Akane-tsubasa
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Joined 03-20-10, id: 2295804, Profile Updated: 01-23-11

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(='.'=) This is Bunny.
(")_(") Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination

95 percentage of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 that would shout "Jump assholes!" (same goes for Miley Cyrus)

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.

It's always the last place you look for it... of course it is! Why would you keep looking if you found it?

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman.

God created boys before girls because every true artist creates a rough draft before a masterpiece.

Here's a joke...

there are 3 men who need to get across a lake...

the 1st one prays to God asking for the strength to get across...

he gets big muscles and swims across...

but almost dies 5 times...

the 2nd 1 prays to God for the strength and the tools he needs to get across...

he gets his big muscles and boat and rows across...

but he almost dies 3 times...

the 3rd 1 prays to God, for the strength, tools, and the brains...

he turns into a woman...

walks 4 yards...

and crosses the bridge.

101 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen

1. Call him Eddy, all the time

2. Give yourself a paper cut and make a point of showing him the blood, then put it in your mouth. Say, "Mmmm, Delicious! Want some?"

3. Say "you don't look that scary"

4. Use vampire expression like "holy Dracula" and "good bye sweet Transylvania"

5. Visualize yourself naked

6. Ask him to help you do something impossible (save the world, build an atomic clock, help you with your calculus ect). When he has trouble say "never mind, I'm sure Jacob could help me"

7. Drive REALLY slow

8. Volunteer him for a blood drive

9. Hold up a bottle of ketchup and say, "look! BLOOOOOD OOOOOOOO"

10. Hang posters that say "I support Jacob Black" and "Jacob Black for President" All over his room

11. Throw him to the crazy fan girl hordes.

12. Tie Bella to some railroad tracks. When he gets mad, say, "Wow, a little overprotective, aren't we? I'm sure Jacob wouldn't have a problem with this."

13. Say, "Hey, aren't you that guy from Harry Potter?"

14. Tell him that Emmett is a cooler vampire than him.

15. Tell him that Jane has the coolest vampire power. Mention that it's significantly better than mind reading.

16. Continually suggest that he'd be better off eating Bella, rather than dating her.

17. Mention that he isn't a real vampire.

18. When flying on an airplane, say, "If this plane crashes on an island, we eat Bella first."

19. Suggest that his life is too stressful. Recommend aromatherapy.

20. Leave bloody dead animals around him. Insist that you're helping with the aromatherapy.

21. When he announces his wedding, say "Why? Is Bella pregnant?"

22. Invite Jacob's whole family to the wedding. When he gets mad, say, "I was just trying to help."

23. Invite the Volturi to the wedding.

24. Make a list of the ways that werewolves are cooler than vampires. Show it to him. Act offended when he gets mad.

25. Tell him that he's too closed-minded: he needs to welcome people of all cultures into his life.

26. Talk in Ebonics.

27. Tell him to "bear in mind other people's thoughts."

28. Kidnap Bella. When he asks where she is, say, "Don't worry about it."

29. When he threatens to kill you, say, "Now, now, aren't we being a little hasty?"

30. When he really is going to kill you, blame Alice. Say she took her to LA to go shopping.

31. Poke him.

32. When he talks about how painful his transformation was, say, "Oh, yeah, your life is soooo hard."

33. When he talks about how much he loves Bella, say, "Aren't you a little young to know what love is? Maybe you should wait till you're a few years older."

34. Make Bella wear a team Jacob shirt.

35. Suggest that he and Bella take some time off to "see other people." Recommend Jessica Stanley for him.

36. Run over his Volvo with Bella's truck.

37. While he's listening, tell Bella she deserves something better.

38. Invite him to go to the beach with you.

39. Read the back of the Twilight books to him. Bonus points for using a dramatic announcer voice.

40. Blame him for all of Bella's past injuries.

41. Constantly hint at how good Bella must smell.

42. Visualize his life in 20 years. SUV, suburban house, 12 kids.

43. Laugh when Bella trips. Loudly.

44. Shine a bright light in his face. Say, "Darnit, you didn't go all sparkly."

45. Buy a copy of Breaking Dawn on the black market. Tell him he dies at the end.

46. Ask him where he buys his body glitter.

47. Suggest self-tanner.

48. When Bella says how much she loves him, think then why was she making out with Jacob down at La Push yesterday?

49. When he gets mad, innocently say, "I didn't say anything."

50. Point out the circles under his eyes. Tell him to get more sleep.

51. Offer to lend him your concealer.

52. Withdraw the offer. Tell him that he's too pale for this shade.

53. Suggest that a week in the tropics would do him good.

54. Tell him that we're getting tired of his "scary" act.

55. Redecorate his room in a Care-bear theme.

56. Tell him that it will help him be happy.

57. Buy him a wolf plushie.

58. Turn his piano into a craps table.

59. Suggest that he try harder to make new friends.

60. Tell him that he should hang out with Mike Newton more often.

61. Put pretty bows in his hair while he's distracted.

62. Tell him that pretending to sleep would make him sympathize with the humans more.

63. Cook delicious-looking meals. When he won't eat them, get offended. Tell him "I put my sweat and blood into that meal!"

64. Suggest the same stupid plan over and over again. When he gets mad, say, "Well now, who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning…oh, wait!"

65. Tell him he could up his cool if he went out for football. Or Track.

66. Wear tinfoil on your head. When he asks why, tell him that people are always trying to read your mind.

67. Give yourself a paper-cut in front of Jasper.

68. When he attacks, say, "Bad, dog, down!"

69. Suggest that they keep Jasper in the back yard. "If he can't be civilized, well…"

70. Push Bella in front of a bus.

71. Pour ketchup on Bella.

72. Ask him to sign your copy of Twilight.

73. Wonder loudly to yourself what The Souls are going to do with the Cullen's when they invade.

74. Plant daisies in his house.

75. Break all of his CDs.

76. Take Bella shopping. Accidentally leave her at the mall.

77. Crash his wedding.

78. When he plans his wedding, say, "Who's going to come? You know like four people."

79. Whenever he comes into the room, start mentally singing the 'Gilligan's Island' theme song.

80. When he tells you to stop, say, "Stop what?"

81. Take all of his CD's. Replace them with songs from Disney movies.

82. Tell him that he and Bella should go on more 'real dates.'

83. Ask him if he's planning on having a vampire attack Bella every spring break. Mention that you know someone who would be willing to help this year.

84. Make a list of reasons why Bella should leave him. Make sure that you have one of them be, "Jacob. Enough said."

85. Roll in glitter. Run around saying, "Look at me! I'm Edward! I'm Edward!"

86. Write him love poems. Sign them from Jacob.

87. Tell him that it's perfectly acceptable to be an 'alternative couple' with Jacob.

88. Diagram a love triangle: Edward 3 Jacob. Jacob 3 Bella. Bella 3 Edward.

89. When he plans his wedding, say, "You know, the leading cause of divorce is marrying too young."

90. Suggest that the Cullen's have more "family meetings." Make a point not to invite Bella.

91. Tell Bella that her cooking skills will be wasted if she marries him.

92. Ask him if he'll still love Bella once she's a vampire and not clumsy anymore.

93. Give him your Divorce attorney's card. Tell him it's "Just in case."

94. Skip around the house chanting, "Edward and Bella, sitting in a tree."

95. Diagnose him randomly. "Maybe you have sleep apnea." "You look anemic. Have you been getting enough red meat?" "Maybe it's a vitamin D deficiency." Ask Carlisle to back your suggestions up.

96. Invite small children to his house for 'scary story time'.

97. Paint his room. Pink.

98. Ask if you're going to be in the wedding party. Repeatedly. And frequently.

99. Wonder what to get him for a wedding present. "A mattress topper? No, that won't work. A blender? No, wait…oh! A trip to Hawaii. Oh, never mind…"

100. Wave wooden crosses and strings of garlic at him randomly. When he asks what you're doing, say, "I know I read this somewhere."

101. Mail him a llama. When he asks why, say, "Why not?"

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line. X

95 percentage of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 that would shout "Jump assholes!" (same goes for Miley Cyrus)

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Three Months by Lumberchuck reviews
Jasper Whitlock has one goal. To get out of the small town of Forks,Washington and never come back. But when he begins to get caught up in a strange friendship with Alice Brandon,things get a little more complicated. And a little more interesting.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 44,769 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 2/1/2011 - Published: 1/14/2010 - Alice, Jasper
Shields of Power by thunderful reviews
What if Bella already knew about vampires before she came to Forks, what if she'd already met the Volturi, but wasn't allowed to tell anyone? And most importantly, what if she had her own gift?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 45 - Words: 151,866 - Reviews: 4775 - Favs: 6,074 - Follows: 2,863 - Updated: 1/14/2011 - Published: 9/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
I Don't Care by Suni-Dlight reviews
Twenty seven years after the events of Breaking Dawn: She was new . . . beautiful . . . they said she was a Cullen . . . So why was it that she was looking at me?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 17 - Words: 24,761 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 5/23/2010 - Published: 7/23/2009 - Complete
Family Portrait by Aluxis reviews
Sweet moment between Esme and Carlisle. Carlisle's shares his ideas of what their children would look like as toddlers.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,066 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 144 - Follows: 15 - Published: 4/6/2010 - Esme, Carlisle - Complete
Lauren's Crush by 2kool4skool reviews
When the Cullen's first moved to Forks Jasper and Alice had to deal with Lauren having a crush on him. One-shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,614 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 15 - Published: 3/2/2010 - Jasper, Alice - Complete
Without You, There's Nothing by Allora Gale reviews
It wasn't just that I couldn't be happy without the beautiful, blond stranger from my visions. It was simply that there was nothing without him. If I couldn't see him, like on those days when he disappeared from my sight, then I couldn't see myself either
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 30,242 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 11/23/2009 - Published: 7/16/2009 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
With just a few words by Winter Midnight reviews
The Breaking Dawn phone conversation between Rosalie and Bella
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 889 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/19/2009 - Bella, Rosalie - Complete
Little Bella by Ariane1126 reviews
Bella is four years old when she is found by the Cullens. She grows up with them and they soon discover she is special.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 43 - Words: 91,904 - Reviews: 1777 - Favs: 1,921 - Follows: 865 - Updated: 11/4/2009 - Published: 2/24/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Emmett In English by paper.creations reviews
It was the beginning of the end when Emmett heard those dreaded four words issue from his teacher's lips. "I need two volunteers!" Of course he'd volunteer, and of course Mike would end up his Juliet. -- Cullen's in Classes Sequence
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,304 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 4 - Published: 10/4/2009 - Emmett, Mike - Complete
Bella in Business by paper.creations reviews
“If you need help in understanding something,Bella, just let me know and I’ll help you out.” He said for the 10th time in the half hour class had been in session. If he kept offering,he might not make it to the end of class-Cullen's in Classes Sequence.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 835 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/20/2009 - Bella, Eric - Complete
And Then I Saw Her Face by SkySong92 reviews
Even though he died in 1918, Edward Masen is still tied to this earth, and he has no idea why. This summer though, he begins to find out, with the help of the girl with the silent mind and the deceptively communicative eyes. Please R&R! :D
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 18 - Words: 31,984 - Reviews: 184 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 8/17/2009 - Published: 6/25/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
First Impressions by NoMoreThanUsual reviews
The day Bella went to the Cullens' home for the first time. Starting at Chapter 15 of Twilight from various Cullens' perspectives. This story is the behind the scenes look at the day Bella met the Cullens. What happened where Bella could not see them?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 18,856 - Reviews: 344 - Favs: 458 - Follows: 326 - Updated: 8/10/2009 - Published: 7/22/2008 - Carlisle, Esme
Jasper in Jazz Band by paper.creations reviews
Alice liked school,so Jasper would join her as best he could.But because he posed to be a year older than her,their schedules didn’t always match,and today was one of those times.Because here Jasper sat,in Band,without Alice-Cullen's in Classes Sequence
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 879 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 5 - Published: 5/17/2009 - Jasper, Angela - Complete
Rosalie in Russian by paper.creations reviews
“Yes, of course it is. I have three cousins that lived in Russia for a few years.” Rosalie assured him. - Rosalie uses her upper hand in her new language class to confuse and insult Tyler to no end. - Cullen's in Classes Sequence
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,148 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 12 - Published: 5/10/2009 - Rosalie, Tyler - Complete
Edward in Home Economics by paper.creations reviews
Edward, trying to impress Bella, strove to excel in his home ec class. What Edward hadn’t anticipated was being partnered with Lauren while trying to bake a perfect soufflé - Cullen's in Classes Sequence
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 855 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 11 - Published: 5/6/2009 - Edward, Lauren - Complete
Alice in Art by paper.creations reviews
Since Bella came into the Cullen’s lives, Alice had been a little distracted. What with Edward’s constant orders to keep Bella under constant 24/7 surveillance and all. That’s probably why Alice never saw the art class coming-Cullen's in Classes sequence
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 799 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 6 - Published: 3/26/2009 - Alice, Jessica - Complete
Seeking the Unknown by nightdancers reviews
I abandoned the present, immersing myself in the scattered images I could see of my future. It was the only way I could survive. That distant family, my true mate... I could only wait until they were within my reach. -now complete-
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 31 - Words: 56,686 - Reviews: 480 - Favs: 241 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 1/12/2009 - Published: 8/28/2008 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
Come What May by twilightbystarlight reviews
Bella is deeply in love with Edward, a rich lawyer's son, but with the spanish influenza approaching, will the lovers get their happy ending? Takes place in 1918, and is all human except for Carlisle
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 59,539 - Reviews: 386 - Favs: 341 - Follows: 145 - Updated: 1/1/2009 - Published: 11/3/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Once Bitten by NoMoreThanUsual reviews
Bella and Edward imagine how things would have been different on their first day in Biology if Bella were the vampire and Edward the human. BxE fluff. And Emmett humour. – I mean, really, what’s a story without Emmett! LOL
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,343 - Reviews: 221 - Favs: 502 - Follows: 87 - Published: 11/5/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Bully by seaweedsurprise reviews
oneshot. okixkagu. Kagura wonders why Okita is such a jerk. Rated T for language.
Gintama - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,755 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 12 - Published: 8/19/2008 - Complete
Pay Back by NoMoreThanUsual reviews
After weeks of Emmett teasing Bella, she plans to give Emmett back a little of what he's been dishing out. Various POVs. Sequel to The Hunt.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 17,402 - Reviews: 241 - Favs: 295 - Follows: 117 - Updated: 5/16/2008 - Published: 2/24/2008
The Hunt by NoMoreThanUsual reviews
Emmett is hunting . . . in the Cullen house. Takes place after New Moon while Bella is still human and Emmett is still, of course, a vampire. Some big brothers do love to tease!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,568 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 170 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 2/24/2008 - Published: 12/23/2007
Bulletproof by KlutzLike Bella reviews
This is the conversation between Edward and Charlie at the end of Eclipse. It is an idea that wouldn't leave me alone, and I had to write it. Written before the release of the Eclipse Special Edition and Ch 1 of Breaking Dawn.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,573 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 14 - Published: 12/12/2007 - Complete
All I Wanted Was Some Damn Cereal! by EdwardIsMyLover reviews
Oneshot about a morning at the Cullens. Title says most of it. Enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,137 - Reviews: 304 - Favs: 468 - Follows: 84 - Published: 6/23/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete