Name: GoS

Age :1-100 Thats all you need to know

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going
to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of
the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and
break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something
to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth
and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt
on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if
a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told
you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like
your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get
home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when
you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing
your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do
you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll
understand."

And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll
have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

If you think it's unfair Deidara comitted suicide to kill Sasufag and think Sasuke's a god-modder who deserves that nickname, copy and paste this into your profile.

if you have crazy psycopathic dreams of world domination join me and copy this into ur profile

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, weather it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you hate back stabbers, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you are insane, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you would LOVE to know how Naruto's going to end, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

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(0.0)
( _ ) Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have candy and baked goods)

A monster is a boss. A dragon is a boss. The Lich King is a god

Azmodeaus

Demon Foxes

In the many researches of the world of Naruto there has been many case studies of the gender of the kyuubi. Usually, the case being that the female demon fox falls in love with a human. Through many conflicts, such as freuding families, wars, and prestige. The love is unable to progress. Later, they escape to a safe territory. Afterwards, procreation proceeds. The point being, this should offer enough justification that the Kyuubi can or IS female. To you yaoi lovers out there, I will not disrespect your opinion, but I myself hate guyXguy and it just litterly makes me sick. Anyways the female will create a hanyou regardless of body system's difference and every other @#cking factor you can think of.

You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west Philadelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genesis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie
Carebears
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things

Got it from 'xXKuroTenshi666Xx'

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.

REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.

REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.

REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedual to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.

REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this

REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it

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Peace is an alternative to war. War always come first no matter what the conflict. Peace is neglectance of duty, peace is the result of war. War is neccesary to mantain peace. This does not always have to be physicall. Choos the right war. Choose verbal abusive cussing actions because physicall war always leaves one crying and the other with brused knuckles on the other hand verbal leaves one crying and the other with a hoarse voice. Take your pick

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If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you constantly forget what you're saying or are about to say, and i mean CONSTANTLY, copy this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.

if you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get, like, two reviews, copy this into your profile.

Ninety-three percent of the teen population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy and paste this if you would be part of the seven percent that'd be LAUGHING YOUR BUTT OFF!

If you think that disclaimers are the most annoying things EVER Copy and paste this to your profile

If you've ever burst into song for no reason Copy and paste this to your profile

If you know someone that should be hit by a bus Copy and paste this to your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

If every locker you have ever had/have hates you and wouldn't/doesn't open up for you...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your last name...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.(lol. I found this on someone's profile, and I remember thinking when I was little that if I ran into the Trix rabit, I would give him some Trix)

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.

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Check this out...I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of the effects, copy and paste this into your profile.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You're intoxicated by my very presence

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

-I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

-If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

-Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

-Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

-Guns don’t kill people. Bullets kill people.

-'A B C D E F G, I will kill your family.'

A conclusion in what you reach when you get tired of thinking.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

Normal people worry me.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

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If found this little thing from chocolate sage , who by the way has an interesting concept to THIS PERSON'S stories.

Now why am i posting THIS AUTHORS work...

BECAUSE I F3CKING AGREE WITH IT

Kishimoto hating circle:

(7/10)

Kishimoto Rant on the Naruto series: warning contains spoilers

NARUTO- What the bloody hell happen? The series started out so well. But then you started getting chummy with Sasuke. Can we say Mary Jane boys and girls?

HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO SET SASUKE UP WITH 'YEARS' OF TRAINING WITH A BLOODY POWER HUNGRY SANNIN AND THEN LEAVE NARUTO WITH JACK SQUAT? DID NARUTO LEARN ANYTHING FROM HIS TIME WITH JIRAIYA?

He left a chipper blonde brat and he returned a nostalgic blond brat with hardly anything to show for it. YES you wanted to stick to the formula -3 protagonist trade mark techniques that beats em' all and what not.

BUT WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU TO USE SOME VARIETY? The resengan, kick ass. The Kage-bushin, again kick-ass. BUT WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEAL WITH THE RASSEN-SHURIKAN? YOU GIVE FUCKING SASUKE THE ETERNAL SHARIGAN THAT LETS HIM PERFORM S-RANK JUTSU WITH EASE AND THEN FINALLY GIVING NARUTO A POWER THAT MIGHT POSSIBLE RIVAL THAT. YOU TAKE IT AWAY! THE BLOODY SAGE-MODE (THAT HE'S NOT EVEN PROFICIENT IN) DOESN'T CUT IT!

Okay Kishimoto. Enough is a fucking nuf'. Killing Kakashi, I was okay with. Killing Asuma while extremely unneeded. I got over. Fucking over Jiraiya... that was un-acceptable. WHY THE HELL WAS THAT EVEN NECCESSARY? WHAT THE HELL DID THAT ACCOMPLISH? ALL IT DID WAS PISS OFF EVERYONE IN THE LEAF- AND MADE NARUTO SLIGHTLY MORE FURIOUS AT PEIN THAN HE ALREADY WAS!

Itachi... you killed him off as well. The most bad arse mofo in the game and you killed him off. YOU killed off one of the most popular characters in your series, and are probably laughing it off in your wine cellar like the dickens.

However Itachi was a support character. I found your resoning in that and accepted it. BUT CONVERTING HIM AFTER YOU KILLED HIM I DO NOT! How the HELL do you get off pissing on his grave with your bigot slander Kishi? YOU showed him as a villain. YOU had him fit the bill. THEN YOU DUMP ACID ON ITACHI'S CROTCH BY CONVERTING HIM TO THE GOOD SIDE! Its bad enough you hardly gave him any air time. BUT with the little you do, you pull this BS?

Now onto the Pein game. SCREW YOU KISHIMOTO! How the bloody hell are you going to pull some utter bull like that?

HOW DO YOU GET OFF REVIVING 'EVERYONE' THAT WAS KILLED IN THE DAMN POWER STRUGGLE! I HOPE AKIRA TORIYAM SUES YOUR ASS FOR PULLING SHIT OUT OF HIS PLAYBOOK. THIS IS NARUTO NOT DRAGONBALL Z. I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU LIKE THAT SERIES OR CRAFTED YOURS TO MODEL AFTER IT. THE DBZ SERIES IS THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO BRING PEOPLE BACK FROM THE DEAD WITH ANY VALIDATION!

Okay its your story, you've made your multi millions off your damnable merchandise and you've robbed any shred of respect I was had for you. I was one of the people that would defend you, now... the series ending better be fantastic, if I even stay along that long to see pardon me read it. Because you cheap rat bastards stopped transalating it.

Kishimoto has left so many character's with so much potential in the series go to waste and I'll make it my personal duty to exact these wrongs done to the Narutoverse.

These people are:

Itachi - he had so much more to give, but I do relize he was only a support character.

Kisame - We saw this guy like what 5 times?

Killer Bee - His fight was B.S and made me cry

Garra - He needs more air time damn it!

Lee/ Gai - who needs the fountain of youth when you got these two?

Tobi - he gave a new meaning to spontaneous

Kakashi - poor sensei/human being/role model or not he doesn't get enough credit for all the things he has done.

Haku - potential layed waste before it could even truly start.

Hinata- poor Hyuuga tormented/abused in fiction and almost useless in canon until the filler arcs. What have we done!

Shikamaru- Manga wise this guy's pretty well off but in fiction... Come on people this pinapple headed smart ass has the potential to be the strongest guy in the manga. We already know he going to end up the most intelligent guy in the hidden leaf why not add some muscle mass and jutsu to his arsenal, neh? The only thing holding him back is his laziness and that can be solved with a creative attitude adjustment.

The list goes on but that is it for now.

Got this from withRainEyes

Unless your Shakespeare, stay away from inordinately cliche and overused plots that no one would ever do, especially when you have a million dollar franchise that includes audiences over the age of eight. Thanks Kishimoto, for ruining your manga so I no longer have to waver between, "Wow...that was a really dumb plot", and "Wow...that was a terrible idea, but at least it wasn't as bad as the last one."

and i have officially lost hope in Naruto. As a character, and a series.

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Sephiroth’s Sword

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
Never argue with an idiot, they'll bring you to their level then beat you with experience.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

NamelessHeretic

"It takes real guts to admit you're a coward."

Zendura

Something taken is worthless, but something earned is worth everything.

NarutoBrat's

Shit happens, find a toilet

Life’s a bitch, put it on a leash.

If hate breeds more hate, then wear a rubber and hate all you want.

Who says beggars can’t be choosers, I could have just robbed you

When life beats you down, think of Apollo Creed in Rocky 4, and keep your ass there

When life throws you lemons, cut’em open and squirt the juice in its eye.

When life throws you lemons, throw a brick back.

When life throws you lemons, throw them at someone else.

My girlfriend is a cannibal...she eats kids by the millions.

If at first you don't succeed, blame it on bad parenting.

Whoever came up with ‘Sticks and stones...’ obviously didn’t take into account the viciousness of today’s youth.

MountainWind

I feel the ‘urge to merge.

I like fleshy pink tacos, with extra special sauce

Unknown

When life throws you lemons, throw them back twice as hard.

When life gives you shit…Put it in a bag and set it on fire.

"god did't have any great plan or anything when he created the universe, he was bored. sitting alone for millenia at a time must have grown tedious so he searched for something to do, he created the universe to give himself something to do similar to humans watching television he watches us go about our lives . this is why i believe there are aliens, because god wouldn't have only one channel, this is why i believe some of the most horrible people in history will be in heaven, because they were interesting and thats what he is looking for, and this is what i believe happened to the dinosaurs, they got cancelled because they stopped being interesting. and someday we'll stop being interesting and we'll get cancelled, i dont even think it'll take that much to destroy us, maybe more than a meteor but not much maybe even less since we're such fragile creatures.- Fenrail's theory on god.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that paper up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "oh shit , I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole."

Bubbles! Oh come on Sharon! I'm fucking Ozzy Osbourne, I'm the Prince of fucking Darkness. Evil! Evil! What's fucking evil about a shitload of bubbles!?-Ozzy Osbourne

I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that's OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots.-Ozzy Osbourne

Every time I mention the vagina doctor, you get this little smirk on your face. What have you been up to?-Ozzy Osbourne

I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly, directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never urinate at the Alamo at nine o'clock in the morning dressed in a woman's evening dress sober.-Ozzy Osbourne

“If you take no risks, you will suffer no defeats. But if you take no risks, you win no victories.”

I love you all. I love you more than life itself, but you're all fucking mad.-Ozzy Osbourne

I push this one button and the shower goes on and I think, where the fuck am I?-Ozzy Osbourne

You haven't been playing doctors and nurses have you?-Ozzy Osbourne

YOU BASTARDS.-Ozzy Osbourne

I am who I fucking am.-Ozzy Osbourne

Ozzy Osbourne is Bloody fucking magical.-David Singer

What's your Fucking game.-Ozzy Osbourne

“Using machine guns and high yield explosives is like sex, it's messy, loud, and it gets everywhere.

“My life hangs in the balance of my badassness versus your pathetic inability to relate to people. A lesser man might be worried.”

All stories are lies. But good stories are lies made from light and fire. And they lift our hearts out of the dust, and out of the grave. - Martin Thole's son, from the comic Lucifer, issue 70, Fireside Tales

"When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity." ~ John F. Kennedy

Be polite, be professional, and have a plan in place to kill everyone you meet.

“I’m a ninja,” Kakashi explained, “and I associate with Naruto. I never rule anything out until it is definitely impossible and even then I wait a few weeks before declaring it so.”

aurum est potestes (gold is power) - Fowl family motto (artemis fowl series) i think the spellings correct

“An amateur soldier practices until he gets it right, a professional practices until he can never get it wrong.”

“After all, immoral porn sells. Wonder if how much money I can make just taping my day to day life on camera?

“If there is anything more ferocious, dangerous, and unpredictable than a mother protecting her young from a perceived threat then I’ve never heard of it!”- Quote attributed to numerous Hunters, Wizards, Adventurers, and Explorers.

enemies come in two categories: ‘dead’, and ‘soon to be dead’.

Whatever doesn’t kill you better be dead afterwards.

I have crossed the vastness of the night sky and seen things that would make even a veteran of many battles quiver and flee. I have stood at the door to oblivion and have knocked on it several times but yet I shall not pass into the abyss.

I have felt the sins of the father and the shadow of death has loomed over me many times. I shall continue on my path nor hell a fury shall come before me, I have seen the fate that lies before you and only the mighty shall survive.

There is a thin line between Good and Evil, it is not distinguished between Light and Dark. Wars have been fought with throughout and will continue even after the last star in the universe burns out.

I will forever fight the creatures that lurk in the shadows between the worlds, whether it be on open terrain, deep underground, or in the emptiness of deep space. I have never bowed to my Fate and I will not falter…even when I'm fighting with my dying breath.

I will fight with whatever is at my disposal, whether I strike with the, Shiva, the Nova, or the Omega makes no’ difference. I know my Destiny, and my Fate has been sealed long ago but I will not stop and will never bow to Destiny.

“Only the Foolish believe that the suffering of others is just wages for being different. Only the insane equate pain with success. Only the savage regard the endurance of pain as a measure of worth.”

A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own. -Edwin Cox

“I resent that remark,” “I resent you,”

"I don't want to be good at killing, what scares me is I think it may be what I'm best at." Melanie Rawn

"Life's like a roller-coaster; its fun until someone barfs!!" Powa Beawr

"Who said you could live in my world!?"

"If you leave as much as one syllable I'll hunt you down and GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!!... If you want to fax me press the star key." the answering machine from The Grinch Stole Christmas.

"The difference between Genius and insane is only measured by successes!" Some Dude

"Life's a garden, dig it!" Joe Dirt

"I would rather live my life as if there is a God , and die to find out there isn't, Than live my life as if there isn't, and die to find out there is." - unknown

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality." - Edgar Allan Poe

"Good and Evil are relative terms,"

"Oh you? I'd kill you for Klondike Bar!" Achmed the dead Terrorist

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." --Arthur C. Clark

"War isn't about who is right. Only about who is left." - Mr. Handy

"Men grow tired of sleep, love, singing and dancing sooner than war." -Homer

"Dance first. Think later. It's the natural order." -Samuel Beckett

"At 14, I discovered girls. At that time, dancing was the only way you could put your arm around the girl. Only later did I discover that you dance joy. You dance love. You dance dreams." -Gene Kelly

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Eden Abhez

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." -Matt Groening

"Skin and Race are two different things. Skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad." -Stephen Colbert

"Walk softly, carry a big gun." -Davian Thule

"Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done!" -Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"Give me the nuclear codes." "Don't give him anything" (colonel pistol whips the soldier) "Do you understand why I'm here?" "I guess your Mom got drunk with the guys one night..." (Colonel aims pistol at soldier's head) "YOU...are next." -Colonel Radec in Killzone 2

"Why don't I like women? Well I just don't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." -Mr. Garrison

"Now...do we have a problem?" "No mister mouse..." -South Park, after Mickey Mouse beats the crap out of the Jonas Brothers.

"Only two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former." -Albert Einstein

"No u" -Arby 'n' the Chief, Mastur Ch33f

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife

Every time Conan pulls the "Walker, Texas Ranger Lever" Chuck Norris pulls the "Chuck Norris Nailing Conan O'Brien's Wife Lever."

Chuck Norris hates France so much that he won't even order french fries. He orders "those long potato squares that taste yummy-yummy in my tummy." A clerk laughed as he said it one time, so Chuck calmly struck a match on his beard and lit the mother fucker on fire.

The surgeon general put a warning on Chuck Norris' fist that reads, "Warning: Will most certainly cause immediate death.

NASA scientists test space shuttle heat shields by attaching samples to Chuck Norris' right foot, the only thing known to man that can cut through the air at mach 17.

Chuck Norris is faster than sound. Should you ever hear him speak in a one-on-one conversation, there is a good chance you have yet to realize that nanoseconds ago you received a roundhouse kick to the face.

If you say Chuck Norris' name three times into a mirror, he will appear behind you immediately and break your neck. Then, he'll trim his beard in your sink leaving his facial clippings as a calling card.

Chuck Norris gave the Trix Rabbit a bowl of Trix. Then he roundhouse kicked the group of kids for not sharing

The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.

Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.

When Chuck Norris meets people he does not like, but aren't worth roundhouse kicking, he points to the north while giving them an evil look. These people are known as Canadians.

The new death penalty in Texas is to wake Chuck Norris up from a nap

When Chuck Norris was 7 years old, he played T-ball in his town's little league. All of the other kids would make fun of little Chucky because of his beard. One day, in order to send a message, Chuck took aim and hit a line drive so hard, it hit an outfielder and obliterated the kid's face into dust particles. The child's lifeless decapitated body lay there with brain matter sprayed all about. To this day, Chuck Norris will pimp slap anybody who gives him any shit about it.

Judaism says our Messiah hasn't come yet, Chuck Norris claims he is already here.

The heavens parted, the seas quieted, the earth stood still. From her womb, the goddess brought forth Chuck Norris, sired by the sun, as a gift to mankind. He lay upon the fertile soil under the crescent moon and immediately sprouted a beard. She spoke softly to the young child and said, "Go forth and be badass." So it was spoken, and so he does. Every now and then he also sells exercise equipment and wears awesome clothes.

"Let the anger of the righteous flow and become the hammer against the wicked. Let the sword of justice run cold with the tears of the faithful." - Unknown

"Even though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." - Psalm 23:4

"War is in your blood, when you're pushed killing is as easy as breathing. Live for nothing or die for something." - Rambo

"In this world the food for the strong is the flesh of the weak. The strong live and the weak die." - Shishio Makoto

"As time flows onward everything in the world is constantly changing...nothing is eternal." - Unknown

"You can't shake hands with a clenched fist." - Indira Gandhi

"I know what you're thinking: 'Did he fire six shots or only five?' But to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I've kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?" - Dirty Harry

wolf: how dare you mock my beliefs prepare to die!! yami: i only called your religion silly and borderline beastiality. can't we settle this with a friendly children's card game instead?

Fighting to control himself he repeated Rule 14. You must not kill your allies. You must not kill your allies. You must not kill your allies. But it doesn’t say anything about maiming them.(nope i think thats rule 15)

"What's so great about being lazy, you ask? What if war were declared and nobody showed?" Garfield

"I am not five! I am a full grown man with man parts!" Jiraiya cheered, making a disgusting notion with his hand. "You want to see?"

Fly my pretty, fly. Kill all the...Wait, not me!

Now would be a great time for it to be a hologram.

You know there was a time when pharaohs were respected and feared, not devoured.

I told you, I'm not a dentist.

Remember the closer to the light you walk, the hotter it gets. The light is a flame seeking to burn all of what it arbitrarily decides is bad. The darkness is a cool comfort. However it seeks to consume everything and bring everything to neutrality. Feel free to walk closer to the light, but do not burn us who reside in the dark. Feel free to walk closer to the dark, but let us keep our choice if we walk by the light.

Sanity is detrimental to the cause"

sanity is determined by the majority and i keep telling you guys if you counted my multiple personalities id have the best definition ever- ferail

"And you said polymorph wouldn't work on a dragon." The blood knight looked at him, still afraid. "Fine, you're super, elite, and rock, can we run now?" A fanged sheep as tall as a building was standing before them, growling as it looked down at them."Sure, no one ever lets me bask in my posthumous awesomeness."

"An elf is never late," she replied. "Nor are we early, we arrive precisely when we mean to!"

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.– Friedrich Nietzsche.

“Yeah. I love technology.” Cortana said with a smile. “You are technology.” Buffy said, one eyebrow raised (there's nothing wrong with a little self love right guys...especially not when it comes to cortana...)

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." ~Oscar Levant

This is probably not going to wash off, is it?

"Gasp. Are you suggesting that I'm anything other than demure and courteous with my fellow homo sapiens? 'Cause that calls your parenting techniques into question, you know."

Tacos. -Everyone

"And eventually I understood, with all that control, which was probably illusory, I wasn't progressing. So now I'm relinquishing a bit. I'll be a tiny bit naked." - Robert Pattinson

the FBI and Pedobear are watching, but guess who is gonna get to you first?

'Die, die and die again. Be resurrected by your Dark Gods to be killed by me
again!'

We shall be stealthy like-- a massive dragon of water just destroyed a wall. Sensei's smirk deepens. You know, I have no idea why we call ourselves ninjas. Really I don't.

"So, pretty much everything about politics is about people secretly being dicks to each other?" I ask. "Yep.""You know, that made a lot more sense then what the academy taught."

If I owned Naruto, then I would have bought a weapons' facility and demanded that they make a twinkie gun that would turn anyone who I shot, into walking, talking twinkies that exploded upon being touched. Since I do not have such a weapon(one that would be feared by all…including wizards and witches) I guess I do not own Naruto…sad…I know…-deaths spear's disclaimer

We take comfort in knowing there is no God. That you are not enslaved in a Heaven, made to kiss God's ass forever. What you have is better than paradise. You have blessed oblivion. I miss you every day.-Lecter

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. – George Carlin

What to do if you find yourself in trouble with no hope of rescue:
Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer.

"Kid, you have problems." Sensei says as we take off. "And you're an alcoholic." I retort. " "Touché. Now, do I have to choke a student?" he asks deadpan.

"Does anyone have a drill, by any chance? I've always wanted a lobotomy, and now seems like the perfect time."

Whatever doesn't kill me, better run fast."

"There are favors, and then there are favors." ~ Eric from True Blood

"Now that you mention it, I could get us free ones." Buffy spoke offhandedly. "Legally, even." "Ooh, free and legal? Tell me more of this fairytale."

To limit the press is to insult a nation; to prohibit reading of certain books is to declare the inhabitants to be either fools or slaves."

Mezuro Kaichi operated along a very simple principle... if your enemy underestimates you... don't give him the time to regret that decision. If he doesn't, bring to bear against him as much firepower as you can afford. The less your enemies can predict, the more off their reaction will be.

. Hey, I know when I'm out of my weight class. I just don't care usually.

'This is why Evil -wins-, because Good is -DUMB-!'

Question. Did that first sentence sound as sexual as I'm feeling like it did, or am I just running it through the wrong filter?"

"Why can't I have a normal bloody family? No I have to have a werewolf and wanted murderer for Uncles, a niece of a Dark Wizard who wanted to make friends with E.T. for an wanna be motherly figure, and things varying from werewolf clans and Vampires offering marriage proposals and a crazy vampire girlfriend offering to turn me every few days"

"I'm sure. But don't you think that was a bit...over the top?" Both Naruto and Nightmare turned to the demoness and cocked their heads to the side in confusion. "'Over...the...top'?" Naruto sounded the phrase out, as if he'd never heard it before. "...What's that mean?" Nightmare scratched the side of his helm. "...It means that you went too far." Kyuubi's left eye twitched a little. "..." "You know, excessive?" "Okay, now you're just making up words.""Do you have a dictionary for your ridiculous and nonsensical terms?" Naruto questioned.- black flames dance in the wind

"Foreplay is never the answer i want to hear... no matter what the question is."

I was once told by someone whom I can't remember that a shinobi's path is neither good nor evil. We walk the path of blood all for the sake of our land and our lords, doing whatever they demanded so long as we were able. But corruption of the soul is a fate that befalls the weak. Those whose souls are corrupted can never became one with themselves ever again. I can't remember who told me this but I guess it really doesn't matter.

"I want to KILL you know, make sure it DIES you know, that little thing you don't know how to do,"

once is a pity, twice might be a coincidence, but three times is already a pattern.

"What?, no greeting?, not even asking what I'm doing?", Ankiseth asked with a faked hurt voice "I would ask... but the possibilities scares the crap out of me... ignorance is a bliss, as some people say", Shinigami replied, still trying to keep his funky paused voice

So anyway, the biggest problem I have with gravity is that you have to come down eventually. Now normally this isn't a problem for me, however in this case I was a couple hundred feet up. Maybe a little more, I'm not sure.

"All of you promise not to drink, and I promise not to sell myself around town.- this has to be the most awkward way to keep your teen from drinking ever...

"… That explains so many Halloween costumes,"

As to your first line of questioning--other than rewinding through every conversation we've ever had to see if you were flirting with me--I honestly couldn't care.

"Well that went well. This is how everyone should have their awkward, relationship-changing conversations from now on." "By not knowing they're having 'em?"

"I'll make you a deal. If I am ever on my death bed and the world still needs me, then you can turn me." He smirked at her excited face. "That doesn't mean you can put me on my death bed. Anyway enough, what would you say to a dance?" (james canis and a vampire Lady)

"Technically we're both dead, I'm just deader." June told him.

if you don't have time cause some damage.

Great, so far I've had a marriage offer from a werewolf pack, an offer of eternal life from one of the sexiest girls my age I've ever met, and now a gay werewolf is coming on to me."

The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. – Richard Dawkins

History teaches us that no other cause has brought more death than the word of god. – Giulian Buzila

When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion. – Robert Pirsig

“There are lots of reasons to lie you know, but at the end of the day it amounts to one thing. We lie because we can.”“You lie a lot.”“I do. It’s a bad habit by now, a reflex. I’ll lie before I’ll ever tell the truth. Unimportant things, important things. I’ll lie about them all.” “I hate liars.”

Desire is a powerful force that can be used to make things happen. -Marcia Wieder

Nothing with that many tentacles should be acting like a puppy.

Everybody breaks, Yuugao said quietly. You, me, your best friend - everybody. There’s only one rule – never break in the field. If you do, you and everyone depending on you will die.

"Oderint dum metuant" Let them hate as long as they fear

"If you have a dream, don't wait. Act." Axel from Kingdom Hearts 2

"One who knows nothing can understand nothing." ~ Ansem(but not really) from Kingdom Hearts

"I've been having these weird thoughts lately...like is any of this for real or not?" ~ Sora from Kingdom Hearts

"Looks like today we're clockin' out early" ~ Reno from Final Fantasy VII Advent Children

"You know what this means?" "Less crimes against nature, more against humanity?"

"I play the leading man, who else?" ~ Balthier from Final Fantasy XII

normal people worry me

you say psycho like it's a bad thing

Crazy is a relative term in my family!

Smile -- it confuses the enemy

Who ever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree.

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it

Murphy's laws of combat operations... by ShadowDragon
Posted: 2008-06-15 17:47:50

Introduction: This is really just common sense, but believe it or not, common sense isn't all that common...

1. Friendly fire - isn't.
2. Recoil-less rifles - aren't.
3. Suppressive fires - won't.
4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready; when you're not.
16. No PLAN ever survives initial contact.
17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
22. The easy way is always mined.
23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
24. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
28. Incoming fire has the right of way.
29. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
30. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.
32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
34. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. (Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.)
36. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
37. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
38. Tracers work both ways.
39. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
40. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
41. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
44. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
46. Weather ain't neutral.
47. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
48. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
49. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
50. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
51. Napalm is an area support weapon.
52. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
53. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
54. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
55. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
56. The one item you need is always in short supply.
57. Interchangeable parts aren't.
58. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
59. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
60. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
61. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
62. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
63. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
64. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
65. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
66. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
67. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
68. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
69. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
70. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
71. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the
weapon's operator.
73. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
77. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or MIA.
80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
84. When you have sufficient supplies ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honour.
86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
87. Murphy was a grunt.
88. Beer Math -- 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
89. Body count Math -- 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
91. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
93. The crucial round is a dud.
94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
96. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
101. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
111. Walking point = sniper bait.
112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
114. All or any of the above combined.

Teen Commandments

1.Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)

2. Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)

4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5. Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)

6. Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7. Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8. Thou shall not wear revealing clothes in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9. Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")

10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave 'em in the middle)

You Know You're a madman when...

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someones liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Sticks off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

So it’s about time we laid down some rules. The Man Rules. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes or No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
And if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question that you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer that you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, hockey or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an *in. These highly
cl*ified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks
involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some
applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible
choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive
job.

The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and
handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the
circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a
chair.

Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be
serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not
the right man for this job then."

So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know
that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the
second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill
her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the
room. All was quiet for about 5 mi*es; then the door opened. The man came out of the
room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and
shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same
room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no
matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband
sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the
door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one
shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard
screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several mi*es; then all
went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow
and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son
of a * to death with the chair!"

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car

LITTLE TONY FROM BROOKLYN ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married ?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on'," but I like your thinking."

LITTLE TONY ON MATH

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.

"But that's right !" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"

"What's the f * king difference ?" asks the father.

"That's what I said !"

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH

Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word ?"

Little TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss !!"

The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN !"

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael !"
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just f * king beautiful !'"

LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time ?"

Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own f * king business."

I LOVE Little Tony !!!!!

"Haha i must admit your party tricks are amusing!"

"hey thanks!"

"i bet you got a bunny under your hat"

"yea its a rental"

"now here's your chance to get the best of me hope your hand is hot come on clown lets seee what you goooot!"

"hey i was only a clown for ONE Halloween!"

"your simply out of date"

"hey i'm only... 5000000 years old..."

"STOP IT I'M TRYING TO INSULT YOU!"

"your not very good at it" xD

I had to copy this when I saw it...

Honorary Member of The Book of Log.

If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments

Position: Log Priest

Possible Book of Log Positons:

Log Worshipper: Beginning position. No requirements

Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story

Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log

OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews

OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.

Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still reccommended.

Log excerpt number 231: if konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months.

Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:

For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.

For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five
saplings.

For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten
saplings.

For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall
plant one sapling per square inch of detached log.

For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant
twenty-five saplings.

If your log is defective you may call 1-800-BAD-LOGS to file a complaint. If
your case is proven correctly your next replacement will be half off.

'and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy.
and the ninja spoke: yea, thee and thine kin shall forever be blessed among me and mine kin. for thine bravery will never be forgotten.'
-book of the log, song of the willow, verses 1-4

'as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.'
-book of the log, chronicle of the replacement verse 3

'you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads.
you have been denied the log for a long time, sandwalker. we cannot force you to see the glory of the log, but know this. when the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the log will hear your prayers, and aid you.'
-book of the log, redwood journals verses 15-16

'and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend.'
-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle I, verses 78-82

'he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none.
-book of the log, wanderers saga, verses 7-9

'the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content.'
-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle II, verses 59-70

Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log.

Quotes of Greatness

"That was so bad I think you gave me cancer!" Calculon - Futurama

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." Winston Churchill

"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much." Unknown

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." Unknown

“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: ‘Cover for me.’ Number 2: ‘Oh, good idea, Boss!’ Number 3: ‘It was like that when I got here.’” Homer Simpson - The Simpsons

“Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?" Sideshow Bob - The Simpsons

"Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." Carl Zwanzig

“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers” Randal Graves - Clerks

“There’s only two men I trust. One of ‘em’s me, the other one’s not you” Cameron Poe - Con Air

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" Scott Adams

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." George W. Bush

"Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?" Jay - Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

"That's what the Internet is for! Slandering others anonymously."

"Fighting fair is for people that don't know how to avoid losing correctly."

"A fighter with lesser skill can knock out a man in one punch, but a regular person can make a skilled fighter cry like a girl with a single bullet."

"No technology is worth my dignity. If talking on a wireless headset means I gotta look like Buck Rogers, then I'm not interested. Besides, there's a reason why people hold a phone to their head! It lets people around you know your talking on the phone. So those people know not to waste time talking to you until you finish, which you then indicate, by putting that mothafucka away!" Gin Rummy - The Boondocks (And my thoughts on that stupid fucking bluetooth kick that 85% of this country was on a few years ago)

"If at first you don't succeed, deny that you were really trying in the first place."

"If you get glitter on you prepare to have it on you forever, because glitter is the herpes of craft supplies." Dimitri Martin

"Keep your expectations low. If you expect a kick in the balls, but get a slap in the face, then it's a victory."

"You never want to be in a fair fight if an unfair fight is an option." Forrest Griffin - Be Ready When The Sh*t Goes Down (A Survival Guide To The Apocalypse)

"Cheating: The Plan B of winners for over 2000 years."

"Right leg: hospital, left leg: cemetery." Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic (For those that do not understand you need to go to Youtube)

"The thing you should be thinking about isn't whether or not I can actually kill you with the nail clippers, it should be the fact that whether I can or not is irrelevant. No matter if I can or not, you know full well that I'm going to try, and that more than anything else should scare the hell out of you for more than one reason and answer your question right there." Me (not actually me) - Taken verbatim from my younger brother questioning my sanity after pissing me off in my bedroom post-shower and I took to threatening him with aforementioned grooming device.

"And that's the moral of the story. Some niggas need to go jail! I may be in hell, but at least I ain't in jail, nigga! (laughs maniacally)" Colonel H. Stinkmeaner - The Boondocks

"Bullets... my only weakness. How did you know?" Officer Palumbo - Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle