![]() Names Callum, but I also go by Cal, and any possible names that can be dredged up from my screen name, Chaos, Chaotic, Para, Paradigm all have been used before. I'm a proud nerd and love reading and gaming, but my love will always lie more to the former than the latter. I have a love of science, which is good considering I'm studying physics for four years at nottingham. Other than that well nothing much to say really, at least nothing that wont piss off some cult or other on the internet. I'm an ENTP personality type. Favourite Quotes "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" -- Mohatma Ghandi "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves" -- Confucius "When you let go of what you are, you become what you may be" -- Lao tzu "A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step" -- Lao Tzu "To lead people walk behind them" -- Lao Tzu " Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. try harder. Fail again. Fail better" --Samuel Beckett "Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent." -- Napoleon Bonaparte "The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand things well." -- Horace Walpole. "Don't go where the path leads, instead go where there is no path and leave a trail" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson Si vis pacem, para bellum. Other stuff !eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you're against racism, prejuice, discrimination, or even stereotype, copy and paste this to your profile. If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile If you're a bookworm and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile If you read so much fanfiction that you start confusing them with the real book copy and paste this to your profile. If you hate racism, copy and paste this into your profile: 99% of teenagers would cry if they saw Justin Bieber above a skyscraper about to jump; copy and paste this to your profile if you're the 1% who would stand there with popcorn yelling, "Do a backflip!" Whoo hooo!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY: COPY and PASTE this if you started giggling, laughing, nodding your head, thought this was hilarious, etc, while you read this! 1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 3. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God? 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman "Where's the self-help section?". She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?? 8. If a deaf person signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 10. Is there another word for synonym? 11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "Get away from it all?" 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 15. Why do they lock the gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 19. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 20. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 21. How is it possible to have a civil war? 22. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 23. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 24. If you try to fail, and succeed in doing so, which have you done? 25. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? 26. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented? To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom; don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout "AMEN!". 5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks; once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 7.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the Prophecy". 9. Skip down the hall rather than walk; see how many looks you get. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify that your drive-through order is "To go". 12. Sing along at the Opera. 14. Put Mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache. 17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!". 18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!". 19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go". 20. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN". 21. Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom". 22. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity; Copy and Paste this to make people who read bios smile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods... On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (You can't tell me what to do!) On a bag of chips: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (Oh, crap...) On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (Frozen food for thought) On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (NOW you tell me!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (You don't say?!) On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (I have a schedule to keep, you know) On Boots Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Didn't we outlaw child labor?) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (NO... WAY!) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of children. (Que?!) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other uses." (Which would be...?) On packet of Nobbys' Peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Shit just got real!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (I blame the parents for this one) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Why do we have to address this directly?) On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat it?!) On Bath Salts Directions: Put in water. (Fffffuuuuuu...!) On Brownie Mix Directions: Preheat oven, mix brownie mix eggs, water and oil, bake, eat. (What if I don't trust my own cooking?) Mattress: Do not attempt to swallow. (I don't even know how this is possible) Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (Sentence; the electrical chair) A sign on a Telephone pole: Do not post signs. (I hate hypocrites) Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required. (Some assembly required? What, does it need batteries, too?) On earplugs: These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe. (Oh good, I thought it was just going to be another warning about cancer!) On Nabisco Easy Cheese: For best results, remove cap. (Nah, I'll take my chances) On a Life Saving Device: This is not a Life-Saving Device. (Irony at its finest) On a Shark Vacuum Cleaner: 1. Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning. (Like that gasoline...?) Various Computers: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue. (A hammer might be more effective) On the Japanese GameCube: Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury. (Well... if you say so...) On a can of bug spray:“Harmful to bees”. (So... is it the right product??) On a TV remote control: “Not dish washer safe”. (I'll take 500 for stupidity...) A Television Owner’s Manual "Do not pour liquids into your television set." (Okay, scratch that. I'll take five hundred on dumb people) A New Zealand insect spray "Not tested on animals." (Obviously... you tested it on insects, duh!) A cardboard sun-shield that keeps sun off the dashboard "Do not drive with sun-shield in place." (Can you say "oops" before we crash?) A cartridge for a laser printer "Do not eat toner." (I have a doctor's note...) A computer mouse "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." (So what am I supposed to throw, the monitor?!) A container of underarm deodorant "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." (A human's ingenuity...) A dishwasher carries this warning "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher." (Oh... Sorry kids, can't play in there anymore...) A sharpening stone "Knives are sharp." (You don't say!) A snow-blower warns "Do not use snow-blower on roof." (And how exactly am I supposed to get a snow-blower on the roof?) A baby stroller "Remove child before folding." (Don't tell the wife...) A pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." (How long did it take for them to figure that out?) An electric router made for carpenters "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." (Hear that, rednecks?) A rock garden; "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." (I beg to differ) Wet-Nap: Tear open packet and use. (And then...?) A Fruit Roll-Up snack "Remove plastic before eating." (So many details...) On a bag of Marshmallows: "Flammable" (What? (Holding out marshmallow over a fire)) Children's Aspirin: Warning: Keep Away From Children. (We need to straighten our priorities out) Candle: Warning: A burning candle is on fire. (Good to know...) Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking (I'm on a tight schedule!) McDonald's Coffee: Warning! Drink may be hot! (Oh, really?!) Arm & Hammer Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets. (OH, REALLY?!?!) Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado. (... um...) Matches: WARNING: Contents may catch fire. (They oughta...) Toilet Plunger: Do not use near power lines. (Um... okay?) Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts. (Since when?!) Windex: Do not spray in eyes. (Yeah, that's what bleach is for!) 100 Laws of Anime #1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply. #2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is #3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud #4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust #5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a #6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero #7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of #8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... #9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are #10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a #11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything. #12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds. #13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly #14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any #15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of #16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form #17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The #18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, #19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at #20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and #21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t... #22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little #23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost #24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, #25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly #26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: #27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of #28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate #29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of #30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are #31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is #32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and #34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable #35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, #36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good #37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an #38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is #39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely #40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get #41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal #42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it #43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43. #44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a #45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the #46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy #47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some #48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or #49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will #50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are #51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters #53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum. #54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, #55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and #56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons #57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of #58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, #59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition #60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s #61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an #62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years #63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the #64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be #65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the #66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation- #67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the #68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the #69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any #70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a #71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male #72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head #73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to #74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When #75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can #76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a #77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick #78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST #79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial #80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is #81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if #82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a #83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become #84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed #85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire #86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in #87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon. #88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have #89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large #90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following #91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and #92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance #93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at #94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability #95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any #96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, #97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that #98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or #99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest #100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen. |
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