![]() SAURON'S CAKE: He will have it, and eat it, too. SAURON'S ASSISTANT: Sauron, while pretending he does not care, quite does care for the odd, fangirlish and rather obsessed assistant. Hurting the Assistant will result in permanent disfigurement or death. SAURON'S OBSESSIONS: Sauron, by mere co-winky-dink (as the Assistant calls it, because she's an annoying little--) likes most of the things that his Assistant likes. Such as follows: Slash. Harry Potter. It is a secret obsession only he, Saruman and the Assistant know of. They enjoy Harry Potter. They enjoy it very much. Cake. SAURON'S LAW: You shan't anger Sauron. SAURON'S DISCLAIMER: Sauron is in no way responsible for any blood, disfigurement, decapitation, tears, or scarring. If you have done something to anger him, then you most probably deserved it, and whining will get you more pain. It is not Sauron's fault you are a jackass or simply a dumbass. Sauron, despite what he may often claim, does not own Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter, or any other fanfic you happen to come across that he or The Assistant wrote below. He only owns The Assistant herself, and even then, she wanders off often and he has to trek through mountains to find her sitting in a cave hissing, "My preciouuusssss." Sauron is not responsible for anything that may happen while you are reading one of his or The Assistant's fanfics. You have read it and now you must pay the price, whatever it may be. Sauron is not a professional writer; nor will he ever publish a book, because he and The Assistant admits that they are not the best writers. But they try, and that should be enough. Flaming reviews on any fanfics created by Sauron and The Assistant will be caramelized and served to the orcs. Sauron and The Assistant share this one profile and account, and you can usually tell who writes each fanfic, because Sauron's stories are usually gory or end on a bad/unhappy note. The Assistant, however, likes creepy romances (cough, Grima/Eowyn, cough) and you will notice this in time. Sauron and The Assistant do not have a 'beta reader', whatever that may be, and nor do they wish for one. You should be honored if Sauron or The Assistant will review on your story. It means you have done well in this world. Good job. Give yourself a cookie. But make sure The Assistant did not poison it first. She is a sadistic little person. If you are reading fanfic underneath this profile, then do not complain about what you are reading; you may do so in flames, but do it artfully and with grammar. The Assistant begs you, for she does not appreciate bad grammar. It is in both Sauron and The Assistant's opinions that if you do not like a certain fanfic, then you should not stop to flame it, but neither Sauron nor The Assistant can stop you from doing so. The Assistant handles all responses to reviews, for Sauron is rude and often rather quite really threatening and intimidating in his responses. Sauron and The Assistant appreciates appreciation. If you give appreciation, then Sauron and The Assistant will appreciate YOU. Neither Sauron nor The Assistant has a website, a blog, a twitter, a facebook or a Youtube account. Nor shall they ever have one. Sauron challenges you to watch Taking the Hobbits to Isengard for 10 hours. If you complete such a task, then send a Private Messsage to The Assistant and she will break the law just for you. Sauron likes gifts. Even virtual gifts. Hint, hint. Sauron and The Assistant, despite the odd pair, like reviews just as much as you do; and they will respond to every single one, or atleast try to, even if they're one-worded. |
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