I LOVE PENNY!

My opening statement will never change because I will never stop loving my soul mate. My ten year old soul mate whom I love with all of my large, corrupted black heart! Penny...is the love of my life. The air I breathe, the water I drink, the soap I wash with...the butter on my toast, the anchor of my ship, the dressing on my salad, the clothes on my body (HEHE HAHA), the hair on my head, the tastebuds on my tongue (oh Penny...when we kiss I feel like devouring your head...), the fluff in my bellybutton, the lint in my pocket, the fungus on my feet, the plaque on my teeth, the germs under my fingernails, the hair under my armpits, the P key on my keyboard, the boogers in my nose, the earwax in my ears, the water in my bath, the crumbs in my toaster, the shell on my eggs (that's why I eat eggshells), the thread in my sewing needle, the words in my sentence, the stick in my wound, the PENNY in RUDYTIMESPENNY... You are everything to me.

But SNAP. Snap is just that stupid jerk that follows me around begging for ice cream! He's SO useless. I mean, he's the definition of ANNOYING. I don't even know why I drew him with a mouth! I don't understand HOW people could like him--does he even have any friends? OF COURSE HE DOES, because only loserific jerks have friends. Anyone who has friends is WAY too inferior to understand the magical power of romance and its infinite hold over anyone who fell in love. Without romance, the world is a big puffy ball of fail that deserves to be dunked in red stuff so EVERYONE BLEEDS ALL OVER THE FLOOR slightly darkly Seyu fireball!!!!!!!!!11111111111

And I hate French Bob! He's stupid and I hate him! He tries to tell me and Penny that our love is not forever, but I know he's just JEALOUS because he's a stupid jerk like SNAP, who doesn't deserve to live either and who will never know the true meaning of love because they're PATHETIC and they suck. I hope they both drown in that red liquid known as BLOOD. Snap should also go get eaten by alligators because he's useless and hopeless to reason with, and he ALWAYS starts fights with Penny! The other day, she punched him in the jaw, so he SHOVED HER BACK! I mean, what kind of ignorant JERK does that to PENNY?! Only somebody with no concept of manners, or not-rudeness! I mean, REALLY. Normal Snap Mode is SO annoying!

These stories are dedicated to you, Penny...because I love you and I blush so hardly slightly when I think of your name. And when I hear your voice, I'm sent into spasms.

So answer me, so we don't fall apart

I called 46 times
And you answered on the 47th
I called you 46 times
And you answered on the 47th

Also Penny, get a new mom. I hate your mom. She told me to GET OFF THE PHONE! But I WON'T! And I don't care if she forbade me from sleeping in your barn--I'm still going to get in there and make out with you until we both get collapsed lungs from not being able to breathe from all the making out. It would be...a beautiful way to die. I'm surprised I'm still alive. Even if we did die, our love would live on forever! Our love...conquers ALL! *cue Love Conquers All*

I love you Penny... Don't eat those socks.

- Rudy Clone.

The Love Doctor.