Hi I'm Sam!!

I really love to read stories, but not that much to write, though i am working on a renesmee/jake story inspired by a jake/taylor obsessed friend of mine. I really love all of my friends! (in a normal friend way) If you guys are looking for something to read you should definetly check out my friend hovet-otach! She is an awesome awesome awesome writer!! Plus she wrote a story with me in it, but it is a NCIS story!! Yuthegay! it means YAY in gibberish, and she taught me that too!Ohh and also check out my other friend (the jake/taylor obsessed 1) Random Renesmee who just finished writing her first story now which is a renesmee/jake story and is really really awesome! she is also going to write a sequel and im gonna try to convince her to out me in it!. Ohh yeh and atm i have a broken ankle and my foot is ina booty! haha. Ok a little bit about me...

Name: Sam

Age: 13

Favourite books:

Twilight

New Moon

Eclipse

Breaking Dawn

Favourite movies:

Twilight

Meet the Spartans... hehehe

Grease 1

17 again

Note book

I am absolutely love twilight! seriously!

Favourite quotes:

Don't you come up in my kitchen with that weak ass shit! -Meet the spartans.

Life sux, then you die -Twilight

Death is easy, life is hard -Twilight

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?? -Twilight

There's more but i can be bothered...

Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, but Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous.

If you cried in new moon then copy and paste this into your profile.

Twilight Oath
I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
Whenever I'm out of town
I promise to obey traffic laws
For Charlies sake of course
And I promise to remember Jacob
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Carlisle
When ever I am in the Emergency Room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Every time there's a huge boom
I promise to remember Rose
Whenever I see someone that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful curly hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my emotions are unfurled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
Yes I promise to love Twilight
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the Twilighters know

Edward Cullen
Gayer than you since 1901

Jasper Hale
cooler than you since 1843

Rosalie Hale
hotter than you since 1915

Alice Cullen
Quirkier than you since 1920

Emmett Cullen
Stronger than you since 1935

Things to do on an Elevator

1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) Stare At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of them" - and back away slowly

7) Say DING! at each floor.

8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) Swat at flies that don't exist.

22) Call out "Group hug" then enforce it.

Some Random Shit

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 muscles to reach out and bitch slap that motherfucker who made you frown.

There are no stupid questions, only stupid people.

Parents spend the first part of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. The second half is spent teaching them to sit down and shut up.

Of all the things i miss, i miss my mind the most.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Everything here is eatable. Even me, but that my children is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

People are like slinkies, basically useless, but it’s hilarious to watch them fall down stairs

I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care

I am NOT saying you’re stupid...I'm just implying it.

I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my powers

Come to the dark side, we have cookies!

I ran with scissors and lived!

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive

My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.

Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls

I don't drive fast, I prefer to call it driving with a purpose.

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole."

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

I Hate Racism!!

Friends: Tell you that you look nice.
Best Friends: Say your outfit looks like throw up, and then help you find a new one 10 minutes before school starts.

Friends: Lend you their umbrella
Best Friends: Take yours and say "Run Bitch! Run!"

Friends: Say "see you later!"
Best Friends: Say "I LUUUUUHHHVVV you! DON'T LEAAVVEE!" and then tackle/hug you.

Friends: Forgive you.
Best Friends: Hold a fake grudge against you until you let them borrow a hair band.

Friends: Politely refuse food.
Best Friends: Demand it and wipe your pantry clean.

Friends: Bail you out of jail.
Best Friends: Are sitting in the jail cell with you and saying "Well we fucked up didn't we?!"

Friends: Are only through school.
Best Friends: Are forever!

Friends: Tell jokes with you.
Best Friends: Have countless inside jokes with you.

Friends: Forget you.
Best Friends: Love you forever.

Friends: Tell you that you're the most annoying thing on earth.
Best friends: Say the same thing, except then they laugh and say "I guess that counts for me too!"

Friends: Annoy you.
Best Friends: Annoy you, but then make you laugh.

Friends: Comfort you when he rejects you
Best Friends: go up to him ans say "It's because your gay isn't it?"

Friends: Like you.
Best Friends: Love you.

Friends: Laugh with you.
Best Friends: Laugh AT you...WITH you.

For My friends ;)

The Friend Pledge

1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard.

2. When you are blue, I will try and dislodge whatever is in your throat.

3. When you smile evily, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4 When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could get until you stop whining.

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me. I don't want whatever you've got.

8. When you fall, I will ask if you're okay, then sit there and laugh at your clumsy butt.

This oath I pledge until the end. "Why?" you may ask. Because you are my friend.

My Friends

When you laugh, I laugh

When you cry, I cry

When you hurt, I hurt

When you fight, I fight

When you jump off a bridge, I get a paddle and save your retarded ass :D

I'll Always Be There

In times of trouble,

In times of need,

If you are feeling SAD,

You can count on me.

I will give you a wink,

Until you smile,

give you a hug,

And stand by your side.

I'll be there for you till the end,

I'll always and forever, be your friend!

friendship is like peeing in your pants; other people can see it, but only you can truly feel the warmth ;)

Friends are like butt cheeks: sometimes crap separates them but the always come back together :P

Thankz for reading cya