![]() "BREAKING NEWS – Boys and girls around the world, raging from the early ages of adolescence to adulthood have unexpectedly died from lack of blood resulting from too much exposure to… wait what? Yaoi? What the hell is a Yah-oh? Anyway, the main cause of death has been proven to be from SasuNaru Ya-oh… whatever that is. Can't you just imagine the mass hysteria? Hahaha… oh my… "And on the eigth day, God created fangirls... shortly thereafter, he said unto Adam... "My bad."" -Unknown.y stories! --Don't piss me off today, I'm running out of places to hide to bodies XD -- Evolution -- life's a niche, and then you die. -- "The physiology exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper." -- If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already? -- If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression. XD -- I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here. -- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me. -- I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like? -- Instant gratification takes too long. -- Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work. -- Just when you realize life's a bitch, it has puppies. -- The fellow that agrees with everything you say... is either a fool... or he is getting ready to skin you. -- Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad. -- I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception. -- I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. -- I regard you with an indifference closely bordering on aversion. -- Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected. -- All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening. -- There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. -- When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them. -- Scientists say that 1 out of every 4 people are crazy... so go check 3 of your friends, if it's not them... -- Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING? -- I'm not antisocial, I just don't like you. -- I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again. -- Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking. -- I lay at my bed last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the hell did my ceiling go?! -- Finals equals academic suicide. -- Well... The voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck. -- I hear voices... They said they don't like you. -- I'm sleeping...Please IM me quietly XD -- Looking at the mirror. Enjoying the view. Be back later :D -- Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. -- Leave a message, and I'll IM you back later. Leave a SEXY message and I'll IM you back sooner. -- I'm not available right now so please leave your name, number, and address and I will Stalk you later. -- You! Out of the gene pool--NOW! -- Nostalgia? Revenge is a form of Nostalgia, right? -- Due to circumstances within my control, tomorrow will be cancelled. -- Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. -- The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -- Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view. -- In man's struggle against the world, bet on the world. -- If you can't say anything nice, then at least have the decency to be vague. -- Depression n. - Anger without enthusiasm. -- The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -- Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what is wrong with it. -- I am currently occupied, give me a couple minutes to get frustrated and then I'll get back to you. -- I'm drunk...I'm armed...I'm off my meds. You had better make your message really, really sweet. -- Hi, I'm probably here, I'm just avoiding someone I don't want to talk to. Leave a message and if I don't IM you back, well, what can I say? -- Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up. -- That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast. -- Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING. -- There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish? The voices in my head say you have mental problems I will not obey the voices in my head I do not suffer insanity...I enjoy every minute of it I hate nothing...just dislike with a passion of a thousand suns If life hands you limes...make a martini You’re just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you Sarcasm in your body’s natural defence against stupidity I’m nobody...nobody’s perfect...so I’m BETTER THEN YOUUUUU Stupidity killed the cat curiosity was blamed I’m not random I just have many thoughts I hear voices and they don’t like you Mirrors don’t talk...and luckily for you they don’t laugh Bravery is just a nice way of saying stupidity Ambition is just a lame excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy You laugh because I’m different. I laugh because you’re an idiot Damn straight I’m good in bed...I can sleep for days It wasn’t me Better to sleep on what you intend to do...then to stay awake over what you’ve done. Try? There is no try. Do or do not. Smile. It confuses people Why be difficult when with just a little bit of effort you can be impossible With a face like yours, who’d want to be human? Speaking is not communication Silence is golden but duct tape is silver, so make my day golden and colour it with silver. Boys are like trees – they take fifty years to grow up Boys are like slinkies – useless but fun to watch fall down the stairs It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice It’s the little voices that tell me to go SHOPPING! Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he’s lost? Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain Work interests me; I could just sit and watch it all day long When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell Borrow money from pessimists... they don't expect it back Everyone has a photographic memory. Some of them just don't have film! If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'you can't fire me - I quit’ The trouble with life is there's no background music Remember, today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday Foot: A special device for finding furniture in the dark When I was born, I was so surprised; I didn't talk for a year and a half A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty Man has will, but woman has her way The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window Start every day with a smile and get it over with The road to success is always under construction Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture Death is more universal than life; everyone dies, but not everyone lives Never knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that! Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more I never cease to be dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe The road to success is lined with many tempting parking spaces In ancient times, cats were worshiped as gods. They have not forgotten this We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people Behind every successful man is a surprised woman It's mind over matter. If i don't mind you, then you don't matter When everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something Death is hereditary There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side, and the right side When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them. YAY!! Big girls don't cry- we get even I’m rubber, you’re glue, and whatever you say bounces of me and sticks to YOU! There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird Parents spend three years teaching kids how to stand up and speak, and the rest of their lives telling them to sit down and shut up. I came, I saw, I kicked their asses. Always remember you are unique...just like everyone else. Don’t judge a book by its movie. Do you have an off button? Chaos, panic, disorder...my work is done here Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk by again? Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. I’m bringing Sexy back! Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? I just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda. Just because you’re paranoid doesn't mean they aren’t out to get you! They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Truth is always stranger than fiction. Death is but a door...it swings both ways. I like the insanity but stop the stupidity! Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door. Order is for the stupid, true geniuses live in chaos. Death is for those with nothing better to do. In the end the world as we know it doesn’t exist. This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force! Those who live by the sword get shot by those that don't. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party! When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you lemons, give them back and DEMAND CHOCOLATE. When life gives you lemons, give them back and demand cash. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup. LOOK MA, NO BRAIN! It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man. Death is a way of God telling you not to be a wise guy. That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again. Its tourist season, so why can't I shoot them? If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished. Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out. Evening news is where they tell you 'good evening' then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Join the army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids. They didn't let me out; they just gave me a day pass! There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't. A day without sunshine, is like, night. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. All those who believe in psycho kinesis raise my hand. BAD COP! NO DONUT! Confucius say: "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot!" Corduroy Pillows: they’re making headlines! Do not play leap frog with a unicorn. Elvis has left the planet. Florida: We're number one! Wait! Recount! Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks. Horn broken: watch for Finger! I have the body of a God...Buddha... It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious! A good friend will come and bail you out of jail… but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying “damn…that was fun” 333 I’m only half evil Don’t take life too seriously. It isn’t permanent I don’t have a drinking problem; I get drunk I pass out no problem. Yesterday is another country, Borders are now closed. I don’t play dumb, I always lose. Nuttier then a fruitcake Spoon! Right now I've got amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. When choosing between two evils I always like to go for the one I've never tried before. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Be kind to your offspring. They get to choose your nursing home. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques. Cancer cures smoking. Constipated people don't give a crap. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Do old men wear boxers or briefs? - Depends. Don't steal. The government hates the competition. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. I bet I can stop gambling. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Your kid may be an honour student but you're still an idiot. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat? Few women admit their age, few men act it. Vegetarians taste better. I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to. Elvis shot JFK. So many people...so few comets Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comfortable. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. You non-conformists are all alike. Love: Two vowels, two consonants, two fools. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. Pride is what we have. Pity is what others have. Forget about world peace . . . visualize using your turn signal. Sex is like pizza, when it's bad it's still kinda good. Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of "smart." Jesus loves you! But everyone else thinks you're an asshole. Spandex: A privilege, not a right. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest. At a nudist wedding everyone can see who the best man is. Caution: I know karate...and six other Chinese words. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Never visit a doctor who can't keep her office plants alive. Dyslexics of the world unite! Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" . . . until you can find a rock. The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese. Follow your dream...Unless it's the one where you're at work only wearing underwear during a fire drill. Forecast for tonight: dark. I always wanted to be a procrastinator but I never got around to it. I don't get even, I get odder. If marriage was outlawed only outlaws would have in-laws. If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies. Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people. If your nose runs and your feet smell you were probably built upside down. I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles. "Auntie Em: Hate you; hate Kansas, taking the dog." - Dorothy Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday. Last night I played a blank tape full blast. The mime next door went nuts. I'm not broke I'm just having an out of money experience. My inferiority complex is not nearly as good as yours. Ignoring bullshit is wrong, bullshit makes the flowers grow, and that's beautiful. If you can't baffle them with brilliance, befuddle them with bullshit. People will believe anything if you whisper it. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. I intend to live forever. So far, so good If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough Quantum Mechanics: the stuff dreams are made of Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have 24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence? If you choke a Smurf what colour does it turn? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery For Sale: Parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain OK, so what's the speed of dark? Black holes are where God divided by zero. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. Someday we'll look back on all this, and plough into a parked car. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first time you need them, chances are you won't need him/her again. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo If you're going to do something wrong, have fun doing it. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP A true friend stabs you in the front Cry me a river, build a bridge, and jump off it. I take a simple view of living. It is to keep your eyes open and get on with it. You can't say that civilization doesn't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way. To some, death may be a blessing, to others, a vice. Me? I think death is a necessity. They condemn what they do not understand There are a few ways to silence the screams. Bullets happen to be one of the more efficient methods. What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about? My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth. Friends are like stars, they come and go but the ones that stay are the ones that glow. Caution: Handicapped people will be eaten by crocodiles below. Out of my mind, please leave a message. Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon. I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly. Hate, a kind of love given to people who are dumb. Scatter me across the sky, and I'll shine all night, and just like a star, I'll end up falling for you. If you don't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do it for you. :) When you stressed just... YODEL! Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now. Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why. Have fun, laugh at things that aren't funny, and make a HUGE loser out of yourself in public. Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe. Anyone can make you smile, anyone can make you cry, but it takes someone real special to make you cry with tears in your eyes. People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers. Pictures fade away but memories are FOREVER! Take candy, not drugs. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it. My imaginary friend thinks you have problems. Caution: water on road during rain. WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus. The worst part about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth. If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so be quiet... If you're gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty. Even the best fall down sometimes. Dementors: Turning people emo since 370 B.C. A friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Live your life with arms wide open; you never know what might be thrown at you... I don't have a dog... I eat my own homework. I'm not random; I just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL! Please: Don't throw your cigarette butts on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer. Weapon of choice, Hmmmm... I'd have to say... SPORK! Save the earth, it's the only place with chocolate! Do NOT label me, I'm no soup can! Elmo watches you from your closet. People who say guns kill are silly. I'd be pretty freaked out to see a gun running down the road shooting everyone! If you approve gay-marriages put this in your profile and add your name to the list: Gaara's-pandachan101, art-is-a-BANG-2-hard-to-resist, Lee-All-The-Way, Starship13, Wistful-Dreamer, Calypphire, Shadow-Ravin, BlackPheonix913, Valerya Potter, Dowash, KeikoSheena,yoai4ever some people are like Slinkys... Read this outloud. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is dumbass cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now go back up and read the third word in each sentence. If you didn't catch it the first time through, copy and paste it. And you know that you didn't now read this Abunai = It's unsafe! Rajio = Radio the wight man said"Colored people are not allowed here, "The Black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Honesty is the best policy but insanity is a better defense!" "Be sincere even if you have to fake it." "Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier!" "Happiness is having a clear conscience... or none at all." "Back Off! Your'e standing in my Aura." "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert." "I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?" "I did NOT escape - they gave me a day pass!" "I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time." "Do I look like a fucking people person!?" "You!... Off my planet!" "Yeah, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of bitch in the valley!" "You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core... I like that in a person!" "A mind is a terrible thing not to mess with." "I'm cruel, nasty, neurotic, paranoid, antisocial, but basically happy." "Revenge is a dish best served with a side of obsession and a nice tall glass of spite." "Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary there!" "Heaven doesn't want me and hell's afraid I'll take over." "Tell your little voices to SHUT UP! I can't hear mine..." "I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier." "Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for." "I do whatever the little voices tell me to do." "Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it anyway." "Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies." "I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end." "I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people." "I hear voices and they don’t like you." "Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone." "If at first you don't succeed, redefine success." "I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, keep me here." "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." If you like/love copying and pasting stuff into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. 1.Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public. 2.Do not talk to fictional characters in public. 3.Do not answer fictional characters in public. 4.Do not talk to inanimate objects in public. 5.Do not go out in public. 6.Disregard above note.Perform numbers 1 to 4. 7.Note expressions. 8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you. 9.Floor is slippery when wet. 10.Lake is slippery when dry. 11.Only talk to strangers you know. 12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all. 13.For legal purposes be sure to delete above note. 14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you. 15.Kill them for security purposes. 16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings. 17.Make a scene whenever humanly possible. 18.The men in white coats are not your friends. 19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects. 20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket. 21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning. 22.Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. 23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age. 24.Always remember, um... um... Damn. 25.Train army of flying monkeys. 26.Goldfish don't like milk. 27.Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits. 28.Find out who invented the word "pianist". 29.People are staring at you. 30.So act insane. 31.People are weird, but not as weird as me. 32.Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth. 33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people. 34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible. 35.You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding. 36.Never pet a burning dog. 37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka. 38.Naked men dig parkas. 39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka. 40.You know what would look good on you? 41.Immolated cockroaches. 42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug. 43.The size of Danny DeVito. 44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. 45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers. 46.Stalking is fun. Do it more. 47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!" 48.No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world. 49.That way is rum. 50.Constipated people don't give a sh-t. 52.You cannot kill the snow. 53.The snow can kill you. 54.Grass can also kill you. 55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms... 56.Catch and castrate leprechaun. 57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say. 58.Staple paper in the middle of the page. 59.In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally. 60.You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that. 61.Pretend to be so around teh n00bs. 62.Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon. 63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway? 64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork. 65.Remember to kill HIM... 66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood. 67.Note reactions. Avoid parents. 68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory. 69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice. 70.Hide the bodies, otherwise peole ask embarressing questions. 71.Eat the evidence. 72.But not if it's broken glass. 73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run. 74.Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids. 75.Disregard last note. 76.Note reactions. 77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year. 78.Stock up on ball point pens. 79.Learn to fly. Tell no one. 80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing. 81.Do not stick fingers into blender. 82.Blender... Bad... Ouch. 83.Blood loss is bad. 84.Find way to re-attatch fingers. 85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM. 86.Answer every question with a question. 87.Ask people what gender they are. 88.Note reactions. 89.Refer to people as "mortal". 90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me. 91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible. 92.Start by drowning them in fire ants. 93.Find the creators of pop-up messages. 94.Kill them. 95.Brutally. 96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination. 97.Dunk head in boiling water. 98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7. 99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling! 100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down... 101.Find out who invented "Barny" 102.Kill them. XXXXX FEMALE COMEBACKS!! Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So, what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Man: Your eyes they're amazing. ()() Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. |
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