly getting a gun boner. The internet is a weird place." -- Vic

"I just sent you three hammers, twenty-three drills, fourteen paint buckets, and eleven bricks. You're welcome."
"How the hell?"
"Stockpiling for the zombie apocalypse. Duh. Your Sawmill is more important, though." Myself and Melissa via text about Frontierville.

"I am from the the American southeast, where men are burly and strong and women frequently faint on account of the vapors." -- Someone in a post on customers_suck on LiveJournal.

"Perks are actually one of the only reasons I still bother to turn up for work. While my co-workers are in meetings discussing why the business is going bankrupt, I put office supplies in the boot of my car." -- David Thorne on 27bslash6.com

"I'm sitting in the waiting room waiting for Jared to get his wisdom teeth yanked."
"This is what happens when you date an infant." -- My Uncle Frank and then Mennay on Facebook. Jared is my uncle's 25 year old boyfriend. My uncle is a Puma and it's GLORIOUS!

"If I were Lady Macbeth things would have gone down way differently. For one Sam would be too busy being raped to be killing people." -- Melissa on FB commenting on my status about us watching Macbeth with Sam Worthington playing the title character.

"My dad is MIA. To make up for the lack of a father figure, I have ordered nachos." -- Me while waiting for a good long while with Erick and Melissa at a bar for my dad.

"WHOOOAH -- Five minutes to places."
"Thank you, whoah."
"Thank you, whoah."
"Thank you whoah!" -- Kyle the stage manager and then the boy's room, girl's room, and green room during a production of Mark Twain's Is He Dead? that I was light board operator for. Kyle almost fell as he hit the speaker button, and instead of saying "Thank you five," every room independently said "Thank you, whoah!"

"You shroompf ze zing -- You shroompf it." -- Dutchy in Is He Dead?

"Ten yards of Belgian lace and a wedding dress never hurt a man." -- Millet, Is He Dead?

"BRB, I need to hit my brother real fast."
"HIT HIM ONCE FOR ME TOO
HARD
IN THE GROIN
BUT NOT HARD ENOUGH SO WE CAN'T HAVE TURKEY BASTER BABIES
MY CLOCK IS F*ING TICKING" -- Chelle and I. XD

"You'd be surprised how many e-mails I get a week that start with, 'Yo prof, did we have some reading this week?' and I'm like, 'YO! CHECK THE SYLLABUS!'" -- Professor Schoolman in Spring Semester 2011 Medieval Mediterranean History.

"I just saw a guy with strong calves and my skirt got shorter." -- Me to Lanie, making fun of the fact the Tudors thought strong calves were uber sexy.

"You get half your junk from your mom and half your junk from your dad and it fuses together and makes you." -- Professor Schoolman discussing genetics.

"I should be in bed, but instead I'm here. ...That's actually how most of my life can be summed up." -- Me

"Yeah, I am pretty smoove. Don't worry, though. I'll only give you my charm at like, 50%. I don't want you going all star-struck on me like Bella staring at Eddie in full sunlight. And I promise I won't sneer like him either. As if sparkling is something horrible. Bish, please. Five year olds would worship you." -- Vic

"Terry Goodkind opened his own store and I want to buy a shirt but I can't figure out which one!"
"The one that mentions rape the most, naturally." -- Melissa and then myself. If you don't get it, Terry Goodkind likes to write himself some rape in his books, holy crap.

"...And she has to go to night school, and she's really intrigued by the teacher, and I think he's gonna turn out to be a werewolf or something." -- My mom describing the plot of the book she's reading. XD

"OH GOD ISABEL VS TMORE. Can't you two just %$o)%# SHARE?! Why do you put me through this!"
"BECAUSE TMORE'S BUSY YELLING "REPENT" AT EVERYONE AND ISABEL'S OVER IN THE CORNER CUTTING HERSELF." -- Wills and I on FKAC when Thomas More and my character Isabel Leigh were in a battle for Character Spotlight.

"I WAS CORRUPTED 10 SECONDS INTO MY FKAC MEMBERSHIP."
"Tea, it made you a better person, stfu." -- Tea and I in the c-box for FKAC.

"Why Superman isn't Batman: 1: Unlike the Dark Knight, Supes is a symbol for others, a light in the darkness to inspire others to greatness. 2: Superman is the Big Blue Boy Scout - he has an unyielding set of morals, uncompromising faith, and never backs down. 3: For all his superhuman abilities, Superman's greatest ability is to protect others - something we can all emulate. Batman, for all his humanity, sulks in the shadows. And finally #4: Superman has Lois Lane. 'Nuff said."
"Why Batman is better than Superman: He's Batman. BOOM." -- Patrick and I on FB.

"What makes a super hero 'super?' The Oxford American dictionary defines super as 'especially, particularly.' We can then surmise that a 'super' hero is one that is especially heroic. Now we ask ourselves 'what makes a person heroic?' The Oxford American dictionary defines heroic as 'Having the characteristics of a hero or heroine; very brave.' Therefore, based on these two definitions, we ascertain that a super hero must be 'especially brave.' What makes a person brave? The definition of brave is 'Ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.' Superman is, for all intents and purposes, nearly indestructible. Conventional weapons, most villains, and even high explosive missiles barely phase the guy. His only weakness is kryptonite. If a bad guy doesnt have extreme strength, Superman's only fear is that green rock. Therefore, Superman only shows true bravery in such cases that the Villains are armed with Kryptonite or are gods. Batman, on the other hand, CAN be damaged by, well... anything. Bullets, knives, high explosive missiles. When he enters combat with Villains who have any of these, he is in serious risk of dying. And Batman is equally susceptible (arguably more so) to the gods that Superman fights. Therefore, Batman is more ready to face and endure danger and pain than Superman, making him moreso 'especially brave' therefore making far more 'super heroic' than Supes, therefore making him the greatest fictional character of all time. Boom." -- Mitch Bottoset on the subject of Batman vs Superman. Boom indeed.

"I may be a minor, but I am a 58 year old online male predator at heart." -- Mona on FKAC.

"It's an acquired taste. Like life." -- Erick

"Now I'll never know how it ends!"
"Corn falls, EVERYONE DIES."-- Myself and Melissa when we left for dinner in the middle of watching Children of the Corn.

"I have got to tell you, when you hit Calvin in the face instead of just gently tapping him like he expected, it was one of the funniest things I've seen in my life."
"No one suspects the quiet ginger."
"I hear that, I wrote the book on that one! *High fives*" -- Ben Crystal and I in November 2011 when we were having an opening party for our production of Hamlet. Calvin and I fought with those giant American Gladiator toothpicks, and I kind of beat him hardcore... _ IT WAS AWESOME.

"What that guy doesn't know is that I only have two modes: sleep and kill...and I ain't sleepin'." -- JJ

"This is like a twenty-person cast of Waiting for Godot." -- David Fenimore when upwards of twenty people were waiting for Ben Crystal to arrive at his surprise party -- and he was late. XD

"My Maori is a little rusty... but I believe it means 'Hello, welcome,' and 'Don't fuck with us.'" -- Dr. B, History of Theatre I Spring 2012 explaining the haka.

"We're like a zoo habitat, except with socks instead of feces." -- Monica while striking for Lake Tahoe Shakespeare Festival's 2012 production of Two Gentlemen of Verona

"You are the worst spy ever, Frankie. You were supposed to infiltrate the prince, not the other way around!" -- Chelle

"OH ELI, LET YOUR STEP MOMMY GIVE YOU COOKIES AND SET YOU UP WITH THAT NICE GIRL DOWN IN FORENSICS. THE ONE WITH TENTACLES. YOU LIKE HENTAI, RIGHT?" -- (Theoretically) Tabby in BPRD

"I wish I was home, but not really. I wish I was someplace nice and warm and clean."
"THAT PLACE WOULD BE MY VAGINA. GET IN, IT'S EXPANDABLE." -- Chelle and then myself on FB one evening when I was up late editing AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO ACCESS SOCIAL MEDIA.

"I DO LOTS OF STUFF HARD, GUYS, IT'S HOW I ROLL." -- Me

Latest News --

I am currently living in a large metropolis and working on finishing my first novel (an urban fantasy with a steampunk setting). After revising it, I hope to get it represented by a literary agent!