chaotic paradigm
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Joined 08-01-14, id: 5964191, Profile Updated: 09-10-16

Names Callum, but I also go by Cal, and any possible names that can be dredged up from my screen name, Chaos, Chaotic, Para, Paradigm all have been used before. I'm a proud nerd and love reading and gaming, but my love will always lie more to the former than the latter. I have a love of science, which is good considering I'm studying physics for four years at nottingham. Other than that well nothing much to say really, at least nothing that wont piss off some cult or other on the internet.

I'm an ENTP personality type.

Favourite Quotes

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" -- Mohatma Ghandi

"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves" -- Confucius

"When you let go of what you are, you become what you may be" -- Lao tzu

"A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step" -- Lao Tzu

"To lead people walk behind them" -- Lao Tzu

" Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. try harder. Fail again. Fail better" --Samuel Beckett

"Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

"The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand things well." -- Horace Walpole.

"Don't go where the path leads, instead go where there is no path and leave a trail" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

Other stuff

!eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you're against racism, prejuice, discrimination, or even stereotype, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile

If you're a bookworm and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you read so much fanfiction that you start confusing them with the real book copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hate racism, copy and paste this into your profile:
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...
When I was born I was BLACK,
When I grew up I was BLACK,
When I'm sick I'm BLACK,
When I go in the sun I'm BLACK,
When I'm cold I'm BLACK,
When I die I'll be BLACK.
But you sir,
When you're born you're PINK,
When you grow up you're WHITE,
When you're sick, you're GREEN,
When you go in the sun you turn RED,
When you're cold you turn BLUE,
And when you die you turn PURPLE.
And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

99% of teenagers would cry if they saw Justin Bieber above a skyscraper about to jump; copy and paste this to your profile if you're the 1% who would stand there with popcorn yelling, "Do a backflip!" Whoo hooo!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY: COPY and PASTE this if you started giggling, laughing, nodding your head, thought this was hilarious, etc, while you read this!

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman "Where's the self-help section?". She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions??

8. If a deaf person signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "Get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock the gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

20. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

21. How is it possible to have a civil war?

22. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

23. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

24. If you try to fail, and succeed in doing so, which have you done?

25. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

26. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom; don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout "AMEN!".

5.Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks; once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

7.Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the Prophecy".

9. Skip down the hall rather than walk; see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify that your drive-through order is "To go".

12. Sing along at the Opera.

14. Put Mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!".

18. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!".

19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".

20. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

21. Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom".

22. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity;

Copy and Paste this to make people who read bios smile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (You can't tell me what to do!)

On a bag of chips: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (Oh, crap...)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (Frozen food for thought)

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (NOW you tell me!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (You don't say?!)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (I have a schedule to keep, you know)

On Boots Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Didn't we outlaw child labor?)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (NO... WAY!)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of children. (Que?!)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other uses." (Which would be...?)

On packet of Nobbys' Peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Shit just got real!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (I blame the parents for this one)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Why do we have to address this directly?)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat it?!)

On Bath Salts Directions: Put in water. (Fffffuuuuuu...!)

On Brownie Mix Directions: Preheat oven, mix brownie mix eggs, water and oil, bake, eat. (What if I don't trust my own cooking?)

Mattress: Do not attempt to swallow. (I don't even know how this is possible)

Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (Sentence; the electrical chair)

A sign on a Telephone pole: Do not post signs. (I hate hypocrites)

Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required. (Some assembly required? What, does it need batteries, too?)

On earplugs: These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe. (Oh good, I thought it was just going to be another warning about cancer!)

On Nabisco Easy Cheese: For best results, remove cap. (Nah, I'll take my chances)

On a Life Saving Device: This is not a Life-Saving Device. (Irony at its finest)

On a Shark Vacuum Cleaner: 1. Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning. (Like that gasoline...?)

Various Computers: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue. (A hammer might be more effective)

On the Japanese GameCube: Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury. (Well... if you say so...)

On a can of bug spray:“Harmful to bees”. (So... is it the right product??)

On a TV remote control: “Not dish washer safe”. (I'll take 500 for stupidity...)

A Television Owner’s Manual "Do not pour liquids into your television set." (Okay, scratch that. I'll take five hundred on dumb people)

A New Zealand insect spray "Not tested on animals." (Obviously... you tested it on insects, duh!)

A cardboard sun-shield that keeps sun off the dashboard "Do not drive with sun-shield in place." (Can you say "oops" before we crash?)

A cartridge for a laser printer "Do not eat toner." (I have a doctor's note...)

A computer mouse "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." (So what am I supposed to throw, the monitor?!)

A container of underarm deodorant "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." (A human's ingenuity...)

A dishwasher carries this warning "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher." (Oh... Sorry kids, can't play in there anymore...)

A sharpening stone "Knives are sharp." (You don't say!)

A snow-blower warns "Do not use snow-blower on roof." (And how exactly am I supposed to get a snow-blower on the roof?)

A baby stroller "Remove child before folding." (Don't tell the wife...)

A pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." (How long did it take for them to figure that out?)

An electric router made for carpenters "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." (Hear that, rednecks?)

A rock garden; "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." (I beg to differ)

Wet-Nap: Tear open packet and use. (And then...?)

A Fruit Roll-Up snack "Remove plastic before eating." (So many details...)

On a bag of Marshmallows: "Flammable" (What? (Holding out marshmallow over a fire))

Children's Aspirin: Warning: Keep Away From Children. (We need to straighten our priorities out)

Candle: Warning: A burning candle is on fire. (Good to know...)

Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking (I'm on a tight schedule!)

McDonald's Coffee: Warning! Drink may be hot! (Oh, really?!)

Arm & Hammer Cat Litter: Safe to use around pets. (OH, REALLY?!?!)

Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado. (... um...)

Matches: WARNING: Contents may catch fire. (They oughta...)

Toilet Plunger: Do not use near power lines. (Um... okay?)

Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts. (Since when?!)

Windex: Do not spray in eyes. (Yeah, that's what bleach is for!)

100 Laws of Anime

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is
thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
* Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit
the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust
equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects
known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human
existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, Anime
heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color
(usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3
different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities,
sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the
Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle
of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a
single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm,
which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving,
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex
martial arts maneuvers.
*Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he
will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs
to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work
just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a
song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line
Effect)
Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
*Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome
"Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and
used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing
aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or
explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical
abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s
hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes,
then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the
Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.
*Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows,
or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of
Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple"
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so
on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic
positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is
because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the
less you get and vice-versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the
transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to
interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later,
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and
the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons
for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use
it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
A negative charge will result in the
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate
when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7
for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot
couldn’t get a date despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract,
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
*(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing
this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be
increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset by
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and
lethality of the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in
Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in
slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. *(see Laws # 37, 49, and
65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages
will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly
past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws [e.g., slowdown and
exposition]),
Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just
doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he
is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see
Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they
tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive
vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them
introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal,
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the
skin of the tentacle...
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage
begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said
character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Chameleon (Underpowered) by Mika the Supreme Ninja reviews
Mika is a Young Academy Civilan born Genin Hopeful. He had a small amount of chakra, but an amazing skill in Genjutsu, chakra control as well as an intellect that Surpasses any Nara. Determined and ready, Mika will rise throughout the Ninja world. Growing on his own, and changing everything around him that gets in his way. Strong, Smart, Grey, Manipulative OC. Highly Adaptive OC
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 96 - Words: 308,125 - Reviews: 1225 - Favs: 849 - Follows: 705 - Updated: 8/21 - Published: 12/19/2014 - [Hinata H., Tayuya] [OC, Gaara] - Complete
Second Wind by The Lost Samurai reviews
Luffy and Zoro awaken in two different parts of East Blue, both with the same thing on their mind. Protect the crew. There would be no failures this time around, Captain's orders. As bits and pieces of the unknown past that the two comrades share are gradually revealed, the rest of the crew can only speculate. For all their absolute resolve, they're hiding something. Time Travel AU
One Piece - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 67 - Words: 274,145 - Reviews: 5529 - Favs: 8,533 - Follows: 8,950 - Updated: 8/14 - Published: 2/11/2015 - Luffy, Zoro, Straw Hats P.
Walk on the Moon by SixPerfections reviews
A girl reborn into the world of ninja wants to escape the cycle of violence. Power is the only thing that brings freedom in the ninja world and she will have freedom... at any cost. However breaking the bonds she forms won't be as simple as she imagines. AU SI.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 46 - Words: 349,195 - Reviews: 3030 - Favs: 4,545 - Follows: 5,253 - Updated: 8/7 - Published: 10/25/2014 - Ino Y., Neji H., Tenten, OC
Walk Two Lifetimes by Coolio101 reviews
Surviving in the 78th district of South Rukongai was tough. When you were a ten-year-old girl with a baby to take care of, it was even harder. Getting reincarnated as Kuchiki Hisana after dying of cancer was never part of the plan. SI/OC, Pre-Canon
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 36 - Words: 360,641 - Reviews: 5194 - Favs: 6,363 - Follows: 6,508 - Updated: 8/5 - Published: 7/27/2014 - [Byakuya K., Hisana K.] Rukia K., OC
Dragonslayer by KitsuneDragon reviews
He said he saw great potential in my small body and he raised me.Because of him I lived,I learned...and I finally found someone I could call nakama.Even if he didn't call me the same.I am his son, I am his student...the dragonslayer of Acnologia.
Crossover - Naruto & Fairy Tail - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 60 - Words: 1,014,587 - Reviews: 4321 - Favs: 5,186 - Follows: 4,761 - Updated: 6/18 - Published: 5/8/2012 - Naruto U., Ultear M.
Uzumaki Naruto: Dawn of the Gamer Remastered Edition by Legend of the Kyuubi reviews
At a young age, Naruto grew up with little to no friends and because of this, he developed a love of video games. One day he somehow woke up with the ability to view life as a video game. Naruto had no idea what to make of it, but quickly learned of its perks and decided to roll with it. Watch out world! The Gamer has arrived. Naruto/The Gamer Crossover.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 58,565 - Reviews: 5494 - Favs: 9,817 - Follows: 11,492 - Updated: 6/15 - Published: 7/16/2011 - Naruto U., Ino Y., Hinata H., Anko M.
The Unwoven Threads of Fate by Diadru reviews
Don't you hate it when you wake up and you don't know where you are? Me too, except I woke up in another universe. A semi SI OC story.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Tragedy - Chapters: 75 - Words: 638,656 - Reviews: 2525 - Favs: 3,329 - Follows: 3,644 - Updated: 3/31 - Published: 5/12/2016 - Sasuke U., OC
Dreaming of Sunshine by Silver Queen reviews
Life as a ninja. It starts with confusion and terror and doesn't get any better from there. OC Self-insert. No pairings.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 151 - Words: 716,431 - Reviews: 23528 - Favs: 16,763 - Follows: 16,696 - Updated: 3/28 - Published: 9/2/2011 - Naruto U., Shikamaru N., OC
The Mouse of Konoha by obsidian dreamer reviews
Never underestimate the power of good advice. A few wise words into a pair of young ears leads a young would-be ninja to a decision; the Leaf will recognise him, but not as the fox... now separate from Win Some, Lose Some!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 500,952 - Reviews: 2304 - Favs: 5,867 - Follows: 5,233 - Updated: 3/27 - Published: 1/28/2011 - Naruto U. - Complete
Iryo-nin Kasa (医療忍傘) by Vaengir reviews
Whoever said death is nothing to be afraid of have likely lived a full life. Though, I suppose the same could be said for the reverse. Those who fear death have never truly lived, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself. My name is Kasa, the idiot who doesn't know how to die properly. And let me tell you, dying hurts. OC Self-insert COMPLETE
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 114 - Words: 605,925 - Reviews: 6745 - Favs: 5,342 - Follows: 5,423 - Updated: 1/9 - Published: 5/20/2013 - Naruto U., Itachi U., Obito U., OC - Complete
Reduced Mass by DavidJ647 reviews
After a severe skiing accident, I find myself right smack in the middle of the Mass Effect universe with no idea on how I got here. Only problem, I'm nine years too early. Will I survive what's to come? Only time will tell. Self-Insert.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 35 - Words: 249,619 - Reviews: 488 - Favs: 881 - Follows: 1,161 - Updated: 1/7 - Published: 8/13/2014 - Shepard (F), Zaeed M., OC
Shinobi of the High Seas by Kenchi618 reviews
Naruto's age has passed him by as his time is over. Now he attempts to seek out a place for himself in the new world, and it's bigger than he ever figured it to be! Will be epic in length, NaruHarem
Crossover - Naruto & One Piece - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 53 - Words: 588,009 - Reviews: 9221 - Favs: 10,615 - Follows: 9,488 - Updated: 11/26/2018 - Published: 9/10/2010 - Naruto U.
Reiteration by Phailen reviews
Remnant. The word left a bad taste in my mouth even now, so many years after I'd woken to find myself in this living nightmare. The strong survived and the weak perished, trampled underfoot by those with the willpower to do what was necessary. My goal, then, was simple: to survive, regardless of the cost. Realistic character progression. Abandoned.
RWBY - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 47 - Words: 428,431 - Reviews: 1464 - Favs: 2,070 - Follows: 2,192 - Updated: 11/3/2018 - Published: 3/22/2015 - Ruby R., Yang X.L., OC - Complete
Nightfall by freowin reviews
Naruto is stolen from the village and left to die in a forest. He is found on deaths door by a civilian family, but what will happen when Naruto witnesses their Murder and is found by Jiraiya in the Ruins of his old home. Strong Naruto, Rinnegan Naruto, NarutoXOC
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 157 - Words: 802,003 - Reviews: 5830 - Favs: 7,601 - Follows: 6,779 - Updated: 10/24/2018 - Published: 9/29/2011 - Naruto U.
The Blade and the Embrace by galladefenrir44 reviews
The adventures of a Gallade named Rick who arrives in the Sinnoh region from the Hoenn region to fulfill his late trainer's dying wish. It also follows the story of a Gardevoir named Alara whose journey start by accident. Their stories will eventually innertwine and they will have to work as a team to succeed in their goals.
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 108 - Words: 978,459 - Reviews: 545 - Favs: 229 - Follows: 213 - Updated: 10/3/2018 - Published: 7/25/2012 - Gardevoir/Sirknight, Gallade/Erlade
My Path that Loops by TenchiSaWaDa reviews
Sometimes our lives seem to loop. Mine just happens to Loop with consequences. OC Self Insert Semi Hiatus
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 32 - Words: 296,541 - Reviews: 1063 - Favs: 2,730 - Follows: 2,844 - Updated: 5/30/2018 - Published: 9/17/2013 - Naruto U., OC
Phases Of Change by skaterblog reviews
My birthday has always been a day of sadness when both my parents died, now after I encountered Team Horizon on my 15 birthday my life will never be the same since I have slowly begun to turn into a Umbreon and running from both them and Team Rocket.
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 29 - Words: 220,070 - Reviews: 637 - Favs: 355 - Follows: 403 - Updated: 5/25/2018 - Published: 4/20/2013 - Charmander/Hitokage, Eevee/Eievui, Umbreon/Blacky, Plusle/Prasle
Herald of the End by Mach Farcon reviews
AU The world can be forever changed by the simplest of choices. When Sakura takes a different path home one day after the Academy, Naruto gains a new goal: Protect his precious people. No matter the odds. No matter the cost. Konoha, what have you created?
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 55 - Words: 595,363 - Reviews: 1962 - Favs: 3,522 - Follows: 3,858 - Updated: 5/24/2018 - Published: 9/29/2014 - Naruto U., Sakura H., Hinata H., Haku
A Demon in the Shadows by Kuro Tamashi reviews
Minato seals the Kyubi's power inside his two sons, but something happens which makes him commit a great mistake. Naruto is abandoned, to be hated and despised by the villagers. Until one day Naruto gets a power that could help him to take revenge against those who caused him so much pain. [Dark/Naruto Harem]. Revision in progress. (Check my Bio for the uncensored version)
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Angst - Chapters: 43 - Words: 404,979 - Reviews: 902 - Favs: 2,837 - Follows: 2,852 - Updated: 4/10/2018 - Published: 5/21/2013 - [Naruto U., Anko M., Ino Y., Karin U.]
Stupid Devil Dog by The Real Lee is here reviews
Slightly AU story. Saito Hiraga refuses to let people walk all over him. He had plans, he was going to join ROTC, he was going to outrank his brother and sister, he was going to help people. He was smart enough for it, he was strong enough for it, he was determined to be at the top of his future class. But one summoning spell changes everything, and he loses control of his future.
Familiar of Zero - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 125,086 - Reviews: 637 - Favs: 1,249 - Follows: 1,358 - Updated: 2/10/2018 - Published: 12/7/2010
A Brother by The Right Stop reviews
Many have heard the story of Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki, the Sage of Six Paths, but barely any have heard the story of his brother Naruto Ōtsutsuki, the Elemental Sage. God-like Naruto.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 35 - Words: 478,851 - Reviews: 2460 - Favs: 4,587 - Follows: 3,985 - Updated: 5/31/2017 - Published: 5/31/2014 - Naruto U., Hagoromo Ō, Hamura Ō. - Complete
The Adventures of Absol by neaucleareactor5 reviews
Absol, who has no love for humans, gets caught by the one creature he deems unnecessary to be on the planet. Humans. That is, until he meets the loving and unconfident trainer April, who takes him on an adventure riddled with excitement and danger. Point of View: Absol.
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 59 - Words: 215,125 - Reviews: 340 - Favs: 286 - Follows: 212 - Updated: 3/4/2017 - Published: 3/29/2014 - Red, Absol, OC - Complete
Seed by TheOtherAnt reviews
An alternate universe where the Endbringers attack in a few different places and order that leads to Taylor gaining Blasto's shard. Desperate to be a hero, Taylor does something clever but incredibly dangerous to give herself the power to save the city and chooses to become a Heroic Warlord to save the city from itself.
Worm - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Crime - Chapters: 29 - Words: 246,268 - Reviews: 380 - Favs: 1,146 - Follows: 1,143 - Updated: 1/17/2017 - Published: 8/15/2015
Dysphoria by Supernatural Crossover Girl reviews
Reincarnation isn't always like it is in the fanfictions. Sometimes, you end up in a body you would never expect to have ended up in. Sometimes, you end up in a body, that is completely wrong. SI OC
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 27 - Words: 77,449 - Reviews: 987 - Favs: 1,077 - Follows: 1,234 - Updated: 11/7/2016 - Published: 3/16/2013 - Naruto U., Kakashi H.
Metamorphosis by Falsetta-Arias reviews
For as long as I can recall, I have the ability to Morph into any Pokemon I choose. But one day, I find my new home in a Pokeball. This is my journey as a Ninetales with my new "master" who never blinks twice at my humanoid behaviors. Seph is never wary...
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 65,029 - Reviews: 334 - Favs: 451 - Follows: 557 - Updated: 10/15/2016 - Published: 1/17/2008 - Ninetales/Kyukon, OC
Outfoxed by hazeleyes180 reviews
After a life-changing event, Naruto meets Kurama early and they become partners...even good friends. With a better outlook on life, he meets many who want to join him and help achieve their dreams and goals together. Among those friends are many beautiful women who have realized just how important he is to them. Smart/Strong Naruto. FemKyu. Implanted Sharingan. NarutoxHarem
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 27 - Words: 517,549 - Reviews: 3562 - Favs: 10,026 - Follows: 10,293 - Updated: 8/5/2016 - Published: 6/12/2012 - [Naruto U., Hinata H., Anko M., Ino Y.]
A World Full of Monsters by Fahad09 reviews
When I was first reincarnated I did the very first thing any self-respecting man in my place would do. Check to see if I still had my balls. I did. The next thing I did was try to get my hands on some power. True Power. I chose the Rinnegan. And if I had to kill a few people along the way to get it, well, there was a war going on. No one will notice an extra body or two turning up.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 139,439 - Reviews: 2458 - Favs: 5,224 - Follows: 5,473 - Updated: 7/16/2016 - Published: 3/18/2015 - Naruto U., OC
Of the River and the Sea by Aleycat4eva reviews
They called her lazy, apathetic, and amoral. They also said she was, by turns, too smart and too dumb. She liked to think she was funny. None of them were wrong. OC/Self Insert
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 104 - Words: 611,984 - Reviews: 9288 - Favs: 6,759 - Follows: 5,299 - Updated: 6/6/2016 - Published: 1/24/2015 - Naruto U., Zabuza M., Kisame H., OC - Complete
Beacon's Effect 2: Reborn by Tusken1602 reviews
Sequel to Beacon's Effect. Now that the Battle of Citadel is over, I have to decide what to do next. SI/OC/AU. I do not own Mass Effect or any of its characters. I only own what I create. Rated M for language/violence/Romance. Please Rate and Comment! I welcome all ideas/ criticism/ comments! Complete. CHECK OUT THE SEQUEL: Beacons' Effect 3: Awakening!
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 136,051 - Reviews: 704 - Favs: 866 - Follows: 789 - Updated: 5/25/2016 - Published: 11/11/2015 - Shepard (F), Javik, OC - Complete
A Sorcerer's Skill by Literature work reviews
Sequel to A Sorcerer's Science. Edward is sent back to Hogwarts with his country in complete chaos. Edward was having a hard time surviving the year, but now the school is packed with the Triwizard Tournament approaching. With Skeeter and Dragons on the loose, Edward finds that he probably bitten off more than he could chew. Reviews are welcome and story status updates on profile.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 41 - Words: 271,174 - Reviews: 984 - Favs: 1,024 - Follows: 1,152 - Updated: 4/5/2016 - Published: 3/18/2014 - Arthur W., Rita S., Edward E., Jean H.
A Throne for a King by gottahavekyuubi reviews
Challenge by Storylover213! [Dark Fanfic] He defeated Kaguya but in his death, he found that his cycle of rebirth wasn't over. Centuries later, in a land of Seven Kingdoms torn by the maladies of humanity, he finds himself amongst the liars and the cheats. He is Naruto Baratheon, First of His Name and there, a Throne for a King shall wait. SansaxNarutoxDaenerysxMargaery
Crossover - Naruto & Game of Thrones - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 204,396 - Reviews: 1092 - Favs: 1,968 - Follows: 2,071 - Updated: 4/2/2016 - Published: 9/24/2014 - [Naruto U., Sansa S., Daenerys T., Margaery T.]
Changed by LionsMane10 reviews
Alex is a normal thirty-two year old guy, computer programmer by trade and freelance photographer on the side. That is, until he wakes up as a strange creature on an unfamiliar world. What the heck is a "Pokémon" and how did he end up there? More importantly, how can he get back?
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 305,688 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 2/28/2016 - Published: 7/5/2013 - Complete
Fireborn by HarleyChase reviews
Built like an assassin. That's how most would stereotype her. Unfortunately for her superiors, with the qualities of a killer come the qualities of someone who doesn't like to follow orders, and she was never one to conform with the darkness of Konoha anyways. Not even if the prodigy with the Sharingan tries to stop her. Of course, she never anticipated him taking her side. AU.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 54 - Words: 256,349 - Reviews: 1383 - Favs: 2,238 - Follows: 1,809 - Updated: 1/13/2016 - Published: 12/30/2013 - [Kakashi H., OC] - Complete
Beacon's Effect by Tusken1602 reviews
I stumble upon a Prothean beacon, transporting me to the world of Mass Effect. Self-insert fic. Slightly AU. I do not own Mass Effect or any of its characters. I only own what I create. Rated M for language/violence/prob romance stuff. Please Rate and Comment! I welcome all ideas/criticism/comments! Thanks, guys! Complete. SEQUEL NOW UPLOADED: Beacon's Effect 2: Reborn.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 112,550 - Reviews: 415 - Favs: 1,168 - Follows: 810 - Updated: 11/10/2015 - Published: 7/21/2015 - Shepard (F), Liara T'Soni, OC - Complete
The Sharingan Devil by Blackwolf501 reviews
What if Uchiha Izuna was revealed to be Naruto's ancestor. How would Naruto deal with the secrets of his world as he struggles with his life as a Root Anbu captain. Mangekyo Sharingan Naruto (Godlike Naruto eventually), Pairings NarutoXKurenai. (Contains Cliche's, so haters don't read and save us both the time)
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 111 - Words: 583,355 - Reviews: 3987 - Favs: 4,229 - Follows: 3,574 - Updated: 7/11/2015 - Published: 4/9/2013 - [Naruto U., Kurenai Y.] Haku - Complete
Another Realm I: Arrival by Katkiller-V reviews
So, I've woken up with a pounding migraine and a million questions, and no answers are in sight. The best I can do is learn to survive as I try to get ready for the invasion that I know is coming. But like everybody knows, Illium is not a safe planet. When all I've got for friends are a jaded mechanic, a bitter matriarch, and a Batarian exile... even survival can prove to be rough.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 41 - Words: 220,922 - Reviews: 442 - Favs: 508 - Follows: 363 - Updated: 6/13/2015 - Published: 2/11/2015 - Zaeed M., Aethyta, T. Vasir, OC - Complete
Naruto D Newgate the Storm by Black Flame of Destruction reviews
What if nearly 10 years before the death of Roger Whitebeard had a son? What if that son gained a power unlike any and became just as infamous as his father? Come on in and find out. Rated MA For Language and possible future sexual situations.
Crossover - Naruto & One Piece - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 21,877 - Reviews: 161 - Favs: 815 - Follows: 753 - Updated: 5/28/2015 - Published: 4/17/2015
My Desire Is To Win! by Tsubame Sanosuke reviews
Some years after their marriage, Louise and Saito had a daughter. Claire, their loved daughter , bullied in the Magic Academy. Siegfried, the bandit swordsman who became a familiar. Two distinct lonely hearts with one thing in common, the desire to win...
Familiar of Zero - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 18 - Words: 95,073 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 5/4/2015 - Published: 3/29/2012 - Louise, Saito, OC - Complete
Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze: The Afterlife by Egyptian God Phoenix reviews
Naruto is betrayed by the Hidden Leaf village after giving his life for the 4th Great Ninja War, but Kami has other things planned. Sending Naruto off to Earthland, how will our favourite blonde ninja face the challenges of a world full of mages? NarutoxHarem – Powerful!Naruto
Crossover - Naruto & Fairy Tail - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 53 - Words: 938,545 - Reviews: 4768 - Favs: 3,584 - Follows: 3,051 - Updated: 3/17/2015 - Published: 3/1/2014 - Naruto U.
Deceitful by Riolu16 reviews
Damian was a normal college student before he was transformed into a Riolu. His best friend betrays him after discovery of Lewis' connection with Team Plasma. With advanced technology Team Plasma can turn humans into Pokemon and Damian is next. Read on as Damian struggles with his new life and loses everything he ever had, even his best friend. NEW CHAPTER WEEKLY! Please review!
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 44 - Words: 96,336 - Reviews: 165 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 2/26/2015 - Published: 11/6/2013 - Absol, Riolu, OC, Greninja/Gekkouga - Complete
The Passionflower: A Girl's Journey Into Becoming a Pokémon by Poofable reviews
Alfie hated Pokémon until the day she died. Little did she know, she would wake up to see the world through their eyes. Told that destiny is her guidance and courage is her strength, Alfie must determine what she will do with her second chance. But honestly, saving the Pokémon kingdom from certain destruction wasn't what she had in mind...
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 34 - Words: 209,888 - Reviews: 223 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 11/29/2014 - Published: 10/22/2011 - Complete
Soldier of Zero by Ashen Author reviews
Louise summons Saito as her familiar, but she gets Saito from a bit of a more war-torn world. This Saito has learned to work with his wits to survive, and he was lucky enough to bring a few things with him. No super characters (not more so than cannon, anyway) and hopefully realistic development. Guile hero Saito, but still with Gandalfr. Be warned, the enemies may get nastier too.
Familiar of Zero - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 132,932 - Reviews: 184 - Favs: 632 - Follows: 747 - Updated: 7/7/2014 - Published: 6/24/2013 - Saito, Louise, Tabitha, Guiche
Hope Through Overwhelming Firepower by Border42 reviews
The smallest act or difference can be all that is needed to change the future. Now Diebuster!Taylor stands to make more than small or simple changes for the future of mankind.
Crossover - Gunbuster & Worm - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 47 - Words: 75,958 - Reviews: 578 - Favs: 2,142 - Follows: 1,115 - Updated: 4/14/2014 - Published: 12/9/2013 - Skitter - Complete
New Species by IcecreamSyndrome reviews
My mother is a human and my father is a Mew. But what does that make me? With Team Rocket nipping at my heels and my struggle to control the move Transform, what else could go wrong? Well, I have been feeling more like a Pokemon than usual...
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 50 - Words: 179,570 - Reviews: 807 - Favs: 472 - Follows: 496 - Updated: 9/10/2013 - Published: 2/22/2011 - Mew
Shocks and static by sisno2200 reviews
Being able to interchange between Human and pokemon would be great right? Well not if you're battling pokemon every day, trying to hide your secret wherever you go, while you have to listen to the annoying 10 year old who caught you. Welcome to my life.
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 48 - Words: 226,380 - Reviews: 206 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 9/4/2013 - Published: 9/20/2011
Just your average Pika by Rusty Raccoon reviews
Pike Chance was had a normal life until a chance encounter turned him into a Pikachu. This is his story.
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 105,036 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 11/19/2006 - Published: 10/14/2005 - Complete