![]() Hello internet. To quote @SirFedora "I didn't see you there!" And unlike him, I actually didn't see you- well, because I can't. Unless your profile picture is a disturbing selfie . . .then I WOULDN'T want to see you. But off the topic of you, and onto me, because this is my profile. Some random facts you probably don't care about. 1. I have Grapheme-Color Synesthese, meaning when I look at words or letters, I see colors. So when my mommy told me I was special- she was right. Only 1 in 2000 people have synesthesia. 2. I don't...actually...like...carrots. But when I eat them, I eat them with peanut butter. BUT THEY MUST BE BABY CARROTS. «-- that shows a bit of my obsessive side. 3. I may not like carrots, but I sure do love space. My favorite constellation, for all my fellow space geeks, is Cancer the crab. Totally not just because I loves crabs. Nope- not at all. 4. If the world was about the end, I would go to the local grocery store with a giant bag, stuff it with Twinkies, Ben & Jerry's ice cream, and chocolate bars, run outside, and stuff my face while watching Graser10, HeyImBee, and Smosh . . .because I totally don't have a YouTube obsession. (Please don't track me down and look at my search history) 5. I swear too much when I'm alone and playing video games..But never really online or around other people. And I'm play video games a lot- so that means I swear a lot. 6. I like singing. I like dancing. I like trains. And I just got run over. Sucks to be me 7. I like cats. No big surprise there...I write Warriors fanfiction, and I'm obsessed with Eevee. Warriors Have Taught us These Things Violence doesn't solve all problems, but it does solve some. And they should be solved very violently. Cats can have accents. Old people are funny. If your girlfriend dies, the default response is to sleep with her sister. No matter how right you are, you're still wrong in some way. Your logic doesn't have to make sense if you're angry enough. Killing your half-brother solves all of your problems for 6-12 months. Having fangirls gives you the right to do virtually anything without being considered evil. There are no limits to how you can kill your own brother, half-brother included. Casual racism is socially acceptable. More severe racism is less approved of, but still allowed. Only outright genocide crosses the line. Most children in southern England will squeal when they see a cat. Good is cute, maybe handsome; Evil is sexy. Highly organized colonies of feral cats have been living in the English countryside for over 60 years without being noticed by anyone. Cats are really good at cleaning up massive bloodstains. If you eat too much fish, your blood tastes fishy. It's possible to complain about anything. The object that cats should fear the most is a purple pen. All barn cats are weird. Happy endings are completely unrealistic. No matter how depressed you get, there is always a way to become more crazy. Plans that rely on the cooperation of others have a tendency not to work. Gaining nine lives causes you to die nine times as frequently as everyone else. Major antagonists have a tendency to die the most slow and violent deaths imaginable. Life: You don't win. You break even. At best. The general public doesn't know anything. Anything. Yourself included. The default response to being dumped by someone is to devote yourself to making them watch their family die slow, painful deaths. People named after plants tend to be red herrings. People named after animals are the real deal. Don't fight the system, no matter how messed up it is. Stars are really the spirits of dead cats. Just because someone has gone to that dark place down under doesn't mean you don't have to deal with them anymore. The width of someone's shoulders is a good indicator of how strong and experienced they are. Don't mess with beavers. Thunderstorms are inherently dramatic. Someone is angry at you when clouds cover the moon. Forbidden relationships happen about as often as socially legitimate ones. Breaking the rules is bad. Bending the rules is good. If you're ever near death or dying, you will survive anyway. Most people would listen to Hitler if he was nice to them. If you start to see a red haze, stop what you are doing! Lying is the most evil thing ever. The happier your relationship, the more tragically it will end. People who secretly like you make the best evil minions. It's possible to not notice that you are pregnant. If you try hard enough, you can be pregnant and give birth without anyone noticing. If you play with your food, an owl will come and eat you. Incest doesn't count if it isn't immediately noticeable. If you're related to anyone important, chances are you'll have superpowers. You Know You're a Writer When: You have the last chapters of a story done before even thinking of the characters names. Today, we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies such as don't spend more than you can earn, and reliable strategies like adults, not children, are in charge. His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Neosporin, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, places of worship became places of business, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home without having to worry about the burglar suing you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded $3,000,000 when she sued the McDonalds that had given her the coffee. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. |
Rosedapple's Regret by Ivyshade reviews
Switched Roles by RainEStar3 reviews
The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show by Empress Tansy reviews
How Hermione Became a Weasley by The Winter Wizard reviews