"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts."

Sir Winston Churchill

4/12/15 Update

Hey all,

Nope, not dead. Just in case you were all thinking it...

I know that's the usual response when someone just ups and drops off the face of the earth, but...

Okay, so first off, no I haven't ditched A Tale of Forgotten Lore (despite the glaringly AU that it has become due to the cannon presented in Inquisition). I already declared it an AU when I first started writing it, so I've decided to just go ahead with the outline I had, and twist some stuff along the way in order to make it flow well. I'm starting to get my groove back, so hopefully I will have a few chapters down by the end of this month.

As for the reason I dropped off said face of the earth, well...I'll be honest. It wasn't writer's block, not completely. You see, my mom got sick...really sick. You know, the cancer-type-sick. And things...well things got kinda dark here.

Mildly off topic and a little depressing, but read if you still want to...

A lot of us here use fanfiction because we love our fandoms and we love to write about the characters in them. We also use fanfiction to help motivate us to write, and we write because it helps us express ourselves. A lot of people can just imagine stuff and are able to express it in their writing, while other writers need to see, feel, and experience things first in order to express them in words. Sometimes, when we're hurting, all we want to do is write so that we can purge ourselves of these bad feelings. And sometimes...well sometimes if a writer sees their work reflecting what's really going on in their life, it can make things a little hard.

For those of you who have been following ATOFL, a lot of the characters and my OC deal with issues of helplessness, loneliness, and betrayal. And while I haven't personally been literally stabbed in the back, there's been a few times in this past winter where I've come to understand what it means to be alone and shunned by those who you utterly thought you could rely on.

When someone you care about is sick, in a lot of pain, scared, and is relying completely on you, the last thing you want to do is show weakness around them. You want to be strong for them. Every moment you're with them, you want to reassure them that things will be alright even when on the inside you have no idea if what you're saying is true or if you even believe it. And despite how strong and steadfast we all wish to be at times, the truth is we're not infallible. As humans, we have limits. Both emotional and physical. So when we need to take the time and have a moment of weakness behind the scenes, and need to turn to somebody for support, it can be devastating when your insecurities and weakness are thrown back in your face the moment you show them.

I wont get into it, but for the record I just want to say: Crying isn't a weakness. Being scared isn't a weakness. Weak is being unable to confess your fears and then berating the person who admits them.

My mom's getting better and we can all see the end of the forest now but the journey's not over. In the very least, I've learned of the strength I can find in myself while on my own and that some of the most insightful and humbling support can given from some of the most random people versus my own family. For that I was grateful. And for that, I became inspired to write again .

So...for all of those that decided to read this plethora of sentimental exposition and got all the way to this point, here's the take home message:

Accept that you may feel helpless at times, but don't accept that's what you are.

There are moments when we feel sad, we feel depressed, we feel like utter shit...the trick is not pretending that moment doesn't exist. The trick is saying, "Yeah, I may feel like this right now...but you know what, this isn't what I am." We all have different strengths. We all have different weaknesses. We just have to remind ourselves of our strengths and not harp so much on our weaknesses.

Thanks everyone. Cya around.

Crotalus