Mutant Goldfish
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Joined 05-05-04, id: 584574
Author has written 13 stories for Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Avatar: Last Airbender, Bartimaeus Trilogy, and Inheritance Cycle.
Hey, Mutant Goldfish here, drabbler extraordinare. If, for some inscructable reason, you want to know more about me, here are my favorites:

Books: Animorphs, Artemis Fowl, The Wish List, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, The Chonicles of Narnia, Eragon, The Bartimaeus Trilogy, Wicked, and of course, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Movies: Angels in the Outfield, Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribean, Napeolen Dynamite, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, O Brother, Where Art Thou? and anything by Miyzaki.

Shows: Avatar: the Last Airbender, Mythbusters, FullMetal Alchemist and Bleach.

Misc: the Beatles, Green Day, Broadway plays and Dilbert.

Thank you and have a nice spoon.


Favorite Quotes

“I reject your reality and subsitute it with my own!”
-Adam Savage, Mythbusters

“Your life remains at risk. You must leave Alexandria.”
“Quite impossible, Rekhyt, as you know. The Library is here.”
-Bartimaeus and Ptolemy, Ptolemy's Gate

“Nature is the Art of God.”
-James Philip Bailey

“You're never too old to start drinking? That's the wisdom you're imparting to your Padawan?”
-Olee Starstone, Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader

"Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable, let's prepare to
grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all."
-Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, Douglas Adams

"Who says I want to fit in?"

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Cullenary Educaton: Forks Sex Ed by MarcyJ reviews
Set at the End of Bella's Junior Year. Hilarity ensues when the Forks Gang is forced to endure Sex Education class with Coach Clapp. Chapter 1 is Jasper POV, and each subsequent chapter is from the perspective of a different character.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 22,726 - Reviews: 2145 - Favs: 3,592 - Follows: 1,671 - Updated: 8/28/2009 - Published: 4/2/2007
Once Upon a Freakin' Time by Evadne reviews
The Death Eaters attempt to do bad things, but mostly just do things badly.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 29,923 - Reviews: 1992 - Favs: 2,186 - Follows: 776 - Updated: 2/15/2008 - Published: 8/7/2002 - Voldemort, Severus S.
So You've Decided to Be Evil by Evadne reviews
Harry Potter discovers there are things far, far more annoying than Death.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,600 - Reviews: 484 - Favs: 1,680 - Follows: 1,204 - Updated: 12/1/2007 - Published: 3/3/2006 - Voldemort, Harry P.
Ptolemy's Gate: Epilogue by Shatterthought reviews
[PostPtolemy's Gate][Oneshot] What could have happened after Bartimaeus had been dismissed... oh, just read it, my summaries are terrible.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,480 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 4 - Published: 10/2/2007 - Complete
The Lost Letters of Gandalf by Silwyth reviews
What happened after Gandalf fell in Moria? You don't want to know... WARNING: Reading this may cause insanity or diarrhea.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 22 - Words: 30,236 - Reviews: 246 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 9/6/2007 - Published: 3/2/2005 - Gandalf, Legolas
Cousins by Dungeonwriter reviews
Lu Ten and Zuko are more than cousins, they are friends. This time, Zuko wishes his older cousin a happy birthday
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: K - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 964 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 22 - Published: 10/22/2006 - Zuko
Firelight by Jakia reviews
The Fire Lord is dying, and his brother pays him a small visit. What do they talk about? Zuko, of course. [five years after Zuko's exile, minor zutaraness, focuses mainly on one possible way to explain Ozai's behavior]
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,605 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 23 - Published: 12/23/2005 - Zuko, Iroh - Complete
Not In a Million Years by mistressmarionette reviews
Oneshot, drabblish. My take on how Ptolemy's form came to be Bartimaeus' preferred form. Written before reading Ptolemy's Gate
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,876 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/12/2005 - Complete
Kenobi by Lenabyrd reviews
Anakin thinks of what the word 'Kenobi' means to him after many long years of being supressed by Vader. Angsty vignette.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 880 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 9 - Published: 11/21/2005 - Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan K. - Complete
Star Wars Journals by Dancing Pickle reviews
Basically the journals of the chracters from Star Wars. But not exactly what you'd suspect. 'Is that a ship? IT MUST BE THE PIZZA DELIVERY GUY' Anakin and Darth Vader's Journal up!
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,095 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/24/2005 - Published: 5/23/2005
Have You Got Any Stamps, Legolas? by Eggo Waffles reviews
If there had been a way for Boromir and Faramir to keep up correspondence during the Quest, it might have sounded somewhat like this. A more humorous outlook on some of the darker aspects of the War of the Ring.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,637 - Reviews: 302 - Favs: 284 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 4/30/2005 - Published: 1/24/2005 - Boromir, Faramir - Complete
legolas' suicide letter (kinda) by indie2 reviews
The title explains it. Except it never mentions suicide and it has a happy ending.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 941 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/9/2002 - Legolas
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Vader Vingettes! reviews
Vader went to the Dark Side, and now he is paying for his mistakes. Believe me. A series of 500 word vingettes where poor Darth is tormented in ways you wouldn't have thought possible. R&R!
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 13 - Words: 2,838 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 7/9/2007 - Published: 7/24/2006 - Darth Vader
Sith Don't Eat Sandwiches reviews
Darth Plagueis the Wise had one other apprentice, aside from Sidious. Unfortunatly, he was a moron. Oneshot. R&R!
Star Wars - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 553 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/24/2006 - Complete
Phobia reviews
Monologues by different characters explaining their phobia. Rather dark humor, but humorous all the same.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 1,803 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/10/2006 - Published: 12/3/2005
Karaoke Night reviews
After a bump to the head, Nathaniel goes a bit crazy and charges Bartimaeus with a running an interdimentional singing contest. Crossover. ABANDONED.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,690 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 5/21/2006 - Published: 2/15/2006
Land of Fire reviews
Song parody of Boondocks by Little Big Town on Zuko's feelings at the end of Zuko Alone. R&R!
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: K - English - Parody/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 414 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/12/2006 - Zuko - Complete
The Boy Who Fell reviews
An alternate universe oneshot where Voldemort Oblivates Harry in the final battle to turn him evil. R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 415 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 7 - Published: 4/25/2006 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Rebels reviews
Jet meets Saint Jimmy of Green Day's American Idiot. Drabble, oneshot. R&R!
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 378 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/23/2006 - Jet - Complete
Evil Eragon reviews
Rated for slight teenagey humor. Very stupid, perhaps very amusing. Parody of the trading in Carvahall in Book I.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 489 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/19/2006 - Complete
My Djinni & Me reviews
A Ptolemy's Gate song parody of My Blanket and Me from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. R&R!
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 314 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/15/2006 - Complete
Star Wars Song Parodies reviews
A Star Wars version of pouplar songs. Currently playing: Ben Kenobi, based on Eleanor Rigby by the Beatles!
Star Wars - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,083 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 2/3/2006 - Published: 11/12/2005
Wake Me Up When The Summer Ends reviews
A parody of Wake Me Up When September Ends from Zuko's point of view. R&R!
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: K - English - Parody/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 268 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/28/2005 - Zuko - Complete
Gollum's Guide to Insanity reviews
What really happened when Aragorn had caught Gollum and was taking him to Mirkwood? Short, insane and out of charater. You've been warned. R&R!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 912 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 11/25/2005 - Published: 9/19/2005 - Aragorn, Gollum - Complete
And You Want Him to be King of Gondor? reviews
A short, sweet story about Aragorn's childhood with Elrond. Slightly sickening amounts of cuteness. R&R!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 557 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Published: 9/20/2005 - Aragorn, Elrohir - Complete