Hi! My name is Elena, welcome to my Profile page thingy ma-bob!

About me:

Appearance: Dark brown hair, down to waist, brown eyes, I AM PROUD TO BE SHORT

Age: 13

I Like to write (obviously),

I take flute!! (and I'm pretty good!) I have been taking it for 7 years. I play on a Miyazawa flute for anyone who is interested.

I take dance at American Dance Institute. I took ballet last year (and a little modern) and this year I am taking Ballet, Pointe, Modern, and Jazz dance.

I play soccer on a recreational team, I have a game once a week and 2 practices. (although I miss one practice because of ballet)

I like to draw (and i'm pretty good)

My fav color: red, pink, dark brown, marroon...

Fav animal: squirrels!! ;) dogs, cats, other small rodents, cheetahs...

Fav books: AHHHHH that is an incredidbly HARD question!! I have too many favorite books!! but here are some: Harry Potter, Percy Jackson series, The Sisters Grimm series, Artemis Fowl series... Gilda Joyce series...Peter and the starcatchers trilogy, lion boy...I could go on and on...but that's what came to mind!!

HERE IS A LOT ( i mean a lot) of funny stuff!! it make take awhile to read it all, but it's worth it!!

YOUR REAL NAME:... Elena o_ (i'm not aloud 2 put my last name)

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: Ellio

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Rose Squirrel (my fav. colors are like rose shades so w/e)

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Anne Squirrely (ha ha like Anne Shirely lol)

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Olselva (??)

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Burgundy juice

7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maidenname, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name,

last letter of your moms middle name): lsnarae (how cool is that?!)

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name):Evelyn (i think i spelled that right?!)

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS WHEN:

You yell “Burrito Fight!” whenever you’re in a Mexican restaurant.

You started calling your dog Mrs. O’Leary.

You never looked at a ballpoint pen the same way again.

You ask the cashier at the store if they stock Mythomagic cards

You wish you could find a rainbow to see if Iris messages work(totally)

Every language you know is some form of Ancient greek. (if you count piglatin)

You shriek everytime you see a guy with black hair and green eyes

If you have ever loved some one that isn't real, copy paste this into your profile... hmm, lets think... Puck, Artemis, Scipio, Farid, Peter, The geico gecko...YEAH I THINK SO!

REMEMBER

)"Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have the film."

) Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

) Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

)Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

)Guns don't kill people. I do.

)My imaginary friend doesn't like you either.

) The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

) Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

) I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

)If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

)Would you like a cookie? So would I.

) A day without sunshine is like... night.

) A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water!

)I don't stab people with knifes, I stab them with straws (preferably yellow ones)

)When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say. (so true...)

)I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

)"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?"

)What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

)Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

How To Annoy People
At An Amusement Park

~Dress up like one of the photographers and follow people around asking them repeatly if they would like their picture taken.

~Leave large gaps in between you and the people in front of you while waiting in line.

~Every time you pass a chain restraint not in use, clip it on and use it to hold back the people behind you in line.

~Ask the person running the roller coaster if someone has recently thrown up on it.

~Pretend to freak out on a ride so they stop it to let you off.

~Speak in Spanish, or pretend you're deaf and start making rapid hand movements.

~Start talking about shaving your excess body hair in line while everyone around you is silent.

~Find someone and tell them you're lost. Use your best acting skills.

~Go up to the boy band wanna-be group and pretend to be really excited and ask for their autographs, reassuring them that they're gonna make it big soon.

~Take an Alka-Seltzer tablet and begin to have spasmatic movements in your body while foaming at the mouth at the very top of the tallest ride.

~Ask the ride attendant if you cannot ride because you are under the influence of herione, marijuana, crack, and every other drug you can think of.

~Begin to cry when they start the merry-go-round and have them stop it because you're too scared to go all the way.

~Start talking loudly about the last time you got stuck upside-down on this ride, scaring everyone in line around you.

~Ask someone that looks like they're in a hurry for directions.

~Complain about how dirty the seat is, and demand they clean it off.

~Walk up to anyone in the park, and say "Hi, my name is your name" and offer a handshake.

~Ask ANYONE for their autograph.

~Advertise for a theme park...one you're not at.

~Whisper right in someone's ear, "I know what you did last summer."

~Comment how good you look in every picture of you on a ride.

~Make fun of everyone else in every set of pictures taken during the rides.

~Go up to every character walking around and give them a big hug and call them your "hero."

~Ride every water ride and inform everybody with you that you can't swim and everyone's gonna drown.

-x-x-x-x-

FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

hi peeps i got this off of elligoats profile, and it wont let me get rid of th bold, so i didnt REALLY do the stuff in bold!

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway to the frequency of the elevator

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. One word: flatulence

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occasionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say "mmm...tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

51. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.

52. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaaahh! Get them off!"

53. Challenge your neighbour to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.

54. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.

55. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Stand close to people so that you can drip on them.

56. Make chalk drawings on the walls.

57. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dammit!"

58. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.

59. Try to get a game of "Twister" going.

60. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbour suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.

61. Go over the emergency procedure of an aeroplane and show everyone where they are to stand.

62. Yell "Group Hug!" then enforce it.

Fun things to do in a multi-purpose store

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Don't bother doing your own shopping. Simply find someone with a full trolley containing roughly the items you need, and when they are not looking take it and go pay for it at the checkout.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with knives from the Kitchen section. See their reaction

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses. Why not arrange one into picking their nose?

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in house-wares," and see what happens.

11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.

12. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them 'Bob', and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necessary).

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this junk anyway?!"

15. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal.

16. Ride a display bike through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

18. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice.

19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items. If the cashier protests, kill them.

20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say "The customer is always right!!" Make a scene.

21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

24. Fill your trolley with Twinkie Bars- up to the brim- then watch the customers gape at you as you try to buy them.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

26. Climb everything you can.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighbouring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"upside down.

29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."

31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples). Do a vague hand-mime of what a 'Shnerple' looks like to assist them.

32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

33. Take bets on the battle from above. Sway the win so that you get more money.

34. Test the Cosmetics on all the toy animals.

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.

38. When someone looks away from their kart to look at something, put large amounts of Botox in their carts

39. Hide in the clothes rack and when people look through them, put your hand up and say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!"

40. Ask the staff if you can go to the toilet, then ask them if they'll help you.

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: Marco Polo.

43. Leave Cheerio's in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetise" the CD's using an alternative alphabet of your choosing.

45.Put batteries in the cameras and tape videos of you threatening to kill them.

46. Wear a grimm reaper costume, then walk up to the elderly and say "Your time has come..." see their reaction.

47. Relax in the lounges drinking beer until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to
your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."

49. Pay off lay-bys 50 cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to
the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out
much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Ways to Annoy people at the movie theater:

~Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

~Clap when the good guy gets killed.

~During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

~Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

~Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

~Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

~Yell out what is going to happen.

~Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

~Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

~Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

~Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

~Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

~Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

~Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

~Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

~Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)

~Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

~Try to start a wave.

~Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.

~Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

~Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

~Sing with the theme music.

~Bring and use your own air freshener.

~At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

~Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

~Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

~Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

~Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

~Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

~Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

~When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

~Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

~start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

~Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

~Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

~Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

~Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.

~Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

~Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room.

~Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

~Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

~Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

~Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

~Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.

~Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

~Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

~Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.

~Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eyes.

When life give you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

Everyone has a wild side--me and my friends just prefer to make them public.

EMO=Extravagantly Made Oragami

Labels are for cans. And in case you haven't noticed--Im not a can.

Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all goth again

FUN TIME! List your 10 fave SG characters from best to least
THIS IS REALLY FUN! POST THIS WITH YOUR ANSWERS ON YOUR PROFILE!

1.Puck

2.Daphne

3.Sabrina

4.Elvis

5.Briar

6.Uncle Jake

7.Moth

8.Bess

9.Granny Relda

10.mr. Canis (sorry, hes just not tat likable)

1. Have you read a 5/10 fic before?
Briar and canis. No and I hope never to do so in my life. never. ever.

2.Do you think 3 is hot? How Hot?
if your a guy then yes, cuz sabrina is pretty and stuff, but since ima GIRL no!

3.What would happen if 6 got 1 pregnant?
AHHHHHH! NO! uncle jake and puck!!

4.Do you recall any good fics about nine?
Yes. It was relly well written, but i cant remember who it was by, or what it was called...

5.Would 7 and 2 make a good couple?
Daphne and moth?? NO WAY JOSE!

6. 4/8 or 4/9?

elvis with bess, or elvis with granny...granny i guess?! IDK

7.What would happen if 7 discovered 3 and 8 in a secret relationship?
moth woudldnt care..shed just think sabrina was even weirdr!

8.Make summary of at least 20 words for a 6/2 fic.
ummm...uncle jake falls in love with daphne. daphne gets freaked out. the world explodes. people die. finis

9.Is there such a thing as a 4/10 romance story?
elvis and canis?? NO WAY

10.Suggest a title for a 1/5 hurt/comfort fic.
puck and briar?? okay then...Uncle jake dies and so does sabrina so briar and puck become close friends and live happily everafter yeah right

11.What kind of plot would you use if 4 wanted 1?
if elvis wanted puck?? gahh too weird to think about!

12. Does anyone on your friends list read 7 and 9 slash?
moth and granny? i hope not!

13.If you wrote a songfic for number ten, what song would you use?
song fic for canis?? some wolf song...or some weird rock song with a raspy voice singer dude...thing..idk!

PONDER THIS

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

PONDER THIS ALSO!

98 percent of teens can walk without running into walls. If you're in the 2 percent that can't, post this in your profile.

98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

Labels on REAL products

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

I hate blonde jokes, but this one is actually funny!

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him 5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her 50. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him 5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde 50.

The blonde put the 50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him a 5.

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

An apple keeps the doctor away--if well aimed.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

I'm the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN"

-Did you just call me a bitch? Well a bitch is a dog, and dogs bark, bark is on trees, trees are part of nature, nature is beautiful. So yeah, thanks for the compliment.

-Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

- "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

-The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

- Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

-The one who smiles when all goes wrong has thought of someone to blame

-I got you a present. It's a CD. I hope you don't have it already coz I don't have the receipt. i didn't exactly buy it.

-if olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

-Confucius says: Man who stand in middle of road get hit by bus.

-I haven't lost my mind! I sold it on eBay.

Some (MORE) funny stuff...

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

There cannot be a crisis this week!; my schedule is full.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk

I've got A.D.H.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have!

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out you rock bubbles! i you!

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world (prove it!)

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you
would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)
--

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)
--

The human heart creates enough pressure when it
pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a
hour

And last but not least:

Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night.

thanx! TOODLES!! ;)