jonasbisawsome
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Joined 08-21-10, id: 2506399, Profile Updated: 02-19-12
Author has written 3 stories for X-overs, and Twilight.

My Mom taught me the circle of life,

I brought you into this world. I can take you out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5RgFAV8dIM

JACKSON RATHBONE IS TICKLISH!!!! TEAM JASPER!!! :DDD

Go to,...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bofAeuZ-vjo (skip to 1:31) SWEAR TO GOD! She tickles him and he laughes!! eeekkk i wanna fuck him SOOOOOOOOOOOO bad. RIGHT. NOW.

If you HATE child abusing like me copy and paste this to your profile.

My name Kelly

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Kelly

I am only three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!


╔══╦══╦══╗ I have been diagnosed
║╔╗║╔═╣╔╗║ with Obsessive Cullen
║╚╝║╚═╣╚╝║ Disorder put this on your
╚══╩══╩══╝ profile if you've caught it to

"Come to the dark side, we have Edward Cullen!"

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.

2. The future is not set in stone.

3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.

4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.

5. True love knows no boundaries.

6. Some people are just danger magnets.

7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.

8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!

9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.

10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.

11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.

12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.

13. Family is about more than just blood.

14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.

15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.

16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.

17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.

18. There are exceptions to every rule.

19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.

20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.

21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.

22. Cold hands = Warm heart.

23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.

24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.

25. Romeo was an idiot.

26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.

27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.

28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.

29. Space heaters can be very annoying.

30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise

Check this out...

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile

Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916
Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843
Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901
Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916
Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901
Bella Cullen: Luckier That You since 1987

The Holy Words Of Twilight

Our Edward,
Who art in Forks,
Hallowed be thy sparkles.
Thy Volvo comes, thy will be fast,
On Earth as it is in the meadow.
Give you this day, our daily blood;
Forgive us our heartbeats,
As we worship Carlisle for giving you life.
Lead us into temptation,
Deliver us to you.
For thine is the vampire,
The music and the hotness,
For ever and ever,
Ed-men

I've been diagnosed with OCD (Obbsessive Cullen Disorder), OJD (Obsessive Jasper Disorder), OVD (Obbsessive Vampire Disorder), and OMCD (Obsessive Mythical Creatures Disorder).

twilight - teaches us that when we fall in love with vampires, we're in some pretty deep shit.

You think your life sucks? Well, I'm in love with a 165 year old, non-existent vampire named JASPER HALE

screw being a princess...i wanna be a vampire

"Join the Vampires; we have Jasper Whitlock Cullen Hale." Crap, that's a lot of last names.

Emmett's the Strongest,
Rosalie's the Prettiest,
Edward's the Smoothest,
Bella's the Clumsiest,
Alice's the Quirkiest,
But only Jasper can sit in a corner and STILL make
everyone feel jealous.

I'll stαч up tιll TШILIGHT
To sєє thє NΣW MOON
And ιf I'm luckч
I'll sєє thє ΣCLIPSΣ
At BЯΣΛKING DΛWN
And thє wholє tιmє
I'm sιttιng with чou
Undєr thє MIDNIGHT SUN

NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast
TWILIGHT FANS: would rather rely on Alice for future predictions

NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG!
TWILIGHT FANS: say OH MY EDWARD!! (OME)

NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
TWILIGHT FANS: know that Jasper already can sense their feelings without saying a word

NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you!
TWILIGHT FANS: say shut up or i'll get james to kill you!

NORMAL PEOPLE: think that vampires are all like Dracula
TWILIGHT FANS: know A LOT better and absolutely love the Cullen vampires

NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
TWILIGHT FANS: when being chased yell EDWARD SAVE ME!!

NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
TWILIGHT FANS: know that the Cullens might be playing baseball somewhere and Emmett was just at bat ; )

NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
TWILIGHT FANS: would go directly to FORKS WASHINGTON

NORMAL PEOPLE:dont have this on there profile
TWILIGHT FANS: MUST have this on there profile

Ashley Greene and Jackson Rathbone (Alice and Jasper) when asked if they could beat wizards:
Ashley - oh yah we'd totally kick ass!
Jackson - i don't know, they got brooms!

10 Ways to Annoy Carlisle Cullen:

10. Tell him only to address you in a cute English accent.

9. Call him Carlisle, but be sure to pronounce the “s”. When he corrects you, give him a weird look and tell him the “q” is silent.

8. Ask if blondes really do have more fun.

7. Inquire as to what he actually does on his night shift on the hospital, with all the pretty nurses in the ER.

6. Instead of telling him to “get lost” in an argument, tell him to swim to France.

5. When he annoys you, respond with “times have changed, old man”.

4. Ask what type of superhuman power compassion is – what does he do in a fight? Love thy enemy to death?

3. Leap out from behind the desk in his study when he isn’t expecting it and spray him with Holy Water.

2.Call him McSteamy or McDreamy.

And the Number One way to annoy Carlisle Cullen?

1. Run around the Emergency Room screaming “I’ve been bitten! I’ve been bitten!”

10 Ways to Annoy Jasper Hale:

10. Beg him not to eat you.

9. Inform him that he seems to be the “depressed” Cullen.

8. Go up to him, look him in the eye and ask if he is hungry.

7. Spell his name with two “a”’s (Jaspar) and call him JasparCullen. When he objects, saying his name is Jasper Hale, wave your hand at him and tell him all that blood must havegone to his brain.

6. Tell him only girls feel emotions. Then giggle and run away.

5. Dress up in a cape and fangs and leap out in front of him when he is least expecting it, proclaiming you have come to suck his blood.

4. Send out waves of lust and see how he reacts.

3. When he gets too close make your fingers into the sign of the cross and cry, “The power of Christ compels you!”.

2. Splatter red paint all over his and Alice’s room and videotape his reaction.

And the Number One way to annoy Jasper Hale?

1. Whenever he says anything, snap to attention, shout “Sir, yes sir!” and salute, army style.

10 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen:

10. Sing “Discovery Channel” by the Bloodhound Gang in your head whenever he is near.

9. Hotwire his Volvo and take it on a joyride.

8. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically pedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.

7. Ask how Tanya is.

6. End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”

5. Call him Romeo both behind his back and to his face.

4. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”

3. Tell him his hair isn’t bronze, it’s ginger, and he should stop denying himself – he’s a ranga.

2. Whenever he leaves a room or says goodbye, get down on your knees and beg himnot to go, not again.

And the Number One way to annoy Edward Cullen?

1. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna

Emmett's the Strongest,
Rosalie's the Prettiest,
Edward's the Smoothest,
Bella's the Clumsiest,
Alice's the Quirkiest,
But only Jasper can sit in a corner and STILL make
everyone feel jealous.

Ten reasons to be team Jasper:

1. He's sensitive to your feelings, literally.

2. He doesn't take his brothers to strip clubs.

3. He fought in the civil war.

4. He didn't kill Bella.

5. He sparkles.

6. He never left anyone.

7. He showed everyone how to fight.

8. Blonds have more fun.

9. He has an amazing ability to put up with Rosalie.

10. He's just that cool. TEAM JASPER ALWAYS AND FOREVER

YOUR REAL NAME:

Katie LaBelle

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle):

Katizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):

Orange Husky

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name and current street name):

Marie Richfield (had to use my city cuz i live on a numbered street)

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):

White Water

7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maidenname, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name):

ABMARKE

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name):

Marie

9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets):

Black Ruby

Twilight Survey

Bella or Alice

bella

Emmett or Jasper

Jasper

Edward or Jacob

Edward

New Moon or Eclipse

Eclipse

Twilight or Breaking Dawn

both but a little more twilight

Esme or Emily

Esme

Carlisle or Charlie

Carlisle

Rosalie or Tanya

Rosalie

Rosalie or Alice

Rosalie

Mike or Edward

Edward

Tyler or Eric

Eric

Eric or Mike

Mike

Team Jacob or Team Edward

Team Edward

Porsche or Volvo

Porsche

'55 Chevy or Volvo

Volvo

Werewolves or Vampires

Vampires

Movie or Book

movie

Bella and Edward or Bella and Jacob

Bella and Edward

Bella's Lullaby or Esme's Favorite

Bellas Lullaby

List Your Favorite 12 Twilight Characters

1-Jasper

2-Renesmee

3-Carlisle

4-Emmett

5-Bella

6-Rosalie

7-Alice

8-Edward

9-Bree

10-Riley

11-Demitri

12-Felix

1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before?

rose and demitri no

2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

hes really buff. love kellan lutz more than emmett though.. ;)

3) What would happen if Three got Four pregnant?

CARLISLE GETTING EMMETT PREGNANT?! oh damn.

4) Do you recall any fics about Nine?

I think...

5) Would Two and Eleven make a good couple?

renesmee and demitri? no

6) Five/Eight or Five/Ten?

Bella and Edward (five/eight)

7) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic.

Carlisle and Riley- ummm. the newborn fight? idk

8) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic.

Alice and Felix- ummm...Betrayal? (felix betrays the voultri and joins cullens? alice comforts him??)

9) Does anyone on your friends list that reads the series think Three is hot?

Carlisle- no they like Jacob :/

10) What might 3 scream at a moment of great passion?

Carlisle? (imma make it great angry passion) "Edward the blood!"

11) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

Edward..."The Reason" by Hoobstank

12) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Jasper/Rosalie/Felix um...Felix is going to kill the Cullens?

13) What might be a good pick-up line for 1 to use on Two?

Jasper to Renesmee- "One of the prettiest ladies in the whole world" idk best i could think of

14) When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

Bella? cant remember...

Random Questions and stuff

What colour are your nails painted?
almost chipped off white

Look down, whats the first thing you see?
paper

What do you hear?
TV comercials

Is there someone in the room with you?
no

What is the book nearest to you titled?
a victorias secret magazine

What channel are you watching/what show?
144 (Robin Hood)

Where are you right now?
computer room

What were you doing before you logged onto FF?
on jackson rathbones website

What time is it?
8:53pm

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

First Year by Hazy Masie reviews
Carlisle made the difficult decision to turn 13 year-old Sunny into a vampire before her cancer could kill her. This is Sunny's first year as a Cullen and a vampire.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,181 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 12/19/2016 - Published: 2/4/2009 - Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme
Between the Floors by babygeek310 reviews
All relationships start somewhere. This one starts in an elevator. This is a real person fic, Jackson Rathbone/OC. Rating may change as story progresses.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 14,523 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 2/19/2012 - Published: 7/14/2010
The Mystery Girl by hopelessromanticgurl reviews
Carlisle is given a young girl by the Volturi to use as food and as a new pet. The girl is so scared and shut down no one even knows her name or what happen to her. Can the Cullen's solve the mystery of this girl or will she suffer alone?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 43,965 - Reviews: 250 - Favs: 336 - Follows: 187 - Updated: 10/9/2011 - Published: 6/1/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Drabbles by Eclipse-Vamp reviews
A collection of Twilight drabbles. Each 100 words exactly. Most will center around Jasper and Alice's relationship and characters.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 55 - Words: 11,940 - Reviews: 568 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 6/14/2011 - Published: 8/27/2010 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Tickle ward by RDRiotPandas reviews
A story in which characters from Prince of tennis get tickle tortured in the Tickle ward hence the name humor kind of if you think seeing anime guys getting tickled is funny I do, it's hilarious
Prince of Tennis - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 5,891 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 11/17/2010 - Published: 1/15/2008
Copycat by Eclipse-Vamp reviews
Renesmee and Jasper are alone at home and Renesmee decides to copy her uncle for amusement. Pointless fluff.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 469 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 13 - Published: 10/10/2010 - Jasper, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Nightmare by Eclipse-Vamp reviews
Bella has a nightmare and Jasper helps her calm down. Jasper/Bella FRIENDSHIP Fluffy! Written for horsejumper127.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,468 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 186 - Follows: 42 - Published: 8/29/2010 - Jasper, Bella - Complete
Bella is Ticklish by LoveStoryMermaid reviews
Emmett is left alone with Bella while the girls are out shopping and the guys are hunting. What happens when he realizes Bella's ticklish? Jacob too.From tween books Eclipse, before BD. Rated mostly for some B&E fluff,mild kisses. Minor Marley&Me spoilers
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,968 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 12/22/2009 - Published: 10/3/2009 - Emmett, Bella - Complete
Jasper and Renesmee by cupcakes4breakfast reviews
You never see Jasper interact with Renesmee when she is a baby in breaking dawn, except for now. One Shot.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 622 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 5 - Published: 6/19/2009 - Complete
A Dream Meeting by Manda Melle reviews
My dream meeting with Jackson Rathbone
X-overs - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,062 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 4/30/2009 - Published: 4/27/2009
Tickle Monster by SweeneyLovett reviews
Emmett wonders where Bella's tickle spot is. What lengths will he go to to find out. Very short.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 385 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/12/2008 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Crimson Island
After a plane accident stranded 20 men and women on an island, they all must work together to fight for survival. Feat. Taylor Lautner and Jackson Rathbone
X-overs - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,628 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/18/2012 - Published: 12/30/2011
The Cullen Clan reviews
13 year old Lillian Ann Cullen joins the family in the 1950's with a shoking past. Now, 50 years later in Forks, Washington with the Cullan clan shes living an eternal hell with the people she loves. Makes hell...a little better?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Family/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 351 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 3/7/2011 - Published: 2/20/2011
Wonders reviews
25 year old Katie Smith and her three year old daughter meet a 25 year old man named Jackson Rathbone. Will his charm make through her or will she keep her cool after her husband died?
X-overs - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,798 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 2/5/2011 - Published: 11/7/2010