Schrodinger's Viper
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Joined 05-22-12, id: 4016460, Profile Updated: 06-24-12

"Stories do not exist to warn you of monsters. You knew that monsters existed before you could speak, before you could walk. Stories exist to tell you monsters can be defeated."- NGTM-R

Heya there, I'm Schrodinger's Viper, king of both masochism and cynicism. Chances are, if you're here, it's either because I favorited your stuff, or I wrote a review about it. If the latter is true, chances are it wasn't positive.

In some cases, the story was perfectly fine, and just needs some touching up. There are some writers on FF.net that are perfectly competent, and there are just one or two key flaws in their work. In which case, I don't mean any offense. My only desire is to help you improve, so that you can be among the writers that I can really appreciate being on the site. Hell, there are great writers on here whose work I often have one or two problems with, there are some perfectly decent works on this site that simply need some polishing, and some mistakes that are just excusable. That doesn't mean that I feel that they aren't mistakes, and that they don't need to be pointed out.

However, most likely, the review was a bit more scathing.

The reason for that is simple: 99% of you people simply write shit. Not everybody can be a good writer, or just needs to improve. That's fine, and the people who admit this and welcome constructive criticism earn my respect. However, if you can't write, I'd recommend simply not publishing the work. Fanfiction.net is a website where anybody can post whatever they want; that doesn't make it some sort of magical land where you can get away with posting substandard fiction and not get called on it. Run your work by a beta if possible, have a friend of yours read it, or even post it on another forum before publishing it on FF.net. I come here expecting quality fiction, and will not accept less, just because you tried.

If you get offended by my criticism, or feel that I was unfair, drop me a line. I'd love to discuss the issue with you, because we all have different opinions, and I'm not perfect; there is always a chance that I misinterpreted the work, or that I made a mistake or two. If you want to bitch, then simply don't bother. I can't stand people who can't take proper criticism, and responses to such private messages will reflect that.

Oh, and no, I don't write fanfiction myself. That's because I lack any sort of muse, and have a massive inferiority complex. I admit this. That doesn't mean that I don't understand the concepts of proper story structure, language usage, characterization, or plot development. The best way to ensure that you will get a not particularly respectful reply is to pull out the tired old "You haven't written anything, so you have no right to criticize!" "rebuttal".

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Harry Potter and the Natural 20 by Sir Poley reviews
Milo, a genre-savvy D&D Wizard and Adventurer Extraordinaire is forced to attend Hogwarts, and soon finds himself plunged into a new adventure of magic, mad old Wizards, metagaming, misunderstandings, and munchkinry. Updates monthly.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Dungeons and Dragons - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 74 - Words: 314,214 - Reviews: 6552 - Favs: 6,415 - Follows: 7,253 - Updated: 8/2/2018 - Published: 5/7/2012
Superwomen of Eva 2: Lone Heir of Krypton by Mike313 reviews
Having been conceived by donor sperm, Asuka never knew who her biological father was, but she assumed he was someone extraordinary. She had no idea how right she was, but she's going to find out.
Evangelion - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 235,259 - Reviews: 225 - Favs: 221 - Follows: 231 - Updated: 7/3/2015 - Published: 5/14/2009 - Asuka L. S., Shinji I.
Whipped by Kaijo reviews
How far will you go for a friend? When memories from Fate's past begin to affect her, Nanoha decides to take action, but the road she travels will challenge her just as much as the one she cares about.
Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 38,256 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 125 - Updated: 5/3/2013 - Published: 7/31/2010 - Nanoha T., Fate T. - Complete
He Who Fights Monsters by hawker-748 reviews
Tsukune Aono. An ordinary human in a dangerous place. When your life's on the line, there's nothing that you won't do to survive.
Rosario + Vampire - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 93,163 - Reviews: 1882 - Favs: 3,701 - Follows: 1,916 - Updated: 12/6/2012 - Published: 4/26/2011 - Tsukune A. - Complete
Legend of the Blue Witch by tinytim12 reviews
A new game opens up on Rokkenjima, but this time, with Will in the player's seat and Bernkastel the game master.
Higurashi/Umineko series - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Spiritual - Chapters: 19 - Words: 43,154 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 3/14/2012 - Published: 12/25/2011 - Willard W., Bernkastel
All There Was by Tastychainsaws reviews
Swirling dreams of darkness call two friends back to where they once called home. The tragedy of a lost friend sparks questions and the desire for answers, but these two friends will stumble across more than they ever wished to know.
K-ON!/けいおん! - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Friendship - Chapters: 10 - Words: 74,241 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 2/9/2012 - Published: 11/20/2011 - Ritsu T., Tsumugi K. - Complete
The Turn of Haruhi Suzumiya by Oroboro2 reviews
For the second summer vacation trip, the SOS Brigade visits the island of Rokkenjima. Instead of simple fun, Kyon and Haruhi find themselves pulled into a long abandoned game board. Knowing the fate of the island, they must race to solve the mystery.
Crossover - Haruhi Suzumiya series & Higurashi/Umineko series - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Mystery - Chapters: 8 - Words: 41,151 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 12/20/2011 - Published: 11/26/2011 - Complete
The Humanity of Ryoko Asakura by einootspork reviews
After her death, Ryoko Asakura was sent for processing, and now the decision has been made: Her consciousness will be uploaded into the first-ever fully human body created by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. Can she cope with her newfound humanity?
Haruhi Suzumiya series - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 14,411 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 12/24/2010 - Published: 5/13/2009 - Ryoko A.
Persona 4: Simulacrum by zephyran reviews
It has been six years since the fog was lifted from the town of Inaba, but a new fog clouds the minds of its residents. As Souji Seta returns from his long absence, he must find a way to free them or else lose the bonds of friendship forever.
Persona Series - Rated: T - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 23 - Words: 272,138 - Reviews: 317 - Favs: 547 - Follows: 215 - Updated: 1/31/2010 - Published: 3/10/2009 - Souji S./Yuu N., Rise K. - Complete
Being Gilderoy Lockhart by JBean210 reviews
The author goes to sleep one night and wakes up the next morning to find he's become Gilderoy Lockhart! He doesn't know any magic, he's got no idea who's making breakfast downstairs, and Dumbledore is due at his door any moment now! Complete.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 124,866 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 178 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 6/6/2009 - Published: 8/25/2008 - Gilderoy L. - Complete