FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!”

FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.

REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.

REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.

REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.

REAL FRIENDS: Will repost

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me WEATHER "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My Mother taught me: Genetics "I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about my Roots "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me Wisdom "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about Justice "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

26. My mother taught me about being exclusive:"Don't go sticking that thing everywhere."